Meant to be compatibility?

[Connect4]

Hello everyone,
There's something that struck me while I read Joekker31's "fear versus reality" thread.

"there are guys who reject all kinds of great women because they are hb6's, because they want an hb 9 (even though they themselves are only male versions of a 6). and they think themselves failures because they can't land hb9s. here life presents them with a woman who would be perfect for them as a companion and yet they reject her - because mass media has led them to believe that an hb6 isn't worth anything.
now, im not saying that reality means you have to settle for less. but if you are a 6, you shouldn't feel bad about hooking up with an hb6."

Are those of us who are average looking (6-7), bound to be in a LTR with girls who are within or close to the same category (8 and below), due to compatibility reasons? Many of you guys are probably thinking, it's all about MINDSET and confidence! Yes, I have to agree with you. But I can't help but think there's more to it.

How do you go about "increasing your compatibility level" with an HB8-10 when you're at a compatibility level of an 7? I mean I could go to the gym and work out, be rich, I could get some stylish clothes, be the prize, and be a the man which is great and all, but to get to the point where you can MAINTAIN a LTR with an HB9-10 as if she were an HB7, that's something I have yet to experience or understand.

It probably has to do with the differences in perceived value? I am not sure.

Please, all suggestions and words of encouragement are welcome.

 

[joekerr31]

hehe, well i probably shouldn't chime in since you are looking for different views than the ones i posted in the thread, but i will anyway

this is the problem i was getting at. you see, there a LOT to be said for compatibility. there is something to be said for 'shared realities'.

the most meaningful relationships ive ever had have been with women who were similar to me in terms of looks, past history, spiritual beliefs, outlook on life, etc.

when you look into someones eyes and see a similar soul looking back, thats when something magical can happen. (oh boy, im going to get sh*t on for using a term like 'soul').

but im telling you, from my experience, thats how it is.

ya, i can hook up with an hb10, but you know something, when i look into her eyes, im aware that what is looking back at me is a human being who has a very different experience of the world around her.

and while men and women will never see completely eye to eye, it happens to a greater degree with some women over others.

my personal belief is that these guys who are say 6s, but who are hugely successful in business or have status or whatever and who married these hb10s - im sorry, but i just do not see a deep connection between the two of them.

what i see is a superficial connection based on give and take - beauty in exchange for status. each of them is living in a very different reality and there is no 'shared' bond.

anyway, i can tell you that i kind of see myself as a 7 or so. when im all dressed up in in a power suit and having a particularly charming night i can probably jump to an 8.5 or so. and while i could use status to land an hb10 and probably even marry one, im fully aware that i would never have the meaningful connection with her that i would want with my wife.

from my experiencing dating women i'm aware that getting close to such a connection goes up dramatically with a hb7 or thereabouts.

now, it doesn't mean you can chase down an hb10 to sport f*ck her. but with regards to my original post, my point was to say that guys who think they are failures cuz they don't have a stripper on their arm are missing a huge point to life - which is, i believe, that they would actually be less happy with the hb10.

shared realities is a concept i haven't discussed, but suffice to say, when it comes to LTRs, i believe its the key to success. the more you share in common, the more you intuitively understand each other, the greater the chance that you'll appreciate each other long term and that you'll make it through lifes ups and downs together.

just my 2 cents though.

 

[Connect4]

holy crap you type fast..give me a sec to read. Thanks for your Post bro

 

[joekerr31]

haha yep. when im at work and people see me typing their jaw drops and they are like 'wtf?! how the f*ck do you type so fast?"

i think fast too

 

[Connect4]

"from my experiencing dating women i'm aware that getting close to such a connection goes up dramatically with a hb7 or thereabouts."

I totally get what you mean, but that's were the issue is for me, am I bound to be with an hb7-8 who I feel a connection with? Why can't I Have a connection, and "intuitive understanding" with an HB9? Like you said, it's about that shared reality concept, but I can't accept the fact that I can't share a deep connection with a hb9 because I've seen it.

My cousin is somewhat of a smart computer "geek," who works for JPL, but he lands a hb9 and seems to be able to build a deep connection with her.. It doesn't make any sense, because I know I have a lot of potential.


"ya, i can hook up with an hb10, but you know something, when i look into her eyes, im aware that what is looking back at me is a human being who has a very different experience of the world around her."

So what constitutes a Man who has experience similar to hers? What do I need to do, to be at that level?? To be in connection with that ever so elusive hb9?

 

[STR8UP]

my personal belief is that these guys who are say 6s, but who are hugely successful in business or have status or whatever and who married these hb10s - im sorry, but i just do not see a deep connection between the two of them.

what i see is a superficial connection based on give and take - beauty in exchange for status. each of them is living in a very different reality and there is no 'shared' bond.

I agree with this statement for the most part.

Not to get back on the looks and status flamebait, but I honestly believe that a woman's attraction mechanism is designed to allow for a greater "compensation factor".

In other words, all things equal, a man who is a 6 should be with a woman who is approximately a 6, but things such as status and wealth can in reality bump a man up a good point or two, other factors aside.

This means that a woman can truly look at a man who is physically a 6 as an 8 if he compensates for it with other qualities, whereas a man is not nearly as likely to elevate a woman's number as high due to mitigating factors.

You have to take into account that in a LTR or marriage a man's "other" characteristics are much more important than for a casual fling, but I think it is safe to say that this is GENERALLY true.

 

[joekerr31]

hmmm. where is your cousin meeting these women.

for all i know he's volunteeering at the hospital and picking up hb9 nurses who go weak in the knees for guys who help others.

but trust me, he's tapping in to a shared reality.

keep in mind, you can catch hb 9 women, and even have a great fun time with them simply using the DJ tactics we talk about here.

but to carry that beyond 3-6 months is rare when there is a gap in looks.

 

[Connect4]

Awesome Str8up, thanks for your input too, I've read many of your threads and I have to say, I appreciate your insights.

Man I wonder if I can get Pook and Anti-dump to get in on this. Cross my fingers haha.

 

[Connect4]

hmmm. where is your cousin meeting these women.

for all i know he's volunteeering at the hospital and picking up hb9 nurses who go weak in the knees for guys who help others.

but trust me, he's tapping in to a shared reality.

keep in mind, you can catch hb 9 women, and even have a great fun time with them simply using the DJ tactics we talk about here.

but to carry that beyond 3-6 months is rare when there is a gap in looks.

He meets them through "friends." But it's weird, because the type of people he hangs out compared to his girlfriend is totally different. The thing with this guy is this... he is a very intelligent individual, witty, and exudes high value. Sometimes I get annoyed with him because, he always has all kinds of people wanting to talk with him.. he never needs to initiate.

"he's tapping in to a shared reality." That's pretty interesting.

 

[Connect4]

i think fast too

Yea, I'll give you that.

 

[joekerr31]

He meets them through "friends." But it's weird, because the type of people he hangs out compared to his girlfriend is totally different. The thing with this guy is this... he is a very intelligent individual, witty, and exudes high value. Sometimes I get annoyed with him because, he always has all kinds of people wanting to talk with him.. he never needs to initiate.

"he's tapping in to a shared reality." That's pretty interesting.

actually it sounds like he's using social proof.

these hot chics recognize that he's the alpha male of the group and hence are drawn to him.

how long do these relationships last? like has he kept one of these hb9s for more than 6 months.

 

[Connect4]

actually it sounds like he's using social proof.

these hot chics recognize that he's the alpha male of the group and hence are drawn to him.

how long do these relationships last? like has he kept one of these hb9s for more than 6 months.

I don't think social proof is a significant factor in his case, since he hangs out mostly with guys, like his older brother (who has a tough guy image, and has had girlfriends since he was 15, and never went without one ever since.)
May be it's me, but at first glance he doesn't seem like an alpha male. He is about 6 feet, lots of acne. But he speaks eloquently and is very mature. what do you think?

 

[joekerr31]

I don't think social proof is a significant factor in his case, since he hangs out mostly with guys, like his older brother (who has a tough guy image, and has had girlfriends since he was 15, and never went without one ever since.)
May be it's me, but at first glance he doesn't seem like an alpha male. He is about 6 feet, lots of acne. But he speaks eloquently and is very mature. what do you think?

i think for the first time im stumped

time for rollo to jump in

 

[Connect4]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16511&highlight=compatibility

You know what, I think I found a thread that help with this LTR compatibility issue, take a look if you want.

 

[potato]

"ya, i can hook up with an hb10, but you know something, when i look into her eyes, im aware that what is looking back at me is a human being who has a very different experience of the world around her."

So what constitutes a Man who has experience similar to hers? What do I need to do, to be at that level?? To be in connection with that ever so elusive hb9?

When a very good looking woman goes out she is aware that everywhere she goes many eyes will be upon her, guys will be going out of their way to be nice to her and help her. They are often treated as celebrities even if they’ve never done anything worthy of that status.

I’m a good looking guy and am aware that when I go out many eyes are upon me, many people seem to go out of their way to be extra nice to me, and women are always letting me know that they like me. I am often treated like a celebrity even though I don’t think that I’ve done anything to deserve it.

If I approach an hb6 or 7 she will be highly suspicious of my motives, and if I were to go out in public with her most people would assume that I’m just using her for sex, that I can’t possibly like her. It is far easier for me to hook up with an hb9-10. When I do there is often this sense that we are much the same.

 

[Connect4]

When a very good looking woman goes out she is aware that everywhere she goes many eyes will be upon her, guys will be going out of their way to be nice to her and help her. They are often treated as celebrities even if they’ve never done anything worthy of that status.

I’m a good looking guy and am aware that when I go out many eyes are upon me, many people seem to go out of their way to be extra nice to me, and women are always letting me know that they like me. I am often treated like a celebrity even though I don’t think that I’ve done anything to deserve it.

If I approach an hb6 or 7 she will be highly suspicious of my motives, and if I were to go out in public with her most people would assume that I’m just using her for sex, that I can’t possibly like her. It is far easier for me to hook up with an hb9-10. When I do there is often this sense that we are much the same.

wow.. I never looked at from that point of view..soo what problems do you have with girls? I mean, you're getting the HB9-10, nothing to complain about there right? Unless you want to get the HB7-8 just because of that "I want what I can't get" type of mentality.

So in other words.. it's going to be extremely difficult if not impossible for a 7 to get with a hb10. Am I right on that? SImply because there will be good looking guys who won't need to try as hard as I do to get them.. and ultimately in the long run.. it's going to be tough maintaining that relationship right?

btw thanks for your input potato, really appreciate it.