Mixed signals! (friend or date) NEED HELP.

[Drex]

This post sorta flows off another thread I started last night about a girl I work with found here: http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47197

But basically there's this (new) girl I work with, went to a midnight movie with her V-day after work because neither of us had dates. It was a spur of the moment thing and we both ended up havin fun. So the next day at work I told her we should go out again and I asked her for her number, she was enthusiastic and gave me her number.

So today I called her and asked her what her schedule was like this week so that I could set something up (she works between 60-70 hours a week between 2 bars). She said she'd know her full schedule once she went into work tonight and that she'd have to talk to me tomorrow. So about an hour later she calls me and tells me she wants me to come in to her bar tonight and see her after I get out of work.

So I go in at about 10 and it's pretty dead so she's able to hang out with me until I left about 2 hours later. We talked about random **** and I got different vibes from her. Some vibes that made me think that maybe I was just a guy-friend and some vibes that made me think she wanted more.

Example: After I dropped her off after the v-day movie I had made a C&F comment to her as we were going our seperate ways to make her laugh. She had no reply to it other than to give me a smirk and call me a jerk (in a good way!). So tonight she brings up the fact that she had no reply to me when I made this comment. She said she always has a witty reply to guys that crack on her but she couldnt get back at me. She said the last time she was unable to get back at a guy's comment he ended up becoming her boyfriend of 4 years. She was also telling me about how her best friend (a girl) and her rub each other's necks/heads and play with each other's hair and that they both always have to teach their boyfriends/dates how to do it because they love it so much. So I told her she should show me how she likes this done. She said she just may have to show me some day. Ok so these are pretty good vibes.

BUT then there are things that make me think she only sees me as a guy-friend.

Example: We are talking about afformentioned friend of hers (I work with her also) and she was talking about all the pyscho guys she dates and how she has this 1 guy that would totally flip out and kill people if he found out she was dating other guys. Then she says something like "yea maybe you could be the 5th guy she's dating at the same time" and smirks at me. At another point during convo we were talking about how girls always cause drama between each other so she mentioned how she liked having guy friends because they do not cause so much drama as girl friends do. These gave me bad vibes!

So I got a bunch of mixed vibes from her all night and it SUCKS because I hate this feeling. I am definately going to pursue something but I'm really bad at this ****.

So as I am leaving the bar I asked her what was a good night to hang out. She mentioned she was working like every single night for the next week until she leaves for her vacation to florida BUT she'd be getting out at a reasonable time on wed night and that we should go out then. So that's where I left it, I told her I'd get back to her about wed night and she said something like "ok! thanks for coming in and keeping me company!"

Why cant a women just give me serious signals and fall head over heels for me. I hate my life. This is so hard.

So what do you guys think of these mixed signals? Am I border-line at this point, where things could go either way? That is how I feel.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I see all positive signals...work on the opportunities she gives you and move fast to determine her interest level...if it isn't high then move on. Don't spend months chasing her! If a girl wasn't interested in you she would have given you zero positive signals.

So when there is positive mixed with negative then it is up to you to take it from there and make her see all positive..don't pursue too hard but pursue fast...seems like she has other dudes getting her attention and not many hours to share with anyone. So if she is not seeing you in her 'free' time she is probably seeing another dude!!

 

[Drex]

Thanks PR_L. Encouraging to hear that.

Also I left out something else that may be good or bad. At some point during convo she mentioned that she went out for drinks with a couple of the other girls from work and she said something like "according to 3 or 4 of the girls, you're having sex with so-and-so from work". Well, so-and-so is married with kids and she just happens to be a good friend that I talk to and flirt with a lot at work and we've gone out a few times outside of work. BUT I'm not f*cking her, she's completely loyal to her husband. I told her that I wasnt having sex with her and that the other girls had some nerve to tell her that for no reason. Dunno if it's good or bad that she brought it up though.

 

[Drex]

bump before work

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Originally posted by Drex
Thanks PR_L. Encouraging to hear that.

Also I left out something else that may be good or bad. At some point during convo she mentioned that she went out for drinks with a couple of the other girls from work and she said something like "according to 3 or 4 of the girls, you're having sex with so-and-so from work". Well, so-and-so is married with kids and she just happens to be a good friend that I talk to and flirt with a lot at work and we've gone out a few times outside of work. BUT I'm not f*cking her, she's completely loyal to her husband. I told her that I wasn’t having sex with her and that the other girls had some nerve to tell her that for no reason. Dunno if it's good or bad that she brought it up though.

I'll chime in here...

First off, I would quit hanging out with the married, chick. The husband catches wind in any misshape or form, he will kick your a$$, hell I would do it if I thought something strange was going on. So just quit it entirely. You’re not going to bang the married chick, and you are wasting your time. Nuff said on that one....

Ok, this new chick, she has one on you right now and that is being friends with those other chicks. You need to act different than how you did as a chump with the other chicks. This one is fresh and she has interest in you. If she didn't she wouldn't waste your time....she'd be banging M.A.C. right! So my advice is simple, be cool with her. Don't try and charm her, and the rules don't apply to her because you work with her. However you need to spread how much you hang out with her. You will see her a few times a week anyways. She is most likely not a virgin, so she will be open to casual s3x, this is just fact. So spend the time working with her with small subtle chat, maybe spend a max of 1 break chilling with her, talk about the next night you are going to bring her out, key word..... YOU!

Be confident, she likes you, so don't blow it. I would not go overboard with blue man group things for now. Things like a billiards *ahem ahem* and meeting up with another couple. The secret to meeting up with another couple is girls will talk, and if you have a good friendship with a couple, the girl is going to find out if your digs you or not!!

M.A.C.

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
I'll chime in here...

First off, I would quit hanging out with the married, chick. The husband catches wind in any misshape or form, he will kick your a$$, hell I would do it if I thought something strange was going on. So just quit it entirely. You’re not going to bang the married chick, and you are wasting your time. Nuff said on that one....

I actually know her husband and we've hung out a few times. He knows we're friends and he doesnt care at all. That's all she is, a friend and that's all I care for it to be. She's a pretty cool chick to be friends with.

Ok, this new chick, she has one on you right now and that is being friends with those other chicks.

Yea, I think this is a big problem. I actually think maybe one of the other girls killed my game somehow.

Be confident, she likes you, so don't blow it. I would not go overboard with blue man group things for now. Things like a billiards *ahem ahem* and meeting up with another couple. The secret to meeting up with another couple is girls will talk, and if you have a good friendship with a couple, the girl is going to find out if your digs you or not!!

M.A.C.

I dunno. I've gotten so many mixed signals it's getting stupid now. She actually came in today (while I was bartending) with her friend for a drink/bite to eat after they got out of a work meeting in the same building. Her and her friend just chatted most of the time and really didnt include me much. We talked but there was not much eye contact or flirting like usual. And when she left she didnt mention anything about either of us calling the other or going out wed night like she had mentiond last night.

So at this point we've seen each other but did not even mention anything about going out again or calling one-another. I dont even know if I should call her again or just see her at work. Bleh.

 

[Survivor]

Kiss her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Drex:

Bro!!!!! Your telling this girl too much info!!! Remember when in doubt use C/F!!! When that girl asked you if you were bangin' that married girl you should have gave her a vague answer such as:

"I dunno what do you think?"

This is what elevates attraction. You have the opportunity to use the married chick as social proof and intice this byatch even more. And for the love of god, don't hang out with her so much!!!! You 2 work together, so being mysterious is already a little difficult. Be unpredictable and a little off balance to throw her off. She's obviously doing that with you, so throw it right back at her.


I wouldn't necessarily say she totally likes you at this point, but she definitely has interest. So don't worry about being a friend cuz your not, at this point. But be more confident, and self assured. You'll be fine.




PIMP

 

[Drex]

*UPDATE*

So I mentioned already that she had said to me that she was available after she got out of work tonight (wed night). She told me this monday when I visitted her bar. Now I had been trying to decide whether I would call her today or not.

I decided not to call her before she went to work. I did not want to seem too anxious, besides she has my number if she wants to call me, right? So my married chick friend calls me up this evening and asks me if I want to meet her for a drink and go with her to get her belly-button pierced. As I am leaving my house (9 PM) my phone rings and I see that it is HB coworker that I am pursuing! I decide not to answer and to see what she has to say on my voice mail. She tells me she just got out of work and that she'd like to meet up with me for drinks tonight if I am available.

Well at this point I am not blowing my friend off again (remember, I didnt go out with her valentines night, I went to the movies with this chick I'm pursuing instead). So I wait about 30 minutes and call HB back. We chit-chat for a few minutes and then I tell her that "I'm on my way to meet up with a friend for drinks and then I'm taking her to get her belly-button pierced, you know, moral support!"

So I told HB that if I am done at a reasonable time I would call her back and if she's still available we can meet up for drinks. She agrees and says she has no plans. I decided that after having drinks with my friend that I was not going to call her back. I plan on just leaving her a voice mail tomorrow when she's at work letting her know that I didnt get out of town at a reasonable time to meet her.

So this is where I stand. I think I'm in a good position now! What do you guys think? Did I make the right move by not calling her back tonight?

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Doing well young jedi! However, don't let the the one you are pursuing down by blowing her off to often. She is a HB afterall and there are many DJ's in your area. I would plan a night just you and her prior to her going out of town. This should give you ample amout of time to plan stuff out. Just a FYI - chicks love to bag just before they leave town for any amount of time, just my experience!

M.A.C.

 

[Drex]

*UPDATE*

Went on a date with her tonight. I had originally planned on going out to eat at a nice restaurant and then drinks afterwards but since it was a sunday night we had to cut things short due to her not getting out of work at a reasonable time. So we just went straight to the lounge/restaurant for drinks and appetizers.

Went great, thought we'd be there for maybe 1 hour or so but we were there for 2 1/2 hours easily. I found out (through mutual coworker/friend of hers) that she's REALLY bitter/hating men right now because she found out her very LTR boyfriend (ex now)was cheating on her for the last year or so that they were together. They broke up like 6 months ago but she just found out he was sleeping with her ex-best friend for a year. So I'm told that it's a really good thing that she's actually going out on a date with me because she hates men right now. Also this was her first date in like 5 years, basically since highschool/begining of college.

So anyways, things went well, great convo all night, lots of kino (hell I think she did more kino on me than I her). Sat close, legs were rubbing all night.

I figured that since she's hating men right now that she's probably not looking to move things along very fast so I didnt go in for a kiss close when I dropped her off. She stayed close to me and I almost did it when there was that akward moment as we were departing where we looked at each other like "what next" but I didnt go for it. Sounds like there should be a second date at least. She's going away on vacation with her friend for a week so I'm not going to talk to her again until next week. I'll update again if things progress.

Only advice I guess I could ask at this point is when I should call her again. She's leaving wednesday and will be back next monday. I will see her at work that friday or saturday but that's a whole week. So if she gets back on a monday should I call her that tuesday or wednesday or should I just wait and see her at work that weekend?

*edit* Also, here's a little bit of womenese I guess. Her and I were talking about her friend and how her friend dates numerous guys at a time all the time and how she will go on like 10 dates with a guy that she's not even interested in, just to go on a date. So she (the girl I'm dating) starts telling me about how she (the girl I am dating) is extremely picky and wont even date a guy just to date him because it's a waste of her time, yadda yadda. She said that if she doesnt see anything happenning she doesnt want to go on a date and she'll be blunt about it. So I'm thinking to myself "ok well she's here with me now so...I guess there must be some interest...?"

 

[Survivor]

Like I said days ago...

Cut through the crap and kiss her.

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by Survivor
Like I said days ago...

Cut through the crap and kiss her.

Next date for sure. She sent me a text message from work today thanking me for last night, saying she had a lot of fun and we should definately go out again. So far so good

Now I just gotta decide when to call her after she gets back.

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Originally posted by Drex
Next date for sure. She sent me a text message from work today thanking me for last night, saying she had a lot of fun and we should definately go out again. So far so good

Now I just gotta decide when to call her after she gets back.

Ok next date, there best be a FR involving a kiss or more. If not I will personally banish you!

Nuff said....cut the $h!t, and act like a man not a boy who is merely dreaming about kissing a girl he is not really seeing.

Don't read into the ********, she is telling you in so many words that she wants action, not bullcrap. You've been nice and sweet, but nice and sweet has gotten you 22+ years of what? Leg rubbing?

M.A.C.