Meeting with exes after a long period of no contact.

[ProteinShakee]

Hello, first of all i'd like to say that this forum has been extremely helpful for me as i imagine it has been for several young men who never had any guidance from anyone regarding women and gender social dynamics.
My first encounter with this forum was after reading The Rational Male which made me check it out, and to my great benefit.
So, the thing i'd like to talk about and hear the input of others on, is meeting with an ex after a long time of being separated, i should specify that i am talking about specific cases where romantic emotions are completely absent from the guys side.
After reading RM i realized many things that i may or may not have unconsciously choosing to ignore for the sake of protecting my dream image of women, and thus that enabled me to maneuver in extremely versatile and intelligent, unencumbered ways, thus resulting in an immense success with women. This piece of context is important because it reflects on several beta behaviours i used to have when i dated the girl i will now talk about.
After about 10 months an ex reached out to me, we were together for about 1.5 years and i broke up with her on account of her toxic behavior, not knowing any better, i figured that i could meet with her and by using my newfound knowledge of game, have a night of amazing sex and just leave like i would with any other girl that i had no prior romantic association with.
The first part did happen, but after it happened she started displaying and i daresay to a massive extent all those toxic traits that made me dump her in the first place, greatly magnified and it was then that i realized that what i was doing and correctly so, according to my self evaluation of my game, did not have any effect on the present atmosphere. My application of game was completely brushed off and she behaved as she behaved to me long ago, then she went into a complete manic frenzy where she would even refuse to leave my car and started screaming because i politely asked her to do so, hurling personal insults at me.
So, after this not so pleasant experience, i would like to ask you fine gentlemen of this board, what is your opinions and beliefs on the subject of meeting with exes in such context? Is it a mistake that amateur players make because they overestimate themselves(me included), is it a leftover of the beta mindset that urges you to seek out the easy solution for sexual release?
I would really like to hear what you think regarding this subject.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hello, first of all i'd like to say that this forum has been extremely helpful for me as i imagine it has been for several young men who never had any guidance from anyone regarding women and gender social dynamics.
My first encounter with this forum was after reading The Rational Male which made me check it out, and to my great benefit.
So, the thing i'd like to talk about and hear the input of others on, is meeting with an ex after a long time of being separated, i should specify that i am talking about specific cases where romantic emotions are completely absent from the guys side.
After reading RM i realized many things that i may or may not have unconsciously choosing to ignore for the sake of protecting my dream image of women, and thus that enabled me to maneuver in extremely versatile and intelligent, unencumbered ways, thus resulting in an immense success with women.
After about 10 months an ex reached out to me, we were together for about 1.5 years and i broke up with her on account of her toxic behavior, not knowing any better, i figured that i could meet with her and by using my newfound knowledge of game, have a night of amazing sex and just leave like i would with any other girl that i had no prior romantic association with.
The first part did happen, but after it happened she started displaying and i daresay to a massive extent all those toxic traits that made me dump her in the first place, and it was then that i realized that what i was doing and correctly so, according to my self evaluation of my game, did not have any effect on the present atmosphere. My application of game was completely brushed off and she went into a complete manic frenzy where she would even refuse to leave my car and started screaming because i politely asked her to do so, hurling personal insults at me.
So, after this not so pleasant experience, i would like to ask you fine gentlemen of this board, what is your opinions and beliefs on the subject of meeting with exes in such context? Is it a mistake that amateur players make because they overestimate themselves(me included), is it a leftover of the beta mindset that urges you to seek out the easy solution for sexual release?
I would really like to hear what you think regarding this subject.

Do you think you overestimated yourself or did you just choose a babe with low interest? For the refusal to leave the car situation it seems like in your previous interaction she was used to being in control. Your newfound game and control contradicted her mindset and caused her to react the way she did. I think she expected things to be the original normal and you short curcuited that.

This is why its so hard to deal with someone who previously didnt value you or respect you properly.

 

[Robert28]

I dated this girl for a few months and I’d been seeing red flags of her interest fading but I didn’t eject fast enough. She ended up dumping me before I could dump her. So I do like I always do and went HARDCORE no contact and it was hard for a week or so but then it got easy and I totally forgot about the whole situation. About 10 months pass and she reaches out to me. I ignore the random “hey” message. Later she sends another “I just wanted to see if you’d like to meet up sometime, I’ve been wondering how you were”. So I replied “meet me at this bar at this time”. Didn’t say anything after that. I had two beers and I think she had two. I made her work to pull words out of my mouth, I made sure not to face her with my body, Hell I kept watching the tv over the bar. Finally the waitress comes over “together or separate checks”. I said separate. The look on her face was priceless! Didn’t even hug her bye, I got up and said “well nice seeing you, I’ll catch you later” and walked out leaving her standing there.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I´ve met exes wtih zero problems. That b1tch is crazy AF

 

[ProteinShakee]

Do you think you overestimated yourself or did you just choose a babe with low interest? For the refusal to leave the car situation it seems like in your previous interaction she was used to being in control. Your newfound game and control contradicted her mindset and caused her to react the way she did. I think she expected things to be the original normal and you short curcuited that.

This is why its so hard to deal with someone who previously didnt value you or respect you properly.

I overestimated myself in the context that i was certain i would be able to control the frame and flow of events, to the point where any prior history and negative dynamics would be rendered meaningless. I did not even consider the possibility that she would behave in such a way.
What you said about dealing with someone who did not value/respect you in the past being hard makes me think that in such cases the logical choice would be to not even engage at all with women with whom such a dynamic existed in your previous romantic relationship.
I think it is very true that when there is such a drastic shift of power and control, it's likely that there will be such emotional outbursts, for others hopefully not as bad as the one in my case.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I overestimated myself in the context that i was certain i would be able to control the frame and flow of events, to the point where any prior history would be rendered meaningless. I did not even consider the possibility that she would behave in such a way

We cant really control someone we can only choose ladies who choose us and who want to cooperate. In your previous interaction she had control. She knew she had control and it wasnt going to change. All the guys say that its better to leave a formerly beta situation alone.

 

[ProteinShakee]

We cant really control someone we can only choose ladies who choose us and who want to cooperate. In your previous interaction she had control. She knew she had control and it wasnt going to change. All the guys say that its better to leave a formerly beta situation alone.

I completely agree. I'd be lying if i didn't say that i wanted to validate myself by seeing how i would behave in a past beta enviroment, but in the end i feel that the whole experience was more detrimental than beneficial.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I completely agree. I'd be lying if i didn't say that i wanted to validate myself by seeing how i would behave in a past beta enviroment, but in the end i feel that the whole experience was more detrimental than beneficial.

We all do... Its why the "how do i get my ex back" dating coaching is a top item. We are seeking their validation.

 

[ProteinShakee]

Then again, i suppose that the very act of thinking "i want to prove to myself that i'm not the same guy i used to be" no matter how great or little the extent and awareness of this thought is, could very well be leftovers of a past beta mindset that have not yet been shaken off.
The very act of seeking the validation of those who treated you in toxic ways is anti-growth in it's own.
Ultimately leaving such situations alone no matter how we rationalize and find reasons to engage in them, seems to be the best and the more growth-promoting choice

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Then again, i suppose that the very act of thinking "i want to prove to myself that i'm not the same guy i used to be" no matter how great or little the extent and awareness of this thought is, could very well be leftovers of a past beta mindset that have not yet been shaken off.
Ultimately leaving such situations alone no matter how we rationalize and find reasons to engage in them, seems to be the best and the more growth-promoting choice

Same with family, friends, associates that the connection isnt mutually enjoyable.

 

[ProteinShakee]

Same with family, friends, associates that the connection isnt mutually enjoyable.

I think this specific post is extremely insightful in a psychological/social context. When i think about it, most, if not all of the people i know including me back in the day who allowed and tolerated such toxic dynamics in their interpersonal but mostly in their romantic relationships, used to be exposed to such situations from an early age by their family and friends in a continuous daily basis.
Really makes you think about how many things people just accept and how many detrimental behaviours they engage in and carry over to their adult lives simply because their enviromental conditioning has set them as the norm.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think this specific post is extremely insightful in a psychological/social context. When i think about it, most, if not all of the people i know including me back in the day who allowed and tolerated such toxic dynamics in their interpersonal but mostly in their romantic relationships, used to be exposed to such situations from an early age by their family and friends in a continuous daily basis.
Really makes you think about how many things people just accept and how many detrimental behaviours they engage in and carry over to their adult lives simply because their enviromental conditioning has set them as the norm.

In mines it was a bad marriage thar blew me out and seasoned me to some poor treatment. It definately doesnt correct overnight. You have to heal. That means no anger and no pain. That means healthy relationships

 

[soulforge]

A toxic ex will rarely ever change.. best leave her bind in the rear view mirror

 

[Murk]

You made your mistake actually wanting to bang an ex as a plate, you’re right, that’s beta, more the fvck on.