Minor disrespect from women

[Askaladd]

If your gf/wife gives you minor doses of disrespect and gets upset if you push back, what should you do?

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Gf and wife can sometimes be completely different games. You are 19 according to your profile, so I will assume this about a girl you are dating or girlfriend.

Disrespect is usually some sort of test. Dont be angry at women for testing you, if they didnt do these tests, their body count would be astronomical.

Every time you fail a test, her attraction for you will lower. Every five tests you pass, her attraction will possibly and probably increase.

You must be willing to walk away. If disrespect happens just say something along the lines of "Im not sure if you think Im a some sort of pushover or what but disrespect is a dealbreaker for me. Nip it in the bud or Im showing you the door". I just made that up with random words, Chatgpt can probably give you something better.

Remember, with women you have to punish bad behavior and reward good behavior. When you pass the test you might not get laid that day (or maybe you do) but will get laid more frequently in the future. If you fail a test, you might get laid that day (or maybe not) but her attraction for you will be lower because you failed the test and it will continue to get lower and lower (along with a decrease in sex) if you keep failing tests until she eventually ghosts, breaks up with you or monkey branches etc

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

The keyword is unaffected.

Wheter you decide to politely point at the issues, to take distance till she calms down or troll her to enjoy her emotional explosion, the most important thing is never be or look butthurt.

Also there are compliance test and stress tests which require two different set of skills.

 

[plumber]

whatever you choose do not argue with her. a boss does not argue... disrespect from female is always remove yourself. the length and time of removal is dependent on the situation and details. her disapproval (disrespect) must not have any emotional impact on you.

think weather. if its stormy you get out of the bad weather and perhaps go out again and enjoy when its nice weather. you do not argue with the weather as you well get wet and likely sick from standing in the storm. and the weather does not care what you think. this sounds like a cold hard lens. its key to loosing the need for her approval. you can be kind and even take good care of her without needing her approval.

when its clear that her approval has no effect and only her actions do, the disrespect usually melts away. if it does not you remove yourself more and more and eventually permanently.

 

[jhonny9546]

Remember, with women you have to punish bad behavior and reward good behavior.

We men have a logical mind, and when women talk to us, they'll always catch us off guard.

If you want to stay in your masculine energy, you can't think that every time she tells you something it's a test.

Rather, you should have a "general direction," and if she's trying to get in the way, I think you'll feel more of a gut feeling.

It's not a logical thing, but it will be a physical sensation.

At that point, remember what makes you strong as a man: your ability to have a life without her and to appreciate freedom.

I don't agree with the carrot and stick method even if that works.
But I do agree with explaining to her that you will walk away if she crosses that line.

If you keep failing tests until she eventually ghosts, breaks up with you, or monkey branches, etc.

Well said, and some women will stay with men who have failed all the tests out of convenience, or because they offer them a lifestyle.
That said, I've always wanted to have a skill that I haven't yet developed: understanding what kind of couples are in this situation.

The most important thing is never to be or look like a butt.

It would be interesting to know what you would do if you felt like a butt because of what she did..and how should you have handled it correctly instead


@plumber I get your point, but the weather should be sunny 350 days and rainy or stormy 15.
I don't get the point to win a test but you have to live in a weather with 180 days of rain and 180 days of sun.

 

[plumber]

@plumber I get your point, but the weather should be sunny 350 days and rainy or stormy 15.
I don't get the point to win a test but you have to live in a weather with 180 days of rain and 180 days of sun.

there is no test. that's a bunch of baloney. if she acts clearly in a way that is negative towards you, you create distance and entertain yourself some other way. you frame it in your mind as the weather. do not try to figure out why or what it means or what you should do. simply avoid it, like you do with any bad weather. my advice it not going to help heal her, and not going to fix anything, its only to heal you. when your healthy and of solid mind the choices will be really clear.

if she is creating conflict every other day, then you would end up spending a very small amount of time together to remove that conflict. perhaps you end up spending a few hours together every few days until she move to be negative again. as soon as that happens you move away again. no questions, no argument, no discussion, no apology. go do something else that you need or want to do. if you have no idea how to fill the time that is a problem. in that case find and go to the gym, take an extra job, get into a training class, lots of others. don't be a jerk... just not available to have conflict pushed onto you.

in the extreme you end up spending no time together. if that is the situation you can then make plans knowing that.

we are not trying to fix her or make her treat you well, simply getting your situation for you into a clean calm setup so you can think clearly.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

It would be interesting to know what you would do if you felt like a butt because of what she did..and how should you have handled it correctly instead

In my opinion being affected from other people behviour is mostly a choice, it can be avoided through your overall attitude but in those cases when they hit a nerve and it touches you, the best thing to do is not engage.

Removing yourself from the situation till your biology gets back to baseline and so your thinking.

Worse thing is to engage while in an emotionally disturbed state.

At least that's what works for me.




Example : "You are mad cause you spent so much time and money on me and you didnt even get laid"

Wrong: (staying and engage) "well cause I didnt know you were a slvt only looking for money"

Right: (look unaffected and distance yourself) "yeah agree a bad planning indeed"

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

If your gf/wife gives you minor doses of disrespect and gets upset if you push back, what should you do?

Sounds like narcissism.

Depends on what the disrespect is.

If she is unwilling to be held accountable, then you need to abandon ship.

Being disrespectful is one thing; but her being unwilling to be held accountable for this disrespect, is another dimension.

And shiit like that, is only a taste of what's to come.

 

[jhonny9546]

my advice it not going to help heal her, and not going to fix anything, its only to heal you.

as soon as that happens you move away again. no questions, no argument, no discussion, no apology. go do something else that you need or want to do

Yes, I do agree, and this reminds me of my father and mother relationship, even if that is a correct behaviour to have as a man, that is just unbearable and unhealthy. I saw this in other relationships too..


How many times are you willing to do that in those same relationships? Is that normal for you?
I won't stay in a relationship like that even if I behave properly. I'll leave because she can't be that much of a pain in the ass.

 

[jhonny9546]

Example : "You are mad cause you spent so much time and money on me and you didnt even get laid"

Wrong: (staying and engage) "well cause I didnt know you were a slvt only looking for money"

Right: (look unaffected and distance yourself) "yeah agree a bad planning indeed"

I needed this to understand if we were on the same track.
Infact, what would happen in Italy, it's usually the "wrong".. Like 80% of the cases have that respose from men.
While the "right" one will be seen as a weak man avoiding the discussion.

So it was hard to me to actually rewire my brain to behave in a very different way than my culture taught me

 

[jhonny9546]

to be held accountable

Could you do some examples of what you mean by that and the situation/scenario?

Like @Fortune_favors_the_bold did

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The keyword is unaffected.

Wheter you decide to politely point at the issues, to take distance till she calms down or troll her to enjoy her emotional explosion, the most important thing is never be or look butthurt.

I hear this sort of thing quite a lot - the only way I can describe it is "feigned indifference". Unless you have an exceptional poker face I don't think you're fooling her - women are good at picking up on nonverbal behavior. Pretending to not be annoyed or upset when you are is retarded. In fact, if she continually attempts to get a rise out of you but genuinely does not upset you, it might actually be better in some cases to employ a tactical anger. The key difference is that you have the meta-awareness to actually be 2 steps ahead of her and stay rational about what you say and do.

Insisting on being "unreactive" is not the move imo, you need to do the opposite and nip it in the bud. Otherwise, she will simply interpret her actions as a behavior that can get away, sas something will tolerate. Or worse, she will see you pretending to not care when you clearly do, and she'll see how you're doing nothing about it.

Women are always doing this, testing the waters, figuring out where the line is, and then habitually stepping over that line one inch at a time until she has gained a mile. You cannot give her an inch.

The only solution to disrespect of any level is to immediately address it calmly and reasonably. Tell her what she did and why it bothered you. From there, if she continues to be indignant, disagreeable, or tries to gaslight you, then the move is to walk away. Literally. Get up and physically leave the home, and don't plan on talking to her again until she apologizes. Doesn't matter if it's 2am at her apartment or if you're in a hotel in a foreign country - get the **** away from her.

The only situation where this doesn't work is if you're in a situation you cannot escape, such as a car ride, or something like a get together with friends/family. I don't think it's a coincedence that many women often choose to start some **** in situations like this, it's precisely because they know the man cannot walk away or escalate the situation - he just has to sit there and take it. That's a situation where silence and distance is appropriate, as a temporary solution.

 

[Barrister]

Silence & Distance (S&D)

It is about the only tool you have to combat this. Keep in mind that in life sh1t happens and some people have bad days - women included. If the disrespect is an isolated incident and she acknowledges it and apologizes for it, then I wouldn't apply S&D. However, if you (calmly) point out the behavior wasn't OK and her response is to double down or get worse, you then apply S&D. A woman behaving is awarded with your attention; a woman misbehaving loses it. If the doubling down occurs or if you begin to see any patterns of disrespectful behavior arise, you apply S&D and see if she comes back to you. If she does, you firmly set the boundary the behavior is not OK. If it happens again -- onto the next.

 

[Askaladd]

Literally. Get up and physically leave the home, and don't plan on talking to her again until she apologizes. Doesn't matter if it's 2am at her apartment or if you're in a hotel in a foreign country - get the **** away from her.

And if it doesn't work break up?

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

I hear this sort of thing quite a lot - the only way I can describe it is "feigned indifference". Unless you have an exceptional poker face I don't think you're fooling her - women are good at picking up on nonverbal behavior. Pretending to not be annoyed or upset when you are is retarded. In fact, if she continually attempts to get a rise out of you but genuinely does not upset you, it might actually be better in some cases to employ a tactical anger. The key difference is that you have the meta-awareness to actually be 2 steps ahead of her and stay rational about what you say and do.

Insisting on being "unreactive" is not the move imo, you need to do the opposite and nip it in the bud. Otherwise, she will simply interpret her actions as a behavior that can get away, sas something will tolerate. Or worse, she will see you pretending to not care when you clearly do, and she'll see how you're doing nothing about it.

Women are always doing this, testing the waters, figuring out where the line is, and then habitually stepping over that line one inch at a time until she has gained a mile. You cannot give her an inch.

The only solution to disrespect of any level is to immediately address it calmly and reasonably. Tell her what she did and why it bothered you. From there, if she continues to be indignant, disagreeable, or tries to gaslight you, then the move is to walk away. Literally. Get up and physically leave the home, and don't plan on talking to her again until she apologizes. Doesn't matter if it's 2am at her apartment or if you're in a hotel in a foreign country - get the **** away from her.

The only situation where this doesn't work is if you're in a situation you cannot escape, such as a car ride, or something like a get together with friends/family. I don't think it's a coincedence that many women often choose to start some **** in situations like this, it's precisely because they know the man cannot walk away or escalate the situation - he just has to sit there and take it. That's a situation where silence and distance is appropriate, as a temporary solution.

I understand what you mean and that applies to 90% of men that despite their best attempt cannot fake lack of emotions, the poker face quoted.

What I suggested to OP works for me for the simple fact that I dont particularly enjoy womens company, at least not as much as other men let alone use them to validate my worth, I'm genuinely sexist, I see them as kids so it doesnt take me much not to be unfazed from their actions.
I dont get mad if a retard skip the queue in front of me or a kid tells me that I look like a snake.

What you suggest instead doesnt work on women, when you suggest to point at the bad behaviour calmly, you dont get the same logic senseful reaction you would get from a man...she only understand that such behaviour has effects on you and emotions and attention are their currency.
Agree on the walk away part but it has to come from a position of lack of interest not as a rage quitting.

Again keep in mind that I have no issue at all to leave a date on the spot or cut a relationship if my mental stop loss trigger which is clearly not the case for most men.

In my 20 years long experience what I find the most effective is to show that they have no control or influence on me and that I'm more than happy to engage in any conflict whether is a silence game or messing with each other head...I like trolling them so much that any opportunity is a blessing and given how sensitive they are nowadays is like throwing flames on dry silk.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

And if it doesn't work break up?

Why wouldnt you break up with a girl who keeps disrespecting you? Girls are supposed to make your d1ck hard, not your life.

 

[HaleyBaron]

At his age, I would have apologized and tried to make up with dates and stuff.

Today, I would silence and go do something else. Women trip me out sometimes with how annoyingly princess-like they are being due to inflated egos from social media.

 

[plumber]

Yes, I do agree, and this reminds me of my father and mother relationship, even if that is a correct behaviour to have as a man, that is just unbearable and unhealthy. I saw this in other relationships too..


How many times are you willing to do that in those same relationships? Is that normal for you?
I won't stay in a relationship like that even if I behave properly. I'll leave because she can't be that much of a pain in the ass.

the relationship is already done by this time. if spending no time together there is no relationship. now the business arrangement might have other components to it that have to be delt with. when you get to zero time together the romantic relationship is done.

i have walked on several LTR. so its not forever to wait.

i have had a few that did not go like that and the woman behaved extremely well. i left for other reasons that in one case are no ones fault.... life has its turns.


in any case; always choose, never react.

focus on being happy, do not focus on making her happy. you can be kind and thoughtful but do not need her to approve. against the common theme here it is ok to give flowers... its a gift to brighten her day and its kind and thoughtful. the result of that does not matter and should not matter as you validate yourself having done it. making her happy is good, NEEDing to make her happy is really bad. Needing her approval to be happy is really bad.

if your upset, sad, emotionally impacted by her then you must get out else you can manage it like any game. see game theory...

 

[jhonny9546]

@FlexpertHamilton

Are all women really going to act that way towards you? There are just too many times when she acts that way.
You described the behavior you should adopt although I believe you should never react to this. Simply explain it and say what you will do if she continues.

What bothers me most about being in a relationship is having to control her for it.
I mean, it could happen 1 or 2 times a year, or 1 or twice a week.
Things are very different. In the end if he does it too much you have to make your own assessments.

There are actually LTRs that I know of where he's very good at doing this, and he thinks he's omnipotent, but he has to do this every month. Every month she will have a big, important drama to resolve and it will threaten the relationship.
At this point, I think he stays because he gets pleasure from having control over people, in this case, seeing them obediently when he settles back. A normal man would have run away years ago.
(this is the case of this)

Why wouldn't you break up with a girl who keeps disrespecting you? Girls are supposed to make your **** hard, not your life.

This may seem controversial, but if she makes your d1ck hard, and she's dramatic at the same time, it'll still be hard to leave.

-

That's also what @Barrister writes.. If it happens again, you leave.
Also, Barrister explained the situation well, but you should give concrete examples in real life of a relationship.
What do you consider

bad days

then

isolated accident

then

her response is to double down or get worse

then

patterns of disrespectful behavior arise

These are very different things.

You can be with the most beautiful, loving, sweetest woman in the world, but if she does this over and over, even if you can control her and make her obedient, but she will do it again, even if it's not disrespectful, she's just out. As a man, I will walk away.

I don't care about whether or not I'll pass her tests, I care more about my freedom and mental health.
If she does, and when you have kids and other obligations she will do it all the time, I'm sorry, but I'm just out.

 

[jhonny9546]

Again, keep in mind that I have no problem leaving a date on the spot or cutting a relationship short if my mental stop-loss trigger, which is clearly not the case for most men.

I'm like you, I can do it, but the thing that stops me is, "If I leave this woman here, will she be able to go home alone?"
I worry about having to leave her in a certain situation.
How do you feel about that?