Marriage Proposals

[FLGuy]

I was out having dinner @ Ruth Chris' this weekend and something I saw just made my stomach turn.

This guy get's on one knee and asks his GF to marry him, of course she screams YES like a banshee....

What I have the problem with is a man getting on his knees to ask a woman to marry him. I personally feel, it places the woman in a position of higher authority, power and value. And I truly believe it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship (however long it lasts).

Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[Fuglydude]

Proposing to a woman - asking her to marry you - almost by definition places her value above yours, at least in that moment. For that reason alone, a man should be absolutely certain he has chosen the right woman for such a commitment, and be sure that he has otherwise assumed the alpha/leadership role in the relationship. If the man is leading and not following, in charge and not henpecked, then a good woman will most likely forgive him the fleeting moment of "betaness" he has subjected himself to in order to offer his companionship for life to her.

Of course, you don't have to go down on one knee, or even ask - if I ever do it, I plan on making it a command: "Marry me." (I'll omit the word 'bytch' which Roissy recommended tacking on the end of that statement.)

Good advice here...

Marriage is kind of a big deal... Like its friggin life altering, and its something that can mess you up if you don't pick the right woman. Unfortunately most of us aren't adept at this as evidenced by the high divorce rates that permeate North America.

Personally I think used to think proposing at a restaurant was kinda pedestrian. I asked my girl on the middle of the Golden gate bridge in San Fran. There were at least 60-70 km wind gusts, flying rain, crazy high humidity that seeps into everything. It was also quite cold, and this is coming from a guy who routinely braves - 40 F weather in the winter. Basically, it was a squall. She obviously said yes, but man, those were crappy conditions to propose! I didn't get on one knee, and she obviously said yes .... haha come to think of it, I didn't even ask her until she prompted me to. The restaurant idea would probably have been better... but at least we have a funny story to tell people.

 

[jophil28]

Proposing to a woman - asking her to marry you - almost by definition places her value above yours, at least in that moment. For that reason alone, a man should be absolutely certain he has chosen the right woman for such a commitment, and be sure that he has otherwise assumed the alpha/leadership role in the relationship. If the man is leading and not following, in charge and not henpecked, then a good woman will most likely forgive him the fleeting moment of "betaness" he has subjected himself to in order to offer his companionship for life to her.

This ^.
And just to add to what Sam has said- Be absolutely CERTAIN that you are successfully leading by TESTING her reactions to your dominance under a variety of situations. Women are expert actresses and most will be skilled at being whomever you want to get you to the altar.
Test ,test and TEST again !

 

[Lexington]

Well a lot of couples discuss getting married before the guy proposes. So it's probably good idea to wait for her to ask. If she really wants you, she will ask.

 

[Zarky]

If you never get married you won't have this problem

Why get married?

Because she's oh so special? Date a ton of chicks and you'll realize they're pretty fungible in actuality.

 

[mrRuckus]

Why would you ask to get married? If she's at the point of wanting to marry you, she's certainly made it abundantly clear. Just agree to it if you want and ignore the sham of a tradition of a proposal. I'm sure the conversation will end up one day being like, "are we ever going to get married?" You respond, 'Yea, sure. How about October?" There, now you've tricked her into proposing to you.

She's going to change her mind over the whole thing because you didn't do things "correctly?" Yea right. And if she does, good riddance, she's too damn stupid to know she's got a winner.

 

[squirrels]

If she's not a good enough woman for you that you can't get down on one knee in front of her without feeling awkward, you probably shouldn't be marrying her.

 

[hansol]

I would disagree, with the underlying assumption that it's all about self confidence.

If you're getting down on one knee, being all meek and quiet and scared and stammering as you get out a ring, then yeah, that's insecure and bad news.

But it's just like when you're out with your buddies at a pub, and it's karaoke night. Yes, it sucks ass when your buddies secretly put your name in and you get called. But do you sit in your chair and pout and get freaked out? Hell no! You get up there, do your best ridiculous impression of Ricky Martin, hit the falsettos, and basically get everyone laughing. Is this silly and dumb? Yes, but in the grand scheme of things, if you have a pair of balls, it's no big deal. Just like a proposal.

Would I propose in a restaurant, under candle light, blah blah blah? No. But I don't think it's emasculating in any capacity. If the guy knows his girl will dig it, then why not? It's a little thing that doesn't take much effort. Marriage itself is the effort, and you should already have your ducks in a row and know if it's a good idea before you propose. The proposal itself is just a small little thing you can do for her.

That's my take anyway.

 

[MatureDJ]

Of course some women will essentially propose by simply having an "accident".

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Anyone have any thoughts?

Ruth Chris? Dude, here's what you do. Go to the supermarket and buy the best ribeye they got.

Soak it overnight in this sauce.

The fire up your barbecue, as high as you possibly can get it. Close the lid and let it heat up.

Then throw the ribeye on there, and close the lid. Cook for no more than four minutes on each side. Keep the temperature/flame pegged on ultra high.

When you flip it over, there should be an abundance of flames coming up from your barbecue. That is a good sign. Keep the lid closed.

As far as proposing, this is a scam invented by the DeBeers a few years back. A very clever marketer figured out that by proposing by surprise (which means buying the ring beforehand) a man by himself will spend much a lot more money on the ring.

On the other hand, if a couple decides/discusses and agrees to get married (which they should as it is a life altering decision from every possible aspect) and they go shopping for a ring together, they'll spend much less on the diamond.

In fact, you could use this as a screening test on a first or second date. Talk about how you are totally against surprise proposals, and how you think couples should rationally discuss if they are compatible or not.

You could even introduce a couple of "friends," one who proposed like this ruth chris fool, and another who rationally discussed it.

See how she responds. If she gives any indication that she thinks women should be treated like princesses and given huge rings as bribery to say "yes," then next her before she gets a chance to order dessert.