Married and LTR fellas, how to bring up the subject of weight gain......

[AgonyUncle]

Eish. The weight problem

Suggest an activity that you two can do together. Must be something physical. If she asks why, just say that it will be a fun way for you both to stay in shape and spend time together. If she asks “do you think I need to lose weight” or something similar, just say that you want to up exercise activity without having to cut the time you spend together. Or suggest that it’s the activity you keen on, not the results. Another way is to go grocery shopping with her. Any crap she puts in the trolley and you suggest a healthier alternative. I used that approach, and I got out with only mild bruising.

In all honesty though, go in wearing a crash helmet. You are not being a real man by calling her fat. You are just acting like a tit. Its probably one of their few instances where you need to act like a real *****. They are sensitive about their weight as it is. If you don’t mention it in a subtle way though, she might think its not a problem though.

Good luck, and have your will drafted before you go in

 

[speed dawg]

I still can't get an answer on why he wants to be married at 26, unless he found a Marilyn Monroe clone who is also a graduate of an elite culinary school and can cook like no tomorrow as well as deliver the goods in the bedroom.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Because my self-esteem is dependent on her. I asked a simple question here. Stop trying to prove that I'm an AFC.

 

[WestCoaster]

I'm not trying to prove you're an AFC. I'm trying to figure out why you want to get married at 26, especially after being on this site.

So let me get this straight: You're getting married at 26 to a woman you want to change. Uh, OK ...

Just an answer without the defensiveness: Why do you want to get married at 26? The fact that you don't want to answer it is interesting.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Because my self-esteem is dependent on her...

By choice?

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's a process, if they gain a small amount, and you don't put an end to it, they think they look fine and before you know it it's 50 lbs. and they still think they're hot.

I've seen it go down too many times before.

fwiw, that's what happened to my wife. She was a 21 y/o 5'4" 120 lb beauty queen just before I met her. She was 130 when we met and 190 when we divorced. Now she is 215 pounds at age 33, (not a pretty sight at 5'4") and thinks that she only needs to get back to 190, because when she was that weight, she got a lot of compliments from guys.

 

[speed dawg]

D*mn Bible Belt, 190? That's ALOT of weight. Sounds like my neighbor's wife. Anyway, that's my question, how to make the changes necessary in lifestyle to assure that doesn't happen.

And for Westcoaster, why I want to get married:

1) I'm a Christian, I believe in the Christian way.
2) I want a family.
3) I love my fiance.
4) I am attracted to my fiance.
5) We get along very well, we deal with things efficiently and effectively.
6) We respect and trust each other.
7) Our families like each other.
8) I enjoy it. We do alot together. We like some of the same goofy stuff.
9) For some reason, my dumb humor makes her laugh all the time.

Now, like any guy (RTomassi included), I've love to fukk every girl I saw until the day I die. But, I value this relationship more than that. When the temptation to cheat would come up, all I could think about was her.

I've had my rounds with women, I've been with 18 girls. And many of those were when I was a BIG AFC. Sosuave helped alot with that, and opened a door for me. Do I wish I had done a little more (as in, fukked a few more hors)? Probably. Would I trade in this relationship for it? H*ll, no.

There you have it.

 

[azanon]

Let's just say the significant other is showing the signs of putting on a few pounds. It's been strictly out of our habits as of late. I had back surgery a couple of months ago and it's been pretty rough and to say the least, we've gotten lazy and have been eating alot. A very sedative lifestyle, so say the least, but not by choice. And she's been there with me the entire time.

Well, I'm back ready to go, getting back in shape and made a few wise cracks about my gf's weight. I've been around long enough to know that was a mistake, and only causes resentment.

The question is how to get girls to lose weight. I've read articles that say spouse's and such are more prone to be healthy when the other one is, and that's been the trend in our relationship. If I get in shape, she usually does. So I guess I answered my own question. Then again I have my neighbor's wife, who thinks she's hot as h*ll, but she is actually fat as h*ll. I think alot of women are in denial about how they really look.

Any of you married fellas gotten success by other means. I know, I know, I have to get myself back up to par for her to want to. But you get my drift. And surgery is not something you can recover overnight from. RTomassi, you say you and your wife stay in pretty good shape, what's the secret to letting them know they are getting bigger while they think at the same time you're just being mean?

(To OP)

You answered your own question mostly. Not taking care of yourself (for whatever reason) likely played a large role in her getting lax about her taking care of herself. There is a huge dynamic that goes along with one partner feeling the pressure to keep up with the other. I've posted before my wife never worked out before she met me, but she definitely does now. I spend a lot of time taking care of my body and simply common sense tells her she better keep up.

YOU have to actually get back in shape. The cracks (while you're still out of shape) is all talk and no do. TONS of people have incredible intentions to get in shape, especially after Jan 1. About 10% of them actually do that. If she's playing the statistics, you're probably just talk. Mathematically, its the safest bet.

Don't get bent out of shape by me saying that; prove me and her wrong. As soon as its obvious you're doing just that, I'm sure she'll start trying to keep up again. She's aiming for parity and it sounds like, at the moment, she has that.

 

[WestCoaster]

And for Westcoaster, why I want to get married:

1) I'm a Christian, I believe in the Christian way.
2) I want a family.
3) I love my fiance.
4) I am attracted to my fiance.
5) We get along very well, we deal with things efficiently and effectively.
6) We respect and trust each other.
7) Our families like each other.
8) I enjoy it. We do alot together. We like some of the same goofy stuff.
9) For some reason, my dumb humor makes her laugh all the time.

Good enough reasons for me. Wanting to pork more women should never be the only reason to hold off marriage. I always look at the big picture: will my career path be slowed, have I travelled and experienced life like I'd want to, do I want to be tied down right now, and finally, yeah, would I like to have been with more women.

Your reasoning sounds fine to me; I wouldn't want to be married at 26, but that's just me.

 

[Scot McKay]

Steps to avoiding this issue (and this is definitely based on trial and error, gentlemen):

1) DO NOT enter into a relationship with a woman who has LSE

2) Build the entire relationship around honesty under all circumstances...from Day 1

3) Make sure YOU know and SHE knows that you have selected her willingly from among many high-end options in the dating pool. You were not a man who "settled" for her.

4) Never, ever insult her or poke fun at her expense. (not to be confused with teasing banter...we're talking the hurtful stuff here)


Get those three right, and you will be finding a lot more about her that is positive than negative and your honesty will be appreciated. Then, like magic you'll be able to say things like, "Yes, honestly your @$$ does look big in those jeans. The other ones are much more flattering." And she'll literally thank you for it.

Ask Emily and she'll tell you that my compliments mean more to her precisely *because* she knows she's hearing the truth. And yes, when she tells me it's time to cut down on the Samuel Adams she's probably on to something in her own right.

But hells bells...you get a woman who hates herself every time she looks in the mirror and all bets are off.

 

[Zazenth]

From the OP:
4) I am attracted to my fiance.
Q: So why are you complaining about her weight? You sure your attracted to her or does your attraction come with conditions?
Really now... lets be serious.