Mature DJs, Can you give this fellow Philippine expat some advice?

[Travel memoir21]

Give this dude some pointers for me, here is his story:


‘When is enough to much. I have 3 kids with my philippina wife, she decided to have an affair with a philippino that is an Australian citizen. I knew something was happening but didn't do anything about it, after like 5 months she decided to stop seeing him and he was so upset that he sent me many pictures of there relationship together. Yes there are pictures of them having sex together. After I confronted her about it she first tried to deny it until I showed the picture of her setting on top of him having sex. Then she tried to blame me for it happening. During the past 3 years we very seldom had sex together, she wanted to sleep in a separate bed, I allowed this cause I didn't want to make her feel pressured.
After the affair I want to leave her but my kids is all I could think about. 3 year old 5 YEAR OLD and 9 year old, I kept thinking how could I do this to my kids. They don't deserve to live through this. I decided to forgive my wife and things was perfect just like the first 4 years of our marriage but then after about 6 weeks she started pulling away from me again by wanting to sleep separate, I can live with that. Then our sexual contact began being several days apart. If I said anything to her about it she would get upset and say sex is all you think about, this is the same thing she was saying for years before everything happened. She always is holding her phone and using it, now she listened to love songs on TV from you tube. I want to be free of this pain but my kids keep me from leaving. I even thought about taking the pictures to a lawyer and file a case against her but that would only hurt my kids and I will not hurt my kids, I give her money every month to buy food and pay the bills, I give her p93,000 each month. It only lasts her about 2 to 3 weeks before I have to begin spending money that I keep each month. Yes I support her family. P20,000 a month.im so unhappy everyday and don't feel loved by her anymore. I just want my kids to be happy.’

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Travels,
Poor bvugger you!....You have been through lifes washing Machine and hung out to dry....And yet you are so forgiving...The only thing you can hope to salvage from this disaster is an ongoing relationship with the kids.That objective must underly your future actions....Seems her future actions will direct developments...Your having the purse strings could be useful...Let things develop but on the quiet,maybe seek some legal opinion on your Custody rights,should she becomes even more difficult....In this Country,those rights would be Zero while obliged to keep her and the Kids.... The Philippines is very Catholic and perhaps offers more hope?
Good luck!

 

[Westminster]

Give this dude some pointers for me, here is his story:


‘When is enough to much. I have 3 kids with my philippina wife, she decided to have an affair with a philippino that is an Australian citizen. I knew something was happening but didn't do anything about it, after like 5 months she decided to stop seeing him and he was so upset that he sent me many pictures of there relationship together. Yes there are pictures of them having sex together. After I confronted her about it she first tried to deny it until I showed the picture of her setting on top of him having sex. Then she tried to blame me for it happening. During the past 3 years we very seldom had sex together, she wanted to sleep in a separate bed, I allowed this cause I didn't want to make her feel pressured.
After the affair I want to leave her but my kids is all I could think about. 3 year old 5 YEAR OLD and 9 year old, I kept thinking how could I do this to my kids. They don't deserve to live through this. I decided to forgive my wife and things was perfect just like the first 4 years of our marriage but then after about 6 weeks she started pulling away from me again by wanting to sleep separate, I can live with that. Then our sexual contact began being several days apart. If I said anything to her about it she would get upset and say sex is all you think about, this is the same thing she was saying for years before everything happened. She always is holding her phone and using it, now she listened to love songs on TV from you tube. I want to be free of this pain but my kids keep me from leaving. I even thought about taking the pictures to a lawyer and file a case against her but that would only hurt my kids and I will not hurt my kids, I give her money every month to buy food and pay the bills, I give her p93,000 each month. It only lasts her about 2 to 3 weeks before I have to begin spending money that I keep each month. Yes I support her family. P20,000 a month.im so unhappy everyday and don't feel loved by her anymore. I just want my kids to be happy.’

Don't beat yourself up about the kids. She has chosen to hurt them via her actions and behaviour, not you. Unfortunately, however, you and your children are now going to suffer - although you can make that more or less worse depending on you respond now.

For me, there is no way back once a woman steps out, whatever the circumstances it's over. No way back. But that's what her current behaviour is telling you anyway. She, for whatever reason, doesn't want to be with you anymore and what you describe suggests she may well have reignited her affair or commenced another.

So, yes, you need to get upstream of this and see a lawyer, especially if you want any relationship with your children going forward. Identify the best family lawyer you can, tell him everything and give him all the evidence you have. All of it. Then take action following his advice.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but your wife has placed your future and that of your children in peril. So get, proactive otherwise this will end badly for you.

Take it from a man who knows.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Dude needs to take the fight to the enemy.

This Story will end badly, one way or the other. In worst case she will make up some evidence that Dude is the villain here and have him pay for the rest of his life while still alienating his kids from him.

Make no mistakes, she WILL leave him anyway, she wont sit this out until the kids are grown adults. She is just waiting for the right point in time, meaning when she has all legal trumps.


1. Get a solid lawyer to coach him on the best exit strategy possible, ASAP
2. Stash as much money ( cash, goldcoins etc.) away from her and the system as possible.
3. Set up bis life to be able to walk away at any point

 

[Vanderdonck]

Yes there are pictures of them having sex together. After I confronted her about it she first tried to deny it until I showed the picture of her setting on top of him having sex. Then she tried to blame me for it happening.

Lol.

Anyway let this be a lesson, when the sex dwindles, if you can't leave, go out and get it elsewhere. Put yourself in demand. Let her be the one to wonder. I know that sounds extreme but look what she did. She doesn't see him as desirable.

 

[Bokanovsky]

‘When is enough to much. I have 3 kids with my philippina wife, she decided to have an affair with a philippino that is an Australian citizen.

An Australian citizen eh? That makes her cheating ten times worse.

In all seriousness, this guy is a fool and beyond pathetic. The only advice I'd give him is to grow a pair but I doubt he's capable of it. His kids will be screwed in any event. A spineless dad hardly makes for a good role model.

 

[plumber]

An Australian citizen eh? That makes her cheating ten times worse.

In all seriousness, this guy is a fool and beyond pathetic. The only advice I'd give him is to grow a pair but I doubt he's capable of it. His kids will be screwed in any event. A spineless dad hardly makes for a good role model.

yes, grow a pair is right. but how... we always tell men the same thing and its right. but never HOW.

 

[plumber]

it is clear to any DJ, what this man needs to do. but he does not do it.

-get him to the gym on a training schedule that is real.
-get him to join a one of the volunteer organizations.
-full health checkup including hormones....
-pray for him. his pain is beyond hell.

he will never do the right thing until he can. right now he can not do it.