Maybe You Guys Can Gimme Some Insight On This Chick

[EBickford]

This is not a thread to get my ex back. I just don' understand her actions

ok so me and my ex brokeup in june, about 3 months ago, we were together on and off for 3 yrs.

about 3 weeks after we brokeup, she got together with this guy that we knew. no challenge, always there being the nice guy doing all she wanted. this was a week after i turned her down to get back together.

they have been together about 7 weeks.....

a week after they got together( 3 days after she sent me some dirty pics i asked for) they said they loved each other

3 days later, he moved in with her in her mothers house

a month in they took a vacation to NJ and he gave her a promise ring

they are planning to get their own place soon.

she claims that she thinks they are soulmates and she wants to be with him forever, yadda yadda

they have been inseparable, acting like they have been together for a few yrs rather than 7 weeks.

i dont get it. he does everything she wants, tells her how much he loves her all the time, pretty much being an afc. no challenge, the opposite of how we were

what the hell? everything that turns a woman off she is loving.

i know what she likes. strong confident men, who are a challenge( how i got her). she always missed me when we werent with each other, but when we saw each other too much, she would want space. now she is always with him.

these actions would drive any woman away, with her they are bringing her closer to him.

could this just be her rebounding? or is the world going crazy????

 

[KontrollerX]

He's just the rebound guy.

No worries.

I've been the rebound guy before and his story sounds just like one of my past AFC tales of yore.

This will end badly and especially so if they go through with this ill fated marriage idea.

This guy's function as the rebound guy is to build up her emotions and make her feel really good so that when she's finally over you she can discard the rebound guy and begin looking for the type of man that she really wants.

She probably does have a desire to get married though so this whole charade is most likely just a trial run and if she goes through with it, it won't last as its not meant to.

Its what the Sex in the City styled feminists of today refer to as a "starter marriage."

 

[EBickford]

what i dont get is that she told me she feels nothing for me, i ****ed up with a ton of afc moves.

she said she is clearly over me, i dont get her

she did tell me she thinks someday she will marry him, and she is telling everyone how much she loves him....

also, she is the type that always has a guy she is involved with. she has major daddy issues, which sux, cuz she is a really great girl.

yes, im not over her. first relationship, first love, you know how it goes....

 

[KontrollerX]

"what i dont get is that she told me she feels nothing for me, i ****ed up with a ton of afc moves.

she said she is clearly over me, i dont get her

yes, im not over he. first relationship, first love, you know how it goes...."

Yeah bro, tough break but its usually all just a part of the game.

The old saying often used on the forum is that "the best revenge is living well".

Said on its own the phrase rings hollow to a heartbroken guy but when its explained that when you use a bad event like this as motivation to improve your life all around ie get in the best shape ever, get new awesome clothes, get an even better girlfriend and up your game you usually are rewarded for all of it down the road as the ex sees how well you are doing eventually while you are out and about, how alpha you are without her and how your new girl is both younger and hotter than she was at the same age and then feels pangs of regret and guilt and wondering if she made the right decision to ditch you after all so in that way all of this can very well come together to make the old Sosuave phrase ring true that the best revenge is living well.

Tony Robbins made a good point once to his audience at one of his seminars and what he said was that when a tragedy happens or something else that effects you negatively emotionally you should then ask yourself what does this mean?

Is this the end or the beginning?

He then pointed out we can control our answer and guide our life to the winning path by deciding this was the beginning of something new and better for us all around, it wasn't doom and gloom or the end of a meaningful existance for us after all.

Just a minor setback turned into a huge opportunity for greatness.

The minute a certain girl leaves you that can become the beginning of your life's complete renovation rather than engaging heartily in sorrow.

And hey you shouldn't hope for this or even entertain the idea it could happen but perhaps your ex will try and come back to you unexpectadly at which point simply follow Metaphysical's guide here to the letter and you can have whatever you want out of her pretty much.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

Also to comment a bit more on what you didn't understand about her in saying that she doesn't give a fvck about you well sometimes chicks can be so callous they are actually insulted their man revealed an AFC nature to them as then to them its like the chick's precious time was wasted in the entire relationship so thats one possible reason of why she said that. Another likely reason is sometimes a guy goes so overboard with pushy, spying, sneaky, controlling AFC behavior that a chick understandably gets so angry about it and frustrated that she does lose all love for ya and makes you want to hurt as much as you hurt and frustrated her so there's some explanations for ya.

 

[EBickford]

i did **** up a lot, even when they were together. its funny though, cuz i **** up, but she always forgives me, and wants to be my friend.

i know everyone thinks that she is just keeping me there just in case, but idk

also, on the feeling thing, we were together about 3 yrs, so idk how she can lose all feeling for me so quickly.

i know i shouldnt care, but i feel that the only way to really get past it is to understand what is going on, my questions keep me hooked....

 

[romangod]

also, on the feeling thing, we were together about 3 yrs, so idk how she can lose all feeling for me so quickly.

i know i shouldnt care, but i feel that the only way to really get past it is to understand what is going on, my questions keep me hooked....

She hasn't lost all feelings for you. They're just different feelings. My guess is that your ego sent you for a spin when she started seeing another guy. You always thought she was yours when you wanted her and your ego couldn't accept that that was no longer the case. Am I correct?

Cheers!

 

[EBickford]

romangod- yes, that is part of it. another big part is that i really treated her poorly, was really selfish. now i know that you arent suppose to bend over backwards, but i honestly never did anything for her. i didnt really understand relationship maintenance. or how to show her i cared.

we had a good relationship, but i messed things up. i know cuz not only her, but about a week ago, her best friend(mutual) told me my lack of appreciation is what did it( ex told her)

also, i truly loved the girl

yes, i do hope i get the 2nd chance no one gets. cuz i feel it was first relationship mistakes. and it wasnt things that cant be easily fixed.

 

[prairiedog24]

yes, i do hope i get the 2nd chance no one gets. cuz i feel it was first relationship mistakes. and it wasnt things that cant be easily fixed.

You will get the second chance. And it will be better than the first. But with a better girl. You may not want it now... but you will.

The first and second "heartbreaks" (I prefer to call them learning experiences) I had didn't compare to the girl I'm seeing now. She's more beautiful, more intelligent, more caring, more sexy, more everything than either of them.

I could say "how did I get so lucky?", but I didn't. Luck had nothing to do with it. The painful experiences I had specifically developed the character that attracted the better girl to me in the first place. One of our first conversations was about relationships, and the fact that I could briefly talk about the prior heartbreaks but still be so happy and confident about where my life is heading without a hidden bitterness had a big impact on her. A good attitude is attractive, but they're never really is taken seriously by people until you've had some time in the gutter.

 

[Deniska]

another big part is that i really treated her poorly, was really selfish. now i know that you arent suppose to bend over backwards, but i honestly never did anything for her.

we had a good relationship, but i messed things up. i know cuz not only her, but about a week ago, her best friend(mutual) told me my lack of appreciation is what did it( ex told her)

also, i truly loved the girl

You cant love some one and do nothing for other person that you love at the same time, it doesnt work that way. You are a hypocrite.

You gave her nothing, she got sick of it, now she found what she finally always wanted from another guy. Some one shows her that he cares, and gives her the attention and love.

Get over it, learn from your screw ups and move on.

 

[EBickford]

ok, so maybe i worded it a bt wrong. i wouldnt necessarily sayi treated her poorly, i was actually quite affectionate and loving. but that was it. no romance at all. i didnt do things to make her feel special.

i didnt know a thing about romance, or how to show her i cared. she was my first girl. I thought i was doing ok with it. i was so wrong.

just foolish things. immature things. everyone has been there before.

But less on my ****ups, and more on the topic at hand....Anyone else have an opinion on this chick? It seems like she is going against everything I have learned about women and what they are attracted to.

 

[Deniska]

The mistake that everyone, or if i include you, then most or majority of guys, when they are in love for the first time, do everything romantically and AFC, stuff you see in chick movies.

Even the DJ's that are in LTR will do something romantic once in a blue moon, its part of being a DJ while in LTR.

Look at Italian or French men, they are the biggest romantics on the planet, yet they are best natural DJ's as well. They love their women, they cheat on their women, they fight and argue as if it was the end of the world, but at the end of the day, they make their woman feel "special", and they fyck till sun comes up.

If you going to be in LTR and a DJ, once in a blue moon you need to do things to make her feel special.

With you, she didnt feel "special" at all. And this guy does special things for her, thus they have moved in together. You dont move in together with a rebound.

Her new BF filled in all the gaps that you havent, and to me thats all she wanted in the first place.

Your loss, his gain.

 

[EBickford]

Yeah, my loss.

 

[romangod]

But less on my ****ups, and more on the topic at hand....Anyone else have an opinion on this chick? It seems like she is going against everything I have learned about women and what they are attracted to.

She's being predictable like most chicks by doing the unpredictable. The question is: What does it matter?

You're hurt and confused and in a battle with your ego. You should concentrate on getting yourself together instead of focusing on her. It's not about her anymore. It's about you.

Live and learn.

Cheers!

 

[Thyme]

you want her back? check out the 'just dumped' challenge. that imo is the only way guys can have a chance of getting back with their girl.

also watch the movie yes man, if you can get her to have the feeling that you are doing amazing without her and you have changed a lot for the better (and seem like you changed for yourself, not for her, not for any1 else). there is a possibility she will start feeling the good feelings she had with you.

you see, women are a big load of feelings and emotions - it is our job as DJ's to get them to only feel the good emotions when they think about us and when they are around us.

 

[Desdinova]

she said she is clearly over me, i dont get her

NEVER listen to what a woman says, especially when it comes to her feelings. If you were to tell her you're engaged to some chick, I guarantee that it would affect her.

May I ask how old this woman is?

 

[EBickford]

she is 22. has family issues, and some emotional ones(hard life)

even she has told me she is crazy and doesnt know what her emotions are gonna do, could say slightly bipolar.

all i know is right now she seems to know her emotions adnthat there isnt any for me...

update, they just got a place together.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

You need to take all this gut-wrenching and put it to good use.

 

[EBickford]

what do you mean by that?

 

[LJBFB]

EBick your situation is nearly identical to mine except for the new bf move in part. I feel for ya

 

[littlebear]

I seee,

I do see part of EB's problem is trying to take the experience and
her behavior and fit it into his worldview of life and DJing.
Without that, what will he really learn. I
agree with Romangod. women are consistent in their unpredictability.

She will use or lose AFC rebound guy most likely. It is in her nature.
This however does not absolve you of the errors you made. You made
them so you might learn something. Like the Riddler says.

Littlebear
:woo: