"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Men Funnier than Women

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Who Dares Win

Master Don Juan
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Being funny requires abstract thinking especially for elaborated jokes (no burps and such).
 

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan
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I find this to be absolutely true. Sometimes I hear or read a text from women where they’re trying to be funny, and I find myself scratching my head and saying wtf does that even mean?

Sometimes it’s cute to see their flopped jokes. I usually seize the opportunity by saying “You really should leave the humor to us professionals”. It’s a nice little funny way to convey a slight disapproval.

My girl loves when I say that, because it highlights my own sense of humor in her perception. You can only get away with that if you really are witty, though.
 
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