marriage - should there be divorce? * domestic violence

[Heretolearn]

I say not for me. If I got married I would want a no divorce clause (do not think it would be legally enforceable)
* based on the assumption that

The main Pre-requisites of marriage for me: (in no order)
a) true knowledge and acceptance of the self : maturity
b) Love and committment to the other person
c) A sharing of values, morals, beliefs and goals *especially children or lack thereof


Completely angered these two ladies I had lunch with. One is a Director of Public Prosecutions and I found out afterwards that she is dealing with domestic violence cases right now...............

- So your thoughts on divorce

- add in thoughts on domestic violence and the like

 

[juanita]

my thoughts on divorse: everything changes, u might love your partner unconditionally now and start hating her/him with time.
my question is : would u consider to prolong the marriage if u had children u loved very very much but u stopped loving your spouse and were extremely unhappy? or would u try to get divorsed and find true happiness? so how about children then?

 

[Bible_Belt]

A no divorce clause is not enforceable, as you suspected, at least in the US.

 

[Desdinova]

Personally, I'd divorce a woman who decides it's a good idea to physically attack me.

With children, I think the happiness of EVERYONE should be kept in mind. If the parents aren't happy together, what makes you think the children are happy? I know I sure as hell wasn't. I'd be much happier if my parents divorced than stayed together miserable.

If the parents would be much happier leading separate lives, I believe it would benefit the children as well. What good is a family unit if there isn't any happiness in it? How healthy is an apple when it's rotten to the core?

 

[penkitten]

even if your future spouse agrees to it before hand, eventually if the marraige gets bad enough for any reason , they can "change" their mind and divorce you and the laws are now set up that you can basically divorce if you dont like a change in hair color.

 

[Wyldfire]

Divorce has to be an option simply because if it weren't more people would mistreat their spouses. More men would be abusive and cheat. More women would max out the credit cards, stop taking care of themselves and cheat. The threat of being divorced is somethimes the only thing that keeps people from behaving very badly in their marriage. You would also see a massive increase in spousal murder.

Divorce exists for a reason. It would be totally retarded to not allow divorce.

 

[Heretolearn]

interesting responses - thank you

Basically I am saying that I believe that marriage should be 'til death do us part'

The above reasons are good reasons for divorce. If I get married, it will because I am a person who will do whatever it takes to prevent as many issues as possible and handle the ones that arise maturely.

Yes, a bad relationship is terrible for children but what does it say to run away from the problem (divorce). Surely a coulpe that let their love rule over any problems they had would be a better example. Yes, everyone falls down but it is about the resilience, commitment and ACTION to work through it

* i am not saying every relationship should work or whatever. That is why relationships are very separate to 'marriage'.

Marriage to me is something both enter conciously and voluntarily so the least you can do is make the above commitment

 

[Desdinova]

Yes, a bad relationship is terrible for children but what does it say to run away from the problem (divorce). Surely a coulpe that let their love rule over any problems they had would be a better example. Yes, everyone falls down but it is about the resilience, commitment and ACTION to work through it

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You've obviously never met people like my parents. They absolutely fvcking hate each others' guts, yet they remain together.

When a couple gets divorced, many times each parent will try to get the kid(s) to take sides with them. When an unhappy couple stays together, they do the same thing except it's all under the same roof. The parents then get into fights about who's side the child is on. Now tell me that's good for the child.

My parents set a lousy example for me by staying together. They're telling me that it's okay and even beneficial to be married and miserable for the rest of your life. I don't wanna end up like them. They're miserable and unpleasant people to be around. When I go visit them, they usually get into an argument, and it's usually about the same thing - ME. I try to avoid visiting them.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Keep in mind that what some call a divorce may actually have been a dissolution. The difference is that a divorce case is adversarial - a forced ending to the marriage. A dissolution is where both parties agree the marriage should be ended for whatever reason(s).

When it comes to marriage, it's not safe to go in with blinders on.

When I got married, I had no idea it would end. We had such a great relationship, there was no hint that it would ever come to an end. HA! Times change.

I am currently in the process of getting a dissolution from my wife (I am leaving her). I've even caught myself calling it a divorce out of convenience because the term 'dissolution' may not be instantly understood.

Splitting isn't easy, and takes time and effort, which is why some couples don't do it. We have kids, a house and assets to consider. The kids will ultimately be better off. It's the best thing to do for everyone involved. I'm not going to die a bitter old man. Not me, no way.

 

[jendean71]

Yendor, I hear ya. My thoughts are this. And this is coming from a divorced guy. I got married, not to get divorced. I believe in staying together and working out each problem as it arises. However, there does come a time when you have to accept the inevitable. I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused by my ex. The last, um I would say 5 yrs of our marriage, she began to berate me, call me every name under the sun. Some of I will myself never say myself, and I'm a truck driver Then began the emotional of the continued berating and then the physical. I'm not a small geek. I'm 5'9" 185, hold multiple belts in karate, yet I would be beat on quite often from this person. I can't even call her a woman. She was stark raving mad at times. Bi-Polar as well. I attempted everything I could to work our problems out. but there comes a time when it just does not help. Counseling, family and friends. Space, everything I could think of.

Finally, I found that she had been having an affair with someone at work(we both worked at the same place then) and though I had my suspicions, didn't want to believe it, it was going on for 4 yrs. Thats when I began to smarten up and realize that I too was going to become yet another statistic of the divorced. So I filed and here I am. And though there was a time that I thought I would never forget my ex., the thought of her today make my skin crawl. I get ill just thinking about her.

I have an incredible woman now and I will tell you that I will get married again, and not to get divorced.

If the marriage is bad, then its bad. both need to want it or its doomed. As for domestic violence?

Once is too much. whether its male or female doing it. Its not right. Why would anyone want to inflict harm on the one they love?


Hey LongDrink, You got it right bro. Your not gonna die. I know how ya feel and felt. Its tough, but your gonna walk away being able to look yourself in the mirror and not be ashamed of who and what you are.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Hey LongDrink, You got it right bro. Your not gonna die. I know how ya feel and felt. Its tough, but your gonna walk away being able to look yourself in the mirror and not be ashamed of who and what you are.

Thanks Jendean.

Emotionally, I'm back to square one - completely over her. I've got a couple of prospects that are waiting for my papers to be signed, and I'll be calling them to celebrate before the ink is dry.......