Maybe she is in another castle .. give me your opinions

[joker79]

Guys, I really need your advice, I'm getting crazy and under a powerful oneitis. Straight to the point: I've been knowing this girl for 3 years and we had some early romantic contact when she was still engaged. She became available 4 months ago and we started to talk without seeing each other (it's unfortunately a LDR), everything was fine, high interest level and we managed to see each other. Everything was perfect, fantastic atmosphere and sex. last month she became detached, she told me she felt suffocated, she needed time to recover from her previous 7 years realtionship and started to behave cold. I pushed a little bit to understand (mistake!) and we arranged to meet each other again. Everything was fine again, she felt the power of the relationship and I meet all her parents as well (tough thing isn'it?!?? does it mean anything). Now she went cold again and actually i can't guess what's gonna happen, but I see things really badly as she refused to go on holiday with me (you are available and you refuse to spend free time with me??) and she's not showing such powerful signs of interest, it seems to be focussed just on herself. Currently I decided to back off and go for a little nc (even if, not being engaged, it doesn't work so well), she started again to ask me what I was doing, etc, etc

is my princess in another castle?

 

[EastWind]

Yes she is. I assume you have little to no options in terms of other girls or you wouldn't be so upset about this one.

Look at it this way: clearly this girl isn't really all that interested in you, or she wouldn't be taking you through this bullcrap emotional rollercoaster.

Although you might not like the thought at all, it looks like she is using you as a source of validation in between other guys. Which is why she has cold periods (she has some guy stupsing her) and warm periods (you're all she has left).

If you're able, take a step back and read your post. I realize you're heavily emotionally invested, but does that read like a happy live-forever love story? No it doesn't.

Your decision to go NC is correct, but don't mistake it as a power play to get the girl back. At this point, all you can do is get out alive and sane. There's nothing to salvage. Cut her off, find occupations to keep yourself busy. I hope you have family/friends to support you. Else just post here.

 

[joker79]

Thanks a lot, that was my idea. Shall I say anything to her or just cut off everything? Last week she asked me what was my opinion regarding what happened (me meeting her parents and having sex with her), I answered that we have been knowing each other for so much time that she should know my idea. She didn't reply. Eventually, to understand what to do, I asked her: "in or out"? I'm still waiting the anwer...

 

[EastWind]

Thanks a lot, that was my idea. Shall I say anything to her or just cut off everything? Last week she asked me what was my opinion regarding what happened (me meeting her parents and having sex with her), I answered that we have been knowing each other for so much time that she should know my idea. She didn't reply. Eventually, to understand what to do, I asked her: "in or out"? I'm still waiting the anwer...

Just cut it all off. I also disagree with this:

move on with the door left open. Don't expect an answer, just forget about it. If you ignore her for awahile she might think Oops, what's going on her? he's not chasing....and the tables may turn.

Just. Cut. It. Off. Don't say anything, just disappear. If she calls, don't answer. Nothing. You are done with her. Staying in the mindset of "she might change her mind if I do this" will change nothing, you will effectively wait for her.

Bring yourself to live on without her. It IS hard, so very hard. But only for a little while, and the alternative is to stay and be miserable forever. Which do you prefer?

 

[joker79]

shouldn't i say something like: "you're not investing in me so I'm not confortable anymore". Sounds quite rude to close everything this way... or will she understand? In all the conversations we had I was quite ****y and funny, wouldn't it appear weird if I disappear this way. Actually you're right, I'm still hoping that I can change something or time will..

 

[flashpoint]

doesnt the answer to that depend on your mindset? i mean if you are in a position where you can take it or leave it, you'll be just fine putting yourself out there. Kind of "honey i feel this thing with us is going nowhere. I'd like to but you seem not committed in the least way. so i'll make no furter contact with you, and would prefer if you did the same unless you have a change of heart".

Just dont play mindtricks with yourself, where you say one thing to get another. it definitely is not worth it. truth is when it already starts with complications the relationship will just be a constant pain in the as.s. Like you doin all the things to keep her satisfied and she holding all the power to break it off at will. either she is into you or she isnt. everthing else is a waste of time.

 

[SoSuave666]

Dude come on bro. Rude to stop contacting her? Kind of like how it was rude that she went cold on you without effectively giving you a reason? If she isn't willing to talk to you and work things out then why are you? Just back the fvck off. You sound like a lil b!tch grasping for this broad who by all accounts just doesn't really care about you.

Leave her alone. Don't tell her you are leaving, just do it. You regain SO MUCH by being able to walk away you don't even realize. If you put your cards on the table EVERYTHING is lost. She will only reject you again and think far less of you than she would if you just left. Just the fact that you want to stay in her good graces is enough to tell me you're going to be thinking about this broad for a long time. So better try getting over her now or it will only get worse.

 

[joker79]

thanks guys. The fact is that we both have been waiting this moment for so long (she confessed that I accelerated the break up with the previous bf) that I can't believe she is back-pedaling. So I'd like to make her think about it and change the behaviour accordingly... but if i don't speak to her anymore and I walk away, how can I do it?

 

[joker79]

Just thoroughly read the NC challenge thread, I understood that I should give up hope and go Nc for myself. let's what happens.

 

[nismo-4]

Beyond a reasonable doubt, she is.

Remember that if a woman truly wants you, she'll be available. She'll find a way to get to you. All this acting distant, playing hard to get, and mixed signals sh*t translates to "little to no interest".

I accept your guilty plea of oneitis development. It has a fine of hurt feelings and 2 blue balls. You have also done the requirement of going ghost (no contact), which is the best thing that is for you. She likely has other men lined up, but you do not need to be wasting time or resourses on this b**ch. Court's orders.

Case closed.

 

[joker79]

I was waiting for you Nismo. I agree 100%. Unfortunately she called me few minutes ago after 1 day no contact...but I resisted! Don't understand if it's a sort of validation she's looking for or just wants to boost her ego trying to understand if I'm desperate. I'll stay a ghost.

 

[nismo-4]

I was waiting for you Nismo. I agree 100%. Unfortunately she called me few minutes ago after 1 day no contact...but I resisted! Don't understand if it's a sort of validation she's looking for or just wants to boost her ego trying to understand if I'm desperate. I'll stay a ghost.

Just go spin more plates. Don't feed her ego. She'll either come crawling back or stay in the other castle or castles she may be in.