Maybe a tricky situation (need advice -- long)

[TrickyD]

Hello all,

I've been involved in a somewhat of a relationship over the last week and need some advice...

In a nutshell, I've been seeing a girl from my job (I know... bad idea) who's 25 and I'm 30. We started off going out on a date a week ago (dinner, some pool, coffee) and ended up kissing at the end of the night! All systems go so far...

We hit it off so well that I called her the next day to say I had a good time and we ended up meeting for coffee that same night. Well, we progressed from coffee to making out in her apartment and have now seen each other for 7 days straight including some sleepovers at her place. And yes we've had sex already.... Here's where the issues for me comes in:

1. She pressures me for sex. Yes that's right, the tables are turned on this one. I wanted to wait a few weeks but she kept pushing the issue and we ended up doing it. I didn't mind of course but it gets tiring after while (she has a non-stop sex drive)

2. Not sure about LTR. Although she's asked me if there any GF/Wives/etc. lurking in the background, I still get a wierd feeling about it (like she may just be out for sex or a STR). Unfortunately, I'm starting to fall for her and I've made some bonehead moves as a result (AFCland here we come)

I want to see where this relationship goes but I need clarity (for myself) on the above 2 issues before I can emotionally commit. Any advice...

 

[Bungo Pony]

I think it would be best to think about the consequences at work if things don't work out between you two. There was an incident about three years ago at my workplace that involved three people (including a married man). They no longer work there.

If things go sour, you may encounter problems in the workplace. Keep your d1nk out of the company ink.

 

[decades]

too hot and heavy too quick for ltr imo... especially at work...
I think you got oneits real fast...I have done this allot in fact
it was a rule for me...detach and take it slow..get to know her
if you find she is not LTR material, try and stay detached and just have sex with her now and then. that can be very tough if you have fallen for her, however. a wise friend once told me there is some respect lost when you jump in the sack immediately making ltr hard to create.

 

[WaterTiger]

I don't know about you...but the sound of this makes me nervous.

What's her reputation around work? Is she the company slut? Is she trying to make an ex jealous?

More importantly...is your rank at work higher than hers?

You can get sued for sexual harassment (even consentual) on her say-so alone. Then your company fires your ass for costing them 8.5 million & you can't find another job because of it. Never a good idea to fish off the company pier.

I'd SLOW this relationship down a bit, if I was you. Stop with the AFC silliness and THINK logicaly. (You're a guy! Guys are good at logic!) You might have a great FB....or you might be getting into trouble.

 

[DJnomore]

Relax

You are already as screwed with the work thing as you are going to get. Relax don't stress and don't get too involved unless you are both really into each other long term...

Lots of people meet and get married at work. If she has known you for a long time she may be trying to marry you and knows that sex is one way to do that.

 

[TrickyD]

Thanks for the advice....

We're gonna take a break this weekend (she's going out of town) so I'll have some time to think things over...

I'll probably just go with things as they are and see what happens. Just don't want to get caught w/ my pants down (no pun intended)

Thanks for everyone's advice. I'll let you all know what happens!

 

[phillydude]

Since no one talked about the first part of your question, I'll jump in.

She's pressuring you for sex, as in she seems to want if more than you do? Chances are either A) You rock her world. or B) She's playing you.

A) Even if you've never before made a girl crazy for sex with you, sometimes you'll find that you are just the "right fit" for a certain person. You're the right size and shape, or you move the right way, or use a certain position/speed/technique... basically you're the best sex she's ever had, and she can't get enough. Congratulations... you now have complete control over the situation. She'll do just about anything to keep getting it.

B) She's testing to see if you are really interested beyond just sex. I know that sounds weird, but in some cases girls will try and "overload" a guy with sex to see if he falls into the trap where sex is all he associates the relationship with. If you start making hooking up JUST to have sex (without the social aspects of the seducation that comes along with it) then she's got you pegged as just another player looking to "git'r done."

As far as the work thing, it's already a done deal. You've had sex, so anything bad that could come out of it could come out at any time. Keep it on the down low, limit your contact in the office, and hope that she's not telling everyone. Good luck!

 

[TrickyD]

Hey phillydude

Thanks for the insight phillydude...

I think you may be on to something w/ option A. Every night we're together, she presses for sex and when I'm too tired for it (or whatever) she has this look of disappointment on her face. I usually make it up to her later but her attitude about the whole thing is interesting (which is why I started this discussion in the first place).

Our discussions seems to stay on her trying to find out more about me, especially my relationship status (last nights ? was the are you married/do you have any kids anywhere). I'm not intentionally trying to keep anything from her but I'm just a quiet kinda guy in situations like these (trying to feel my way throught it).

It sounds to me like she wants to make this a serious thing, one step at a time but I just wanna make sure all my angles are covered...

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by TrickyD
In a nutshell, I've been seeing a girl from my job (I know... bad idea) who's 25 and I'm 30. We started off going out on a date a week ago (dinner, some pool, coffee) and ended up kissing at the end of the night! All systems go so far...

Not good. I had to leave a job because of this situation, however, I did end up with the woman for almost 7 years.

We hit it off so well that I called her the next day to say I had a good time and we ended up meeting for coffee that same night. Well, we progressed from coffee to making out in her apartment and have now seen each other for 7 days straight including some sleepovers at her place. And yes we've had sex already.... Here's where the issues for me comes in:

7 Days straight is waaaaaaay too much.

1. She pressures me for sex. Yes that's right, the tables are turned on this one. I wanted to wait a few weeks but she kept pushing the issue and we ended up doing it. I didn't mind of course but it gets tiring after while (she has a non-stop sex drive)

This is not a bad thing. Maybe your sex drive isn't as strong, mine is and I would welcome this as I could beat my meat 10 times a day if I let things get out of hand. *cough*

2. Not sure about LTR. Although she's asked me if there any GF/Wives/etc. lurking in the background, I still get a wierd feeling about it (like she may just be out for sex or a STR). Unfortunately, I'm starting to fall for her and I've made some bonehead moves as a result (AFCland here we come)

Back off some. This is way too soon.

I want to see where this relationship goes but I need clarity (for myself) on the above 2 issues before I can emotionally commit. Any advice...

Slow down. You don't even know this person very well.

Beware the person who jumps into a relationship too quickly or insists that you become exclusive and move in with her right away. Not saying this is your case but that is a red flag towards the controlling/abusive type of personality. If she starts saying "I love you" soon and says it way too much, you could be in a spot. You say you're having 'weird' feelings about the whole situation - don't ignore your gut instincts - tread with caution.