Man, what a dissapointment!

[SwedishDJ]

Hey Guys!

I have been out of the loop for some years but as I'm single (happily!!!) again I need some help to get going again!

A few weeks ago I met very intriguing 35-year old (I'm 40) lady and we hit it off quite well. I didn't number close her that evening because I was sure I'd meet her again soon.

Well, it took me a whole five weeks before I met her again this weekend (at a latin dance club). This time I said I'd get back to her and she said "please do!".

Called her today. She sounded really happy to hear from me but was busy at her office so she returned my call a few hours later.
Still sounded very happy and upbeat on the phone. I asked her out but then she sounded totally surprised! (quite strange because I have flirted a lot with her- and she agreed to keep in touch )

After a brief silence....she told me that she had recently met someone and out of respected she didn't want to multidate.
But then she proceded to tell me that she didnt't really believe in that relationship and if/when she became single she'd get back to me.

I just said "Ok, I understand" and wanted to end the call. But she happily talked about other stuff for a few minutes.

How do I "play" this? We'll certainly bump into each other again. What's she thinking? She doesn't come across as an AW but I'll guess that's a possibility and I really don't care....I want to improve my game and might as well get some practice on her!

Advice appreciated!

 

[Bender936]

Don't call her anymore. Spin more plates. Maybe months down the road you'll hear from her. When she said that she didn't believe in this other relationship she was simply testing you. She wanted you to turn into a big lovestruck dummy who would wait for her. She wanted you as a second best option. Do you want to put up with that sh*t? She tests your boundaries, and if you have none, she'll lose all attraction.

 

[grayclif]

Why would she give him her number and give a call back if she didn't want to give it a go. I agree that it was a test but I think she wanted to find out if you were willing to "play". Personally, I would add her to the potential plate list and ignore the fact that she is in a relationship. Proceed as if she is single.

 

[Slickster]

What to do if she has a boyfriend


As the link above states - you have to make her choose. Don't linger around like a friend.

 

[Burroughs]

Don't call her. She is clearly playing you for attention.

"if/when she's single SHE'LL get back to YOU!"

Ha! Classic manipulation. Do not call. Erase her number. next

 

[SwedishDJ]

Why would she give him her number and give a call back if she didn't want to give it a go. I agree that it was a test but I think she wanted to find out if you were willing to "play". Personally, I would add her to the potential plate list and ignore the fact that she is in a relationship. Proceed as if she is single.

Yeah, this is what I don't understand either.

But thank's for your advice. I'll certainly not supplicate to her or try to "befriend" her or anything like that!

But but.....

 

[squirrels]

Don't sit there on the phone after you've been snubbed like that. You don't get all p!ssy or anything, of course, but you find an excuse to get OFF the phone once she turns down your date offer. Especially for a reason like that...that coming out of a 35-year-old woman..."I have to respect him so I'm not going to multi-date".

This is the kind of crap that disgusts me about women. You KNOW she wants to spend time with you and see how it works, but these girls make up these stupid junior-high-school dating rules and stick with them throughout their entire lives. Then wonder why they end up with immature clowns all the time.

 

[grayclif]

It does not matter which of these she is really doing, because a man's time is best spent on better prospects.

I couldn't agree with you more and I certainly would not initiate the next contact.

In no way am i suggesting he actively seek a permanent relationship with her or developing a heavy attraction (which seems the case) because he should be spinning plates. All I'm saying is don't be so quick to next.

 

[bish0p]

To all the guys saying forget her and it's a dead end:

This is something I don't understand about this forum.

I had a similar experience a while back where I met a girl online. We got together one day, went out to lunch (I paid, and told her she could pay the next time) and ended up back in my place. I knew that she was dating someone else and she didn't want to do anything physical because of the other guy. Still, we made out and I almost got the lay, but her resistance was too strong. She told me to take her home.

So I did. On the way back, I stopped for gas and made her pay for it, telling her that since we won't be seeing each other again, that she should go ahead and pay me now.

A month or so later, her birthday came (I was using Myspace at the time and we were still friends on there) and I sent her a simple birthday wish (keep in mind that I really didn't care about this girl...I did it just because).

We started talking immediately and I ended up laying her. She became addicted to me and wanted to be with me constantly. I dumped her 3 months later by voicemail after I got bored with her.

The point is, if I would have been all pissy and went NC on her completely, I would have never got her. But I did because I didn't feel like the situation was so serious as for me to go complete NC.

 

[disgustipated]

I think you MAKING her pay for gas after she told you to take her home made her head spin.....something like, man this dude has nerve/balls. That **** probably stuck with her, something as simple as that.

Doesn't sound like the OP had any vibe like that going for him. The last impression she had of him is sitting on the phone with her for however long AFTER she told him she was gonna be with this other dude. Pretty different from the last impression you left.

 

[bish0p]

I think you MAKING her pay for gas after she told you to take her home made her head spin.....something like, man this dude has nerve/balls. That **** probably stuck with her, something as simple as that.

Doesn't sound like the OP had any vibe like that going for him. The last impression she had of him is sitting on the phone with her for however long AFTER she told him she was gonna be with this other dude. Pretty different from the last impression you left.

I think that was a mistake on his part, but not necessarily what I was getting at.

I was simply arguing against the idea that you should next a girl just because you perceive she has low interest in you.

 

[SwedishDJ]

"The last impression she had of him is sitting on the phone with her for however long AFTER she told him she was gonna be with this other dude. Pretty different from the last impression you left.["

Four minutes, tops.

Felt like forever though since I hate talking on the phone.

 

[grayclif]

What woman isn't in a relationship

You ended up sleeping with a girl who screws around on her boyfriend. Not exactly what many people would call a good investment.

This got me thinking. What woman isn't in a relationship. Either she is just starting one, in one of those LTR's without an official engagement, a couple months in and realizing that it's just not working, engaged yet no official marriage date etc. I think you get my point.

Woman always have relationships and it's rare that you ever find one that's completely single. In fact a completely single woman is kinda almost a red flag isn't it. To some degree all woman branch swing. Some do it low to the ground others use vines.

 

[bish0p]

You ended up sleeping with a girl who screws around on her boyfriend. Not exactly what many people would call a good investment.

If, however, your only goal is to have sex with a girl, and you value sex with that girl higher than your dignity or self-respect, then by all means, go chase the woman.

Personally, no girl or pu$$y is worth that to me, it is too easy to get. Why bother raising some wh0res ego by chasing her when it's just as easy to get another vag?

I mean seriously, do you guys really value sex more than your own self-respect?

Man, who ever said anything about a boyfriend?

The OP didn't...I didn't. We're talking about multi-dating, or spinning plates as you guys call it here (many girls do the same thing). Not multi-relationships...there's a huge difference.

 

[bish0p]

Is a woman with either of these traits worth the energy you will spend on her?

It depends on what you want...not every body wants the same things as you.

 

[bish0p]

Bishop,

I gave an opinion on both a STR/fling OR an LTR. You need to read everything I post before cherry picking and commenting.

I only read what you wrote to me and I'm not going back to read your other crap.

Either way, I was explaining to you what the situation was....and the situation was, she was NOT in a committed relationship with the other guy.

If your "woman" didn't want to do anything with you because of the other guy, who are we fooling here? That may as well be a fucking boyfriend. And if you go back and re-read the OP, you will find the woman said she did NOT want to multi-date.

Still, he didn't mention anything about her being in a relationship. Yeah, the guy she was with may have been courting her, but they were not exclusive.

Bottom line is, if a girl is not in a committed relationship, she is game. Hell, she may say all kinds of sh*t to resist you, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't want to sleep with you.

Where is your pride or dignity that you would continue to pedastalize pu$$y by giving it that much effort? If she's down to fuck then great, if not, there's a ton of others that require little effort.

Honestly, I don't give a damn about your opinions on pride and dignity.

Your values don't equal my values. Your values don't make you a better person than me and vice versa. So don't come spewing your bullsh*t at me about your opinion on self-respect, pride and dignity.

 

[bish0p]

Oops, did I hit a nerve?

Yeah, you did...but not in a "This guy might be right and it makes me mad" kinda way...but in a "this dude annoys the sh*t outta me" kinda way.

I have too much pride to put that much value on the dubious prospects of one girls snatch. There are too many easy one's out there.

Translated: I'm afraid of getting rejected by girls so I'm only going to pursue the ones who show the highest interest in me.

However, my own experiences tells me to go beyond IOI's and assume that girls automatically have high interest in me even if they resist me at first. The majority of my success has come from this attitude. On the other hand, I've also had girls who showed me high interest first, only for that interest to fade away just as fast.

 

[bish0p]

Oh right, I'm sure that's the nerve I hit.

Haha, okay, man...if you say so.

It is difficult for people to view themselves critically and I understand it is probably frustrating to be in the position to have no choice but to pursue low interest girls.

Okay.

I am only trying to help you.

haha dude, really?

I'm actually amazed at this statement and I don't even know what to say. I can't even read the rest of what you wrote.

So you go do your thing, buddy.

 

[bish0p]

Bishop,

Good luck with those low interest girls. When you finally get some high interest ones, you will know what I am talking about.

I already get both, so I don't know what else to say to you.

 

[Falcon25]

Let a few weeks pass. Call or text and say "did you get rid of this fuvking guy of yours or what?. Let's go out for a drink." Many guys next too easy. Sometimes, it's not you, it's just bad timing. Try again, when she says "I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE". Delete the number from your heart, and carry on to the next one.
Sometimes, girls like to hear from the guys that they rejected from the past, not because they like them, but because they are horny and the current guy is not getting it done. There's a good chance of banging this one still.

Women, like life, is sometimes all about timing. There's no game, money, looks, or any of that can get past wrong timing. Timing is everything in a woman's world.