Meet up or not?

[1ncredible]

Ok gents, thought I'd post up on a current situation with a bird

I'm 28 (and have knowledge of the game, doc love, David D etc) and the girl in Q is 24 and we have mutual friends.

Gonna try and keep this short...

>>Meet her back at start of Aug at a friends party, nothing happens physically, but get her number after chatting about things we had in common etc.

>>End up going on a date 3 weeks later (keep in brief contact - the odd text here and there, I wanted to meet sooner, but were both unavailable)

>> Go on date, drink in London by river etc. End up pulling her (lots of kissing and kino) throughout the night, she seems really keen.

>>Meet up couple weeks later, again just the odd texts in between. I try and initial a bit more communication, but the way she words some of her texts seems like she doesn't want to chat too much.

>>Anyway we arrange a third date for when I get back from holiday (so mid September) Again we go out, bar it up in London. Was getting late so I mentioned going back to hers. (Would have taken ages by train for me to get home). She says that's fine...just for sleep she says.

Get back to hers and I sleep with her in the same squitty little single bed. Bit of a play about (couldn't do any more as she reckons she's ON so didn't go for the bang etc) gives me the usual tug etc, nice tits, has panties on.

Anyway, following morning I go home around time she was off to work. I work shifts so was off that day. This would now be the start of October.

Couple days later I was a theme park with friends, she texts me saying hoping Im having a nice time etc. I text her back with small talk. Day or 2 later I mention about about going to a theme park on a particular weekend - she replies saying she is busy, but with no other offer of going out. I give it a few more days, then ask her out again...Following day she sends me this massive text - basically friend zoning me and that she has no other time to meet 'this year' LOL.

Anyway I was like - "No problem, it's fine, friends is cool with me, good luck with your marathons etc". (We both like the whole exercise thing)...She immediately said "Thanks, and it would still be nice to go to the cinema sometime, when there's a film out you want to see, count me in!" (I mentioned cinema the final time I asked her out - so would have been 4th date)

ANYWAY, from here I know all you guys would be like...delete her no. and ignore her etc. And this whole time I've been on a tone of other dates and nailed a few of them, however this particular girl is still on my mind.

I've got a good intuition about people and I decided to just text here a couple weeks later saying, sorry if things went to quick, didn't want to rush anything bla bla

She basically replied saying "she is sorry to for being poor organised and that she should get a diary" or some ****. She says she wants to go out again and to meet in a few weeks.

Few points I'd like to point out:-

----My intuition on her is that she hasn't done the whole b/f/dating before or at least for a long time - this is just a vibe I picked up from the couple times I've been out with her. So therefore, possibly me staying over/thought of having sex maybe freaked her out? - That is why I sent her the 'apology text' as I think she is keen and I wanted to see what her reaction would be.

----She friend zoned me after me staying over (3rd date) Couldn't have sex as she was On, or so she says. I escalated from day one and she was always into the kissing big time, although I always seemed to initiate it.

----We've only been able to meet up a few times since Aug!!! Like I said I've dated others - obviously she doesn't know this.

So FROM HERE NOW - We have a date to go out in a couple weeks time. The question I'm asking here is :-

Do I go or bail out? and If I bail out, leave it open with a possibility of meeting up at some other point. (She was the one who mentioned about going out again and I made the date and where to go - after saying I was busy for the next few weeks)

Bare in mind, yes she friend zoned me, but my intuition on her is that she is keen in some way or another (tell me if you think I'm wrong) - She does strike me as the 'Miss Independent' and I quite admire that - as I'm like that too and that maybe she freaked out a bit because I stayed over??

Again, there hasn't been much communication recently, so can't see that I've come across as needy or anything (sometimes a whole week with none), but I made sure I kino etc as soon as possible. So should I meet up with her, or not bother and see what she says? BTW I'd say a HB 6.7, nothing too hot but nice personality.

 

[PokerStar]

sure meet up if you are looking for closure on this. but in all honesty, put her on the back burner. Do not contact her untill she contacts you.

you have done the chasing and i think, if her IL is high enough, she will come chasing you.

But you dont care thos if she chases you cause you have plates to spin, right?

 

[Iceberg]

i don't understand. If there's a girl you want to see, and you both have agreed to meet up, then why would you NOT meet up?

As a tactic?

The only reason to back out of an arranged date is because you've changed your mind about the woman. If she's going to flake, then she's going to flake. Don't think that you can out-flake her.

The only weird thing is scheduling a date a couple weeks in advance. Every day that passes is another opportunity for flaky girls to find a reason to flake.

 

[window]

i think the problem started after shesent you that text saying have a nice day etc after you were intimate and you sent back small talk. she was opening to you and from what i can tell you sent back a text which didnt ackowledge her opening up ? so this would have made her feel slutty. you sensed this and verbalised it by saying sorry which would have made it worse from her end. All you had to say was hey thanks hope you have a great day to ! see you soon.

 

[FairShake]

Always keep your options open. You aren't boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. Which means she doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe her anything (including an apology by the way). You also don't have to "break up" over some flakiness.

So go ahead and contact again after awhile. But don't get emotionally involved, seek closure, or pine over a girl you hooked up with and went on 3 dates with. I had about 5 of these for every girl I slept with in my early twenties. It happens to the best of us. Best not to agonize over it. Their loss.

 

[1ncredible]

mmm, well I sent her a message at the weekend, just asking how her's was and she replied and finished off saying "hope you have a nice week". To me that says she doesn't expect/want to hear from me in a while? - To be honest I have done most of the chasing and she hasn't initiated any communication recently - always been more me.

Yea I do really want to meet up. My actual plan was to meet up, keep it casual as it's been like nearly 2 months since I saw her (and yes there are other plates to spin sure). The 'friends' thing got to me obviously, so could was going to finalise the night with a single kiss on the lips - just to let her know I'm still romantically interested - would that be a good idea?

Also is it advisable to talk in person about 'us' as in "you know know what you said about the friends thing" or by saying ... "totally up to you, I'm easy - want to take things slowly etc"??? Or would that possibly freak her out?? Or send her another text at some point after the meet?? That way she can re-read anything when she feels like it.

^^ Reason I'm asking this is that I haven't met up with a girl before after I've been friend zoned - so I'm not sure what to do. Obviously keep everything cool as usual, but perhaps go for the single kiss at end of evening etc?

Think that would be a way possibly seeking some sort of closure, but then again I'm not in too much of a rush for that as Ive kept her on the back burner all this time + plus she seemed cool that it was nearly a month after I first met her before our first date, so in terms of time span I don't think she thinks anything of it.

 

[1ncredible]

i think the problem started after shesent you that text saying have a nice day etc after you were intimate and you sent back small talk. she was opening to you and from what i can tell you sent back a text which didnt ackowledge her opening up ? so this would have made her feel slutty. you sensed this and verbalised it by saying sorry which would have made it worse from her end. All you had to say was hey thanks hope you have a great day to ! see you soon.

When I mean small talk, I did ask her how her day was nice and polite etc, just nothing heavy. That particular day she was going out with her girls, so think she was getting ready to get her drink on.

The apology text was a good couple of weeks after I got the friend zone text. But when I got that FZ text and acknowledged it, she immediately said about going out to the cinema at some point.

 

[Iceberg]

mmm, well I sent her a message at the weekend, just asking how her's was and she replied and finished off saying "hope you have a nice week". To me that says she doesn't expect/want to hear from me in a while? - To be honest I have done most of the chasing and she hasn't initiated any communication recently - always been more me.

The thing that worries me about your situation is that you're building it up to this big thing.

You planned it out with her weeks in advance, you're planning when to kiss her, you're planning what to say. You can talk about "other plates" all you want...it doesn't feel like you have any. It feels like your whole romantic life hinges on a date with a girl who Friend Zoned you.

Also is it advisable to talk in person about 'us' as in "you know know what you said about the friends thing" or by saying ... "totally up to you, I'm easy - want to take things slowly etc"??? Or would that possibly freak her out?? Or send her another text at some point after the meet?? That way she can re-read anything when she feels like it.

Oh god. Why would you want to have that discussion? You can't discuss your way into attraction. Either she wants you or she doesn't.

You can't talk her into feeling a certain way. So, to answer your question, no, do not talk about "us". Don't do it with her. Don't do it with your wife. Women talk about "us". Not men.

Think that would be a way possibly seeking some sort of closure, but then again I'm not in too much of a rush for that as Ive kept her on the back burner all this time + plus she seemed cool that it was nearly a month after I first met her before our first date, so in terms of time span I don't think she thinks anything of it.

Honestly, my gut is telling me that she flakes anyway. So all your strategizing may be for nothing. Which is why I advise relaxing, setting plans with her...if she shows up, great. If not, then that's fine too - forget about her.

But loosen up and stop trying to plan every step of your interaction with her. For all you know, there won't be an interaction

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

When I mean small talk, I did ask her how her day was nice and polite etc, just nothing heavy. That particular day she was going out with her girls, so think she was getting ready to get her drink on.

The apology text was a good couple of weeks after I got the friend zone text. But when I got that FZ text and acknowledged it, she immediately said about going out to the cinema at some point.

Wait a minute. She sent that "offer" after she rejected you?

haha. That's not a date, man. She was just saying that to be nice. Move onto other prospects.

Basically, she's saying "We can still be friends. See? I invited you to a movie." But she's not actually going to show up.

 

[pikachu69]

i don't understand. If there's a girl you want to see, and you both have agreed to meet up, then why would you NOT meet up?

As a tactic?

The only reason to back out of an arranged date is because you've changed your mind about the woman. If she's going to flake, then she's going to flake. Don't think that you can out-flake her.

The only weird thing is scheduling a date a couple weeks in advance. Every day that passes is another opportunity for flaky girls to find a reason to flake.

Can pre flaking and canceling on a girl with relatively low IL a way to spike her IL?

especially if she's never been cancelled on before.. just curious.

 

[1ncredible]

Iceberg - You are right in saying that I've built this up too much. There have been other plates but 2 I gave the boot and the other couple just pittered out. Better get some more numbers.

Pikachu69 - Yes that is kind of why I brought that up. If I bail, it would show me how bothered she was etc?

Guess I'll just see how it goes, advice taken etc, cheers all.

I don't think she'll flake out, mind you, you never know.