Mixed Signals, Confused, Next Move? (Asian Girl)

[gm8384]

For what it matters, I'm white and I think this girl is Japenese.

I met this girl in one of my classes and suggested we grab some coffee later in the week and I got her number. She asked for mine also.

So I call once to set up the date, but her battery was dying, she said she would call me back that night but she didn't. I called her the next day and she didn't answer but then called me back 2 seconds after I hung up. I tried to set up something for Saturday afternoon but she already had plans but said she would get back to me when she knew her schedule.

Here is where the mixed signals come in. In class, she will not come approach me to talk. But, if I go over to talk to her she seems happy and interested. Also, if she wasn't interested I don't think she would have called me back that one night either.

So today I asked if we are going to go out this week and she said she is busy all week so I just told her maybe we can go sometime when she isn't so busy and left.

So, basically I am leaving the ball in her court and moving on, but am I missing something obvious in how she likes it when I approach? I get some GO signals, like her askin for my number too, her actually calling me back instead of blowing me off, and the fact that she seems to have a good time when we chat after class.

Should I leave it as is, or try a new approach at it?

And of course, jakethasnake your input is appreciated...

 

[Blue Phoenix]

There's no mixed signal, she's just being friendly!!

Always Busy = Get away from me!!!

MOVE ON, for God's sake!

 

[KillingTime]

Sitting around analyzing what a girl does/says is for AFC's. ALWAYS trust your gut feeling.

The fact that you made this post shows that your gut is telling you something isn't right there... follow that gut instinct!

If you need it spelled out, the guy above me already did. She is just being friendly, MOVE ON and good luck.

 

[gm8384]

Blue Phoenix - I don't think she was just being friendly. I think that there was some interest, but apparently not enough. Also, Always Busy does not = get away from me. If there are bull**** excuses that break plans or deter plans, then I would agree.

Right now I am literally swamped with school work. I was supposed to go out with some friends tonight but I had to cancel. We are in the same major, so I could see how she is legitimately busy as well. So the always busy line depends on the situation.

KillingTime - Good point on trusting your gut feeling. I wasn't aiming to analyze her intentions as much as I was wondering if this was legit or a NEXT.

So in any event, I think this was probably a case of low interest which faded by now. I also think I overestimated how much interest a girl has by based on accepting a date and giving her number. Judge by actions not words. I need to start paying more attention to that.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Bro...on a 'majority' case basis of women..I'd agree with the fellas on here that she's just has low IL and she's just being friendly.

However.

If this girl is a Japanese girl originally from Japan, she may not be the average western influenced attention wh*re most guys run into. There is a culture difference, especially in Japanese girls.

For Japanese girls that have moved to the states and aren't "Americanized", I'll tell you from experience that they really don't play any games. The Japanese culture is different where women are used to be chased and have no idea about being a flake or playing hard to get. If this girl isn't 'Americanized' I'd say that she was pretty genuine about her excuses.

Not that you have to be an AFC, but, it does take a little bit more work just to get over the culture barrier.

 

[PocoDiablo]

I'm always of the opnion - ala Doc Love - that if she does not counter-offer with a free time she is not interested.

If she said "Gee, I am busy all week, but I am free next Monday. How about then?" I think that would indicate interest. Otherwise move on.

Actions seem to be speaking louder than words here.

 

[jakethasnake]

I don't know about what Hypnotiq said. Believe it or not, the majority of Asian-American girls and the VAST majority of Asian girls from Asia are *VERY* cautious about being seen in public with a white guy. They are very aware of the social repurcussions within the ethnocentric and insular Asian community (The ones that are usually eager to date white guys are the ones who were raised *very* 'white' in rural/white areas or just have self-esteem issues that are related to their racial background (they think dating white will actually make them white, which is a faulty assumption - they will NEVER be white).).


I've heard Asian girl friends of mine talk amongst themselves about how grossed out they were that random white guys would hit on them, and that they would never even touch one. Now I'm sure they were just exaggerating because an Asian man was in their presence, but I still feel that overall, most Asian girls are creeped out by white guys they aren't at least acquainted with. You have a better chance as a white guy who has mad social proof around her inner circle, including the guys. If not, your only saving grace is how 'slutty' the girl is, or how open she is to cold approaches. This effect is amplified GREATLY amongst Asians from Asia, and the least amongst very, very "whitewashed" Asians.

 

[christz]

Originally posted by PocoDiablo
I'm always of the opnion - ala Doc Love - that if she does not counter-offer with a free time she is not interested.

If she said "Gee, I am busy all week, but I am free next Monday. How about then?" I think that would indicate interest. Otherwise move on.

Actions seem to be speaking louder than words here.

I've read a lot on Doc Love, honestly some of his stuff is pretty on point but just because a girl doesn't counter offer means she's not intrested?

bull****.. i had a serious relationship with a girl lasted about 2 years (she moved to ireland) and minor relationships with plenty others.. all of which at some point plans are broken and no counter offer is presented.

that's really a bold thing to say

 

[gm8384]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Now some comments:

Hpnotiq - I am not positive if she came over from Japan (again, I think she is Japanese but I not not positive about that) or if she was born here. She doesn't strike me as very far to one side or the other, so its hard to say without just aksing her.

pocodiablo/christz - I think that offering an alternate day is a good sign and not doing so is not good. It doesn't have to apply to the entire length of a relationship, but when you first meet someone and are interested in getting to know they you should be making an effort to do so. Being busy on a day a guy suggests and not offering a different day leans towards low interest.

jake - I agree that just walking up to and pulling some ****ty "hit on" to an asian girl probably has a bad effect on them. After all they will probably come off as a asianphile.

As far as it being a random cold approach, it wasn't completely. I have a class with this girl and was sitting next to her one day and opened with a joke. She seemed receptive so I kept the conversation going and "set up" a date and got her number the next day (I know I should have done it the same day). I think that the way I approached it was a good non threatening and non AFC way. It wasn;t like i just said "God D*mn Yous looking fine". or something stupid like that.

And, the mysterious change of events...She actually approached me in one of the eateries when I was having lunch yesterday. She sat next to me and chatted for a few minutes (granted it was 90% about an upcomming test we have) but I was still caught offguard that she came over to me.

For now she is going on the back burner (or at least the middle one if the stove is big) because I am not 100% convinced that she is not interested, but her interest is questionable. I will see how things pan out and rework my stragegy.