Maybe I'm just slow, but I've been wondering something...

[BannedGod]

How can you show a girl that she's the least of your interest and that you have much more important stuff going on in your life and she's not your priority or whichever. I mean, girl that you just met, you grab their phone numbers and call them to set a date or whatever, so you show them importance. Then you call them again to set yet another date, so this shows them more importance.

Then, in my mind, the same applies to girl you are seeking a LTR with. If you want to see her and hang out with her, you'll have to call her and set things out, but more often then with a simple fling because you want to work things out with her and get a LTR. We are supposed to show girls they are not important, yet by calling them and setting dates and all, we do the complete opposites (in my mind at least).

Anyone care to enlighten me?


P.S. On a totally unrelated subject, I need a grammar lesson lol. When do you use "then" and when do you use "than"

 

[Jay Jay]

Be Cool!

Well THEN.

Its more a case of making a girl understand that you have your own life and don't NEED her THAN making her think she is the least of your interests.

If she thinks she is the least of your interests THEN she will find someone who cares more about her (unless she is massively low self esteem and you don't want one of those). Girls want you to care about them. They just don't want you to be a ***** who gives up your power to them.

It doesn't matter if its just a casual fling or something more meaniful. Just play it cool.

You call up for a date, she can't make it, you just say "thats cool" in a way that suggests that you have options other THAN her her.

If she can make it THEN you just say "cool." You've got what you want, there is no need to play games.

JJ

 

[BannedGod]

Well THEN.

Its more a case of making a girl understand that you have your own life and don't NEED her THAN making her think she is the least of your interests.

If she thinks she is the least of your interests THEN she will find someone who cares more about her (unless she is massively low self esteem and you don't want one of those). Girls want you to care about them. They just don't want you to be a ***** who gives up your power to them.

It doesn't matter if its just a casual fling or something more meaniful. Just play it cool.

You call up for a date, she can't make it, you just say "thats cool" in a way that suggests that you have options other THAN her her.

If she can make it THEN you just say "cool." You've got what you want, there is no need to play games.

JJ

So basically, wether you're trying to get a girl for a fling or wtv, or for a LTR, you should just act as she is not your priority? Like... You give her attention and all, but if she disses you and always bails out on dates, for exemple, you just go on your business and act like nothing happened? (of course if it happens too often you just NEXT her, I know I know). I'm just trying to understand the concept.

I'll give an exemple and can you tell me if that is in accordance with DJ principles, over doing it or under doing it?

Say I call a girl to hang out, and she says yes so we plan it out. Then last minute she calls me and say she can't. So I just say "ok it's cool we can plan something else for another time". I guess at this point if she bails out again, I next her, but if she doesn't, then nothing ever happened, I act like the first date (that she bailed out) was never set?

Now following that example, say you're working for a LTR. If you're always the one doing the work (setting dates, doing the calls, etc) is it showing too much attention and losing your power? Or it's cool as long as she doesn't bail out on you?

Please get back to me on this JJ

 

[Jay Jay]

It sounds like you get it!

Thats generally how I play it but I know a lot of guys here suggest you play a little tougher than that.

A few clarifications: if a girl disses me I will call her on it, diss her back harder and funnier or withdraw from her something I am doing that makes her feel good.

If she cancels plans then its good not to be too keen to make other plans and when you do be like "I'm busy for the next...... how about....."

Another thing that is important but can only be learned from experience is how to entice a girl to chase you. Basically you initiate and get things rolling then when she starts to take the bait pull back and make her work to make things progress.

Anyway that's the level I am working on now; making chicks chase me! I still have a bit to go on that one... Some guys here have nailed that and I imagine some of them will comment shortly...


The main point of contention I have with what you just said was on the LTR side of things.

If you have to do all the work I would suggest she is not right for a LTR. If thats the way it goes down at the beginning then that will set the trend.

Furthermore, in my experience, a girl who is right for you for a long term relationship will be enthusiastic to make things work and she will make it easy for you; she'll cancel other plans, return calls and give you room to initiate and escalate.

Anyway, check out Pooks reposting of the Anti-Dump Machine posts. They are for older guys but the concepts are sound.

JJ

 

[BannedGod]

Furthermore, in my experience, a girl who is right for you for a long term relationship will be enthusiastic to make things work and she will make it easy for you; she'll cancel other plans, return calls and give you room to initiate and escalate.

JJ

Alright thanks man. My last question (about LTR): So even if the girl always is willing to do the stuff that you plan out and she never disses you, always return your calls, etc, yet makes no effort to go to you and makes you do all the efforts, she is probably not good for a LTR?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...P.S. On a totally unrelated subject, I need a grammar lesson lol. When do you use "then" and when do you use "than"

THEN has to do with WHEN. If you are referencing a place in TIME then use THEN. TIME, WHEN and THEN all have an "E" in them.

THAN is used when you want to say "as opposed to" or "instead of."

So rather than using the wrong word, remember the "E" trick and then you will be using the correct word.

 

[Jay Jay]

Alright thanks man. My last question (about LTR): So even if the girl always is willing to do the stuff that you plan out and she never disses you, always return your calls, etc, yet makes no effort to go to you and makes you do all the efforts, she is probably not good for a LTR?

I would consider returning all calls, never dissing and always going on your dates as making an effort and consider her eligible for a LTR.

There is no strict formular. Don't over think this kind of thing and give up your personal judgement on these issues to some faceless guys on the net!

Be aware of your internal feelings, your emotions and energy level. I know that sounds hippy but it works. Your instincts work! You just need to get in contact with them.

If it feels like an "effort" or worse a chore to game this chick then I feel she is just a casual. When it is a pleasure to pursue or if it just flows effortlessly thats when I know I'm on a winner.

JJ