Mind telling me no, Body telling me yes

[asid76]

Hey guys. Been awhile. Have been spending the last year or so sharpening my inner game and working on a few things in my life that had to be fixed before I could really present myself to women the way I'd like to. I'm not done my journey yet however, and so I have a new "afc" question for y'all...

Ok:
So theres this girl... (I wonder how many threads start like this) ...and I want to fuk her brains out. Met her at work, but she's in a different department so its all good. Anyhow I wanted her and so I hit on her. Turns out she is "in love" with her man, who incidentally lives in another continent - she is here in Canada to work for 12 months or so and then going home to move in with her man. This was what I found out in October when I first approached her......So I didn't hit on her further, I respected her relationship and left it at that.

Well one thing led to another and now we are always together. Not romantically, though everyone believes we are. Anyway, so like I said I did NOT hit on her after I found out about the bf. Problem is she is now hitting on me (its a nice problem to have, lol).

She says if she ever cheated she would HAVE to tell him. He calls her daily, she talks about him constantly, he's coming to visit for two weeks soon and she can't wait to see him, and talks about it relentlessly.

THEN WHY, WHY, WHY??? Why does she give me passionate hugs at work? Why does she cuddle with me while we watch movies? Why does she mention cheating on him and how she could never ever do it? Why does she ask me to caress her arms? Why does she put her hand on my leg and rest it there (right near my package)?? Why when she was drunk did she say that maybe shes too young to be in a serious relationship like she is and that she fears she may be missing out some fun in her life?

All of the above things have happened right in front of co-workers or friends, so its hard to escalate. (Whenever she has visited we have had other work people with us), so this is all very much in the open and we haven't done anything deeply intimate like kiss or anything, so she can easily say she hasn't cheated on her man yet.

I know the obvious answer is that she wants me. But picture being in my situation where on one hand she says her and her boyfriend are deep in love, but on the other hand she is palming my thigh...its really f**king confusing.

I am prepared for her bf to visit and to not be able to see her during this time, but I want to get some opinions on the situation.

The way I see it, is that perhaps she DOES love him but is just horny cause she hasn't seen him for so long. And moving forward from that line of thinking I am planning on waiting until her bf goes back home before I even speak to her again. I'm thinking that after a week or two without him she will begin to get horny again and perhaps I could bed her then.

I'd do it now, but he's on his way soon and I don't doubt that she would tell him when he got here. And he could definitely beat the living sh!t out of me...he's a soldier (which, incidentally, is why I didn't slide her hand over to my groin when it was on my leg; I'm not a fighter and he COULD seriously hurt me if he found out; he boxes in the army).


I realize I'm kind of rambling here, but I need someone elses insight into my situation, its getting hard to see the forest for the trees.

 

[seano99]

hey man my thoughts is that she's lonely and/or bored and using you for affection. she's "justifying" to herself that she isn't cheating or betraying her man already by telling you "i couldnt never cheat on him, etc".

i'd say beware that if she stays with him she'll drop you like a hot potato when he gets back..

just play it cool man.. it's out of my league but i noticed no one replied yet and thought i'd give my inital thoughts

good luck bro

 

[amoka]

Get your own woman and stop preying on vulnerable woman. She already informed you she is in love with her man and yet you still want to nail her. At 33 you should be thinking about settling down and raising family or playing the field with women that are playing the field, not a single particular woman who has a guy. Hope this is not what you have been learning through your "inner game"

 

[squirrels]

She won't tell him. She's saying that in the hopes that YOUR guilt will keep you from proceeding. And it's working.

As long as you show clearly you aren't interested in supplanting her man, you "won't count".

I've made that mistake before with women...gotten sucked in from "secret lover" to "trying to compete for the boyfriend position". If you hook up with her, it's likely that "casual" is all it will ever be.

Whether you want the hassle is up to you. Maybe since her man is just visiting and she's eventually going to leave, bang her AFTER he leaves but BEFORE she goes back home. Likely he won't chase you all the way into Canada if she is not there as well. Or just go the Amoka-way and find girls outside of work...it's always awkward. Even if you stay "friends".

Incidentally, fighting skills may be something that it would benefit you to learn. There are people out there who would do harm to you whether you hit on their girl or not.

 

[asid76]

Squirrels I think the same thing. I'll wait for her man to leave, and play it by ear. I'll do the right thing and NOT instigate anything BUT if she continues to flirt hard with me, its on.

Amoka, hahahahaha. Is this what you learned when you were 33 oh so long ago? Oh wait you're not 33 yet are you? So how do you know what I SHOULD be doing...and what makes you assume I'm not already doing these things? I could be looking for wife material, or I might not be, how do you know? And whats it to you? And even if I were looking for Mrs. Right, its going to take awhile to find her, and why shouldn't I have fun in the meantime? And what makes you think I want a family? Or that I SHOULD want one? Should is a strong word isn't it? It presupposes that you know something about me that I do not know, and clearly that is not possible, aside from the little snippets that I might post on this site from time to time. Also, SHE is hitting on me, as I mentioned, dont forget THAT part Amoka; she IS playing the field the way I see it. But I did ask for insight and I can KIND OF see what you are getting at. Cheers!

You remind of Frank from the movie Scarface, when Tony Montana is hitting on Franks woman and he finds out:

Frank: "why don't you get your own woman, Tony?"
Scarface: "thats what I was doing"

But yeah I should definitely learn to fight. And I will play it cool with the girl and see what plays out but not force anything. Its true that she could just need some attention while her bf is not around. I will take everyones posts into consideration. Thanks.

PS. It might be worth noting that while we were cuddling in my room, I had a second girl on the other side of me, also cuddling. Maybe Amoka is right I should raise a family and get rid of these hot young women? Damn, what was I thinking?

 

[squirrels]

Amoka does have a point. That doesn't mean his decision is correct for you, just that you should consider it.

But then, every girl at this age has a boyfriend, if only so she can tell her friends she's not single. If you gave up on every girl who had a "man", you'd be a lonely SOB.

I just hope you're spinning other plates.

 

[realsmoothie]

There's not enough details here, but everything I've read so far reads "attention ho" or BPD, whichever floats everyone's boat.

If she is, she's not getting the attention she wants because her big, bad BF isn't here, so she gets it from you. She'd sleep with you, though it's not necessary for her. When she says "I HAVE to tell him" she's testing you to see if you can come up with a way to pull it off without it getting out.

Make no doubt, this is bad news. I'd avoid this girl like the plague. If she is BPD, and she hits on you blatantly and you pull way, that can trigger abandonment issues and she'll be VERY angry. She could very well tell her BF that YOU started everything.

Does she talk about sex a lot? Does she abuse alcohol or drugs? Has she talked about her family history... is there any evidence of abuse or neglect? Does she make you feel like you're the king of the world? Read up on BPD. I got slaughtered by one and am still dealing with it four months later.

I could be totally wrong, but it never hurts to be cautious.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

She doesn't sound like a BPD. If she was, at least the OP would be banging her six days from sunday by now!

She sounds like a lonely girl who has relegated OP to the position of surrogate boyfriend that she never has sex with. I'd find better ways to spend my time, man.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The more relationships you have been through and the more you have been cheated on yourself, the less sympathy you will have for anyone else's relationship. I would guess that her guy would very quickly cheat on her if he was given such an easy opportunity as you have been given. And even if not, he has already neglected her by expecting her to take a vow of celibacy while he's away. When anyone's needs are not met, they seek out others to meet them. That is what she has already done with you. What she is doing now is emotional infidelity; the physical part usually follows.

Just wait until he leaves, then get her drunk and do her. If you never profess feelings for her, and act like it is only a secret arrangement until the boyfriend returns, at which point you both agree that she goes back with him, then you will have complete power over her. She will come to resent the boyfriend and fall in love with you. But only if you don't show emotion first. She has to be the one to fall for you while you feign ambivalence.