Men are guilty until proven guilty

[Ballie]

The main problem with divorce is that you can easily lose your children. If she has sole custody - normally the case then you are allowed "visitation" rights only if you behave yourself. These rights can easily be revoked. I have visitation rights and about a month ago had an argument with my teenage daughter because I did not give her what she wanted as she was acting like a brat. So she stormed off - didn't think any thing about it at the time.

Tried to contact her no answer exept a SMS "Don wanna c u" when I was supposed to visit - same from the ex. Now thanks to this site I realised only recently that my ex is a high order BPD - no one realises what she is really like. So I didn't send a lawer off to demand my visitation rights and decided to sit this one out.

My suburb is a small community, rumours started to fly that I had abused her and I started been shunned by "friends". I kept in contact a couple of times via SMS which she ignored. Then dedided not to contact her until she contacted me. Things got worse - even strangers were abusive torwards me -What the? Eventually they made contact "Seen the pschologist we need to talk". Have learned in the meantime about the traps they can set for you - so didn't go that week. Women are saying at work "What did you do to your daughter that you haven't seen her in 3 weeks" Nothing! "Yeah!!". Only went the next week after been asked again. Both of them try to shame me. I refused to apologise since I did nothing wrong and found out the real reason that they needed me to sign a form for a new shool. Why? "Oh she's not happy at the old school because the teachers are nasty" Also turns out that she hadn't been to school for 3 weeks - because she's stressed.

Her absence from school had been taken that there was substance in the rumours. If I had demanded to see her - restraining order could of been slapped on me because of my "history of abuse to her mother". Men are guilty by default.

I turned the tables by being a DJ and not playing their games. I am reunited with my daughter who enjoyed going out with me because we do cool things and mom has blown all the money. The best revenge is living well

 

[azanon]

If you live a life that is above reproach, including responding in a manner that is not defensive when falsely accused, then I believe it will be difficult for the public to presume you guilty. Everyone of us knows at least a few people that exude virtue and honor to such an extent, that it would be laughable to accuse these people of impropriety. Be one of these people and watch the darts bounce off of your armor.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I'm divorced too, my ex is a total nut case. It would take an entire day of postings to unravel all of my divorce drama, trust me.

BUT.....azanon's dead right. Want some cheese to go with that whine?

Suck it up, stay strong and focused.

 

[Warrior74]

I'm contacting court clerks and everything right now building my case on my ex, dealing with custody issues. It's a tough road. The system is biased. Stay strong brother.

 

[jafyk]

I'm contacting court clerks and everything right now building my case on my ex, dealing with custody issues. It's a tough road. The system is biased. Stay strong brother.

I did read in a book "What Men Still Don't Know: about women, relationship and love by Herb Goldberg" that you're better off avoiding custody battle because you will be seen as the bad guy by the children however if you just let the mother have them. At a certain point they will pursue that relationship with you.

 

[Warrior74]

I did read in a book "What Men Still Don't Know: about women, relationship and love by Herb Goldberg" that you're better off avoiding custody battle because you will be seen as the bad guy by the children however if you just let the mother have them. At a certain point they will pursue that relationship with you.

I hear you. I just want to see me kid on a regular basis. That's all I want. I gladly pay child support and I just want to spend time with her.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

about a month ago had an argument with my teenage daughter because I did not give her what she wanted as she was acting like a brat. So she stormed off - didn't think any thing about it at the time.

Tried to contact her no answer exept a SMS "Don wanna c u" when I was supposed to visit - same from the ex.

.......I turned the tables by being a DJ and not playing their games. I am reunited with my daughter who enjoyed going out with me because we do cool things and mom has blown all the money. The best revenge is living well

If in fact you are now reunited with your daughter, Ballie you played this right in my opinion. You should be commended. It drives home several points..... that a lot of things we learn thru dating and women work on kids as well, and that sticking your principles no matter what others are saying defines masculinity.

I know through experience it hurts 10x as much when your kids diss you, versus some broad you happen to be plating. Parenting is the toughest job, you want to give your kids the world, but lack of respect is simply unacceptable.

Danger, in many respects you have to "suck it up" in these instances. I am coming from the viewpoint of parenting two teens myself. Especially with teenagers in divorce situations....when the drama level is magnified 10x... you have to put on your game face, look your kids in the eye and tell the kids 'you know your mother loves you' when inside you know the truth - the woman is a complete nut job and is out to screw you six ways to Sunday.

The only way to change it is to change the laws and the public perception, the "matrix" as we call it. We can ***** about it, but unless we start a DJ focus group and send lobbyists to Washington there is not much we can do.

 

[Ballie]

Thanks for the answers and the support, this is not another BPD rant. I have a good relationship with my kids and she was happy to visit me once a week for 18 months before this happened. It is tough only seeing her for this short duration, but it was better than not seeing anyone at all since my son is in Cape Town.

Teenage girls are drama queens and are half girls half women so are hard to deal with. She did exagerate the situation to get symphathy. But my ex saw the opportunity to blow everything out of proportion and get me by denying me access and spread false rumours.

What hurts me is that everyone assumed that I was the baddy when in fact I suffered hell for 10 years with a wacko until the kids were grown up enough for me to leave. Thanks to this forum I have got my life back - and the knowledge of how to handle a very tricky situation against a system that is biased against you.

She refused to acknowledge any responsibility - my kid has lost in all about 2 months of schooling, since I wasn't there to inforce discipline and has to repeat her senior year, she did take advantage of the divorce situation but thats kids! I have got evidence now to ensure that this does not happen again

 

[thedeparted]

Men are not being treated fairly by the court system or being valued for their role in the family. This is a direct result of liberal social welfare, over-the-top feminism, and the Sex and the City mentality. Keep this in mind in the voting booth in November.

 

[jophil28]

Men are not being treated fairly by the court system or being valued for their role in the family. This is a direct result of liberal social welfare, over-the-top feminism, and the Sex and the City mentality. Keep this in mind in the voting booth in November.

Ahhh , but the pendulum will eventually swing back the other way boys, it always does. Just might take awhile....

 

[mrRuckus]

Ahhh , but the pendulum will eventually swing back the other way boys, it always does. Just might take awhile....

What? It does? When did women ever rule the courts and the country before?

Serious questions.


Oh and good it'll swing back in time for my 60s.

 

[jophil28]

What? It does? When did women ever rule the courts and the country before?

Serious questions.


Oh and good it'll swing back in time for my 60s.

It will swing back when MEN start making their "Providing" for women as conditional as women make their pvssy.
Secondly ,it would also be a good idea if men globally quit chasing women and stopped fawning and worshipping them in the hope of "getting some" .
Probably needs an organised international "strike" ..Maybe that will never happen .

This reversal is up to you young guys. I am way past all that custody/visitation/alimony crap.

 

[Scaramouche]

Ballie you are a Survivor,
Yes History shows these cyclic swings as Jophil points out,though probably you young guys will be Old and grey when it happens....Perhaps it will take the coming Power swing towards Asia to accomplish this.....I see most of our values under threat down the line from resurgent Islam,and the Asian Panjandrum....It won't all be bad will it?...I can think of quite a few hags I would love to see stoned......

 

[classy broadside]

Here's a tip: Don't talk sh!t about your ex while you're with your kid. Courts (in the USA, at least) look down upon any attempt at alienation from a parent. It doesn't mean praise her actively. Just don't talk bad about her.

As a strategy, you should also beware of ways your ex is talking trash about you to your kid or alienate the kid from you in some other way. That will help with your side of the case by making her seem like the unfit and vengeful parent.

 

[Tazman]

I think it's hard for me to see the pendulum swing back because we (men) were the ones responsible for pushing it in the other direction in the first place. Women simply took advantage of the opportunity given to them, which any woman would given the chance. I think the game has changed and we will simply have to adapt, rather than reverse.

Come to think of it, damn near every guy I know behaves as an AFC as it is defined by this site. The only exception is one Uncle of mine who is now divorced at 52 and an alcoholic (has been as long as I've known him). I have to give him credit though, he would rather die than to conform to other people's standards. The man went back to doing residential electrical work after he'd gone to school for 4 years and earned a bachelors in network engineering. Says he can't tolerate the politics involved with the job.