missed opportunity

[KindredSpiritzz]

Went to my buddys 4th of july party last night. Maybe 50 people at this party, quite a few hot chicks running around. Theres this smoking hot one up front by the band dancing with her friend and everyone else seated behind in lawn chairs watching the band and drinking. My buddy tells me he knows shes single and looking and pretty much all i could do was stand there and stare. I was hoping i could catch her when she was off someone a little less private to introduce myself but never saw an opening. By the end of night or the 3 hrs i stayed she was dancing with some loser and you could tell they were probably gonna hook up.
Im terrible at real life pick up, specially in a crowd with a ton of people around watching. Now here i sit this morning regretting not doing something, at least saying hi. I do fine online, have 3 plates spinning themselves now but this chick was a gem.
Whats my approach in a situation like that? Just suck it up, walk over and introduce myself and start chatting?
Other guy went out there and just starting dancing around her and before you know it was dancing with her. That is definitely NOT me.
I like to do my work in the shadows when i can.
I don't know, im just beating myself up over a missed opportunity i guess.

 

[dasein]

The key here is whether you truly wanted to go dance with her yet couldn't muster the nerve, or whether something other than shyness or hesitancy kept you from it. If the latter, no foul. If the former, read Chuang Tzu, "The Dexterous Butcher/Cook Ting."

 

[lost_blackbird]

I missed one at work today, my first day on a new job. Got a big smile upon first encounter
with a mixed race girl (oriental looking) out in the giant refrigerated warehouse I'm now working
in because Amazon sucks arse. I saw her later in the canteen after my shift with what looked like
her sister. She made some eye contact my way more than a few times (it's the alice band, chicks
be digging it... not every man can carry off that look) while I was on the phone to one of my
Amazon buddies trying to get him to come to my new workplace and join me there as I know he's
fed up with flogging his guts out for Bezos. Probably should have could have said hi and introduced
myself, but as usual I didn't. Not especially bothered, but she was cute.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Your problem is that you choose a target from the shadows and fixate on that target. It becomes “do or die” in your mind.

The cure is to get used to small talk every single day with both men and women, and develop the habit of creating fun, self-amusing interactions. You will find that it will no longer be a big deal to start talking with women at parties. No longer will you be hoping that she accepts you, but rather you will be doing the testing, accepting and rejecting.

 

[Sam_J]

Went to my buddys 4th of july party last night. Maybe 50 people at this party, quite a few hot chicks running around. Theres this smoking hot one up front by the band dancing with her friend and everyone else seated behind in lawn chairs watching the band and drinking. My buddy tells me he knows shes single and looking and pretty much all i could do was stand there and stare. I was hoping i could catch her when she was off someone a little less private to introduce myself but never saw an opening. By the end of night or the 3 hrs i stayed she was dancing with some loser and you could tell they were probably gonna hook up.
Im terrible at real life pick up, specially in a crowd with a ton of people around watching. Now here i sit this morning regretting not doing something, at least saying hi. I do fine online, have 3 plates spinning themselves now but this chick was a gem.
Whats my approach in a situation like that? Just suck it up, walk over and introduce myself and start chatting?
Other guy went out there and just starting dancing around her and before you know it was dancing with her. That is definitely NOT me.
I like to do my work in the shadows when i can.
I don't know, im just beating myself up over a missed opportunity i guess.

Don't beat yourself up, you should practice cold approaching women in public anywhere so youre uses to it more and able to initiate a conversation

 

[Serenity]

Just suck it up, walk over and introduce myself and start chatting?

Yes.

Not all opportunities land in your lap, some you need to create for yourself. It is as simple as walking over and start interacting. Having other people around isn't an obstacle, you're not going to fvck her right then and there, just have a little chat which is a totally normal thing to do at a party, no?

 

[Bokanovsky]

By the end of night or the 3 hrs i stayed she was dancing with some loser and you could tell they were probably gonna hook up.

So the guy did something that you couldn't work up the nerve to do, and your first instinct is to call him a loser? Let me guess, you call guys who are better looking than you f@ggots behind their backs? This is extreme beta mentality.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

So the guy did something that you couldn't work up the nerve to do, and your first instinct is to call him a loser?

I know the guy, he's a drunk and cant hold down a job. He's a real peach.

 

[Paper Crane]

You just gotta stop caring what other people think honestly. Part of the reason you were afraid to approach her is fear of rejection, but theres another thing that comes into play-- you are worried with how people are going to perceive you-including her.

You dont have to even be the most confident guy in the room to be able to go up to a girl and talk to her or start dancing around her. You could act like you don't even notice her and dance in her viscinity (women do this all the time with guys they like), and slowly let tension build. Each moment is another step closer and closer.. but if you don't see that happening, you simply move around.. come back to it later, in the meanwhile chat up other girls, other people.

Now, the other thing is theres dudes that will straight up cut the chase and go for the icebreaker.. like talk to the girl , introduce themselves.. This for majority of girls can be too abrupt and feel demanding or they might feel obligated --its pressure they dont need or want while having fun. --> you mainly do this when you're at the bar (club/bar setting) as opposed to the dancefloor because the bar is perfect for talking. In a party setting, this would be like, maybe the porch or the kitchen where people are jus chilling and talking, not where everyones dancing and the music is louder.

One of the best openers for any situation is to flatter the girl. Basic way is "daym you're fuccin hot" . if you say some **** like "wow youare beautiful, or "you have a great style" it comes off as weak and friendly. You gotta give it some energy.. -- Try something like "damn i can't seem to take my eyes off you.. you're badd" but don't go further than that until she makes her move. Its not chess its checkers.you make a move, she makes a move, in replying, or smething she says, or some actiionshe does, you make your next move.. Never make multiple moves at once, it comes off as overly anxious or too aggressive.

Give her a compliment, stare at her a bit smile, keep dancing tho and if she is having fun let her have fun.. Come back to her and be like damn I thought you left, put your hands out and ask her to dance (wait for appropriate song), or put a hand out and tell her come.. if shes interested, she'll follow.. take her somewhere a bit more private, then you can talk to her, and make sure its flirty af. don't wait too many cues. go straight for the kiss, and make it juicy man we're all boozed up anyways.. this isn't a family picnic.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

good advice Crane. I need to work on my game in that area. Im great online, im great one on one during a date but the real life approach & pickup i need to work on. I don't go out much anymore so that doesnt help my social awkwardness.

 

[Paper Crane]

good advice Crane. I need to work on my game in that area. Im great online, im great one on one during a date but the real life approach & pickup i need to work on. I don't go out much anymore so that doesnt help my social awkwardness.

Just remember this: You can get away with a lot more than you can imagine.