Men Need to Be in a Relationship More Than Women Do

[BadBoy89]

Article below:

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Men rely heavily on their romantic relationships—but at what cost?

• Men's fewer meaningful social connections leave them reliant on romantic partners for company and support.
• Gender norms make it difficult for men to get the support they need outside their romantic relationships.
• Broader and deeper social networks can help men rely less on their romantic partners.

I’m getting better at handling breakups. Where once I smothered the pain of losing a relationship by isolating and engaging in coping behaviors that ranged from questionable to outright destructive, now I marshal my reinforcements, calling and texting friends and family, setting up a support system, and reconnecting with my broader social network. I accumulated a lot of evidence that the first set of strategies didn’t work before I was willing to try the second set.

Reflecting on this positive development in my life, I realized that most of the women I know came to this coping strategy much earlier in their lives—or seemed to intuitively understand it from the start. Then I read a recent research article (Wahring et al., 2024) that explained both phenomena to me by simply proposing that romantic relationships matter a lot more to men than to women.

Wahring and colleagues acknowledge right out of the gate that we generally perceive the opposite: Women’s apparent obsession with romance takes center stage in endless magazine articles and romantic comedies, while media geared toward men focus very little on romantic relationships. In general, people think of romantic relationships as more important to women than to men.

But the scientific literature, as Wahring and colleagues helpfully summarize it, tells a different story. Their conclusion: Men lean on romantic partners for emotional support and intimacy more than women do, which is why they put more effort into establishing relationships, benefit more from relationships, initiate fewer breakups, and have a harder time after breakups. Men behave this way, they argue, because they have fewer emotional and social supports outside their romantic relationship, relative to women, and thus are more dependent on their romantic partners to meet many of their needs.

In reviewing the literature, Wahring and colleagues build a convincing case that men are more eager to enter into relationships, citing research that shows that relative to women, men express more desire for a partner when single, fall in love more quickly, and say that they love their partners sooner. They may be motivated, consciously or unconsciously, by the fact that men in relationships are on average healthier than men not in relationships and that emotional support provided by partners may drive this pattern

Once men are in relationships, they’re less likely to end them and the authors attribute this to men receiving a far greater proportion of their emotional support from their romantic partners than from their friends and family, compared to women. Like my recently enlightened self, they know what’s coming if they do part ways with their partner: a period of grief and personal struggle, one that research suggests may on average last longer and be more intense than what a woman experiences post-breakup

Why are men in this position in the first place? Wahring and colleagues attribute this gender difference mostly to how social norms shape our social roles. They note that boys and girls are socialized from an early age into different norms regarding self-disclosure and closeness with others. Specifically, we associate nurturing and supportive behaviors with femininity, so men learn not to be vulnerable or lean on others, while women become practiced at turning to others when distressed or in need. Men name their romantic partners as their primary confidants much more often than women do, perhaps because they really don’t feel safe turning to almost anyone else.

Knowing all that, it’s unsurprising that single men feel emptier and less complete than single women do. Men are responding to the painful reality that comes with needing more authentic and meaningful human connection than they are getting. In the face of crushing loneliness they rely too much on their romantic partners—seemingly the only people to whom they can turn.

To the men who date women who might be reading: Your romantic partner cannot be everything for you. The more you lean on friends and family for support, the less likely your partner is to worry about you, to feel overwhelmed, or to leave you because you ask too much of her. The more you lean on others, the easier it will be to handle disappointments and frustrations in your relationship. If your relationship recently ended, take the opportunity to deepen connections with others; build a network that will help cushion your fall next time. If you are single, having a strong network of friends and family can protect you from jumping into a relationship with someone you’re not that compatible with merely because you want all the benefits of being in a relationship again.

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Thoughts?

 

[The Duke]

The article contradicts itself in places. In one paragraph it says men lean on women for support. A paragraph later it says men are raised to not lean on others. Which is it?

If your life spirals out of control because some girl kicked you to the curb then you have some internal problems. If you are relying on a woman to be your everything then you have some internal problems. The author of this article is a fuhking weak faggot.

Sounds like a woman, including the contradictions.

Dudes like this dry up pu$$y faster than the sahara winds. No wonder women complain.

 

[viking22]

Most men need to be in a relationship because for most men it is their only hope for (usually infrequent) sex and provided they get it sometimes they will put up with a lot of the demands, drama and complaining that most women bring to relationships. Women usually provide the opposite of emotional support because as soon as they become dissatisfied in a relationship they start nagging and complaining and criticizing.

There are some amazingly supportive women but they are harder to find these days. Perhaps because women these days see themselves in competition with men whereas in the past there were clearly defined gender roles and women were incentivized to help a man raise his status in society by acting as a confidante, a cheerleader, and a muse. Religion also reinforced this role for women.

Women initiate most breakups because they get dissatisfied in relationships far more easily and have unrealistic expectations that are hard for any man to meet. Men generally get comfortable and complacent in relationships because being single for men can be exhausting as it means putting yourself out there and facing rejection. Women generally have a better time of it because as soon as they are single (and even before then) they always have options.

The article does make some valid points about men not having the same male camaraderie they had in the past. Gentleman's clubs and working men's clubs are a thing of the past. Workplaces are less labour intensive and full of women and people change jobs a lot more often so work friendships are harder to acquire and tend not to last. Women also tend to try to limit a man's access to his male friends when they tie him down in a relationship. Men are also expected to co-parent so if a buddy gets married then maintaining a friendship becomes a lot harder.

Women on the other hands always have girlfriends they can go on holidays with, go to brunch and dinner with, go to rooftop bars etc. They pick up the phone and talk to each other and are much more involved in each other's lives.