Mike's Dating Journal

[MikeEdward1973]

My backstory is that I'm a 35-year old single guy, caucasion male. 6ft 1in, in very good shape, I'm a senior manager for a software company. I live in a major metropolitan city.

First dates are easy for me to come by. If I have a claim to fame on this board, it's that I go on more first dates than anyone else. And I probably have less success, by any metric.

If mod's want to move this to another forum, that's fine.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Mike,
Right there in the same ballpark. 6' Good shape, good finances, contract/ management pilot. Not a major metro area, coastal city of around 150k people. I get lots of first dates, but in my case I either reject them, or they aren't interested in second dates. I have a couple guidelines. 1) It's a #'s game. 2) If I think I will grow bored or just want them for sex I don't go there. Too many women have been F-d in the head by a another guy that does that, and I have yet to meet a woman that can truly do the F-buddy thing and not get attached. To each his own, but that's not my style. 3) If I am interested, and call her up after a couple days for another date she has like 24 hours to respond or I toss the #. I DO NOT CHASE. 1 call is all they get. If they are interested they will reply. If not, you are going to be fighting a uphill battle. In the age of voicemail, I leave a quick hello, and then tell her to give me a shout. I don't tell her why. 4) SPIN, SARGE, EVERYWHERE. Use cold approaches at the grocery store, use the internet, network in church, work, everywhere. 5) Personally I stay away from myspace and facebook. Now before everyone get's their panties in a wad, this is my post. If it works for you great, but what I found there was a LOOK at ME, LOOK at ME! crowd.

In the trenches of dating~

KC

 

[MikeEdward1973]

It's a #'s game...If I am interested, and call her up after a couple days for another date she has like 24 hours to respond or I toss the #. I DO NOT CHASE. 1 call is all they get. If they are interested they will reply. If not, you are going to be fighting a uphill battle. In the age of voicemail, I leave a quick hello, and then tell her to give me a shout.

Amen to that.

I've been breaking that rule a bit lately, and I'm going to get disciplined again, and not break it anymore.

I have a date later this afternoon. 3rd date, we're going to the museum. For purposes of this journal, I'll use the woman's initials. I'll call her MV. I know, it's a weird venue for a date. We made out the first 2 dates, no sex. I wanted to go on a date without alcohol involved, and the museum is about 6 blocks from where I live.

The last few days I have not been myself. I've been pretty angry and frustrated with this whole dating thing. Got LJBF'd a couple times in as many days, and I let it get to me a bit.

MV is 31, a lawyer. She's bored with her job, thinking about doing something else entirely, like becoming a counselor. Like family therapy or something. Seems like every female lawyer I meet doesn't like it very much, and wants to teach yoga, or become a counselor.

We'll see how it goes, I need to snap out of this negative mindset I've been in the last few days before I meet up with her this afternoon. Maybe we'll get drinks or come back to my place to watch a movie afterward. Or both.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

For once, things worked according to plan.

We went to the musuem, and walked around for about an hour and a half. We then walked over to a cafe about 8 blocks away, which is right across from where I live. We had a few glasses of wine, and she was really hungry, and actually ate a lot (she's not overweight at all, but has a super-athletic build, which is a big turn-on for me). I was kinoing her like crazy at the cafe, and she was very receptive.

I said that we should go over to my place so she could check it out. We sit down on my bed, and I start massaging legs. I tell her it would be easier if she took her pants off, so she did. I turned on some trance music, and turned down the lights. We made out a lot, didn't actually have sex. Fooled around a lot. She said she couldn't spend the night, and we got her a cab a few hours later.

This is an interesting issue I have: unlike a lot of guys, it takes me a bit of time before I'm 'feeling it' so to speak, and want to have sex. I know that's weird. It's an unusual quirk for a guy to have.

Any thoughts on when I should call her?

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I should also add that I used to have a couple drinks before a date, but I didn't do that this time, and I actually think that helped a lot. I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that sort of hides itself even after a drink or two. I'm going to try not drinking before dates from now on.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

If it helps you so much, I'd keep having a few drinks before a date and then slowly reduce it to zero over time. You need a chance to practice this mindset with women before you adopt it as a habit.

As for calling her for date number four, I'd give her a buzz Wednesday and just be light, funny, and make her laugh for ten minutes tops. Then say you have to get going and hang up. Then wait until next Tuesday to invite her out. Let her stew over next weekend as to what you are doing and what other girl you are doing it with. Let her miss you. Women LOVE to miss men. It generates attraction. Good Luck.

Really, not go out with her this coming weekend? I understand the 'prize' mentality, scarcity/abundance, etc., but aren't I risking her interest level falling off?

I was going to call her tomorrow (Monday) and try to set something up for this weekend.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I went on a first date tonight, I'll call her JE.

We met up for a drink. She's a bit younger than me, she's 26. We met at 7pm, and stayed until 11:30. We had a snack there also. We leave, and I walk her to her car, where we proceeded to make out for 1/2 an hour. 30 minutes. This is the longest first date I've ever had, and the longest I've ever made out after a first date.

She is a bit weird. She kept saying what a tease she likes to be, all the while we're nearly &$%#ing in the street.

She is leaving town on Thursday, and coming back on Sunday. I was going to call her Tuesday, to set something up for next Tuesday. While I was walking her to her car, she agreed this sounded good. This was, of course, before we make out for the next 30+ minutes.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I understand what you're saying. My gut is telling me to call her tonight, and I can bring her back to my place again this weekend. There's some cognitive dissonance going on in my head.

I appreciate the good advice, just need to get my head around it.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Ok, for the record, I didn't call her tonight. That's a big step for me.

I'm not going to go on any more dates this week, actually. I'm going to take the week off. This is supposed to be fun, and it was becoming far from that. On Saturday I'm having a friend come into town and we're going to watch college football all day.

Next week I'll resume my regularly scheduled dating activities.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I went on a first date tonight, I'll call her JE.

We met up for a drink. She's a bit younger than me, she's 26. We met at 7pm, and stayed until 11:30. We had a snack there also. We leave, and I walk her to her car, where we proceeded to make out for 1/2 an hour. 30 minutes. This is the longest first date I've ever had, and the longest I've ever made out after a first date.

She is a bit weird. She kept saying what a tease she likes to be, all the while we're nearly &$%#ing in the street.

She is leaving town on Thursday, and coming back on Sunday. I was going to call her Tuesday, to set something up for next Tuesday. While I was walking her to her car, she agreed this sounded good. This was, of course, before we make out for the next 30+ minutes.

Went on a 2nd date last night with JE. We met up for dinner, even though I had sworn off dinner dates. Same scenario occurred this time as last time - 1/2 hour make-out session afterward. She did make me feel pretty good when, after groping me, said "Wow, you're pretty solid!" I knew all that training in the gym would kick in.

This time around, the 3rd date is going to be a DVD at my place. I'm going to learn from my mistakes this time.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Ok, for the record, I didn't call her tonight. That's a big step for me.

I'm not going to go on any more dates this week, actually. I'm going to take the week off. This is supposed to be fun, and it was becoming far from that. On Saturday I'm having a friend come into town and we're going to watch college football all day.

Next week I'll resume my regularly scheduled dating activities.

The way this ended is that I called MV Tuesday, instead of Monday. I just left a message. She called me back Friday, and I called her back Saturday. I know, I know, I should have waited longer, but I had a few drinks in me, and my game faltered a bit. I haven't heard back from her since, and I don't anticipate that I will. But despite that, I'm not calling her again.