Massive lapse into AFCdom

[Miles28]

Background:

I'm living in Asia. Split up with my long term girlfriend about 9 months ago. Was rusty when first getting back into the game but after a while got my **** together and have been involved with a string of women (mostly hot). More than that I had thought I was beginning to master the DJ mindset almost to the point where I was pretty much totally emotionally detached from any of the plates I was spinning.

However a while ago I met this smoking hot Korean girl (model). We went on a couple of dates which I think I played pretty well. She was resistant physically but I'd always back off and then come back harder until a couple of weeks ago she came back to my place. Even then it was hard work getting the kiss close but I succeeded. Tried to take it further but absolutely no joy despite reasonably persistence on my part.

At first this girl had gone on about how with her previous boyfriends she had been friends with them for a couple of YEARS before they became involved and that she wanted us to be friends first. I told her that was a load of rubbish and that I didn't have any interest in her friend. It seemed to work because she agreed to go on dates with me after that and it was clear that the dynamic wasn't one of friends (i.e lots of kino - reciprocated, talking about sex, etc).

Everything seemed to be going well, she told me that she had been telling her friends about me, was starting to really like me, etc. Just before last weekend I had asked her to meet me on Saturday. She told me that she couldn't cos she was busy. So I went away with one of my other plates (who is a great girl, hot and hasn't messed me around at all but physically doesn't quite do it for me for some reason - she is also quite inexperienced in bed so sex with her isn't that great). On the Saturday this Korean girl tells me she is with her friend and that she and her friend really want to see me. I replied and said that I couldn't make it (which seemed more than reasonable given that I had originally invited her to do something on Saturday but she had declined).

After that the next day I asked her if she wanted to meet on Wednesday of the following week. No response. I gave it a couple of days and still no response.

This is where the AFC-dom (and yes please kick my ass for it) begins. I wrote an e-mail to her saying, look I thought things were going well yet you seem to not be responding to me. What's up?

I get a very long and rambling e-mail from her basically saying a lot of woman crap about how she is a good person but is selfish, she puts her career first (modelling, lol), etc, etc. Fine. But the central theme of her e-mail seemed to be that she had been shocked and disappointed when I didn't agree to meet her on that Saturday and after that her feelings grew cold towards me.

She was also banging on about how she wanted someone who really understood her inner self, that because she was a model most men just wanted her for her looks, etc.

Now I'll be honest, of course the main reason I'm more interested in this girl is because she is so hot. If she was average I wouldn't even have bothered or thought twice about any of this, but I let the hotness get to me.

The reason that I'm angry at myself now is because I feel that by missing that meeting I blew any chance with her. Let me clarify - if this makes any sense I'm angry because I'm angry that I missed the meeting. Logically I didn't do a damn thing wrong and yet still I'm feeling like if I'd made that meeting everything would be hunky dory. Bull**** huh?!

The worst part is that I just wrote to her saying that I had really wanted to meet that night but I was out of town. I also told her that of course I was interested in her as a person and wanted to get to know her better.

I've totally bought into her frame haven't I and acted like a chump?

For some reason, even though I thought it could no longer happen I developed oneitis over this girl. The only reason I can give for this is, again, the fac that she is so hot. She is fun to be around for sure and I enjoy spending time with her but for one thing there is a big language barrier between us so I can't say that I have discovered any 'special' qualities in this girl or anything like that. I no longer thought oneitis could be a problem for me, but it's got me (despite the fact that I have always had a few plates spinning these last few months).

So, that's where things stand. I would have loved to get together with this girl and banged her good. Probably after that I would have lost interest and begun to find fault with various things, even physically (lack of tits for one). However because I never got the chance to get that far I'm stranded in the dreaded oneitis stage where the situation is unsalveageble but I keep thinking about it.

My main concern is that it's going to be hard to find someone as hot as her (one thing is that I really like tall girls and she is very tall - something very difficult to find in Asia. Christ few of the guys are over 5 ft 8, let alone the women).

Not sure where to go from here. I was going to hit the town tonight but I'm just not overly enamoured at the thought of going out and hitting on lots of less attractive girls than this one (and having to deal with rejection by a good many as is always the way when scouring the clubs). Morale is quite low.

Any thoughts, comments, advice, suggestions more than welcome.

M

 

[kingsam]

Background:

I'm living in Asia. Split up with my long term girlfriend about 9 months ago. Was rusty when first getting back into the game but after a while got my **** together and have been involved with a string of women (mostly hot). no offense when people say "mostly hot" its coz the girls aint hot!More than that I had thought I was beginning to master the DJ mindset almost to the point where I was pretty much totally emotionally detached from any of the plates I was spinning.

However a while ago I met this smoking hot Korean girl (model). We went on a couple of dates which I think I played pretty well. She was resistant physically but I'd always back off and then come back harder until a couple of weeks ago she came back to my place. Even then it was hard work getting the kiss close but I succeeded. Tried to take it further but absolutely no joy despite reasonably persistence on my part.

At first this girl had gone on about how with her previous boyfriends she had been friends with them for a couple of YEARS before they became involvedprobably orbiting AFC's sheeventually went out with OR just a load of BS ! - but youlll never know the real truth here! and that she wanted us to be friends first. I told her that was a load of rubbish and that I didn't have any interest in her friend. It seemed to work because she agreed to go on dates with me after that and it was clear that the dynamic wasn't one of friends (i.e lots of kino - reciprocated, talking about sex, etc).
well she responded well for a bit as you showed your balls! but you cold have been a lot more tactfull wiht her instead of tellig her its a load of rubbish !

Everything seemed to be going well, she told me that she had been telling her friends about me, was starting to really like me, etc. Just before last weekend I had asked her to meet me on Saturday. She told me that she couldn't cos she was busy. So I went away with one of my other plates (who is a great girl, hot and hasn't messed me around at all but physically doesn't quite do it for me for some reason - she is also quite inexperienced in bed so sex with her isn't that great). On the Saturday this Korean girl tells me she is with her friend and that she and her friend really want to see me. I replied and said that I couldn't make it (which seemed more than reasonable given that I had originally invited her to do something on Saturday but she had declined).

After that the next day I asked her if she wanted to meet on Wednesday of the following week. No response. I gave it a couple of days and still no response.

This is where the AFC-dom (and yes please kick my ass for it) begins. I wrote an e-mail to her saying, look I thought things were going well yet you seem to not be responding to me. What's up?

I get a very long and rambling e-mail from her basically saying a lot of woman crap about how she is a good person but is selfish, she puts her career first (modelling, lol), etc, etc. Fine. But the central theme of her e-mail seemed to be that she had been shocked and disappointed when I didn't agree to meet her on that Saturday and after that her feelings grew cold towards me.
if she is very hot she will be used to guys doing what ever she says, he ego cant get over this...and this also says she probably didnt have as high interst in you as she thought

She was also banging on about how she wanted someone who really understood her inner self, that because she was a model most men just wanted her for her looks, etc.

Now I'll be honest, of course the main reason I'm more interested in this girl is because she is so hot. If she was average I wouldn't even have bothered or thought twice about any of this, but I let the hotness get to me.

The reason that I'm angry at myself now is because I feel that by missing that meeting I blew any chance with her. Let me clarify - if this makes any sense I'm angry because I'm angry that I missed the meeting. Logically I didn't do a damn thing wrong and yet still I'm feeling like if I'd made that meeting everything would be hunky dory. Bull**** huh?!

The worst part is that I just wrote to her saying that I had really wanted to meet that night but I was out of town. I also told her that of course I was interested in her as a person and wanted to get to know her better.

I've totally bought into her frame haven't I and acted like a chump?
YES
For some reason, even though I thought it could no longer happen I developed oneitis over this girl. The only reason I can give for this is, again, the fac that she is so hot.YES She is fun to be around for sure and I enjoy spending time with her but for one thing there is a big language barrier between us so I can't say that I have discovered any 'special' qualities in this girl or anything like that. I no longer thought oneitis could be a problem for me, but it's got me (despite the fact that I have always had a few plates spinning these last few months).

So, that's where things stand. I would have loved to get together with this girl and banged her good. Probably after that I would have lost interest and begun to find fault with various things, even physically (lack of tits for one). However because I never got the chance to get that far I'm stranded in the dreaded oneitis stage where the situation is unsalveageble but I keep thinking about it.

My main concern is that it's going to be hard to find someone as hot as her NO its not, are you asian or a western man in asia? either way thers millions of girls... be proactive! (if you are western then thats a massive help) (one thing is that I really like tall girls and she is very tall - something very difficult to find in Asia. Christ few of the guys are over 5 ft 8, let alone the women).

Not sure where to go from here. I was going to hit the town tonight but I'm just not overly enamoured at the thought of going out and hitting on lots of less attractive girls than this one (and having to deal with rejection by a good many as is always the way when scouring the clubs). oh dear, man up ! Morale is quite low. stop feeling sorry for yourself, its one chick you had nothing invested with! whatever !

Any thoughts, comments, advice, suggestions more than welcome.

M

if she girl is very hot she will have a "club" of orbiters trying to get in her pants, and so she has a lot of men to play around with...

 

[Kailex]

The reason that I'm angry at myself now is because I feel that by missing that meeting I blew any chance with her. Let me clarify - if this makes any sense I'm angry because I'm angry that I missed the meeting. Logically I didn't do a damn thing wrong and yet still I'm feeling like if I'd made that meeting everything would be hunky dory. Bull**** huh?!

Ahh, but where was that anger when she blew you off?

More specifically, if she hadn't called you or texted you at all, would you still be feeling this way? Of course not.

You have her an option. She declined.
So as the diligent DJ that you are, you took another option.
What were you supposed to do? Stay at home all day and wait just in the OFF CHANCE that she MIGHT call you and want to see you?

BULL.

BULL I SAY.

She's just mad because you weren't like all the other guys who would have dropped ANYTHING to go see her, and then what did you do? Email her about it.

No sir, you were doing it right until you emailed her.
Get that through your head. She missed out on the opportunity of going out with you, NOT the other way around. BTW, she's doing you a favor. If this is the way she reacts because you just can't drop everything to please Little Miss Princess, imagine a more serious situation in the future?

Are you kidding me?
You should be telling her to hit the road.

The worst part is that I just wrote to her saying that I had really wanted to meet that night but I was out of town. I also told her that of course I was interested in her as a person and wanted to get to know her better.

I've totally bought into her frame haven't I and acted like a chump?

Miles, WHY? You gave her an explanation?
You robbed yourself of the mystery and the intrigue! NO!!!
And yes, it's her frame now.

My main concern is that it's going to be hard to find someone as hot as her (one thing is that I really like tall girls and she is very tall - something very difficult to find in Asia. Christ few of the guys are over 5 ft 8, let alone the women).

SO WHAT?
Your main concern isn't that she's hot and no one else will be as hot as her, it's that you want a girl who suddenly doesn't want YOU, now. That's it. That's all there is to it. And to be honest, I wouldn't want to go out with a girl who thought that the entire male population is just a bunch of puppets for her to string along. She's NOT worth it.

Not sure where to go from here. I was going to hit the town tonight but I'm just not overly enamoured at the thought of going out and hitting on lots of less attractive girls than this one (and having to deal with rejection by a good many as is always the way when scouring the clubs). Morale is quite low.

Give me a high quality 8 over a low quality 9, any day.
The girl you described sounds like NO FUN AT ALL.
Everything seems like it has to be her way or the highway.

Eff that.

It sounds like the time, energy, and amount of resources needed to be with this one, could be better spent on about 3 other women.

 

[kyokon]

'it's going to be hard to find someone as hot as her'? apart from this being quite unlikely where you live, it sounds like you are too caught up on this maybe. when judging women we tend to score by what we think should make us happy, like how hot they are, job or similar interests or whatever, instead of how much happiness the overall interaction gives us. while she may be off the charts in one measurement, 'licking wounds' is not a term i would equate with overall happiness...

sounds like she wouldn't be a whole lot of fun in bed anyways, not speaking from any model-fugging experience or anything but their "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts" attitude doesn't bode well

um. but as to practical suggestions, I would just forget that the whole episode happened (especially your email) and just go back to what was working well enough before. anyway the general gist of what I read here is that you are better off with a certain amount of drama to make her fret about things - it's sure working on you hehehehe

 

[Zarky]

I think the OP is doing fine. You can be with 20 hot girls and the one that blows you off will garner your attention for awhile. Happens to me all the time, doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

A lot of inexperienced guys here seem to think if you're doing it right you're going to win all the time and be in control of every situation all the time. Wrong. You're going to get blindsided sometimes, write silly emails to chicks that you'll look back on and blush about. Even when you're at the top of your game.

But since you're dating other women, you won't make the same real blunders that so many dudes make. You'll do your silly emails, then shake it off and move on. It's like a boxer who's dominating in the ring--the other guy will land blows and they'll hurt, but they won't knock him out.

Keep it up, you're doing fine. This chick dumped you because she can't control you. This will happen A LOT, and is a sign that you're doing things right. Get used to it.

 

[Miles28]

Thanks very much for the responses guys.

Update: I went on a date with this girl tonight. It seems she warmed up to me again - for some reason the fact I didn't make it on Saturday, apparently, really turned her off me. Tonight there was lots of kino, etc but ultimately nothing happened. I tried to get her to stay at mine but she said she had a modeling gig tomorrow and needed to go home to put on her face pack and do all that ****.

So, ultimately this girl is wasting my time and money. There's another girl I'm seeing who has been totally straight down the line with me (the ONLY issue I have with her is that she is very flat - not uncommon amongst Japanese girls) and I think I'd rather put more time and effort into her, and other girls (have another couple on the go but to be honest they're only maybe 6s or 7s).

I think what Zarky said about this chick loving drama is true and I think without it she wouldn't have interest at all. But the question is, is indulging that really worth the trouble?

Kyokon you're right, there are plenty of hot girls here. I think the problem is that the only place I game them is in Roppongi (which is a really foreigner heavy district and for some reason the best Japanese girls don't go there). It's easy to pull there but hard to pull attractive girls because there's so much competition and the hottest girls tend to be in groups with their Japanese guy friends/orbiters. It's almost impossible for me to day game at the moment because my Japanese is intermediate only.

I have been AFC with this girl but I think the occasional relapse is bound to happen so thanks for not flaming me off the board!!

Need to get my **** together.

M

 

[DanelMadr]

I think you are too hard on yourself, man.

I know it is important to not let your inner wussy some out but it does not mean you can't get sweet with a girl when she gets her emotional period.

Guys do the mistake that they get too involved and too influenced by her emotional state. And also they forget that the state can last a minute a day or whatever. That is not good. Basically that is called shyt test.

She gets some hormone injected to her brain and she starts to feel in love and tells you that and you go "Oh we are in love then, OK" but her hormone goes away and now she hates you but you are still in holding hands, bunnies and rainbow stuff. Then you don't pass the shyt test, because in her eyes....you are too dependent on her moods. And she needs more emotional stability from you.

But it is a mistake not to reflect on her emotions at all. Just don't get all mushy. But you can calm her down when she gets "the worries". Just don't get suckle down in her emotions.

Being emotional because she is emotional or because you are pvssy = AFC

Caring for her, wanting to fvck her, responding to her emotions in controlled way is not AFC.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Nobody's perfect and this chick seems to be a little too complicated. Sometimes you encounter a girl who cant let you lead and can't lead herself. Keep pushing IL and hope for the best.