mandatory contact with a nutcase

[Die Hard]

lol, this is gonna be interesting... I signed up for salsa classes and today I found myself a dancing partner through a site that's intended to help you with that.

Anyway, in the process of setting this thing up today (classes start this week) I've had one text from her and had two short phone convo's with her. I'm not gonna get into the details but I already know for sure that this girl is a nutcase, plus that she feels quite attracted to me, she's actually already pursuing me...

I've been dealing with countless (literally) BPD nutcases in my life and have learned to run away as fast as I can when I encounter these creatures. The thing is, I can't run away this time... I already paid for the classes and I'm gonna be dancing with her once a week for a couple of months.

She's not very pretty but attractive enough for me to do her if she comes onto me. And she will come onto me...wtf, she already is!! She wanted to meet up with me tomorrow, in order to get to know me a little before we start the classes. I told her I am occupied tomorrow but we could meet up this week, on the night of the first lesson. There's a bar at that place and I suggested we meet up there an hour before the lesson starts. She declined and kept pushing for us to meet up tomorrow, lol, or even on Sunday. Eventually, I told her I'd text her tomorrow and let her know if we can meet up another day. She gave up after that...

But there are many more indicators that she wants me, I feel like I can get in her pants tomorrow night if I wanted to, lol. However, there are serious indicators that she's a nutjob, who wants to get me in her clutches and fvck me up. I already know if I'm gonna show interest in her, she's gonna be crazy about me very, very fast. She's the type who will want me to marry her and give her a baby after the first date, I'm telling you...

So what the F am I gonna do with this situation? I'll surely try to keep my distance but come on, we're gonna be dancing, which is basically being close to each other, lol. I'll have to hold her body, spin her around and sh!t, we'll look each other in the eyes during all of this, we're supposed to have fun and play with each others bodies. Now if she were ugly as hell, I'd be able to stay completely "professional" during all this, but like I said, she's fvckable...and she's gonna try to escalate on my ass FAST, I'm sure of it.

I can imagine all kinds of scenarios. When I don't reciprocate her desire for me, she'll try to make a fool out of me during class, say something embarassing or intentionally try to piss me off. Or she'll just "accidentally" press her body against me and try to give me a hard-on. Which will encourage her to esacalate and pursue me until I give it up to her, lol. I dunno, man... I'm not gonna call the classes off and try to get my money back, right now. But I'm just scared this sh!t is gonna get out of hand SOMEHOW eventually....

I know what you guys will think. I'm basing all of this on two phone calls that didn't last more than 5 minutes together? Yes, I am... My BPD nutjob radar is the most sophisticated on earth, lol.

Ah well, fvck it, I'm just gonna see what happens. I'll try to keep my distance from her and try to keep things "okay" for as long as possible. If this ends up with her being angry at me for not reciprocating or with me fvcking her brains out before the end of the classes, I'll just have to eject and sign up for the next round of classes .

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Diehard,
Naah......Wont be as you imagine.....Salsa is not a hard Dance to learn.For someone who has done Rhumba and Jive it is really a Snack,well certainly in beginners classes.....but if as I suspect you are a relative beginner,you will be so busy learning your steps,that staring into her eyes,and whispering sweet nothings, will not be on.....I don't doubt that she has an agenda with you,but it takes two to Tango.....On a more prosaic note,I think Salsa is the best of the New Dances for a young bloke to learn...get a DVD to practise with at home,and carry a small note book to jot down your steps...And Die Hard,relax,could well be the case that you swap partners.

 

[jophil28]

Dear Diehard,
Naah......Wont be as you imagine.....Salsa is not a hard Dance to learn.For someone who has done Rhumba and Jive it is really a Snack,well certainly in beginners classes.....but if as I suspect you are a relative beginner,you will be so busy learning your steps,that staring into her eyes,and whispering sweet nothings, will not be on.....I don't doubt that she has an agenda with you,but it takes two to Tango.....On a more prosaic note,I think Salsa is the best of the New Dances for a young bloke to learn...get a DVD to practise with at home,and carry a small note book to jot down your steps...And Die Hard,relax,could well be the case that you swap partners.

Good advice from Scara.
Salsa is the easiest of the popular latin dances to learn.

DieHard, your post made me laugh my azz off.
Gotta love dance -some of the women are certifiable wacks.
Enjoy your new recreation.. :rockon:

 

[Die Hard]

I texted her this morning...told her I couldn't make a meet up in the coming days so I suggested that we get to know each other the night of the first lesson, just meet up earlier like I had suggested in our phone convo. It's almost midnight now and she hasn't responded to my text, haha. I think she's dissapointed

Here's another funny thing about this situation:

She had a dancing partner already, whom she had met through the same website as me. She went to the free tryout lesson with him, last week (I was also there...). That same evening, after the tryout lesson, they agreed to sign up for the classes together and they transferred the payment for the classes.

Two days later, I contacted her through the website, coz I still didn't have a dancing partner (I found one during the tryout lesson but she had to cancel because the times for the classes have been changed from what was advertised). She responded, telling me she already had someone but that he was much, much taller than her. We came to the conclusion that her and my height fit together very well (20 cm. difference) and eventually she suggested to discuss things over the phone.

During the phone convo, she decided she simply wanted to follow the course with me, because the other dude is way too tall and 15 years older than her (while I am just 4 years older than her). But she was reluctant to tell the other guy, her conscience was eating at her and I could sense how she was secretly hoping I would "talk her into it". So I did, and she "resisted" with every argument I came up with etc. I really had to manipulate her into pushing forward with her decision, "do what's right for YOU" lol. But I could somehow sense that she had actually made up her mind already... She just WANTED me to convince her, she wanted me to pursue her, she was basically testing me and wanted to see how bad I wanted her to be my dancing partner. She told me he had already paid for the classes, thinking he had a dancing partner, lol. But we came to the conclusion that the instructor would deposit his money back if the guy isn't able to attend the classes through lack of a dancing partner.

Anyway, I convinced her to convince herself () that it's the right thing to cancel the guy and she told me she would send him an email coz she was too afraid to call him... But she told me she didn't want to feel pressured by me and that she wanted to do this in her own way, trying to come up with a "tactical" way to bring the other dude the bad news. I told her "no problem, do your thing and I'll hear from you in the coming days.", she was fine with that and we hang up.

45 minutes later, she texts me "Hey, I emailed him that I'd rather dance with you. I hope he takes it well. See you Wednesday at the lesson!" But I was having a conversation with someone and cooking myself dinner at the same time, so I couldn't answer her text right away.

Another 40 minutes later, she called me but I had my phone set to 'vibrate only' and just noticed her missed call a few minutes afterwards. I called her back:

Me: "Hey, I see you just tried to call me..."
Her: "Yeah...I also texted you earlier, did you receive it?"
Me: "Yes, I did. Just haven't had the chance to respond to it yet..."
Her: "Oh, okay..."

*silence* (OMG, what is this?)

Me: "So........you just called to check if I had received the text, right?"
Her: "Yeah, haha...just wanted to check on that..."
Me: "Okay, haha... Well, I guess everything's set then, we'll be following classes together."

Then she started asking me whether we could meet up the next day to get to know me a little better etc. I already told you guys about that.

Anyway, I like the analogy of this situation. Of course there is more going on here, but basically we're just a guy and gal arranging to follow classes in some hobby together. But she has chosen me over another guy, actually she sort of "left" him for me...she swung branches, lol. Now I can't stop thinking to myself "If she left him for you that easily (remember, he already paid for the classes. Even though we reasoned that the instructor would deposit his money back, we didn't know for sure! But she had no problem cancelling him, nonetheless), she just as well may do the same to you.

So.....I really hope she isn't too dissappointed over my inability to meet up with her in one of the following days. Who knows, she just shows up at the first lesson with another dude (or the one she had arranged with initially) and screws me over (I've also already paid for the classes now, thinking she's gonna be my dancing partner!)

Haha, I'm gonna be just like other people on here now, asking for advice: If she doesn't respond to my text tomorrow, should I call her? I'm afraid she might "flake on me" and not be my dancing partner if I don't show enough interest in her! ROFL, I love the analogy

 

[jophil28]

Man, you are really getting way too serious over some random chick .YOu have not even danced one bar of music with her yet !
Diehard, Latin dance is overflowing with women, and some hotties to boot.
AS you will find out, you can have your pick.
If you are taking lessons in a group class you are not required to have a regular partner. In fact it is a bad idea to connect up with a regular partner at the beginner level ( unless she is your LTR or wife ).
One of the skills that you will need to learn is "leading" , and dancing with a variety of women allows you to develop that skill more fully than if you have a regular chick.

Secondly, dance partnerships rarely last and you need to be in a situation in which you can move easily from woman to woman.

 

[Die Hard]

Well, anyone already had a regular dancing partner at the tryout lesson...except for me and one other woman. The way I see it, I can't follow the course if I don't have a dancing partner, or perhaps I would be able to dance with the instructor's assistent or whatever.

Anyway, you are right about me getting too serious. I'm not really that interested in my dancing partner but the mere fact that she seems to be quite interested in me, illicits anxiety in me (combined with the fact that I suspect her of being a serious nutcase).

Thanks for your insight!


By the way, if you have any other tips on becoming good at "leading" or other aspects of salsa, please share

 

[jophil28]

Well, anyone already had a regular dancing partner at the tryout lesson...except for me and one other woman.

Most, if not all , Latin dance group classes operate on the "rotation" system in which women move on to a new guy every few minutes.
Some married couples prefer to stay and learn together and they are usually allowed to do so.
If I were you I would not connect up with that woman who is hounding you. It can be a little nerve wracking in the first year of tuition and you don't need a nutjob clinging to you like shyte to a blanket .

 

[Die Hard]

Ah, that rotation principle sounds good. It'll help me with keeping the nutjob at bay!

We'll see what happens Wednesday, I'll keep you posted...

 

[zekko]

I'm not really that interested in my dancing partner but the mere fact that she seems to be quite interested in me, illicits anxiety in me (combined with the fact that I suspect her of being a serious nutcase)

This is probably similar to the anxiety a woman feels when I guy gets too "interested" in her too quickly. Or when a guy wants something from her when she just isn't interested in him.

It can be a little nerve wracking in the first year of tuition

I thought it's been said repeatedly here that Salsa was easy to learn. Now you're talking about working at it for years? Is this one of those "Easy to learn, difficult to master" type of things?

 

[Traveller2011]

If she is truly BPD. Star far away. However, she may be OK, but you can set boundaries and just say, hey, I just want to dance, and be done with it. It sounds like you don't trust yourself not to get involved.

I just got out of a four year relationship with a smokin hot BPD. It almost killed me. Take my advice. If she is crazy, set boundaries, or MOVE ON.

 

[Die Hard]

It sounds like you don't trust yourself not to get involved.

That's right.

BPD's should be fvck and run, but I can't run coz I'll keep seeing her at salsa classes. And if I can't run, then I shouldn't fvck her either. But I'm afraid I'll follow my d!ck anyway if she tries to seduce me.

I'm not worried about the mind games or her getting to me emotionally, that's no biggie. I'm worried about what happens once she realizes this! She'll turn hostile, try to embarrass me towards the instructor/other students, find out where I live and kill my cat She'll try to hurt me in any way she can, I know these nutjobs: the more they realize they can't get to your emotions, the harder they'll try and the more drastic they'll become in their attempts. I don't wanna be Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction" lol.

But I'm pretty sexually frustrated to be honest... She'd be my first lay since I started with this DJ stuff, my first tangible victory since I started working on my game. I don't like the idea of giving up free puzzy offering itself to me... But I might eventually have to give up the salsa classes in order to escape some nutjob coming after me, and I really want to follow these classes!

To be honest, I don't know how I'd respond if she tried to seduce me.

EDIT: Reading my own post, it's become quite clear to me that I should not get involved with her. The classes are more important and she's not that pretty. More opportunities to fvck will come, BETTER opportunities! And following the salsa classes will aid to that.

 

[jophil28]

DieHard, I gather that you signed up for a course of lessons. How many weeks?
IF I were you I would also seek out a decent Ballroom/Latin studio that allows you to pay as you attend. Don't tale stalker chic - go ALONE..
The best ones are "Dancesport" accredited. Those are the professional studios .The others are just wannabe studios .

 

[Die Hard]

Didn't see your last reply until just now, Jophil!

The course takes 15 weeks. I dunno if there's such a thing as "Dancesport" accredited over here anyway (I live somewhere in Europe), but the school I'm attending is pretty well known and has a good reputation.

So let me give an update on what happened lately.


The nutjob and I just went on to be dancing partners and we met up shortly before the first lesson, took a drink, had a chat. I must admit she looked better in RL than I had expected based on her pic (from that 'dancing partner' site where I found her). There was a nice tension between us during the lesson...we were both a bit shy/reserved, feeling each other out by sometimes looking each other in the eyes and give a quick smile, during talking/dancing/listening to the teacher. She's not that hot (HB6.5/HB7) but I feel quite attracted to her anyway, for a great part because of the tension from dancing and touching. It's fun to be that intimate with someone you don't know at all and we were both laughing nervously a lot during the interaction.

So after the lesson had finished, she asked me if I'd like to go to some social dancing in town (very closeby for both of us) a few days later. I said "sure" so we met up that night.

Now this was basically just a date. Both of us wearing nice clothes, smelling good, we went inside, there was a nice and happy atmosphere at the place... We went for a drink at the bar and started talking about all kinds of things, had a nice conversation, making lots of eye contact and smiling. We both started applying light kino too and finally decided to make an attempt on the dancefloor.

Remember, just had one lesson, so it was quite awkward (there were people doing all kinds of advanced stuff on the dancefloor!). But our clumsiness and bumping into each other coz we made the wrong steps just added to the "fun", we were laughing a lot. Because we looked like total beginners and the realization that people around us could see that, there was a certain "pressure" and this created chemistry. When you're in a "dangerous" situation together, having to make it through together, this creates a connection. Later on, we got better at dancing and didn't make mistakes anymore, it felt good, she also started to pull me closer to her and was clearly enjoying me. After our last dance, we were on quite a high together and when the music stopped, we both went "woohoo!" and she told me "it would be awesome if we knew how to do that move where the guy bends the girl over backwards and leans over her now, haha!".

But it was a weekday so she had to get up early next day and couldn't stay longer (even though I could see that she wanted). Throughout it all, I still was kinda reluctant to escalate things coz I had reached the conclusion that it would be better to keep her at bay before all this. I also have this weird habit of becoming indecisive in situations where I think a girl looks just above average on the one hand but I'm having great fun and chemistry with her on the other hand (so I notice I'm starting to like her, then I tell myself I don't wanna like her coz she's not all that). Anyway, we decided to go and I drove her home (we were both on our bikes). I won't write down the exact conversation but as we approached her place, she covertly communicated that she expected me to take off right after we would arrive, giving me the feeling I shouldn't expect anything. Again, I wasn't really sure what I wanted myself so I just played it along and didn't make any intention to look for more, like a goodbye kiss or whatever. When we stopped in front of her house, we were both still on our bikes (one foot on the ground), so it wasn't possible anyway. Right before leaving, we did have "that look" for a moment, where we both realized this is where people normally go for a kiss. But we just said goodbye and I went home.

Two days later, I texted her to give me her email so I could send her some youtube vids on salsa moves. After I sent the vids, she had my email, which contains my last name...so I guess she looked me up at facebook after that coz she added me that night.

Now we just had our second dancing lesson and I dunno what I'm doing, lol. While dancing, we looked each other in the eye a few times and held the look for a long time, then made smiles, kinda acknowledging to each other that we're "on". Except, I still feel totally onsure about what I want. I'd wanna have a ONS with her, but I can't. Even though we rotate partners during class (started doing that on the second lesson), everyone enters the class with his own "fixed" partner. After rotating in class, al initial partner go back to each other again. What I mean is, we can't just switch partners after I fvck her, we still "belong" to each other, as do all other couples.

After the second lesson, we went outside and were about to say goodbye. I smilingly said "So...", she smiled back and said "So..." and we both lol'd. I dind't make a move, we just talked a litlle and said goodbye. I still think it could be a big mistake to progress things (kissing, sex, whatever). She'd want more after that, but I wouldn't...so she'd feel rejected and then it would become difficult to continue the lessons together every week.

While we were talking, we brought up going to a social dancing party again soemtime. She added she wanted to go on a Friday or Saturday this time, so she shouldn't have to leave for home early.

Anyway, when I got home, I was overthinking the situation and was all confused, I can't make up my mind. At the one hand I was feeling horny... I feel attracted to her, I wanna kiss her, I wanna fvck her etc. On the other hand I'm afraid things will get difficult from there on. But who knows? Perhaps I can make her my FB, she won't push for more and there's no problem? At the same time, if I wanna pursue her, I'm screwing things up byt the way I've acted until now. Not making a move when we went out social dancing, not making a move after the second lesson, it's basically acing like a pu$$y. For all she knows, I don't have the balls to make a move, lol.

So I decided to text her and make sort of a move after all. I had promised to put salsa music on an USB stick and give it to her the next lesson. So I texted her that I could also come and bring it to her this week, so she doesn't have to wait till next week. I ended it with "Let me know!" Lol, I think it's a weak move but we'll see what happens. And again, I'm asking myself "Do I hope she responds and invites me over? Or do I hope she rejects me so we can just be dancing partners without trouble after that?"

Weird sitution... I really don't know what I'm doing here and I really don't know what I want. Either I pursue her or I don't, now I'm just doing something in between.

 

[Warrior74]

Do it! Go whole hog. Write it all up for us. :rockon:

 

[Die Hard]

Well, she responded to my text today. She invited me to come bring the USB stick tomorrow night, but damn I have to work then! I texted her back, saying I can't make tomorrow night but I'm free on Saturday night, asking if that suits her as well (yeah, I'm aware of the fact that people on this board always say you shouldn't do the first dates in the weekend and make her wonder about what you do on those nights instead, but fvck it). She hasn't replied to that yet....

But yes, I'm gonna go whole hog (even though I don't know that expression, I can guess what you mean by it ). It's pretty obvious that she wants me, unless she's just a mega-flirt who toys with guys, but I must admit that I'm even prepared for that. I can already picture myself going to her house, handing the USB stick over and then she tells me "okaybyethanx!" and closes the door, hahaha.

My ambiguity, confusion, indecisiveness and "fear" of complications about her getting clingy and me not being able to escape her without giving up the Salsa class... I suspect that's all just me projecting my own fear onto her. I think the real issue at hand is that I'm just afraid I'll start to like her too much and won't be able to escape my own feelings once that happens. This just exposes my inner AFC and I have to confront it, instead of losing my cool and trying to run away from it. I've come a long way since I found Sosuave, but I still kinda freak out when a chick gets closer to me (figuratively) and this is gonna be good practise...

I'mma fukk this bytch!:trouble: She starts getting too clingy, I will put her in her place. If my inner AFC starts getting too clingy, I will put him in his place too


P.S. She just responded to my text while I was writing this post. She told me she's busy on Saturday night, but she sugested we meet up earlier the night of our next class (Wednesday) and have a drink together... I guess that's all positive: it seems she made the proposal to have a drink before class in order to show me that she IS interested, even though she can't make Saturday night. Plus, this text shows she wants me to come over and fvck her. She suggested Friday in her earlier text, which I can't make, and she can't make Saturday. Those are the only days when she doesn't have to go to bed early. She could still have suggested Sunday or Monday but she didn't, which has to be coz she needs to go to bed early on those days...

I'll keep you guys posted.

 

[zekko]

yeah, I'm aware of the fact that people on this board always say you shouldn't do the first dates in the weekend and make her wonder about what you do on those nights instead, but fvck it

I wonder what she's doing on Saturday night since she can't make it?

 

[Tazman]

My ambiguity, confusion, indecisiveness and "fear" of complications about her getting clingy and me not being able to escape her without giving up the Salsa class... I suspect that's all just me projecting my own fear onto her. I think the real issue at hand is that I'm just afraid I'll start to like her too much and won't be able to escape my own feelings once that happens.

Good introspection.

I say you should'nt make any more assumptions about her until you've hooked up because so far she seems to be on top of her game. You know how women are, they are masters at flirting and innuendo so until you've actually made a move you will never know. She could be genuinely interested or looking for affirmation that she could have you if she wanted (AW).

 

[Die Hard]

You're right, Taz. Like I said before, there's definitely something off about her and my spider sense for BPD's, AW's and other 'bad' women went off at our earliest interactions. So we'll just see what happens. Anyway, I am going to focus on getting into her panties from now on.

@ Zekko: She told me she will be in another city Sat. night. It's a major city close to ours, where many people go out to on Sat. night (myself included, our city's nightlife isn't that bruising.) So I guess she's going out there too... I guess if she was meeting a guy (that's what you're getting at, right?) she would give no specifics at all about where she'll be, she'd just say she's busy on Sat. night then...

Even so, I don't care. I don't have great expectations regarding her. Something's off about her and her looks are not that stunning. I try to see her just as good practice for me to get better with women.

 

[zekko]

Even so, I don't care. I don't have great expectations regarding her. Something's off about her and her looks are not that stunning. I try to see her just as good practice for me to get better with women.

If she doesn't look good and her manner makes you uneasy, why are you wanting to get into her pants? Because it's there?
You could just keep her as a dance partner and leave the potential drama out of it if you sense something is wrong. Of course, male/female relationships are seldom so easy, are they, what with all the hormones and sexual tension flying about?

Regarding where she was on Saturday night, I wasn't insinuating anything. I just thought it was ironic that you said that SoSuave teaches not to meet up on the weekends to make them wonder what you're doing. But it was she who was busy on the weekend, so the table was turned.

Personally, not making plans with a girl on the weekend sounds like just the sort of gameplaying that could just as easily backfire as work out as intended. I'm not particularly fond of playing head games, I'm more direct.

 

[Warrior74]

If she doesn't look good and her manner makes you uneasy, why are you wanting to get into her pants? Because it's there?
You could just keep her as a dance partner and leave the potential drama out of it if you sense something is wrong. Of course, male/female relationships are seldom so easy, are they, what with all the hormones and sexual tension flying about?

He wanted this from the time he first posted this thread. He knew he wanted to go down this road. IT CALLED TO HIM FROM THE DARKNESS.

And so I encourage it. :rockon: Self destruction is the way forward.