mistakes made during convo

[drift king]

I have a tendency to maybe start a topic of convo on a date about myself and midway through somehow the girl seems to be almost reassuring me about myself which confuses me cos it came across as if i was insecure when that was never the intention of my topic.

i can't remember the specifics exactly but i've noticed it's happened a couple of times where i am talking about something, maybe expressing how i am as a person and she has an automatic response (like most girls) of supplicating and reassuring me of my flaws.. so i'm left flabbergasted thinking 'huh? i didn't mean it like that'

i think that is a real passion killer cos then they see you as just a wimp with insecurities?

 

[Adma]

I have a tendency to maybe start a topic of convo on a date about myself and midway through somehow the girl seems to be almost reassuring me about myself which confuses me cos it came across as if i was insecure when that was never the intention of my topic.

i can't remember the specifics exactly but i've noticed it's happened a couple of times where i am talking about something, maybe expressing how i am as a person and she has an automatic response (like most girls) of supplicating and reassuring me of my flaws.. so i'm left flabbergasted thinking 'huh? i didn't mean it like that'

i think that is a real passion killer cos then they see you as just a wimp with insecurities?

By posting this I can instantly see that you are worried about coming across as insecure. It's not the mere fact that you are an insecure person, I can tell that you are someone who strives for the opposite, but in doing so you become a worrier.

"What if she thinks i'm insecure?"
"What if i come across a ****?"
"What if she loses interest?"
"What If.... What If!"

When you are in a worrying mindset, worrying how you come across... she will pick up on some insecurity and comment it.

But it's merely just a bad mindset, a mindset that can be changed with a little attitude from our friend "Not give a ****."

Don't worry about how you come across, infact say stupid things on purpose... act a little childish and playful and do things that you class as embarrising. Just because she interpets something as insecurity, it doesn't make you an insecure person... Let go of that constraint.

Now, here's a principle that i live by:

Do something embarrising and out of character each and everyday.

 

[Cashew]

What Adma wrote is good.

Also... don't start out the conversation on yourself. Focus the conversation on her as much as you can. She'll be happy to talk about herself. If you're interested you should be happy to listen and continue to lead the conversation as being about her.

Plus there is the whole appearing more mysterious thing that comes with not revealing a bunch about yourself. If she doesn't know so much about you it will get her to think about you, and getting her to think about you can be a very good thing.

Though they may go the reassuring route, when the conversation is on her, be sure not to automatically go to that train of thought. Bust on her a bit for what she says; in good humor of course.