"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
mixed signals no idea how to interpret (quite long)
- Thread starter trverb
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
NoMoreTapDancing
Don Juan
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Yeah her interest level fell way off after you confronted her. Never do that again, to any girl EVER, it just puts the nail in your coffin. Your stuck in friend zone. Let it go. Billions of other women in the world. Don't waste your time my friend.
I wouldnt say it was as much a confrontation as it was more like me taking the frame back from her for refusing the kiss, trying to counter the AFCness that was happening. I also mentioned to her that I wasnt going to waste my time if she doesnt stp being so defensive.she told me the reasons for her defensiveness and she will try to stop it(?) what interests me about your response is the friendzone. been there before... but in this situation the word friend wasnt used at all. She seemed to be trying to find ways to prevent this conversation from making things strange between us by blaming it on our friends for making us have it, by pushing us and that she hopes things dnt feel awkward cause she hopes to continue like it never happened.after this I kind of lost my own interest and she could see this. she started to tell me what a great time she had trying to convince me to be in the same mood again.ive just been checking my social networking site and have seen that she has been looking at my profile nearly everyday??? still havent called her..
NoMoreTapDancing
Don Juan
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Well my friend. I would say go by how you FEEL. Not by what you think you should do, according to these PUA rules, which by they way a large majority are wrong. By this i mean, I noticed in your post you refer to 'taking the frame back' and that she was 'trying to prevent this conversation to avoid making things awkward'. Now, if you were truly in control of the situation, you wouldn't have noticed these obstacles, you would have just handled them. The problem is our brains get so bogged down with processes and 'in-such-and-such situation i should do this' or in 'in-such-and-such-situation' I should have done that. If she did something to upset you, think how you FEEL in that instance and act on THAT emotion, then and there in the present, not what advice even I might give you, because at the end of the day being a real man means allowing yourself to act on your emotions and be sure of yourself. You see the funny, illogical thing is, if she upset you and you reacted to it, you would think that might push her away, but the funny thing is if you reacted well and truthfully to how her behaviour makes you feel and stood up for yourself, she would almost 100% more likely submit to you and apologize. See what what im saying? Don't call her, let her call you and when she calls before SHE says anything, tell her authoritatively that she really screwed up, you dont tolerate behaviour like this, or however your feeling, then let her say her piece.
thats some great advice. I like to think in this mentality most of the time but I use the PUA skills as a crutch when Im not sure about a situation.I told her that I didnt want to have this conversation about how we stand but I also said that I have to be honest for me and her. Id be the first to say this was a just friends situation but her body language disagrees. for eg. in past experiances the girl would recoil and move back if she wasnt interested.but as I was explaining to this girl my position on things she was moving closer to within few inches of my body fully facing me staring me in the face directly hanging on my words.she was apologizing for things she didnt need to. I feel i gave my thoughts from a strong place and she got that.there was no rejection feeling here just sort of clearing the air of unneeded baggage.I was thinkin of not calling at all and now i will definitly wait.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
After all her IOIs, I think that's the big flag, that she didn't at least kiss you. That is what you mean by "moving in for the kill", right?
I think you handled everything fairly well. But she's liking the attention, is my guess.
And she says that to you when her friends weren't even there and she was alone with you and could do ANYTHING she wanted... even if it were to steal a nice quick little kiss... but she still coughed out an excuse instead. My rule of thumb is whenever you hear a woman saying something that just doesn't make enough sense when you think it through, makes you say "WTF???" - it's because it's a smokescreen.
well we were at a busy bus stop so not really private.it wasnt really a smooth attempt at a kiss either but there was a time earlier on in the date when we were completely alone we came close but i relented to build anticipation.(she was getting close biting her finger and lips). the thing about the friends thing is that they were always sort of present up until his point(this is the first actual time alone). cause everytime she goes out with them she gets badgered by them when im elsewhere about when are you two going to "hook up" creating this whole legend about us before we've even gone on 1 date(crazy ppl). I think she mistook my intentions as just using her for sex.she seemed very unsure of me and my intentions but i got the feeling after having the talk that she seemed to gel with me better alot more relaxed.maybe im putting too much game on her freaking her out, she aint no 10 (more like solid 6/7 great fun tho). shes the quiet unassuming type just seems to be on the defense all the time.
dopexile
Don Juan
Type in paragraphs please... and capitalize the first letter of a sentence... Not that I care about writing rules but it's painful on the eyes to look at all that... so I'm not going to read it.
trverb, I don't know if you realize it but that last post of yours is filled with you making excuses for her. You give more excuses for her than she's given excuses for herself!
Don't do that. You're doing the typical male rationalizing away the woman's disinterest.
Let's only look at her actions.
I've seen plenty of women kiss the guy they want to kiss right there in public with all sorts of strangers around them. Haven't you?
Don't do that. You're doing the typical male rationalizing away the woman's disinterest.
Let's only look at her actions.
I've seen plenty of women kiss the guy they want to kiss right there in public with all sorts of strangers around them. Haven't you?
Thats a great point I am rationalizing her words a bit too much. On the topic of actions ive already mentioned that her body says yes but her words say no.I told her to go get her bus or she'll miss it but she stayed at mine. I turn away from her and she positions herself in front of me.
While I seem to be giving her excuses its because this is how I interpreted her actions at the time not after. For e.g. after I told her I was not interested in anything serious she got upset and angry(take note I have been told by her friends that she is not looking for anything serious either) and asked if I was just looking for sex. I told her no & that I wanted to just go out more and have fun see where things go... her body then began to relax again.she told me her friends didnt understand what she meant when she said that(OK?).
I get the feeling she doesnt wat to give me an inch of power in this.
The reason I am on here posting is because the rejected kiss was also a big red flag for me personally. This girl doesnt seem to know what she wants. I know she is not the type who has one nite stands (only ever had 1 bf hasnt been with anyone since). Im just wondering should I give her another shot at trying to impressing me
or should I nip this in the bud. The whole date I was in control and now Im in limbo caused by my own actions
While I seem to be giving her excuses its because this is how I interpreted her actions at the time not after. For e.g. after I told her I was not interested in anything serious she got upset and angry(take note I have been told by her friends that she is not looking for anything serious either) and asked if I was just looking for sex. I told her no & that I wanted to just go out more and have fun see where things go... her body then began to relax again.she told me her friends didnt understand what she meant when she said that(OK?).
I get the feeling she doesnt wat to give me an inch of power in this.
The reason I am on here posting is because the rejected kiss was also a big red flag for me personally. This girl doesnt seem to know what she wants. I know she is not the type who has one nite stands (only ever had 1 bf hasnt been with anyone since). Im just wondering should I give her another shot at trying to impressing me
or should I nip this in the bud. The whole date I was in control and now Im in limbo caused by my own actions"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
So her body doesn't really say yes. Not when it comes to her lips.
"Interpret" is they key word in your post.
More rationalization, my friend.
She knows what she wants. They all know what they want. They just don't tell you that.
Rule of thumb: girl gives mixed signals - you pull back.
Im not great at understanding women just yet but when a women says she wants to take things slow. couldn't it mean just that... Im aware that the Don Juan way is to NEXT a girl as soon as she resists your advances. Women in my experience are just not that easy to explain. While this shows all the hallmarks of her resisting and rejecting why would she want to continue dating and to see where things go? There have been many opportunities for her to flat out say what she feels but she is not willing to just leave things...she tells me she wll try to be less defensive. while this may seem like a "game" or test. this girl is not actively searching for other guys. I know this for sure I seee her out. I am not placing false hope here im just trying to expand my learning horizons. you could say she is using me for attention but I do not lavish this girl in it I only see her when I see her. I do not call her at all. I do not give more than I get. Is so simple to just NEXT a girl because she shows resistence? or could this resistence be a test to check your potential to stick around.....again Im just trying to seee this from all angles