messed up with online girl

[lamobatsman]

k. this is my first message on here. I want peoples opinionss and i know i will get a lot of stick for being AFC here. Long story so bare with me guys

I met this girl on fb through a mutual friend. we started talking every day. like for hours every day on fb. It was like this for the first three weeks or so. She used to say things like i reli like you and i want to come to see you. (She lives in another country). She wrote a lot of nice things and said i was different to the other guys she knew and she didnt like anyone else. Now cos im older (25) and shes 18 i did kind of think be careful. So i always used to question her whether she really liked me or not. She always used to say please dont think that etc.

One day we talked and i was going to fly over to see her. she gave me dates and said thats perfect. The next day she said shes booked tickets to come and see me in my country with her friend. So i made plans to accomodate her plans for the weekend that shes here with her mate.
She used to say things like " if i dont like you, i wont write to you every day and i wont write some stuff to you and i wouldnt come all the way to see you"

Now after two weeks talking i wanted to speak to her on the phone or on skype. So ikept asking her wen she was free. We organised to skype one night and she never turned up. I got annoyed but teh next day she apologised cos she was ill and went to sleep. Over the course of the next 6 weeks we never spoke on the phone or skyped cos everytime i asked her she was too busy or too ill. Granted she had a lot going on.
The last week of the month she stopped writing to me as much and it was me always me doing the writing and i got annoyed so i sent her a message saying this isnt working goodbye. She writes back saying i dont write as much because i wanted to see if my feelings were real for you and if i could cope with them. (we used to talk all the time the last few weeks). She then goes on to say that she has feelings for me and likes me a lot and that she wants to be with me and make it work. I said i want the same. She then said i dont want to visit u once, i want to visit you often

The next few weeks she started becoming very busy and we started to talk less but she wud still send me nice messages. It got frustrating as she had no time and for the next four weeks we hardly talked. She stopped replying to a lot of my messages and it looked like i was writing to her a lot!! and if she replied it wasnt with the same excitement as the previous month. The previous month she would say "im so happy and excited im coming to see you. Take me out and we can dance together etc" all the time. All the effort seemed to come from me the last month. wen i used to try to talk to her and ask her why she dont reply she used to get mad at me and i wud apologise all the time.

By the time she came out to see me we went clubbing for the first time and ignored me the whole night as her and her friend found guys from their home country and spoke in another language for the whole night. She then kissed this random guy in front of me.i of course was pissed and upset and should have walked away.

basically she was into me at the beginning then changed somewhat. I gave her a lot of time for her and she did at the beginning then she had no time for me

So thats my story- tell me where it went wrong and and be honest. there were signs i know.

 

[AW1983]

Jesus man, start with the DJ bible, you've got a lot of work in front of you. Where you went wrong?

1. we started talking every day.

2. i always used to question her whether she really liked me or not.

3. i was going to fly over to see her.

4. ikept asking her wen she was free.

5. everytime i asked her she was too busy or too ill

6. i was writing to her a lot!!

7. ask her why she dont reply she used to get mad at me and i wud apologise all the time.

You know who acts like this? Girls, when they want me.

Stop acting like a woman, i.e. clingy, needy, nothing better to do than sit around waiting for some table scraps of contact from some girl you haven't even met, nonetheless fvcked. She probably thinks you're pathetic, because that's the way you've been acting. I don't know how old you are (please put your age in your profile according to forum rules) but you have not been acting like a strong, independent Man. You know, the kind women are attracted to.

I'm being brutally honest here because you need to hear this, and it's better you realize all this now and start making some changes, as opposed to 10 years from now. Good luck man!

EDIT: Also, give up completely on this girl and start working on yourself before you worry about women. She'll 99.9% certain never be attracted to you at this point.

 

[lamobatsman]

Thank you fro your reply. I do agree with you. Sorry i am 24 and she was 18 which makes it even worse i know.

1) we started talking every day- she was the one that wanted to write to me every day and wen i didnt she would always say why arent you writing me. She was being the one that was into me at the beginning so i dont understand what was wrong in me writing her back all the time. we used to talk for hours every day but it was a 2 way thing.

2) i believe she led me on saying all these things to me and wen i used to ignore her she wudnt like it

3) she used to ignore me for days and wen i called her upon it she used to say sorry but if i ignored her or didnt write to her for a cuple of days she wud get the hump and ask me why i havnt written to her. hypocrit no?

4) do you think its possible that she was into me then wen we met for the first time she decided she was not attracted to me and i wasnt like the pictures she thought.

5) why would she kiss a guy in a club in front of me whe she asked me to come out with her to the club? surely thats hurtful for me.

6) i didnt think she was the type to kiss random guys in clubs. i thought she only kissed guys she knows and likes. i dont want a girl like this in my life

LSO:: When she said shes been busy the last month thats why she hasnt talked to me much- is that BS??? Do you think she started losing interest then or she met someone else?
hOW do i know if she has been talking to lots of other guys and i was just an option for her?
Did she lose interest wen she saw me and thought i was unattractive or did she make her mind about me well before that??

When i called her on why she would kiss another guy in front of me, she said that we arent in a real relationship and that she doesnt have to account for me. If that was the case then why didnt she tell me this from the beginning. she could have been doing this the whole time we were talking and been kissing lots of guys the whole time but she never said and said things that she doesnt like any boys and doesnt dance with them in clubs cos she likes me. I would have left her ages ago if i knew this

If you can answer that i would be grateful and i will now take ur advice and work on me

 

[rhythmic]

You got played son, played an absolute treat. Without going into detail, just... Yeah. Wow.

Get reading this site. DJ Bible, Break-up Guide (not strictly relevant but the stuff in there will help you). Sounds like you really need to learn to look after yourself where women are concerned.

 

[Phaedrus]

When she said shes been busy the last month thats why she hasnt talked to me much- is that BS??? Do you think she started losing interest then or she met someone else?
If she was into you, she'd find time. She lost interest.

hOW do i know if she has been talking to lots of other guys and i was just an option for her?
You never know, but 99% chance she has been. She should. You should have multiple options going on as well -- spin plates.

Did she lose interest wen she saw me and thought i was unattractive or did she make her mind about me well before that??
Probably made up her mind in advance, but it doesn't matter. You need to stop thinking about her and worrying about it. Move on.

Seriously, take AlphaWhiskey's advice. You have A LOT to learn. Read the DJ Bible. If you want the Cliffs Notes version, read:
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

And read more at Heartiste. Look up rational Male and Badger Hut, you'll find all you could possibly want to read and know. But don;t just read, go out and meet more girls, so that you don't obsess over any single one. When they lose interest, drop them, it's not worth the effort. And any time they are "too busy" and don't try to reschedule, they have lost interest.

Good luck.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Yeah OP, you can't help it that you got sucked in by a worthless, bytch of a woman. Pretty much every guy on this site has, so you're not alone.

She wanted you to keep talking to her because it boosted her ego. Nothing more. She's a classic AW (attention wh0re) who used you to make her feel good mentally but who never found you attractive enough to feel good physically.

This disrespectful cvnt should now be thrown in the trash. The temptation will be to reach out to her, to show her that you're the guy she should be with, but this will just make her resent you more and prolong your pain.
Please don't do it. Cease all contact, remove her from every aspect of your life. Facebook, msn, skype, phone number, everything.
She has zero feelings for you and showed that she doesn't deserve your time or emotions. You may want to ignore this advice but do so at your peril.
She will suck every last drop of your manhood and soul if you keep in touch with her.
Have some pride in yourself and show that moll you think she's nothing. You don't tell a chick like this, you show her by cutting her out of your life.

She may try to reach out, but ignore her. Don't take the bait because all she wants from you is your attention not your dyck.
If you're tempted to respond, just remember the image of her with her tongue down some random guy's throat.
Better still, come to these boards and seek encouragement. There are plenty of guys here who can help you through it and keep you on the path to only devoting your attention and time to women who have earned that right.

Don't fall back, man. Seriously. Learn from this and become better.

 

[Colossus]

Dont blame the game for losing.

Start with the DJ Bible. Link at the top this forum.

 

[SecondHalf]

OP, honest now ... did you pay for her travel?
If so ... never do that again!

Work on yourself to the point where you never need to look beyond your hometown!

SH

 

[lamobatsman]

rythimic: can you go into detail for me?

No i did not pay for her travel. Im not stupid haha but i did pay for tickets to the club for her me and her friend. This was pre-ordered ages ago. I paid for sightseeing tickets and various other things. Problem was these tickets went to waste cos i didnt see her after that night. I had specially bought these for us so that we cud spend some quality time together.

The funny thing is guys i was a nice guy to her and she told me how seet i was and all the nice things i did for her. Like i cancelled my xmas work party that weekend for her. The thing is i was more of an ******* a cuple of years ago but now im looking for relationship, someone serious with values. The guy she was kissing in the club (boy that picture in my head kills me every time) i was once that guy and im sure i cud have pulled her if i was that random guy in the club a cuple of years ago. I wanted something more, thats why i spent two months talking to her before she flew down. To me it wasnt about sex cos i can have sex with a random girl in a club if i wanted to. I genuinley liked her and i thought she did too, why else fly to another country for a guy. (i guess that was a lie she came with her friend as well)

Can someone answer me this: we met for coffee hours before we went to the club. She used to tell me that i look good in my pictures on fb so was it the fact that she wasnt attracted to me when we met and thats why she did that. I used to tell her that i hope she likes me wen she sees me cos my pictures make me look better than i am (as a joke) and she said of course i will. I know i will like u dont be silly. What changed???

I know shes young and what i dont get is if shes looking for fun and a so called "*******" then fine, but dont get me involved. We are both looking for different things so why she lead me on and why kiss a guy in front of me. If ur not interested in me then fine, let me know and il move on. Dont drag me in for two months knowing il get feelings for you and then kiss someone in my face. Do it wen im not there!! grrr

secondhalf: what do you mean Work on yourself to the point where you never need to look beyond your hometown!?

 

[SecondHalf]

secondhalf: what do you mean Work on yourself to the point where you never need to look beyond your hometown!?

You've put up with a lot of crap already for this chick especially given she lives elsewhere. I'm thinking because she's hotter than other options local (at least that might be what would motivate me).
LDR's suck, there has to be some very compelling reason to pursue one.
If she's a 9 and all you have going locally are 7's, then work on yourself to the point you can get your 9 locally.
No offense if this is not the case, it was just an assumption.

SH

 

[lamobatsman]

secondhalf: yh she was hot