match.com & pof stunting your growth?

[SecondHalf]

I've been using internet dating for about the past 7 months with quite a bit of success. No LTR (past 2 months), but I do get lots of attention.

For a time it was great for my self image and my social life (the caveat being it took time from my attack on life goals).

What I've found is typically the place is a wasteland for the emotionally unready, the desperate, or attention seeking vanity-HOs.

Given my age, it sure makes it simple though.
The alternative is clubbing (too young of crowd) or randomly hitting on women which I feel a little uncomfortable doing (I live in a very stiff, uptight city).

I've read some of the articles about "buffers" and find myself in more than one category there.

My questions are:
Is it worth while for a person of my age to do the boot camp (I'm leery of it)?
Where do our elders typically pickup on women?

Thanks in advance,

SH.

 

[squirrels]

Don't look at it as "approaching" or "hitting-on". You see a nice-looking girl, you strike up a conversation and see if she has a personality to match. If she does, you keep talking, escalate, set up a date or whatever.

Every girl you haven't met (there are billions of them) is "random" and any conversation you have with a woman could be construed as "hitting on".

"Hitting on random women" implies that you have no social skill and your interaction with women is something that they do not find as enjoyable as you do...which means maybe you need to learn to talk to them.

If they enjoy talking to you, it seems a lot less like "hitting" to them and more like "getting to know". Become someone who's enjoyable to talk to and you can have conversations with women anywhere, about almost anything, and not have to worry about whether she's "uncomfortable", because it'll be a GOOD kind of "uncomfort" instead of a BAD kind.

 

[Freddy1]

I've been using internet dating for about the past 7 months with quite a bit of success. No LTR (past 2 months), but I do get lots of attention.

For a time it was great for my self image and my social life (the caveat being it took time from my attack on life goals).

What I've found is typically the place is a wasteland for the emotionally unready, the desperate, or attention seeking vanity-HOs.

Given my age, it sure makes it simple though.
The alternative is clubbing (too young of crowd) or randomly hitting on women which I feel a little uncomfortable doing (I live in a very stiff, uptight city).

I've read some of the articles about "buffers" and find myself in more than one category there.

My questions are:
Is it worth while for a person of my age to do the boot camp (I'm leery of it)?
Where do our elders typically pickup on women?

Thanks in advance,

SH.

The person you might want to look at is DavidX's materials. He's even older than you and can pick up younger women. Check out one of his seminars or something. People like him inspires me. I am planning to check him out myself.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Hey secondhalf you have "Match" pegged. Its an adequate service, but try underpinning it with real life pick ups.

Some ideas: try Meetup.com; invest in some activities that you really enjoy. I joined when I was on assignment in NC last year, winged with a work buddy to a few events and had a lot of fun. There was even a monthly event at one pub where the average age was over 50 (a little old for me) and noone left before 1AM. Crazy southerners.

In the past (Im in an LTR now) I've cold approached with great success. Talking waiting in line at a car dealership, supermarkets, at the beach, etc. It's not easy, you have to grow a pair, but that's where I got the best ass. My standard line after I get some woman's attention, like in the check out line at the supermarket..."Hey....mind if I'm a little forward here? but we should meet for coffee or something. Give me your number"

 

[gaspipe]

Hey secondhalf you have "Match" pegged. Its an adequate service, but try underpinning it with real life pick ups.

Some ideas: try Meetup.com; invest in some activities that you really enjoy. I joined when I was on assignment in NC last year, winged with a work buddy to a few events and had a lot of fun. There was even a monthly event at one pub where the average age was over 50 (a little old for me) and noone left before 1AM. Crazy southerners.

In the past (Im in an LTR now) I've cold approached with great success. Talking waiting in line at a car dealership, supermarkets, at the beach, etc. It's not easy, you have to grow a pair, but that's where I got the best ass. My standard line after I get some woman's attention, like in the check out line at the supermarket..."Hey....mind if I'm a little forward here? but we should meet for coffee or something. Give me your number"

Thats good I like that. My standard cold approach would go like this. "Are you married? Her: No Do you hjave a boyfriend? Her: no. Me: Then lets go out sometime..."Seems to work great with cashiers and bank tellers. Of course I would have to get some IOIs first before doing this. But you are right. To get to that level yuou need to grow a pair.

 

[SecondHalf]

"Hitting on random women" implies that you have no social skill and your interaction with women is something that they do not find as enjoyable as you do...which means maybe you need to learn to talk to them.

If they enjoy talking to you, it seems a lot less like "hitting" to them and more like "getting to know". Become someone who's enjoyable to talk to and you can have conversations with women anywhere, about almost anything, and not have to worry about whether she's "uncomfortable", because it'll be a GOOD kind of "uncomfort" instead of a BAD kind.

Thanks Squirrels. I have no issue chatting with women/anyone. In fact it comes pretty easy to me. I read your response twice and got your message the second time ... Yep, I should just chat and who knows, maybe they'll be receptive/interesting enough that I might want to continue. Good advice.

Talking waiting in line at a car dealership, supermarkets, at the beach, etc. It's not easy, you have to grow a pair, but that's where I got the best ass. My standard line after I get some woman's attention, like in the check out line at the supermarket..."Hey....mind if I'm a little forward here? but we should meet for coffee or something. Give me your number"

Haha, I can't even imagine saying something like that, but perhaps it's some of the lingering AFC'ism that I'm working through. I've been in a marriage for so long I think I forgot what it's like to be aggressive in these situations (see bottom, decide ... I must have it...).

I'll try both, depends on what side of the tracks I'm on for a while

Thanks,

SH

 

[Poonani Maker]

My most recent msg to a 25 yr old decent-looking blonde on POF (pics with the pucker fish face with her girlfriend bs - a tease??) is: "Wow, you're ugly."

I guarantee you that she will msg me back insulting me. Conversation started.

 

[SecondHalf]

My most recent msg to a 25 yr old decent-looking blonde on POF (pics with the pucker fish face with her girlfriend bs - a tease??) is: "Wow, you're ugly."

I guarantee you that she will msg me back insulting me. Conversation started.

OK, that made me laugh!

 

[Poonani Maker]

"You look kinda smashed in the 3rd pic from the left." my next msg to another 29 yr old blonde one (she'd mentioned rather having a beer than coffee, coffee's lame blah blah), she'll respond

 

[Warrior74]

My most recent msg to a 25 yr old decent-looking blonde on POF (pics with the pucker fish face with her girlfriend bs - a tease??) is: "Wow, you're ugly."

I guarantee you that she will msg me back insulting me. Conversation started.

LOL. I had a whale hit me up on Plenty of Whales saying hey cutey. I replied, you'd be cute if you lost 90lbs. She wrote about 2 paragraphs of cursing me and men in general. I couldn't help but laugh. I'm a cvnt and I know it.

 

[Jitterbug]

Ballroom & Latin dancing, as the late jophil would tell you.

 

[SecondHalf]

LOL. I had a whale hit me up on Plenty of Whales saying hey cutey. I replied, you'd be cute if you lost 90lbs. She wrote about 2 paragraphs of cursing me and men in general. I couldn't help but laugh. I'm a cvnt and I know it.

Too funny...

I should get some joy out of some of these ... ladies?
I've got lots that exceed my upper age limit (which is 50) and say is 54 too much.
I think my canned response will be "Chronological age is just a number and matters not, but in your case, it's the facial trenches that some would call wrinkles that disqualify you".

SH

 

[SecondHalf]

Ballroom & Latin dancing, as the late jophil would tell you.

Yes (RIP), I'm fixing to begin that. August I lose the kid for a month and I'll get busy doing just that.

SH

 

[poster_guy03]

where?

My questions are:
Is it worth while for a person of my age to do the boot camp (I'm leery of it)?
Where do our elders typically pickup on women?

SH.

On the weekends go to any store that sells home decorating items: Marshalls, TJ Max, Home Goods, Hobby Lobby, etc. The place will be crawling with women of all ages.... Act like you need their assistance and input on some kind of art work or decorative knick knack, or offer your own opinion on something they are looking at.........

 

[pdx1138]

you might also try okcupid

higher quality women there than plenty o whales...and still a free site.

 

[SecondHalf]

you might also try okcupid

higher quality women there than plenty o whales...and still a free site.

I tried that site once. It was OK. I do much better on match.com.
Once you weed out the happy, few extra pound women (or Glad Hefty Bags), there seems to be more serious women.

The internet dating is not without benefit, I mean you have to do your dance during the dreaded "coffee date" and you do get better at it.

It's the initial approach that you never get to hone while using these sites.
There have been some good suggestions and observations on this thread and I will be trying them.

SH