Manipulation or interest?

[Amalthea]

This DJ has played me into a corner and I'm no longer sure how to interpret his mixed signals. I've already written about it in another thread, but thought it deserved to be addressed separately...

The game-playing has been going on for over a year, now. (If you want the whole story, see previous thread about emotional cheating). Please keep in mind, too, that he is aware of the fact that I have a ltr bf (five yrs).

Notes about DJ in question:
-The first time I met him he wanted to buy me things (stupid insignificant things) soon after meeting me

-At first, he never really invited me anywhere “real”--- The only random times he initiated a meeting were for stupid things, like accompanying him on errands, etc (and he would often change his mind), riding cars home together (which he paid for) from school

-At first, he almost never opened up and held a real conversation with me (and still does it very very rarely)

-He always made a point of calling his gf (when he had one-they broke up) in front of me and always set us up; i.e., put us in situations where I thought he and I would be alone together and then the gf suddenly appeared

-When I invite him to go somewhere, he now accepts and even pays, but still never really makes an effort to invite me unless I call him and he happens to be doing smth (he then invites me along)

-He often acts distracted and disinterested in me

-He openly checks out other girls in my presence, but also is quite obvious about checking me out when I'm not looking directly at him

-He’s educated and well-traveled, appears to be from a rather well-to-do family and says his grandfather is a diamond magnate

-He claims to have lived all over the world (including S.Africa but I don’t believe it)

-He told me that he "discussed" me with his mother

-He notices and remembers little gestures of kindness on my part and takes advantage of the opportunity to return them

-He’s very gentlemanly with me, pays me sincere compliments (yep, women can smell fake ones a mile away)-albeit sparingly, and acts protective of me when he’s NOT neg-hitting and being a jerk

-I caught his hands shaking once when he was trying to change the CD’s in his player when we were alone together on the subway

-He gave me the Mark Anthony CD, Mended (all love songs), put his headphones over my ears and played Elton John’s “Original Sin” and A-ha’s “High and Low” for me--- which left me confused

-He almost always responds to my calls and messages asap (well, not anymore) but almost NEVER calls, himself

-He used to ask if he could call me (but he never did, anyway)

-He often says he misses me (unprompted) and tells me to call any time but then often acts disinterested when I do call.

-The last time I called him, he asked me if I wanted to go with him on a 3-4 day trip but nothing ever came of it.

Is it any wonder why I'm confused? I finally got fed up and told him (via txt message) that, once again, he'd forgotten about me (after he didn't call back when he promised) and I felt like an unwanted admirer and that we both know that women and men can't be friends.

What are this guy's intentions? I'm tired of obsessing over this. I think it's time to put this one to rest. (BTW, I'm still with my bf)

 

[Loke]

I've been in this guy's shoes before. Can I take a guess that he's never actually made a move on you? You two have never kissed or done anything beyond platonic?

My thought is that he's interested in you, but knows you have a boyfriend. I keep lots of women around like that. I like them, and can't help acting a certain way around them. But I keep things just on the edge. I bet if you ditched your boyfriend, things would change pretty quickly.

Loke

 

[Tails]

uhh, get over him? you have a boyfriend over five years. do you want to destroy that over some silly little man that doesn't know what he wants? i think that everytime he's with you, he starts to realise he likes you again, but then when he's away from you, he starts to lose interest, so on and so on. just leave him alone and forget about him. you can be friends, but don't ruin your relationship. he is just confused and it will be trouble in the future if you keep seeing him and obsessing.

 

[Austin Allegro]

What the HELL is all this??

Primarily this is a forum for men to discuss their approach to women, not the other way around, but since this post is interesting I will respond.

Amalthea, you seem to be exhibiting classic female behaviour by wanting to get another man before you ditch your current one - how does your long term boyfriend feel about all this messing around?

I have no idea what this guy's 'intentions' are. He sounds like a total AFC. If I were you I would decide if you want to stick with your current bf. If you do, forget this other guy. If you dump your b/f MAYBE you'll hook up with this other chap but I doubt it and I doubt you'll dump your bf anyway because women rarely do until they've got another chap lined up.

 

[Amalthea]

Originally posted by Loke
I've been in this guy's shoes before. Can I take a guess that he's never actually made a move on you? You two have never kissed or done anything beyond platonic?
Loke

Thanks for your advice, Loke... Yes, you're absolutely right. Everything thus far has been platonic... He's never tried making a play, with the exception of a few "looks" and innocent kino.

Am I correct in assuming that he's trying to play the "good" (non-cheating) guy so that, should we get together after all,

1) I wouldn't automatically assume he was ok with cheating and so that

2) he wouldn't go into a relationship with me having cheated with me beforehand and thus, starting the relationship off on the wrong foot without trust

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

[Amalthea]

Originally posted by Tails
uhh, get over him? you have a boyfriend over five years. do you want to destroy that over some silly little man that doesn't know what he wants? i think that everytime he's with you, he starts to realise he likes you again, but then when he's away from you, he starts to lose interest, so on and so on. just leave him alone and forget about him. you can be friends, but don't ruin your relationship. he is just confused and it will be trouble in the future if you keep seeing him and obsessing.

It's a bit more complicated than that. Did you read the first thread? There were some abuse/control issues with the bf that I didn't acknowledge until this guy suddenly appeared. Destroying a relationship of five years is definitely not smth that I want to do or ever intended to do... I tried it (twice) without success. You're right, though--- He's only 21 and doesn't seem to know what he really wants.

I tried forgetting about him and I didn't contact him for months.... But I just can't get him out of my mind. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple... Emotional involvement is something that's impossible to control. "Just forgetting" doesn't seem to be working. And this DJ manipulation really works... He's embedded deep in my psyche.

 

[Amalthea]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
What the HELL is all this??

Primarily this is a forum for men to discuss their approach to women, not the other way around, but since this post is interesting I will respond.

Amalthea, you seem to be exhibiting classic female behaviour by wanting to get another man before you ditch your current one - how does your long term boyfriend feel about all this messing around?

I have no idea what this guy's 'intentions' are. He sounds like a total AFC. If I were you I would decide if you want to stick with your current bf. If you do, forget this other guy. If you dump your b/f MAYBE you'll hook up with this other chap but I doubt it and I doubt you'll dump your bf anyway because women rarely do until they've got another chap lined up.

Sorry to intrude on the male machismo, but I think that this site can actually be mutually beneficial. And, as this post interested you enough to overcome your limiting convictions and respond, I think it's safe to say that a post from a female can sometimes be rather beneficial.

We're talking about response to the DJ techniques that this site touts. This is a chance to see how it really works in the outside world and on the female psyche. It's one thing for guys to throw questions at each other, pat each other on the back, etc. but it's another thing entirely for a female to tell her side of the story. Wouldn't you rather have both perspectives?

BTW-- I read a great deal of stuff about female monkey-branching and a load of other bs. Some women are like this--- Some aren't. If you read my first post, you'll see that this is not what I am trying to do at all--- And I never was. This guy, using his DJ tactics, picked me out from the crowd and completely shocked me.

What resulted? A lot of pain and angst on my part. But all this DJ stuff was invented to prevent suffering on the part of the male, right? Looks like the female gets to enjoy the brunt of the manipulation and hurt. What a wake up call... I've never been manipulated like this.

If you wish to pick a fight about morality, I have to say that you will be standing on very hypocritical ground. I can't even count how many posts there have been regarding cheating, how to get the other bf's girl, etc. etc. etc. using the "boyfriend destroyer" technique and son on.

Calll emotional involvement cheating (it is), but it is something one can't control and sometimes, people get emotionally involved with smb (especially if smb uses NLP and other bs on them) before they even realize what's happening. There have been countless posts on this.

I'd like to add that I'm perfectly content to be alone and don't feel the need to swing from branch to branch (this forum's pet analogy). I'm perfectly aware that, when all is said and done, I may be alone. Why? Because I made the mistake of falling in love at the drop of a hat, thanks to some fancy heartbreaker hocus pocus.

Before you judge, it might also help to know that 1/3 of our relationship (w/current bf) took place long distance... And I never once cheated on him, although I was given plenty of opportunities.

This DJ caught me off guard... How can you condemn girls for cheating when, at the same time, you promote the tactics used for this very purpose?

This situation simply provides living proof that this stuff actually works... With very unfortunate results. But better to break the woman's heart and preserve one's own, right?

So much for old-fashioned love and gallantry. Let's go for manipulation and narcissism instead, shall we?

 

[improvingdonjuan]

So much for old-fashioned love and gallantry. Let's go for manipulation and narcissism instead, shall we?

yeah let's go for it, sounds like fun

 

[DJ_Dork]

You reap what you sow biotches. We fight wars and kill for you biotches. And you can't cook/clean properly like real women. You play games to keep us in line/control yet we will go through hell for you. We ain't yo girlfriend biotch.

 

[Amalthea]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
You reap what you sow biotches. We fight wars and kill for you biotches. And you can't cook/clean properly like real women. You play games to keep us in line/control yet we will go through hell for you. We ain't yo girlfriend biotch.

What can I say? Your handle is perfect for you, Dork! Sounds like you have a lot of pent-up anger and insecurity, which, sorry to disappoint you, is not my fault.

And calling me a biotch isn't going to get you anywhere.

If I were a man, I would fight wars and kill for you (if you were a woman, of course), too. What wars have you, personally, fought? None, is my guess. Besides, when men go to war (which women actually do now, also, but they also have to bear a lot of harrassment in the army, which is another topic altogether) who keeps everything going at home? Take a good look at history, my friend. Women were left to run the show while waiting for their men to come home.

And as for playing games, not all us "biotches" do this. I don't, for example, which is why I was totally confused and caught off guard by this DJ's games.

I'm going through hell for him, right now, because I fell in love with him.

I've been through hell for my bf, too, which is why I'm living in Russia and not the US and a lot of other stuff which I won't enumerate.

I've been going through hell about this whole situation for over a year, now--- Because I'm a loyal person by nature and don't like to hurt others intentionally.

Don't try to preach morality to me when you yourself are using disputably immoral means for achieving your own selfish ends.

Not all women are horrible, manipulative biotches. Sorry that you're bad experience has led you to believe otherwise. You might get a chance to understand this, in time.

Your reply doesn't really deserve an answer but just wanted to remind you that you can never generalize. Personal attacks on smb who is asking for advice is pretty low, usually reserved for guys who are not real DJ's but guys using the technique as a cover... Vent your anger all you want--- It doesn't bother me.

 

[Amalthea]

Yes, you do indeed reap what you sow. What goes around comes around: How can you be angry with women for playing games when you play them yourself? It’s a vicious cycle... Eventually, bad karma is going to come back to you. Unfortunately, this vicious cycle is not selective: it hurts innocent bystanders, too (maybe you were one of those, too, like I am, now). But that’s because life is random and can’t be completely controlled and manipulated. And the game gives you the empowering illusion that it CAN be. But that’s another argument altogether.
Games are for people who are insecure and are afraid of being hurt or have been hurt in the past and have become cynical. Love is based on trust, not fear.

I choose not to play games, when I can help it. It may attract a person to you initially, but there had better be smth behind the game, too. Have you ever been in a ltr? If you have, you’ll probably understand this yourself.

If I had felt that I could trust this DJ, I would have probably been able to make a swift decision. Instead, I was left confused, uncertain… And now, I realize that he doesn’t really care about me, but about himself and the Game. I think most girls prefer smb. who can spare a little of that self love for her, too. As you can see in posts by guys who are in love, it’s one of the best, most powerful, and life-changing things you can experience. It’s the best experience I’ve had (and the worst). Love comes to you when it finds you worthy. Try reading the section about Love from the Prophet by Khalil Gibran.

Or the Bible, for that matter, Corinthians 13:1.

Or continue playing games, breaking people’s hearts, and f*****n with people’s minds. I already know what type of mate you’ll end up with using these means…

I guess I already know what I’ll do with this DJ, though…. Forget about him. Who can love a complete narcissist? And being a co-dependent slave isn’t love, either. It’s actually his loss, not mine. Or is it a mutual loss? Guess we’ll never find out now, will we?

I’ve been hurt by games, too… But I refuse to become a cynic.

Life is what you make it--- And it’s different for everyone, according to his choices. Just make certain you’re satisfied with your choices. Then, it’s all good…

 

[Ebach]

Damn smartass girl, if you know so much why did you make this thread? You obviously know what it's all about, so make a ****ing decision. You obviously don't know what you want even though you preach and philosophise about what life is all about. STOP! Give your man a blow job and see if that changes anything.

 

[JSH]

Alright now, i love women, but im sick and tired of them showing no respect.

Amelthea
Besides, when men go to war (which women actually do now, also, but they also have to bear a lot of harrassment in the army, which is another topic altogether) who keeps everything going at home? Take a good look at history, my friend. Women were left to run the show while waiting for their men to come home.

As such women have always gone to war, when their nation goes to war, they are at war. Secondly, if you are talking about actually fighting the war. Then you are wrong women (in general, i mean even in the past there were exceptions), still do not fight. They are not allowed to be front line combat troops. Everyone bears harassement in the army, do you actually know anyone in there. Even in the British army (which is good at hearts and minds), homosexuals, coloured people, anyone with a dman funny name gets picked on. Everyone gets picked on, its like school. Who keeps everything ticking, how about the capitalist market economy, which means when there is a shortage of labour it gets evened out. Anyway in terms of keeping life going, it requires both genders.

And as for playing games, not all us "biotches" do this. I don't, for example, which is why I was totally confused and caught off guard by this DJ's games.

I'm going through hell for him, right now, because I fell in love with him.

I've been through hell for my bf, too, which is why I'm living in Russia and not the US and a lot of other stuff which I won't enumerate.

I've been going through hell about this whole situation for over a year, now--- Because I'm a loyal person by nature and don't like to hurt others intentionally.

He does not sound like a DJ, he sounds like a smooth PUA and just because somebody manages to get his life together and attract women, you assume that he has used this site that you accidently came across. Part of the point of being a DJ for some blokes is to turn women's games around on themselves, plus he does not sound as if he is playing games.

So what, your going through hell for him, because of your feelings for him. At the same time you are being a ***** to this bf (who you have also gone through hell for) by being in love with someone else. I dont want to hear what noble sacrifices you have made for your bf. if you dont like to hurt others intentionally (and most of us dont), then why dont you break up with your bf as surely hell be more hurt that youv been in love with this other guy for a year, while you have still superficially been with him. You will make him feel like his whole life has been a lie.

Don't try to preach morality to me when you yourself are using disputably immoral means for achieving your own selfish ends.

Not all women are horrible, manipulative biotches. Sorry that you're bad experience has led you to believe otherwise. You might get a chance to understand this, in time.

Your reply doesn't really deserve an answer but just wanted to remind you that you can never generalize. Personal attacks on smb who is asking for advice is pretty low, usually reserved for guys who are not real DJ's but guys using the technique as a cover... Vent your anger all you want--- It doesn't bother me.

Immoral means, WHO THE F_UCK ARE YOU TO IMPOSE YOUR OWN
PERSONAL MORALS ON OTHERS.
Morals are subjective, everyone has different morals and by most peoples standards, using a website to help improve your life is pretty moral. You are not setting out to hurt anyone else. Maybe its not a selfish end, because if he becomes who he wants to be, hell bring happiness to many beautiful girls.

No but a majority of women have been indoctrinated from birth into playing games and end up hurting a hell of a lot of blokes and probably causing a fair few suicides a year.

Technique as a cover for being a misogynist (specially for you = women hater), yes that makes sense.

Yes, you do indeed reap what you sow. What goes around comes around: How can you be angry with women for playing games when you play them yourself? It’s a vicious cycle... Eventually, bad karma is going to come back to you. Unfortunately, this vicious cycle is not selective: it hurts innocent bystanders, too (maybe you were one of those, too, like I am, now). But that’s because life is random and can’t be completely controlled and manipulated. And the game gives you the empowering illusion that it CAN be. But that’s another argument altogether.
Games are for people who are insecure and are afraid of being hurt or have been hurt in the past and have become cynical. Love is based on trust, not fear.

Lol, reaping what you sow, what a quaint agricultural similie to life. One that is so aptently untrue. No one here is playing games, unless you consider life is a game, they are trying to stop others from palying games with them. They do so by learning how to better themselves. Bad karma - lol, i dont even think that needs a response.

Innocent? You? How are you innocent bystander, you have this man so figured out, he is a DJ using this discussion forum to plot his evil revenge against all women, by hurting the most important self centred women on the planet, you. Yes, really.

So life is random and cant be completely controlled or manipulated, then how can this bloke have totally taken over and wrecked your life. More to the point, how can you be Christian.
But surely what people really believe, is true, i mean this world only exists in your personal space and understainding of it, to you. Games are for people to have fun . . . And who here has ever intimated that love is based on fear and not on trust. Your just bringing in totally random arguments to flesh out your post.

(quote of all timeI choose not to play games, when I can help it. It may attract a person to you initially, but there had better be smth behind the game, too. Have you ever been in a ltr? If you have, you’ll probably understand this yourself.

Lol you dont play games except whern you cant help it, isnt that a typical female attitude. Maybe if life is totally random, you do, subconsciously. The game of life, what a game. Surely if you are attracted to someone there is somehting behind the game. That is why this board preaches imporvement.

If I had felt that I could trust this DJ, I would have probably been able to make a swift decision. Instead, I was left confused, uncertain… And now, I realize that he doesn’t really care about me, but about himself and the Game. I think most girls prefer smb. who can spare a little of that self love for her, too. As you can see in posts by guys who are in love, it’s one of the best, most powerful, and life-changing things you can experience. It’s the best experience I’ve had (and the worst). Love comes to you when it finds you worthy. Try reading the section about Love from the Prophet by Khalil Gibran.

Or the Bible, for that matter, Corinthians 13:1.

So why cant you trust this man, he has been honourable and not done anything. You are blaming him and a web site for your own weak mindedness which is allowing it to drag on. He does care about you and i think you are being a bitc_h turning him down, but that just completes my picture of you. Love - you mean deep sexual infatuation. It is pretty intense and powerful, but unfortunatley tends to end up taking control of you and wrecking your lives. Which is why many boys find this site and why many more need somehting like this to help them get back on their feet and find some self worth.

Or continue playing games, breaking people’s hearts, and f*****n with people’s minds. I already know what type of mate you’ll end up with using these means…

I guess I already know what I’ll do with this DJ, though…. Forget about him. Who can love a complete narcissist? And being a co-dependent slave isn’t love, either. It’s actually his loss, not mine. Or is it a mutual loss? Guess we’ll never find out now, will we?

I’ve been hurt by games, too… But I refuse to become a cynic.

Life is what you make it--- And it’s different for everyone, according to his choices. Just make certain you’re satisfied with your choices. Then, it’s all good…

 

[JSH]

So all you think this is is a sick twisted game played by boys, well go and look at the magazines that you are spoon fed from youth and drip fed till death. On how to tell if your bf is cheating and why your bf feels the way he does. I have read articles which are so patently false it makes me want to retch out my insides becasue they will end up hurting boys. You have your social networks in the toilets at lunch time. Boys are isolated and unable to discuss women other than 'yeah shes fit' because they recieve this kind of response from women and those blokes indoctrinated by them. All written by twisted femi nazis. i will end up with the mate that i as a person deserve and that mate will be everything i wish her to be.

Its your loss, not his, as he will remain the person he wants to be, while i hope you will always torture yourself as to whether you have done the right thing. Mutual loss, who can lose nything by getting someone as cynical as you out of their life.

And yes you are cyncial, maybe i am to, but i doubt it as i still have a long unsullied life to look forward to. With the benefit of these forums and this extended support group.

Your final paragraph, i agree with: Life is what you make it--- And it’s different for everyone, according to his choices. Just make certain you’re satisfied with your choices. Then, it’s all good…

Be satisfied with your choices and be strong about them, you made the choice, no one else forced you to my anything that they have done.

Just because you have been ****ed over does not mean you should help **** over other blokes. I belive there is only one word to describe you - hypocrite.



Roll with the punches and you have my condolences on your entire life.

 

[Austin Allegro]

JSH, good post.

Amalthea, all I can say is make a decision. If you want to stay with the five year plan man, stay with him. If you decide he's not right for you, have the courage to go. You sound like you are obsessing way too much over this.

Being a DJ is not about playing games. That is called being a player and the two are not the same thing.

And by the way, the passage in Corinthians you mention is not about romantic love (eros) but about love and concern for one's neighbour (philos). The greeks have five words for love, the English only have one.

 

[Loke]

I'm with you Austin on the bible ref. But not so much neighbors, but love of the church. We can't be loving our pagan neighbors now can we? And certainly not love for our daughters.

Exodus 21:7.

'If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do.'

oh, And not for our handicapped neighbors, or the ones with damaged testicles, no love there:

Leviticus 21:18-20

' No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is hunchbacked or dwarfed, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles. '

And our neighboring counties are supposed to be our slaves aren't they?

Leviticus 25:44

'Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. '


I'm sorry...tired and drunk. </rant>


Loke

 

[Austin Allegro]

Loke, WTF are you on about? Remember what St Paul said: 'take a little wine, for thy stomach's sake'.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by Amalthea

Notes about DJ in question:
-The first time I met him he wanted to buy me things (stupid insignificant things) soon after meeting me

That's not being DJ'd at all, by my understanding of it.

-At first, he never really invited me anywhere “real”--- The only random times he initiated a meeting were for stupid things, like accompanying him on errands, etc (and he would often change his mind), riding cars home together (which he paid for) from school

That is!

-At first, he almost never opened up and held a real conversation with me (and still does it very very rarely)

He's trying to stay out of the just friends zone perhaps.

-He always made a point of calling his gf (when he had one-they broke up) in front of me and always set us up; i.e., put us in situations where I thought he and I would be alone together and then the gf suddenly appeared

So, why should you care, you have a boyfriend anyway, and he knows it. You are a hypocrite.

-When I invite him to go somewhere, he now accepts and even pays, but still never really makes an effort to invite me unless I call him and he happens to be doing smth (he then invites me along)

You have a boyfriend, and he a girlfriend. So what?

-He often acts distracted and disinterested in me

Sorry, what did you say? I was busy picking lint from my navel.....

-He openly checks out other girls in my presence, but also is quite obvious about checking me out when I'm not looking directly at him

He has a sex drive, so sue him.

-He’s educated and well-traveled, appears to be from a rather well-to-do family and says his grandfather is a diamond magnate

What's that got to do with anything?

-He claims to have lived all over the world (including S.Africa but I don’t believe it)

What's that got to do with anything?

-He told me that he "discussed" me with his mother

Sounds like a chick line, but, evidently, it works in reverse.

-He notices and remembers little gestures of kindness on my part and takes advantage of the opportunity to return them

Seems like a great guy.

-He’s very gentlemanly with me, pays me sincere compliments (yep, women can smell fake ones a mile away)-albeit sparingly, and acts protective of me when he’s NOT neg-hitting and being a jerk

Heh heh....

-I caught his hands shaking once when he was trying to change the CD’s in his player when we were alone together on the subway

You either made him really nervous or he was really hungover.....take your pick.

-He gave me the Mark Anthony CD, Mended (all love songs), put his headphones over my ears and played Elton John’s “Original Sin” and A-ha’s “High and Low” for me--- which left me confused

He has really pitiful taste in music.

-He almost always responds to my calls and messages asap (well, not anymore) but almost NEVER calls, himself

Chick behaviour, only reversed.

-He used to ask if he could call me (but he never did, anyway)

Heh heh.....

-He often says he misses me (unprompted) and tells me to call any time but then often acts disinterested when I do call.

LOL! You better start reading this site to see what you can do to raise his IL!!!!

-The last time I called him, he asked me if I wanted to go with him on a 3-4 day trip but nothing ever came of it.

That's a little weird, but I like it.

Is it any wonder why I'm confused? I finally got fed up and told him (via txt message) that, once again, he'd forgotten about me (after he didn't call back when he promised) and I felt like an unwanted admirer and that we both know that women and men can't be friends.

What are this guy's intentions? I'm tired of obsessing over this. I think it's time to put this one to rest. (BTW, I'm still with my bf)

LOL! You shouldn't allow him to walk all over you! The nerve of this guy, doing this to you while your all attached and everything to another guy!

NEXT HIM!!!

 

[Amalthea]

Originally posted by JSH
Alright now, i love women, but im sick and tired of them showing no respect.

Reading between the lines, it seems like we’re all basically on the same side (believe it or not). So what’s all the mud-slinging about? About respect--- I didn’t feel the need to be disrespectful until others were disrespectful to me, calling me a “biotch” without any provocation. But I was wrong for giving in to my weakness, you’re absolutely right. I should have turned the other cheek.
Is the real issue here merely that I somehow had the fortune/misfortune (depends how you look at it--- I choose to view it as fortunate) of stumbling my way into this forum which, apparently, is exclusively a club for men? I wasn’t aware of this rule--- I didn’t see anything posted anywhere regarding the exclusion of women--- But it seems that an unspoken rule exists, all the same. It’s clear that many of you resent my presence on this forum and feel the need to try to intimidate me (and every other women who dares to post something) away; however, judging by other threads that contained contributions from women, it seems that there are others who do not share your view.
And that’s what it’s really all about, isn’t it? It’s about discussion and debate, sharing ideas, experiences, and info.
As such women have always gone to war, when their nation goes to war, they are at war... when there is a shortage of labour it gets evened out. Anyway in terms of keeping life going, it requires both genders.
I wouldn’t have brought up the war issue at all, but wanted to respond to a rather obtuse statement about war by DJ_Dork that appeared from nowhere. Arguing about this is pointless, as you can see that we actually agree on this subject. As you said, it requires both genders, which means that you helped support my argument. (And yes, I do have friends and family in the service. Apparently, so do you).
So what, your going through hell for him, because of your feelings for him. At the same time you are being a ***** to this bf (who you have also gone through hell for) by being in love with someone else. I dont want to hear what noble sacrifices you have made for your bf. if you dont like to hurt others intentionally (and most of us dont), then why dont you break up with your bf as surely hell be more hurt that youv been in love with this other guy for a year, while you have still superficially been with him. You will make him feel like his whole life has been a lie.
As for my bf, this is an argument that has been addressed time and time again in this forum-- This issue of “overlap”. We both agree that most of us (thankfully) have a conscience and do not set out to intentionally hurt others, correct? But sometimes, we nevertheless end up hurting them.
Tell me, what do you think would hurt my bf more--- If I told him I was in love with smb else when I thought that it was mere infatuation and not love and broke up with him on the spot, or if I eventually got over my infatuation and stayed with him, never having told him about it so that he could remain content with me? And in which scenario would fewer/more parties be hurt?
The situation is obviously quite complex, or else there would not have been (and would not continue to be) so much debate about it. As difficult as it may be for you to believe, I do love my bf and for that reason, I do not wish to hurt him unnecessarily. Don’t you see why I’m having such difficulty figuring this out? It’s much easier to label me as a selfish manipulator than to try to come to a solution. I came to this forum with a question because, you must admit, the situation is complicated.
Furthermore, early in our relationship, my bf once told me that if he ever had an affair (whether emotional or physical), he would never tell me about it and expected the same of me. Why? Because, sometimes, it is worse. What is more selfish? To make a confession to relieve oneself of one’s guilt and suffering, or to spare the other person of unneeded pain?
That is why I haven’t told him--- He explicitly asked me not to. And to flesh matters out a bit further, when we first met and fell in love (or lust, as you have it), he hadn’t completely broken it off yet with his current gf, which I didn’t find out about until much later when we had already been together for quite sometime. Perhaps this is what this man was trying to do when he took an interest in me although he was already attached (of which I wasn’t aware)--- I don’t know.
It looks like, unfortunately, overlap happens sometimes--- There are grey areas in life, it would seem.
My bf’s made sacrifices, I’ve made sacrifices… We’ve been through a lot together. That’s why I’m hesitant to just throw everything we have away for some momentary infatuation. I don’t mean to victimize myself, here. I’m sorry if it came across that way, as that was not my intent.
Immoral means, WHO THE F_UCK ...using a website to help improve your life is pretty moral. You are not setting out to hurt anyone else
Hmmmm… You’re angry, aren’t you? I apologize, my mistake. Here you’re definitely right--- It seems that I’ve mistaken the behavior of a PUA with a real DJ. I’ve confused the two--- Perhaps because the “boyfriend destroyer” technique that was discussed on this forum seems closely linked to the arsenal of a PUA. This is what I have been trying to understand: Whether this guy is just a great PUA or a real DJ.
In fact, I don’t see anything wrong with the DJ philosophy… But the PUA stuff is definitely for selfish people who leave a trail of broken hearts behind them. But since you are all supposedly DJ’s, you probably agree with me on this one, right?
Of course men have the right to use technique to attract beautiful, quality women--- It just depends on the intention behind it. The DJ’s intentions seem noble enough--- It’s the PUA that seems immoral. I guess it’s the PUA’s who give DJ’s a bad name. Sorry for confusing the two. It seems that this site attracts a combination of both types although, as I now I understand, they are actually diametrically opposed. It’s very easy to confuse the two when the technique is similar.
Love - you mean deep sexual infatuation. It is pretty intense and powerful, but unfortunatley tends to end up taking control of you...No but a majority of women have been indoctrinated from birth into playing games and end up hurting a hell of a lot of blokes and probably causing a fair few suicides a year....
The game of life, what a game. Surely if you are attracted to someone there is somehting behind the game. That is why this board preaches imporvement.
If you recall, I mentioned that I have very strong feelings for him, which I dared to call “love” in an earlier post. According to you, these feelings are primitive in nature--- Purely animalistic and sexual. Yes, we agree again! I came to the same conclusion, myself. That’s what I have been telling myself for the past year--- That it’s merely passion and it will go away with time, that it’s not worth losing my current bf over. That’s why I never acted on my passions and chose not to break it off with my bf right away. I thought it would go away with time, so I waited, and waited...
If you had read my other posts attentively, you would’ve remembered that I made great efforts to forget this man I became infatuated with, including dropping out of the school where I saw him every day and going back to the States for three months. But, like I said, I couldn’t get him out of my psyche. And yes, it’s because both PUA and DJ (I don’t know which of the two techniques he’s using; the techniques seem almost identical, but the intentions quite different) WORK! I already agreed that it works--- Very well, in fact! I never said it didn’t.
You accuse me of being infatuated with another when I have a bf. Well, have you ever been in love? Yes? Do you think you could force yourself NOT to be in love? It’s not a very easy task, is it? In fact, it’s impossible, isn’t it? In fact, it’s so impossible that, as you say, men have committed suicide over women. They weren’t able to “just forget”. So, yes, I’m guilty. I’ve considered suicide, too. But that’s a pretty selfish ending, isn’t it? Anyone who’s lost a loved one to suicide is aware of this. Or would my death be the best solution, after all, considering the selfish biotch I have proven myself to be?
Most of literature seems to support this type of ending to a woman’s unfaithfulness. According to most of world literature, the cheating biotch must die. And, since you made reference to Christianity: If Christ could forgive Mary Magdalene for being a prostitute, than why can’t we as a society forgive women for falling in love when they’re already attached?
Anyway, is this man really so innocent, himself? It’s easier to believe that I’m just a wicked, manipulative witch, isn’t it? We both played a part in this. What made him decide to seduce me when he already had a girlfriend? And why did I allow myself to be seduced? Or do we merely have our subconscious to blame? Appears to be a no-blame situation, doesn’t it? So why this double standard?
Lol, reaping what you sow, what a quaint agricultural similie to life. One that is so aptently untrue.
The so-called “quaint agricultural simile to life” was used by DJ_Dork, in case you remember. I was just reiterating--- No need to be arrogant.

 

[Amalthea]

Innocent? You? How are you innocent bystander, you have this man so figured out, he is a DJ using this discussion forum to plot his evil revenge against all women, by hurting the most important self centred women on the planet, you. Yes, really.
...So life is random and cant be completely controlled or manipulated, then how can this bloke have totally taken over and wrecked your life.
Did I say anything about being a miserable, unhappy person in general? I guess you misunderstood me. But then, you probably know too little about me to be able to judge this, don’t you? I suppose what little information I’ve provided about my situation doesn’t give you much overall perspective, does it?
Going through a difficult period in life does not signify being a miserable wretch, in general! We all experience pain and difficulty. That’s life, isn’t it? I never claimed that pain and misery define my life. Quite the contrary, in fact.
I don’t feel that this “bloke” (oh, how quaint) ruined my life! In fact, now I am beginning to see that he perhaps enriched it. Life is what you make of it, isn’t it? We agree on this. We also agree that love enriches life. What’s the point of arguing?
you are being a bitc_h turning him down, but that just completes my picture of you...More to the point, how can you be Christian.
Whoa, you’re jumping to conclusions here! I never claimed to be Christian, nor did I ever state that I supported organized religion, in general. Since when does quoting the Bible equate being Christian? I can’t entirely escape my Christian upbringing, can I?
You’re making a great deal of assumptions, just as I have made the mistake of doing. Whatever “picture” you have formulated of me, based on this thread, is incomplete. It’s quite easy to classify and label others to make our chaotic world more understandable. But it’s quite another to try to understand them. I think that you just want to “figure me out”… It makes this sensitive topic (cheating) so much easier then, doesn’t it?
If we can just label some girls “good” and others “bad”, it provides us with a feeling of order and security, however false this feeling may be. If you choose to classify things in this manner then that’s simply the way you choose to view the world: in black and white. But the world has many other variations, which, in other threads, has been dubbed “overlap”. If you wish to interpret the world this way, that’s just fine. But don’t claim to know me or what I stand for. You don’t know anything about me, in fact, except that I’m human and confused like the rest of you.
A year ago, I saw the world much as you do, now. That’s why I hated myself for being a “bad” girl (trust me on this). But time, experience and age change our views about the world. And maturing and understanding the world differently doesn’t equal becoming cynical and jaded. I’m not jaded, just more aware than I was before.
I have made no claim of being omnipotent, of knowing all the answers… And I know very well that my story is one-sided. Of course it is- The truth has many different sides. That’s why the Gospel is the same story written in four different ways by different men with different perspectives.
I’m trying to contribute to the general picture of what PUA does to people from a woman’s perspective, I guess… The DJ philosophy is different, I’ll agree. So no hard feelings, right?