Maybe the concept of confidence is flawed

[DiegoSantori]

I got two friends that experienced something very interesting. One amigo (good-looking guy) told me he was sad all the time, acted apathetic and felt like sh**. And guess what?

He got plenty of offers and had a (very pretty) girl stick with him in a “relationship” for months where she tried to get him to be better, improve, whatever, even though he was also telling her the whole time things like that he's out of commission and she should find a good boyfriend.

The other guy went through a bad breakup and he was extremely sad, sick at heart, desperately unhappy. Ironically, he had more women opening him, tempting him, that at any time before or since.

I don't want to reject 'confidence' as irrelevant but know that things aren’t always clear-cut. Some women perceive apathy as aloofness aka aloof game. Some women got that helper syndrome. Attraction is complex.

 

[zekko]

This may be hard for some people to believe but how you feel about yourself isn't due to your results, your results are due to how you feel about yourself.

That's because most people think they feel good because they're successful, when the truth is, they were successful because they felt good.

I don't think it's quite that simple. I think it's more like a feedback loop. One feeds the other. Good results increase your confidence, which increases your results, which increases your confidence, etc. A lot of guys talk about naturals as guys who had good luck early on with girls, and that just spawned more success.

I always remember reading a quote from this one girl who said "A guy should show his confidence on the dance floor". I took that to mean that he wasn't afraid to get up there and do some moves, that he was comfortable with his body, etc.

Confidence also allows you to talk to a girl without being nervous and making the interaction awkward. It allows you to escalate smoothly. I don't think it's about puffing yourself up into an exaggerated swagger, that looks try hard. I think girls just want you to be able to function socially, in a comfortable manner.