Matters of the heart.....

[FMNG]

So many things I want to say, yet so little words to put all my thouhgts into a coherent sentance...Hopefully some people with past experiances can guide me on what to do next...

Let me start off by saying this... Here's the thing I am in my early 20's and all my life I've had alot of girl-"friends". Who were just that, friends, girls who I just hung out with for fun, had no feelings for, never gave them anything more then a peck on the cheek as we said goodbye or a friendly hug.

I've done alot of dating but I cannot honestly say that I've ever been in any type of serious girlfriend/boyfriend romantic relationship, although I've had alot of opportunities to do so in the past but the girls that usually had a "high interest level" in me, I didn't about them or vice versa, the girls I liked, didn't like me back.

And I never really wanted to waste my time with a girl I felt nothing for, you know?

Anyways, about a month or so ago I finally met my "dream girl". It's very difficult to try to list all of her characteristics that made her appeal to me, because it's impossible to describe on paper, needless to say, she is the one girl that gave me "That feeling" where you just "Know" you want to be with that person.

I made sure I played all my cards right with her because I knew that she was a keeper. I've surfed this site for quite some time, read the bibble as well as posts by Pooks and the Weapons of Mass Seduction guide by Mr.Fingers etc...

All this to say; looking back on my past dating experiances, I learned that I used to do alot of AFC garbage. This time, I made sure I didn't do any of it with her. I was armed to the teeth with new knowledge on what and not to do.

It worked. We've been steadily dating for about a month now and everything is going great I would think. We also kiss, hug and cuddle everytime were together. So, she's basically my first real romantic "girl-friend"

As sweet as she is though, she is also a very insecure and self-conscious girl with a very low self-esteem who's always putting herself down on many lvl's, such as her physical looks, her talents etc.

As a guy, it's hard for me to hear alot of these things sometimes, which I know are simply not true. I always try to be there for her and make her feel better and special (which she is) or comfort her in some way, when she starts going all "Emo" on me, so to speak.

Anyways, the truth is, I care very much for this girl, more-so then I ever did for anyone in my life. Sometimes I even bended a few bible rules, and I know that a true DJ isn't supposed to really ever get emotionally attached, but if any of you have ever seen the movie "Hitch" I feel exactly like Will Smith did when he says "When I'm around her, I just can't seem to get my stuff right".

Even though I know all the rules, read all the articles, posts etc. It's completly diffrent when your actually with the women you love.

I guess my question is the following. I want to let her know how I feel about her. I really haven't ever told her how much of an important aspect she is in my life.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to go all carebearness mode on her. But I want to get rid of all these feelings which are bottlenecked up inside me, and I haven't told her anything out of fear of pushing her away and being overbearing.

I know that "the-game" requires us men to be "manly" so to speak and not reveal any of or "feelings" or do anything remotely AFC style, if we wish to keep the women were with, so that they don't lose interest. But I really need to be at peace with myself, which right now I'm not.

Sometimes she says things to me about herself and about us and I can't help in my mind but think "If you only knew".

Any suggestions, toughts?

 

[legolas]

Ya I feel ya buddy. She's a keeper? You wanna be at "peace" with yourself? Go ahead tell her and then come back here but don't cry all over the forum

My gut feeling is you "read this site" but didn't quite understand it. You're still in The Matrix my friend and you won't wake up until you've faced rejection or breakup. So go ahead and tell her how you feel, you'll see where it will lead you. Truth is you can't prevent things from going bad, which is why you're asking the question. You've gotta take the risk and learn. You have much to learn and you won't do it by reading here. Our experience isn't going to cure your oneitis.

 

[legolas]

Oh yeah Dude, are you in fvcking highschool?

 

[Desdinova]

Anyways, about a month or so ago I finally met my "dream girl".

One month? You gotta be 5hittin' me! How the hell do you know a woman is right for you after being with her for only a month?

As sweet as she is though, she is also a very insecure and self-conscious girl with a very low self-esteem who's always putting herself down on many lvl's, such as her physical looks, her talents etc.

Your fvcking dream girl is high maintenance. This is a huge red flag, and she's going to find herself "not good enough for you" and dump your ass. You're going to spend a 5hitload of energy trying to keep her happy, feeing her ego, and lifting her spirits. You'll end up sacrificing your happiness trying to make her happy. This woman really isn't worth the time.

I want to let her know how I feel about her.

Okay, let's look at the situation:

- You've been with her for one month
- You don't know jack about her
- She's high maintenance
- You want to vomit your feelings all over her.

I barely lasted two months with most of the women I dated. What makes you think that this is going to last forever? Your head is stuck in the cloud of emotions, and you're tripping over everything you can't see. You're going to end up falling flat on your face if you're not careful.

There's nothing wrong with letting a woman you care, but after one month? Give her at least one more month before you decide she's your "dream girl", a "keeper", and worthy of a LTR.

 

[Burningblue]

I agree with Desdinova. You've known the chick for one month. That's not long enough to be in love.....and not even close for a woman to be in love...it takes them much longer than it takes us. She might be into you right now but trust me when I say that women can change their feelings in an instant. They can leave so fast that it will make your head spin. It's almost like they are programmed to trap you into showing feelings just to weed you out.
I recently did the same thing you are thinking of doing and it got me the boot. The girl was crazy, giggly, stary eyed, infatuated with me...I told her I cared...and I was pretty much on my way out right after.
Remember man, you don't need her. You better believe it deep inside or she'll pick up on your neediness like a bloodhound.

 

[WestCoaster]

I really can't improve on what Des said, it's astute and as always, cracks me up!

But you wrote this:

*************************

I guess my question is the following. I want to let her know how I feel about her. I really haven't ever told her how much of an important aspect she is in my life.

***************************************

Look, please don't ... she knows how you feel. That stuff is for waaaaaaaayyyyy down the road.

There are ways of complimenting here while being ****y and funny: "I like that dress, it accentuates those fine boobies of yours." If you get slapped teasingly, she liked it; if you get slapped seriously, it's time to move on.

Comment on her booty, her boobies, her walk, etc., in a funny way. Sh-t, just have FUN with it. I was way too serious at your age.

I remember this one gal I dated for about a year -- almost got married, thank God I didn't -- anyway, I was starting to get job inquiries out of state, as in much better jobs than the one I had. This gal also worked at my job place, and it was becoming apparent I was going to leave the region. I was worrying about the relationship, how it would affect "us" and so forth. My stomach is getting quesy just writing this ... it was back in my royal AFC days. I finally decided to quit worrying and the gal liked that a lot better, said I was more fun to be around, more relaxed, and things sexually got better because of this, too. I wasn't such a wound-up psycho-nut job.

So to make a long story, longer ... if you tell her how you "feel" you can bet she'll bolt. Emphasis on FUN, quit worrying about the "relationship."

 

[OpenMind]

I'll keep this one quick and brief. "That feeling" is your sign that she is the wrong one for you. Next time you feel "that feeling" get the hell out of there. Men are not supposed to have "that feeling" with women. They are supposed to have "that feeling" for you. Hollywood has corrupted men into thinking that they know that are with the "one" when they have all these silly girly feelings, it's just disgusting. Just my 2 cents.......

 

[JC9]

But I want to get rid of all these feelings which are bottlenecked up inside me.

Why?

Are the feelings hurting you or causing you such discomfort that you need the relief of putting them onto her? Because that's what you will be doing if you start telling her how you feel. You take all that burden from you and put it onto her.

That's a very needy trait, and you need to work on that some or else you will lose this and future girls.

If you like the girl, she should know it by your actions anyways without the need to ever say it.