Meeting a girl on second date, lost.

[Luke Skywalker]

We are meeting on Saturday night at a coffee place where I plan to take her out somewhere else. Basically the online dialogue or connection went like this, I remembered her birthday, she said she did nothing, so I suggested that I would take care of that and set up this date. She's mentioned terms like 'hook-up' to describe meeting and it's on a Saturday evening.

Originally, I was thinking of taking her to 'kid-like' places like the Science Center, and Black Creek Pioneer Village, but they are all closed on Saturday evening (but are usually open during the day).

The only places I can think of taking her is to a nice restaurant somewhere, movie, or just drive around somewhere.

But the thing that's really knawing on my head is the diction or wording of this sounds like she expects that I have intimacy on my mind, and that I may be able to jump the gun and suggest we go a hotel and book a room together and have some fun (i.e. well at least to test my boundaries)

In order to avoid the potential embarassment of making a wierd or insane move like that, I've decided to write this thread to hope someone will talk some better sence about this whole thing. My mom doesn't know about this date and for now, for some reason I didn't tell my parents anything.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Doing some calculations:

I cant take her to my house. Obviously the set-up is in such a way I'm not going to hers unless she invites me there.

If I'm going to play around with the 'innuendos' here, then the most logical thing to do is to go to a hotel restaurant, and then it's a simple step to say that a room is already booked up and if she would like to come upstairs to look at a movie together, etc.... if it doesn't work out on that type of date for whatever reason, then it just finishes there.

If it's at another location then it would seem more like a stretch to escalate it, although, it's in my mind to go to a romantic type of restaurant. May check a few out. Should I buy flowers too? Hum......

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Date went by ok. Dad made me buy her a whole boquet of flowers for about $ 20.00 and I took her out for dinner which cost another $ 40.00. When I introduced the hotel idea she said 'no'. Took her back home and french kissed her and that was it.

I have virtually no interest or feeling of attraction for her, and she probably picked that up and is not feeling anything either.

But hey, it's the first time I ever bought flowers for anyone, and gave it to someone. IT's the first time the girl I've ever dated had a guy give her flowers.

Good thing I have my dad around to advice me how to act like an AFC and learn good dating ettiquette.

I don't think anyone could advise me on this one since this thread was stemming more of fear of confronting this girl with the idea of isolating her to a hotel, and usually there is nothing anyone can say here that's going to help conquer a fear of approaching girls, making a move, or making an obvious and blatant suggestion, it's something that has to be worked on, as rationalizing and analyzing and reading don't really do anything if you are afraid of something, you just have to do it.

Now, I think I should try to focus on more attractive women with chemistry because if the juice isn't there, it just sort of really strains the interaction.

 

[wolf116]

Um you have over 1000 posts and you still bought flowers and went on a dinner date?????????? Because your daddy told you to hahahahaha.

Get your own place already.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Um you have over 1000 posts and you still bought flowers and went on a dinner date?????????? Because your daddy told you to hahahahaha.

Get your own place already.

Still bought flowers? I never bought flowers before for anyone so there is no 'still' there.

Yes, I went on a dinner date. This is the first time I went on an expensive dinner date and I paid for everything.

Again, this is AFC stuff, at the end of the day got some nice kissing and what not, but hey, maybe if I spend more money on her and I'm lucky it will go further. At least she's safe, imagine, she protected me from corrupting myself on her, suppose she took up the idea to go to a hotel room alone with me - so you see, she's a safe girl.

I told her my parents would probably like her because she is safe, and she thinks it's cool that I live with my parents because she does too, and thinks that renting to landlords is a waste of money that could be better saved, that that people who live independently are losers because they couldn't get along with their parents and have to waste their money on rent.

 

[ezily]

Wow this is the most AFC date on this forum. Why did you post this here? DJ's don't do stuff like this on the FIRST date. Sure flowers on a special occasion are OK for a girl you have been dating but on a FIRST date?? look, dinner's not that bad of an idea but a really nice place is too much for a first date. ALSO, you ASKED her to go to a HOTEL?! what in the hell were you thinking? did you really expect her to say yes? sure is she was a ho she would but it doesn't sound like she is so why even ask. That seemed like a lame AFC date. Don't listen to your dad again on this stuff.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

What? I've posted a couple of times here before the date, and now that it's after the fact people are jumping on the bandwagon - but where was everyone when I intially posted this? Easy for people to talk after the fact.

Notice all the replies are today and I had to reply to my own thread yesterday when that time was before the date?

 

[ezily]

What? I've posted a couple of times here before the date, and now that it's after the fact people are jumping on the bandwagon - but where was everyone when I intially posted this? Easy for people to talk after the fact.

Notice all the replies are today and I had to reply to my own thread yesterday when that time was before the date?

hey it's OK just learn from your mistakes. You said you didn't like this girl anyway so the only thing you lost was $60 or so. Just don't do this stuff again. I guess no one actually thought you would do the things you did.

 

[ChrizZ]

You guys don't get it do you?

This guy is a troll.

I don't know what's funnier. Him or the people that believe him...

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You guys don't get it do you?

This guy is a troll.

I don't know what's funnier. Him or the people that believe him...

Like I said, people have only responded to this thread after the fact, and this board has not been in the least helpful. At least my dad was there for me to give me some advice even though it was bad. Hopefully common sence will prevail next time.

 

[wolf116]

you don't need advice as you know the basics, because you already read the DJ bible!

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

damn i was hoping to read:

"Meeting a girl on second life"

if you know what that is.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

you don't need advice as you know the basics, because you already read the DJ bible!

I thought AFC stuff would work on less attractive girls that are not getting male attention. This was a sexy girl, but far from a hot girl that guys are going to stampede over.

Come on, I'm the first guy that ever got her flowers? This is not a typical date here, the flowers and stuff had impact and could not be lame here. People said, she's not a ho, so you cant expect normal people to go to hotels.

 

[Lord Shinra]

I just use the old flowers analogy:

"I take flowers to a grave"

 

[Bible_Belt]

I missed your thread, Luke, or I would have posted to it earlier.

The flowers are lame. Sosuave gives advice that is 100 times better than what your Dad will tell you. Thinking that spending money on a girl will get you somewhere is not how we do things. Asking her to go to the hotel was also lame. However, I'll credit you this much, kissing her was not lame. You did that very well and have something to be proud of.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

The flowers stuff I understand. Even the most AFC book - "How to Succeed with Women" would suggest buying a gift item within a few dollars (certainly under ten dollars) in value. A rose for $ 4.00 would have been good enough. However a boquet of flowers for $ 20.00 is overkill.

The asking on 'Hotel' bit, again, I posted the idea on here and nobody replied on here about it, but on another sence, I'm glad I got it out of my system. It got me a bit more comfortable with her as it seemed I was tense with her prior to asking that question like I was holding a live granade or something, but was more relaxed afterwards. It seems like more of a 'trust issue' was involved (i.e. how she would react to the question), more than a genuine closing. Again, if I believe women are not going to freak out on me when I make moves or approach them, then chances it would be easier to make moves and approach since it seems an expectation that they will be civil should provide a bit of a comfort level.

I cant go over a whole field report of the date, but it was quite unscripted and random, going off topics all over the place from UFO's, to Rapture and Tribulation, to background stuff.

 

[Ever onward]

Doing some calculations:

Luke, I love you man! :crackup:

 

[paraguayandj]

Still bought flowers? I never bought flowers before for anyone so there is no 'still' there.

Yes, I went on a dinner date. This is the first time I went on an expensive dinner date and I paid for everything.

Again, this is AFC stuff, at the end of the day got some nice kissing and what not, but hey, maybe if I spend more money on her and I'm lucky it will go further. At least she's safe, imagine, she protected me from corrupting myself on her, suppose she took up the idea to go to a hotel room alone with me - so you see, she's a safe girl.

I told her my parents would probably like her because she is safe, and she thinks it's cool that I live with my parents because she does too, and thinks that renting to landlords is a waste of money that could be better saved, that that people who live independently are losers because they couldn't get along with their parents and have to waste their money on rent.

Ok, first of all $40 is not an expensive dinner. The idea of flowers is a really bad one for the first date. It is just the proof she needs to think of you as a looser that never goes to dates. If you want the idea of the hotel to work you should invite her out far away to another city. Go to a restaurant, from there invite her to dance or go to a bar. Karaoke bars are my favorite, they sound very innocent. But once you go there, you get so drunk that hooking up is as easy as 1 2 3. Once you hook up you should tell her that you are too drunk to drive then you go to a hotel. Of course, you only have money to rent one room . If you don't **** up, sex is a sure thing. Try it next time and tell me how it went.
Another thing, if you are older than 20 and live with your parents. NEVER, EVER take a girl to your house. EVER!!!! It will just give the girl more reasons to think you are creepy and unsexy.
Good luck in the future man:rockon:

 

[Dole]

Best thread ever. The only thing that could be funnier if she said yes to the hotel invitation and you didn't get any, then your grand total for that night would be ~140$+tax

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Just thought I'd update this thread.

Went on two subsequent dates with this girl, one where I took her to a movie, and the other where she treated me out for my birthday.

At the end of the third date she tried to french kiss me, but I couldn't reciprocate back and kept my mouth shut. She LJBFed me by voice mail a couple of days after this date and it's over.

My guess is the third date seemed to have gone really bad, I've taken her to see guy films on the second date and third date, not the nice romantic comedies or chick flicks, and seemed to have grossed her out by some sick movie on the third date.

Furthermore, I made no moves of any sort or no insinuation of any moves (which were at least made on the first date), and this was the third date with her, and didn't recirpocate a french kiss back to her (although we just kissed on the lips).

There are more attractive prospects in my church and places I go for weight-loss and feel that I was stuck with a dead-weight because I had low self-confidence to go after attractive girls that I may really like.

Again, same thing happens all the time with ugly women, I'm not motivated enough with them, they pick it up, and they don't want to have any part of a forced relationship where I'm just forcing myself through the motions just to get dating practise with someone I don't really like. Then when I really like someone, I end up fvcking up in some other way where I'm showing too much interest and then get vindicitive when it's not reciprocated back. Oh well.