Might As Well Give Up

[TheWayOfAllFlesh]

I just can't approach whatsoever. No idea why, no idea how I just can't do it. It affects me when I go out too.
I see a girl and think i'd like to approach then BAM I can't do it.
I feel like crap afterwards and all my doubts and insecurities come flooding back to me and I feel so small.
I get down and upset and end up ruining the night for my mates.
I always manage to get my hopes up after reading stuff on here but just cant seem to bring this into real life.
Seeing as I can't get any confidence to do this...what's the point?

 

[randalll]

dont worry about picking up women for now

concentrate more on doing things to improve yourself, this in turn will improve your confidence and make you better at approaching

i hardly ever cold approach, but im meeting new women quite regularly

just do things that you enjoy, and have fun just with your friends.. this in itself will make you better at approaching when the time comes

 

[Jesus]

I think the whole PUA culture has given a lot of people this false belief that you can't meet girls without "cold approaching". It's not really true.

 

[slaog]

Concentrate on improving yourself first. Simple things like body language, cloths etc. Concentrate on inner game. Build up your confidence and then it won't be a probalem if you decide to approach.


Build up your confidence bit by bit:
-Start off by making eye contact with women.
-Then smile at them.
-Then say hello to women etc etc


Take baby steps and you'll get there. The whole process to becoming a 'DJ' isn't a smooth ride. You'll be improving all the time but there will be some times when you get knocked back in your quest. Some people quit at this point but really it's sort of like 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Overall you're moving forward. When you do get knocked back from time to time the beauty there is that theres always lessons to be learnt.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

When I graduated High School I was, for the most part shy. I wasn't unpopular, but I had a small cluster of friends and revelled in my outsider status. I liked being different, set-apart. I didn't really have the ability to talk to anyone, and what little talent I did have I only gained from being a varsity debator. Even then, my interactions were always tinged with a bit of hostility or condecension because I always hating being forced out of my comfort zone.

When I graduated, my first job ammounted to being a door to door salesman. I was shy, uncomfortable, awkward at first. And then an amazing thing happened. I realized that if I couldn't overcome my apprehensions, I wouldn't make enough money every month to pay my rent. So I forced myself to talk to as many people as I could. I didn't do it well at first, and I had to fight off my own insecurities, but eventually (within weeks) I became a lot better at it. Even at first, my sales increased just because I was getting out there, not matter how lame I was.

You're in the same boat. Realize, sex and the love of a good woman will not solve your insecurities, only mask them for a while and make you even more dependent on the next woman you date for your self-worth. You don't start with sex or the love of a good woman on the road to finding happiness. You can find happiness without it. When and if you DO need it, it should be the last piece of the puzzle that you put in place.

Meanwhile, put it at the back of your mind and get out there. Sex and social interaction are numbers games. You don't need every woman you meet to be totally enthralled by you, just the next one down the line. Use your self-loathing as a motivator. And remember, you may not be that good at first, but like any other game, the more you play, the better you get at it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You could duct-tape a giant dildo to a hockey mask and wear that. I think that was in The Game. The point is to develop a 'just do it' mentality. The worst that can happen is not as bad as what you are experiencing now.

 

[DonJuan11]

I just can't approach whatsoever. No idea why, no idea how I just can't do it. It affects me when I go out too.
I see a girl and think i'd like to approach then BAM I can't do it.
I feel like crap afterwards and all my doubts and insecurities come flooding back to me and I feel so small.
I get down and upset and end up ruining the night for my mates.
I always manage to get my hopes up after reading stuff on here but just cant seem to bring this into real life.
Seeing as I can't get any confidence to do this...what's the point?

1) Be careful not to bring down your friends. They don't care too much about you getting sex or not. They are with you to have a good time

2) Your ego is very fragile and you can't stand being rejected. Plus, you seem to be doing "cold" approaches which can be fairly difficult. If you had something in common with the girl (video games, internet, tv, sports, shopping, politics, eating, cooking, sex, whatever), you would forget about your anxiety and focus on the subject.

3)You're just thinking about her giving you sex and that's why you get nervous and back out. Read #2 again.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Yep seems like you'll be part of the 90% of guys who NEVER get good, they just dabble and **** around on forums like this...It's COMMON, there is nothing wrong with you.

You'll just never have choice in the women you want and you'll forever be held by the balls because of women...NOT TOO BAD...The fact that you can't just go up to a woman and say HI shows that you already think of women as some GOD and not a human.

Stop trying to pull off orgies sameday, work on small goals...Just work on going up to a chick and JUST OPEN...Stop caring what happens, whether it was good or bad, the fact that you approached and said SOMETHING counts as a success. Focus on just doing ONE APPROACH, after that first approach go do another, keep it going and build momentum off of it.

Don't worry you won't die, I'm still alive and I"VE WENT THROUGH SOME STUFF!!!

It's sad to see GROWN MEN on a forum be so depressed and sad that they can't just walk up and approach...JUST DO IT, were talking about IMPROVING YOUR LIFE...It goes way beyond girls.

 

[Groovy]

What exactly are your insecurities when it comes to approaching? What's really holindg you back?

 

[TheWayOfAllFlesh]

What exactly are your insecurities when it comes to approaching? What's really holindg you back?

I think its my fear of rejection. Earlier this year I was cheated on and got depressed for weeks. It brought me down and my friends down and they kept away from me for a few weeks whilst I was upset.

I just don't want to go through that again because if i was to cold pproach and get rejected I would probably feel the same,

Anyone else suffer from this?

 

[TheWayOfAllFlesh]

Help anyone?

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Go ahead give up and be afraid to approach all of your life.

If not, then you gotta just keep doing it over and over.