Men really do this???

[ZTIME]

My history with my ex LTR has been pretty well documented here. I'll leave that thread buried but figured I'd post this gem.

Yesterday morning I'm headed to my front door to go hang at the beach with some friends. I open the door to see this guy with a clipboard about to ring the bell. He say ohhh, hi. I was here looking fo "the ex". I tell him she hasn't been at my address for about 2 years. I notice the guy is from DCF.

I head to the beach, hang out for a few hours and head home. Thought I should let the ex know about my visit earlier. I text: "thought you should know DCF is looking for you. I told him to try you at your boyfriends place". That's it nothing else.

I get a few texts to which I don't reply. "Why would they go there?", "great! Now (my boyfriend really thinks we have something", "my son has accused him of hitting him"' "are you going to f**king respond", "you're a jerk".
Actually thought this was funny, but who cares?

This morning I'm opening my place of business and lo and behold her boyfriend approaches me. "Hey ZTIME, I know this is a little strange but can we talk."?

Brief convo highlights:

Him: "Any idea why DCF is coming to you? She hasn't been there for 2 years."

Me: "No. You're issue bud, just relaying the issue."

Him: "Has she been contacting you? We're having some issues."

Me: "Nope". (This is a lie. She texts all the time. I never reply. Always about the mistakes she made blahhh, blahhh.)

Him: "you'd be honest and tell me right??"

Me: "I really don't know you, and have no reason to lie. She's your issue now, and I never got a chance to say thanks for taking that off my hands. She's a rough one."

Him: "Yeah, I'm really having some doubts"?

Me: "Listen there's lots of good therapists around, I've got stuff to do. Was there anything else you needed?"

Him: "No man, I just stopped to make sure there's no funny stuff going on, You know man to man."

Me: "Cool. I gotta go. Good luck with that whole situation."

So I think I was good at the way I handled things, and I maintained my composure.

My questions would be:

1. Should I have handled it differently? (Just to see others opinions).

2. Is this common? You would think men wouldn't want to risk letting their girlfriend know they're that insecure.

 

[speed dawg]

#1.....you should not have texted her. You told the guy she wasn't there, that was that.

 

[ZTIME]

#1.....you should not have texted her. You told the guy she wasn't there, that was that.

Yeah, you're probably right. I thought she needed to update her address so I wouldn't be bothered anymore. Figured if I let her know she'd handle updating her s**t.

 

[Tenacity]

My questions would be:

1. Should I have handled it differently? (Just to see others opinions).

2. Is this common? You would think men wouldn't want to risk letting their girlfriend know they're that insecure.

Well, if I were dating that chick I too would be insecure as all hell lol, knowing that she's more than likely a hoe which would QUESTION why I would enter into a full-fledged/committed relationship with her in the first place.

To be honest with you, I would not have texted her shyt. I would also block her number. If her current (or future) boyfriends call or show up to your door asking "questions"....tell them to get away from your door or phone, and if they come by again you will look at getting a restraining order. If they threaten you, get note of it to use for the restraining order.

When you told the guy she was his problem now, that's 100% correct. So if HIS girl is texting someone else or fvcking someone else, it's on HIM to figure out what his hoe is doing and dump her.

Yes, weak men do this shyt. Go read my thread where the loser/thug/convicted baby daddy of some chick I've been fvcking calls my voicemail to I guess "threaten" me. I called the loser back recording the convo (in Michigan, it's legal to record your own calls) because I was trying to get the loser to threaten me in full-fledged mode so I could file a complaint, get a restraining order, and see what other legal shyt I can slap on him.

I can't stand these fvcking thugs, I can't stand these fvcking SIMPs, and I can't stand these fvcking dudes who have kids/commit in a relationship to hoes....then want to CHECK everybody else OTHER THAN the hoe they are committed to.

 

[ZTIME]

Well, if I were dating that chick I too would be insecure as all hell lol, knowing that she's more than likely a hoe which would QUESTION why I would enter into a full-fledged/committed relationship with her in the first place.

To be honest with you, I would not have texted her shyt. I would also block her number. If her current (or future) boyfriends call or show up to your door asking "questions"....tell them to get away from your door or phone, and if they come by again you will look at getting a restraining order. If they threaten you, get note of it to use for the restraining order.

When you told the guy she was his problem now, that's 100% correct. So if HIS girl is texting someone else or fvcking someone else, it's on HIM to figure out what his hoe is doing and dump her.

Yes, weak men do this shyt. Go read my thread where the loser/thug/convicted baby daddy of some chick I've been fvcking calls my voicemail to I guess "threaten" me. I called the loser back recording the convo (in Michigan, it's legal to record your own calls) because I was trying to get the loser to threaten me in full-fledged mode so I could file a complaint, get a restraining order, and see what other legal shyt I can slap on him.

I can't stand these fvcking thugs, I can't stand these fvcking SIMPs, and I can't stand these fvcking dudes who have kids/commit in a relationship to hoes....then want to CHECK everybody else OTHER THAN the hoe they are committed to.

Yeah, no threats from the guy. He seemed like an ok dude, but not my judgement call.

I just thought it was really strange to have some dude showing up on my doorstep asking those types of questions.

He probably has a "gut feeling" and he's probably right. He's just not right if he thinks I'm the dude.

As for blocking #'s and sh** like that, I don't really need to. I really have no problem with her and have no feelings for her.

Think I feel worse for him!!

 

[Tenacity]

Yeah, no threats from the guy. He seemed like an ok dude, but not my judgement call.

I just thought it was really strange to have some dude showing up on my doorstep asking those types of questions.

He probably has a "gut feeling" and he's probably right. He's just not right if he thinks I'm the dude.

As for blocking #'s and sh** like that, I don't really need to. I really have no problem with her and have no feelings for her.

Think I feel worse for him!!

The only reason I say to block her number is because she's bringing drama into your life by having her boyfriends confront you. For example, that chick whose thug baby daddy left me that voicemail, I'm not fvcking with her anymore.

I quite frankly have enough plates now and I can go out and GET more plates...I just don't have time to deal with any drama coming from any chick, because it's just not worth it. Women are only mainly good for sex and companionship anyway these days, I'm not bringing any drama into my circle from her, I have enough damn drama to deal with from work.

 

[ZTIME]

The only reason I say to block her number is because she's bringing drama into your life by having her boyfriends confront you. For example, that chick whose thug baby daddy left me that voicemail, I'm not fvcking with her anymore.

I quite frankly have enough plates now and I can go out and GET more plates...I just don't have time to deal with any drama coming from any chick, because it's just not worth it. Women are only mainly good for sex and companionship anyway these days, I'm not bringing any drama into my circle from her, I have enough damn drama to deal with from work.

Totally understand. You know my past posts here. I had to go through a lot of self help to make sure I was doing the best for me.

She brings no drama to my life because I choose not to let her. That's me though. Texts are just words.I put no stock into hers.

Thanks though. And yes, I read your threads all the time.

 

[Killakittie]

If I was you she would have been blocked a long time ago and I wouldn't have texted her regardless. I kinda feel that you might be keeping the window open alittle with her if she still texts you all the time and you haven't blocked her.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I think you get a subtle high off her texts reaching out to you. You like knowing she reaches out to you, even if you know she will never have you again.

I think you liked that her BF reached out to you, as his insecurity, bolstered your ego again, no matter how subtle, that even he knows, that she wants you, to some degree.

I suspect, you did not 'out her' to her BF, that she texts you regularly, because again it keeps the game going that reinforces your ego, no matter how subtly.

If her texts, indeed were merely words, as you say, you would have stopped giving them your time and attention long ago. Why read them or even allow them, if she can't stop on her own? That translates into blocking her if needed. Clearly, something keeps her going in reaching out to you. I suspect, you respond, however minimally, at least on occasion?

My suggestion, become truly indifferent to her, not just in your words, but your actions as well. Your time and attention are worthy of women who add value to your life. Why read and allow the texts of a woman who you supposedly are complete with? Indifference, comes with no need to continue contact.

No matter how subtle the entertainment/ego value, drop it. Why not truly let go--ALL the way?

 

[ZTIME]

I think you get a subtle high off her texts reaching out to you. You like knowing she reaches out to you, even if you know she will never have you again.

I think you liked that her BF reached out to you, as his insecurity, bolstered your ego again, no matter how subtle, that even he knows, that she wants you, to some degree.

I suspect, you did not 'out her' to her BF, that she texts you regularly, because again it keeps the game going that reinforces your ego, no matter how subtly.

If her texts, indeed were merely words, as you say, you would have stopped giving them your time and attention long ago. Why read them or even allow them, if she can't stop on her own? That translates into blocking her if needed. Clearly, something keeps her going in reaching out to you. I suspect, you respond, however minimally, at least on occasion?

My suggestion, become truly indifferent to her, not just in your words, but your actions as well. Your time and attention are worthy of women who add value to your life. Why read and allow the texts of a woman who you supposedly are complete with? Indifference, comes with no need to continue contact.

No matter how subtle the entertainment/ego value, drop it. Why not truly let go--ALL the way?

Thoughtful reply and thanks. As I've always been honest here I'll let you know where I'm at with this.

Most of my free time now is spent doing things for myself and dating other women who I believe are worth my time. (Doesn't always work out, but it's where I'm at).

As for this particular girl, all lines of communication from me are truly gone and there is no window of opportunity for her with me.

Back about 2 years ago I was one of the guys who was really screwed up about the whole breakup situation and part of me as rediculous as it sounds wished things would work out. Not sure if all guys think that way but that's where I was.

I posted here worked the advice and fixed things. My business life was always great, but girls..........wow, I had a lot to learn. Never had problems getting them, but never really controlled my frame either.

Honestly the one piece of advice I never followed was the blocking the phone. Back then "stupidly" I thought I still needed to take responsibility for her and her life. (I don't need 3 pages of how wrong this was, I already know). After awhile of fixing things in my personal life, she really just didn't matter anymore. I don't need to hide. She truly is a "used to be". I literally texted because a DCF person was at my front door. That was all.

Do I respond to any of her messages? NO. Do I get an ego boost from them? NO. Did dude stopping by my business boost my ego? No.
I kind of felt bad for the guy.

I will say I derived slight satisfaction that he was the guy she started dating after me. Is that ego? I don't think...maybe satisfaction, but I truly never experienced a guy doing that and wondered if it was common.

Lastly, I didn't tell him she ever texted me because I needed no extra drama. I can't tell you this was the right thing, just wanted to answer honestly.

 

[guru1000]

The minute you get out, they try to suck you right back in again, don't they?!

I had that happen to me once. It ended with me teaching the guy about "red pill" game. He ended up thanking me! Haha!

 

[logicallefty]

I can't say for sure I would have texted her about it. It would depend on the ex. Some of my exes I get along fine with, while others I would never contact even if the President or Pope showed up at my door looking for them.

Is it common to have a BF of an ex reach out to you? Current BF, never had that. But I have had several ex BFs of my ex'es contact me after they were no longer with said woman. Whenever this happens I always learn a lot of 'interesting' stuff.

As far as how you handled the BF, I think you handled it like a boss. In that exact situation I would have said everything you did almost word for word.

 

[Weaver]

Should I have handled it differently?

Yes. You shouldn't have texted her and you shouldn't have lied to him.

"Lastly, I didn't tell him she ever texted me because I needed no extra drama."

I understand that you don't need more problems in your life, which is why you should not have contacted her. This mistake led to a situation in which you felt it was OK to lie to someone who never hurt you in order to protect yourself from someone who had. Lying is OK or even the right thing to do in some situations–this wasn't one of those. Saying nothing would have been a better choice.

You have no duty to go out of your way to save a stranger from a bad woman, but you shouldn't mislead the poor fecker and thereby prolong his misery. There is a way to protect yourself without harming anyone else: NO CONTACT!

 

[ZTIME]

Yes. You shouldn't have texted her and you shouldn't have lied to him.

"Lastly, I didn't tell him she ever texted me because I needed no extra drama."

I understand that you don't need more problems in your life, which is why you should not have contacted her. This mistake led to a situation in which you felt it was OK to lie to someone who never hurt you in order to protect yourself from someone who had. Lying is OK or even the right thing to do in some situations–this wasn't one of those. Saying nothing would have been a better choice.

You have no duty to go out of your way to save a stranger from a bad woman, but you shouldn't mislead the poor fecker and thereby prolong his misery. There is a way to protect yourself without harming anyone else: NO CONTACT!

Yes, thanks for the insight. Never really thought it through. It was more of a "matter of fact" message with no outside intent. "DCF guy looking for you".

Had I have known the end result I would have never sent the text.

I don't actively follow the girl or her life, and I don't know the guy personally. So the result was just awkward.