Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Mandatory's of Life - Gratitude/Appreciation/Value-giving

Holland

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2005
Messages
788
Reaction score
10
Age
37
Location
Holland
Get this:
Whenever you start taking something for granted, you create a dependency.

Imagine something you’re taking for granted or something you have taken for granted in the past. Let’s say you take your monthly salary, status token, relationship or a provided service to you for granted. When that salary/status/relationship/service is there, it doesn’t really seem like a problem. But what happens when it leaves? You’ll most certainly get frustrated. Why is this? Because you attributed this part of your life onto your ego.
Your form of frustration will most likely take the form of something like this:
“Huh? How dare this happen? I am entitled to this.”
The frustration is the result of the dependency you created by attributing the conditions (salary/status/relationship/service) onto your ego.
(a common characteristic of the ego is putting external changeable conditions onto your identity)
In reality, none of these things are static, and because you stopped appreciating them (by taking them for granted), they started to wither and die.
That’s why gratitude and appreciation are mandatory to life.
The conditions of your life are either growing or dying, and a lot of this is determined by the amount of gratitude and appreciating you express towards them.

That’s why Narrator in Fight club office scene says:
“Under and behind and inside everything this man took for granted something horrible had been growing.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnlm3-tadeI

Jack gets his way, because his manager has become completely dependant on everything he has to lose and his job is not built on a foundation of truth.

Another way of explaining this idea of gratitude/appreciation is the all to classic idea of value-giving vs. value-taking.

ap•pre•ci•a•tion
n.
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one.
3. An expression of Gratitude.
4. Awareness or delicate perception, especially of aesthetic qualities or values.
5. A rise in value or price, especially over time.
Whenever you’re appreciating something or someone, you’re giving it value.
Value-giving can happen in a lot of different ways, but in social dynamics it usually means raising the amount of positive energy in an interaction, in whatever way you can think of.

I like to use a simple personal example of it:
I work as a pizza delivery guy for about 6 hours a week for some extra cash and because it’s close to my place and a couple of my friends work there. I work Monday’s and Sunday’s. Last week we had an entire week with extra cheap offers for our medium pizza’s. Up until Saturday it had been really successful and smooth business.
Sunday, I was there to work, after about an hour one of the oven’s stops functioning. In the meantime orders kept coming (Sunday is the most busy day of the week). We ended up with a lot of delay and had to apologize to a lot of people.
Anyway, I set out to do my delivery’s. Most people we’re a little bummed it took so long, but accepted our apologies and a small discharge, a few were pissed.

So I get to this particular house to deliver an order (with 30 minutes delay).
Following thing happens:
Chick opens the door with a smile and starts speaking before I can even say anything:
“Heey, that’s pretty fast. And that while you got only one oven functioning. This is great.”
Me (surprised and smiling): “Ok, so you already know about our technical problems. Well, we apologize for the inconvenience.”
Chick: “Nooo, it’s no problem at all, you guys must have it really tough to have this in the midst of your stunt week. I’m just glad you could bring my pizza’s anyway.”
Me: “That’s always a good thing to hear.”
*talk about the order*
Chick: “Well, thanks again. Good luck with dealing all those nasty people complaining about the delay and wanting discharges ;)
It may seem just a simple interaction, but imagine the kind of attitude this woman brings into the world. She got the exact same treatment as everyone else, but her response was quite different. She was clearly giving value, whereas she could’ve just as easily complain about the delay. Yet, she choose to be compassionate and made us both feel good by genuinely appreciating the service our company brought her.

“If you have a choice between being kind and being right. Always pick kind” -Wayne Dyer
In conclusion:
Stop taking things for granted in life, because not only will you be more likely to lose them, they will cause you to suffer even more when you do, because you’ve put yourself in debt with a mandatory of life called Gratitude. Second, genuinely offer value unconditionally in social interactions and your relationships will flourish.
 

feelingloved

Don Juan
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
154
Reaction score
2
Location
edmonton
Bump. Good topic. Good quote.
"If you have a choice between being kind and being right. Always pick kind."

How would you describe, for you, the state of being "in gratitude"? How do *you* get there? How does it feel? What do you do with your mind and emotion, when you focus on the "object of your thanks"?
 

Holland

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2005
Messages
788
Reaction score
10
Age
37
Location
Holland
How would you describe, for you, the state of being "in gratitude"? How do *you* get there? How does it feel? What do you do with your mind and emotion, when you focus on the "object of your thanks"?
You can't 'get there'. You can only be there. You just are in a state of appreciation. If theres any method for it:
Just ask yourself and focus on the things that you've got in your life and enjoy the fact that you have them. Give it value, instead of demoralising them. And I'm talking about stuff like:
-the fact that you're body is functioning properly
-your capacity to learn
-the abundance of opportunity in life
-the current level of love you are able to express and receive
-having a great time

Even if you feel like those things are minimal in your life, compare it to someone who lived a couple hundred years ago, or someone in a poor country.
And then realise that the only way to expand them is by being a value-giver/appreciator.
 
Top