You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
If I have a daughter one day, among the many things I'll teach her will be how to tie her shoes, to look both ways before crossing the street, to never end a sentence with a preposition, and to always let the man say "I love you" first.
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
DonGorgon said:Regardless of who says it first modern males and females need to better job of showing it through loving actions.
Espi said:in fact, a natural, great relationship should not be fair, should not be 50/50. Indeed, a most fulfilling relationship should be judged on how willing I am to devote my life to another person without expecting anything back, much like how a father would die for his children or a soldier would die for his country...sacrifice makes life most meaningful and sacred.
I function best when I'm thinking more about others' well being than my my own...I'm happiest doing things for the people closest to me, sacrificing for them, without expecting anything in return...
Paradoxially, the more focused I am on my own interests, and my own self-preservation, the less happy I feel.
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
The problem that can arise by wearing your heart on your sleeve and not withholding your significant feelings in a relationship before the girl does, or any feelings at all, ("I think I love you, don't leave me, we are one soul, I'll do anything to make you happy") is that if your girlfriend or wife comes to realize you are more emotionally involved in her and the relationship than she is, your life will become a living hell. She'll think "He is emotionally involved in me and won't be able to let me go very easily, thus I can start critizing, complaining and putting him down and slowly start to get away with it!") When logic has gone out the window and she knows, watch more for the put downs, for the insults, for the nagging. You cannot be more emotionally involved in the woman than she is in you, that way she knows she can't get away with what she wants to.Espi said:Kontroller...Your belief strikes me as being steeped in logic and self-preservation, which, to a point, are obviously essential to life, but I've learned that, for me, being in a fulfilling relationship is hardly predicated on logic and self-preservation; in fact, a natural, great relationship should not be fair, should not be 50/50. Indeed, a most fulfilling relationship should be judged on how willing I am to devote my life to another person without expecting anything back, much like how a father would die for his children or a soldier would die for his country...sacrifice makes life most meaningful and sacred.
I function best when I'm thinking more about others' well being than my my own...I'm happiest doing things for the people closest to me, sacrificing for them, without expecting anything in return...
Paradoxially, the more focused I am on my own interests, and my own self-preservation, the less happy I feel.
I've learned that sacrifice is what makes for an optimal relationship. Besides that, it's impossible for me to withold my most significant feelings...I believe in expressing what I feel, wearing my heart on my sleeve, so to speak.
KontrollerX said:
I am a believer in Ayn Rand's version of selfishness where you neither sacrifice yourself to another or sacrifice another to yourself.
The selfishness of Rand is that of a virtuous and intelligent self preservation.
A quote of her's that I agree with is...
"A man properly lives with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life."
So I suppose you could then respond to that quote by saying it makes you happy to take risks at which point I would then say to you to have at it but because I subscribe to Rand's whole philosophy on her idea of selfishness, altruism and rational self interest I simply cannot agree with what you are saying and specifically what I am most against you about is your altruism.
What you are proposing a man do is simply not intelligent and is counterproductive to those who seek power and the best deal possible for themselves.
I agree, Mavrick.Mavrick said:What's more important is who is saying
I
Love
Me?
I know I have a hard time with this one.
Do you approve of you?
Do you see yourself as valuable?
Do you accept yourself?
These are more important questions than the question of whether or not you should say "I love you" because once you and I love ourselves first, all that other stuff doesn't matter. Everything falls into place once we love ourselves first. I know I'm learning to love myself more each day, but I can't say that I'm in love with myself yet.
To love yourself is to treat yourself with respect and dignity. Once you learn to do that, you can do the same for others as an extension of your on self love.
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.