Man, I keep on slippin. Slap me :|

[cactus3178]

Ever so quick recap:

-Same g/f for 3.5 years.
-Problems, taking 'break' that she initiated.
-Neither party seeing anyone else (yes, I'm sure).
-Big long drawn out talk today.


Okay,

I basically laid down the law per the advice on this board. We've been split up (but agreed not to see any other people until we figured out what would happen), for the last six months, and yesterday I put a stop to it.

I told her that enough was enough and that a decision needed to be made, or I was leaving immediately. So we had a LONG talk and she got all teary eyed and told me that she loved me and that she wanted to make sure I had my **** together. I'll admit that I had been ****ing off alot at that point in time and not taking care of business financially and such. She DID have valid concerns in that context, and also complained that I didn't keep my word, which was also true some of the time.

Anyhow, I was wrong in some respects, and so was she. She can be selfish at times, and not very willing to change things that I see to be problems. On the plus side, I do trust her completely, and that's hard to come by. She's not a slut and she's very responsible most of the time.

We agreed to wait two weeks and then make a decision on whether or not to get back together. I don't know if I can do it. The track record for breaking up and getting back together (for most people I know) isn't good. Things are usually okay for a little bit, then slip right back into hell. I don't want to be like that. On the other hand, sometimes it's the best thing that can happen in a relationship....stepping back to put things into perspective.

So this goes against 90% of what I've learned on this site in the last month or so. Not quite sure what to do. We live together, but she's out of town with her mom for the weekend. I guess I'd better think this through very well, but I'm indecisive at this point.

I'm not sure if it will ever work. I seriously wonder at what point things went from great to crap. I hope all this makes sense.

 

[Dirtheart]

First of all, stop worrying! You did the right thing addressing the issue. The pain of waiting and not knowing is drawn out and restrictive and not good for you.

Just remember, you have nothing to lose. Take what you have learned and take one step at a time. Think positive, don't think ahead, stop doubting yourself and don't predict that it will fail.

You have had time to evaluate your mistakes and learn from them. And you have a second chance, which is something a lot of people (myself included) would love.

Perhaps "getting back together" is too official and carries too much pressure. How about you just see how you get along.

Make sure you don't enter into it feeling like YOU have to MAKE things work. It's not a chess game. Have fun and relax. Go out somewhere nice and enjoy each others company as friends. Remind her that life is great with you, not a history of mistakes.

Good luck. I sincerely hope it can work for you.

 

[chili kat]

When two people who live together face the possibility of breaking it off for good, there are a lot of new emotional barriers to deal with. That means someone is going to have to chipmunk away some $$$ and move out, possibly without someone else to share the bills. If this girl of yours is facing this problem, it may be that part or all of the crying and effort of salvaging-type talk is due to the difficulty, and partial procrastination, of setting off on a new beginning. Less to do with love.

It's just one possibility I surely know exists. You tell me.

 

[cactus3178]

First, thanks to both of you for great advice!



chili kat,

I think that may be a part of it. On the other hand, her family has a ton of money and I'm sure they would help her out, or worst case scenario, let her move in (they have a friggin huge house).


It's weird because this situation is a bit more complex than most I've ever seen on this board, what with the living together, plus I have a daughter that's fairly attached to me 'ex'.

When we started this split, everybody....friends, family, were like "WTF?". Nobody expected it because we usually resolved our problems over time. I guess nobody ever sees the dark side, lol.

Anyway, I've gotta make a decision about whether or not to keep trying, get back together, move on, etc. Honestly, I do love this girl......and if I knew for sure that things would be great (Obviously I can't predict the future), I would get back with her. But I'm just not sure whether or not to try or fly, so to speak.


Thanks guys.