mandatory contact with a nutcase

[Die Hard]

Well, she called me at 8:40

Her: "Hey, where are you?"
Me: "I'm at home, just about to leave for class...
Her: "Oh, but I thought we were gonna grab drinks before class?"
Me: "Oh sorry, I didn't know that was on. I didn't hear back from you after I suggested to meet at 8.30 so I just assumed it was off"
Her: "Oh, that was kinda stupid of me, I should've let you know. I just assumed we would meet at 8.30"
Me: "Well, I'll be there in 5 minutes, see you then"
Her "Okay, see ya in 5 minutes."

No problems at all, she acted happy all night and we had good chemistry all night, during conversations as well as during dancing. But when we left the building, she was very quick to say "see ya next week", like she was trying to prevent us from standing there and talk about other stuff. Same thing happened when I brought her home a while ago, she told me "You know how to drive your way back? Coz we're almost at my home." Like she wanted me to leave as soon as we would reach her home. Or are these just sh!t tests and she wants me to push on through, even though she kinda "resists"?

We're going to some dance gig at Valentine's Day (she made some comments implying that she's looking forward to that). I'm contemplating whether I should make a move before that or just let things cook slow and wait until then? I feel like the iron is hot now and I should strike it now...

 

[Tazman]

I'm thinking she's not going to give you the "obvious" green light you're looking for. She's got you guessing and constantly wondering about her motives, right in the palm of her hand. If you're interested, the longer you procrastinate the weaker you look. I say get it over with, if she cannot be isolated, as in finds excuses not to be around you in more private places, I'd call it quits.

As it stands, you're feeding her ego without a return on your investment.

Go for it. When you've made a move your job is done.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Betterthandead,
"I'm with you there, Die Hard sounds like one of those. I started a dance class and by no means is it a way for meet women, I'm just there to really actually learn how to dance. I'm not physically smooth and I'd like to be".....Yeah....That's the way it will be for a while,but if you work at it you will get the moves worked out.Just as in the land of the Blind,the Man with one eye is King,then if you go into the next terms beginners lessons,you are a desirable item...if you have two left feet then it may take a few terms,but rest assured you will get there...However,just as the Apprentice is never recognised for his skills in the firm that he that did his time in,then it is always good practice to move on to another Dance Hall....The picture I am getting of the Male-Female dichotomy in your Great Nation comes across as far from desirable...We have an imbalance of females to our advantage down here.Lucky Us!

 

[Die Hard]

Note to self: stop caring.

 

[Die Hard]

Just a little update...more of a reminder to myself, actually

She turned out to be an AW. Made me come onto her, then repeatedly showed flaky behaviour. I put her in the friendzone as a result... (remember, she's still my dancing partner and I need to stay on somewhat good terms with her, no contact isn't an option.)

But it's all good, the experience has enriched me and I see only good things about it. I had no problem dealing with/accepting the "dissapointment" of her flaking on me. Two years ago, it would've really gotten to me, I would've had thoughts like "Why can't I ever succeed with women? I always fvck it up, boo-hoo, whine, whine!" and it would've messed with my confidence.

Now, I just shrugged it off. Actually, it only made me realize moreso that I'm the prize and she's not qualified to win me. I have a way of overestimating a girl's worth once I've decided to try and make her mine. I automatically overemphasize her good qualities and neutralize her negative qualities. She really becomes more physically attractive when I look at her, lol. Only after I lose interest, will I realize her REAL worth.

In the past, there would be a significant period of dissapointment I had to deal with before I would lose interest and come to the realization that she wasn't all that special. Now it's almost instantaneous . The night she unmistakably flaked on me, I felt like "what a b!tch!" and was kinda frustrated. The next day, already, I felt like "So you're a flaky AW, huh? Well, that's not attractive, I'm not interested anymore, kbyethnx "

This was almost a month ago. It seems like she has been sort of observing my reaction for the past couple o'weeks ("Hmm, he seems unfazed by the fact that I seduced him and then flaked on him..."). Now that my response has been consistent for a while, she seems convinced that I'm not just pretending but really am unfazed by her "games". So currently, she's coming back for round two: slowly starting to show interest again, trying to build up attraction again... Very BPD-like, me thinks

Boooooring! Been there done that, you don't amuse me, child... By now, I've lost my interest for her anyway, and I don't feel the need to prove this to her either. Makes me feel like I achieved sort of a victory... I'm sure that fvcking her would've felt like sort of a victory too, but I suspect the current victory is a greater one

 

[Die Hard]

Good advice from Scara.
Salsa is the easiest of the popular latin dances to learn.

DieHard, your post made me laugh my azz off.
Gotta love dance -some of the women are certifiable wacks.
Enjoy your new recreation.. :rockon:

Just wondering about what you said there... Do you think Salsa is easier to learn than Bachata? Class is still not focussing on Salsa, I'm getting the hang of Bachata, though!

 

[Jitterbug]

Die Hard,

Forget about dating girls from dance classes for now. Focus on getting competent at social dancing first. While you're at it, observe the social scene at dancing and see what kind of women you're dealing with. There are always a group of AWs, identify who they are.

Salsa and Bachata are both easy and hard. The moves are easy, the movements are hard to make them look good. Plenty of guys can step the steps, but still look like poster boys for White Man Can't Dance Inc.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks, Jitter.

This whole "affair" with the salsa bytch is improving my skills with leaps. There's a constant power struggle between us for grabbing/holding the frame. And she's good at it...

She has that typical BPD trait of luring you into a conflict, whether you want to or not. When she notices that I don't engage in her games, she'll keep poking and prodding till I HAVE to engage, and she does this oh so subtle...

Metaphorically, it's like I'm walking in a straight line but she keeps giving me little pushes that make me lose balance and stray away from the straight line for a few steps, while I regain my balance.

But the longer we "play", the better I become. It gets harder for her to unbalance me and I refind my balance more quickly everytime. I can really see the results in my interactions with other people/girls... With the salsa bytch, I have to be on top of my game and I notice how this "practice" makes things easier when interacting with others. I'm getting much better at frame control with people in general.

In the meantime, I'm also learning to dance Which, in turn, helps me feel more comfortable at being physical with women.

Joining salsa classes was a great idea, it's improving me greatly in several different aspects!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Die Hard,

Go back and read your posts in this thread carefully and you will SEE CLEARLY why you didn't get this woman when you had a chance. Here are some of my thoughts:

a) you display some manic-obsessive behavior.....gross over-analyzing and even future projection of conversations....that's weird dude.

b) you make things much more difficult than they need to be. You wanted this girl from Day 1, you were just trying to convince yourself (and still are) NOT to pursue her even though you want it.

c) she hasn't displayed any true BPD signs, women usually mirror your behavior back to you. Your back and forth, is reciprocated with her back and forth wishy washy attitude.

--------------------------

In the future and even in your future dealings with her, be confident. If she's giving you the vibe like that, go for the close. But just realize that if you don't take advantage in the window of opportunity, then you will likely lose out and then think she was an AW or a BPD.





PIMP

 

[betheman]

If she is actually BPD, its a rigged game because they are playing by a different set of rules.

She isnt BPD

 

[Die Hard]

I didn't see the last three responses until now, lol. Still wanna reply to them

a) you display some manic-obsessive behavior.....gross over-analyzing and even future projection of conversations....that's weird dude.

Point taken.

b) you make things much more difficult than they need to be. You wanted this girl from Day 1, you were just trying to convince yourself (and still are) NOT to pursue her even though you want it.

I also sensed this girl was a nutjob from Day 1. My d!ck would like to get inside of her sometime, yet I made a conscious decision no to act on this. She is a nutjob, she shows BPD behavior... If I were to follow my d!ck and get involved with her, I'd need to be able to eject whenever neccesary. Her and me being salsa partners, I won't be able to eject. And to tell you the truth, I'm not even sure I want to get involved with her anyway, even if I could eject whenever I want. Like all nutjobs, she's poison...it might be best not to get involved.

c) she hasn't displayed any true BPD signs, women usually mirror your behavior back to you. Your back and forth, is reciprocated with her back and forth wishy washy attitude.

Thanks for your advice but you might as well give Tiger Woods advice on golf

 

[Die Hard]

If she is actually BPD, its a rigged game because they are playing by a different set of rules.

I'm playing by a different set of rules myself. I am not playing the game to win her over or close her. My only goal is to improve my skills through interaction with her.