Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

[thedoc]

For Valentines day, my girlfriend bought me the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray.

I'm not creating this post because I'm wondering if this is some sort of hint.
I know for a fact it's not.
She knows I like this kind of stuff, and hell, it was a much more thoughtful gift than what I had bought her.





The book describes how all women have a desire to vent about her problems and simply be listened to. If their parter doesn't listen to them, the woman gets increasingly frustrated and arguments are inevitable with both parties not knowing the cause of the argument. This tends to ruin relationships.

On Sosuave, I learned a phrase called "emotional tampon." This also tends to ruin relationships.






I'm creating this post because I'm curious what everyone here thinks of these two contradictory ideas. Or maybe they're not contradictory at all, maybe they are parallel. I don't know.

I feel as though there NEEDS to be a balance between the two.

The argument saying "that's what best/gay friends are for" only has some truth in it. For any sort of serious relationship, the woman needs to feel comfortable around the guy, which means he has to be able to listen to her.

This of course is for a real relationship, not a one night stand. In my opinion if a woman is b1tching about her problems during a one night stand, then you should have no future business with her anyways.

I know my opinion is very likely to sometime change, but for now, here's what I think:
I'm leaning towards the idea of listening. This doesn't mean always giving advice, it just means listening. If you're already a confident, funny, stand-up guy, there's no reason that being caring should lead you to becoming another gay friend.




What do you guys think?

 

[Just a Shot Away]

In my eyes, the phrase "emotional tampon" applies mainly to AFC's who allow their target/oneitis to talk about their problems with and ask for advice when they receive absolutely no sex from them. A tampon is thrown away after it is used, much like a guy after a girl has no more use for him.

In a relationship however, if a guy listens to his girlfriend's problems it's more about being genuinely interested in her life and seeking to find solutions for them if there are any, and provide comfort during times of stress and hardship. In return, it should also be expected that the woman do the same.

I mean, think about it. Would you really call Tom Brady an emotional tampon if he's listening to Gisele whine about how much hotter Alessandra is than her? Nah.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Despite being mainstream, that is actually a good book.

The 'emotional tampon' issue is one that I'm not so sure about. There have been other scientific studies that show a strong correlation between the percentage of communication between a couple that is positive and the length of time that couple stays together. No one likes a complainer. If a woman b!tches enough, it will drive any man away.

More important than pretending to listen is to not invalidate her emotions, which are often ridiculous when viewed logically. What you do is to preface the things she says with "I feel as though..." The reality is not important, because she feels that way, so that is her reality. If a woman says, "you never take me out, " she means that at the moment that is how she feels. Rattling off a list of the 100 places you have taken her does not help. Women are not about logic; they care only about how they feel at that moment.

 

[War Against Betaism]

Listening to your girlfriend and being an emotional tampon are completely different things. An emotional tampon is a guy that a woman vents to when her boyfriend isn't listening to her, she's just using him. It should also be important to note that people have this wild conception of "listening". There's the "shut up don't say a word" listening, and then there's the AFCs favourite "try to appease her feelings and give her advice constantly interrupting her" listening. Women don't want advice, they LITERALLY just want someone to listen, to know that someone is emotionally there for her.

 

[thedoc]

Yeah thanks, I see the difference pretty clearly now. I mean I saw the difference before, I was just curious if listening can LEAD to becoming an emotional tampon. I'm sure it can but more likely than not, a guy on that path probably wouldn't last much longer in that relationship anyway.





As I'm reading this book I feel as though it's describing a lot of ideas that are completely different than the ideas talked about on this website.

I don't mean to preach the book, I'm not even finished with it yet, but I suggest you guys read it. Hey, worst case scenario, it never hurts to simply see and be aware of a different perspective.

 

[sodbuster]

WIsh that DA%^ book had never been written. I mean, IF he only wrote it for women[how to understand your man]-great. BUT he has an above average wife[probably a decent human being],writes this book and we are supposed to be J.Grey[because a woman doesn't need to change,we do]. LIKE the old joke,men will get all dressed up and take you to dinner like they do in the soaps-if you look like the girls in the soaps.

It's a good book,don't get me wrong;I just wish it had stayed underground with the community,not out in the world where below average women use it to beat AFC's over the head[this is what I want in a man,WHY aren't you like that]