Go ahead an go all the way. It's not that bad. What really matters is if you go all that way, and if she puts out... I hope it works out with your wife. My ex put up with my addiction quite a bit. I never had to lie to her, I just did what I wanted.
Man I think your drinking a lot. Thats not good for you dude.
Once, when I was real deep into my addiction, we got into the car and I was drunk. Now I had driven drunk many times, many many. Never got into an accident or caught.
The story I meant to tell you. I was drunk and on lorazipam (so its a double effect on your gaba) and I was driving down the freeway in cincinnati. I swerved a bit. My ex grabbed the wheel and fearfully said "watch out" I rudely smacked her hand away and said "I don't give a fvck if WE die."
What kind of sick twisted maniac would say some evil sh!t like that to a sweet foriegn girl like that?
Man I'm drunk right now, as I'm writing this. You need to get clean before you make ANY decisions in your personal life. There is nothing wrong if you want to leave her. That is your choice. But being on drugs or alcohol is going to result in you making a poor decision.
I can be a mean mother fvcker. I've done some fvcked up sh!t im my life. But don't ruin a good marriage. If she is loyal to you, its easy to get her to clean, cook and all that.
I promise you, you can fix this.
Being addicted to drugs or alcohol will not make you happy, and you can't blame unhappiness from those things, on her, or marriage (maybe marriage).
I'm just saying, loyal women should be rewarded. If you don't want her, then at least end it on good terms.