Male Friends

[AlphaDraconis]

Interesting, I've never heard of this thing in the UK.

Funny enough I spent a year in se Asia back in my 20's... so not unfamiliar with Asian women.

Tbh back at beginning of relationship I did mention to her about chatting to a Colombian girl (based in uk) who was having relationship issues with her husband, which is true, we chat all the time. Used to sleep with each other 15 years back but loosely stayed in touch, then when I divorced 3 years ago things got a bit heated and would definitely be game on if I wanted her at any point... which I don't.

Could just subtly introduce a mythical friend, Asian woman into my life and see how she reacts...

Why would you suggest leaving her now?

Nah, man, I’d get busy going deep undercover and doing it for real (if you’re not ready to walk away right now). You bullsh1t her with some imaginary Asian woman, she’ll smell a rat and know you’re doing this in retaliation for her doing this to you.

Even if you have to hire an out of town Thai escort for a short while, I’d do it. Get a few pics of you together during a meal, walk in the park, then upload to Facebook or whatever. See how she likes those apples.

And why I suggest getting out as the preferable option... you know the set up here. If the boot was on the other foot, do you really think she’d be feeling no competition anxiety? Do you really think she wouldn’t be subtly or outright causing a rift between you and a very close, attractive female friend? Don’t kid yourself, she’s acutely aware of the designated effect all this is having in you. You’re feeling insecure because she’s making you feel this way. All of this constant anxiety just for 2 second orgasmic release here n there... the prize isn’t worth the price.

Guys, like Corey Wayne advise men not to show insecurity over close male friends, but we’re not robots — we feel emotional pain, and there’s only so much you can take. Furthermore, why should any guy opt to be humiliated and disrespected? If you ain’t doing it to her, then she should extend the same courtesy. But it doesn’t work like that for women, as you’ll find out when Mei Ling enters the equation. The demon will rear its ugly head alright.

When I was a little wet behind the ears back in the day, I bought into this new, “progressive” social trend, and even though I felt uneasy about it, I didn’t want to come off as insecure, and foolishly progressed... turned out she’d fvcked most of them, and enjoyed not only playing them off against each other, but also trying to mind fvck me with them (similar to your experience). I eventually smartened up, had enough of her sh1t and just blocked her without any explanation.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Sorry to be blunt but she has already demonstrated to OP that he is the low man on her totem pole. She’s made OP’s position in her world crystal clear.

How is that?

likes chatting to him about career, mentoring, etc amongst other things. Also said she mentioned things to him between me and her and that he apparently said i sound like a good bloke, could be right man for her or something to that effect.

I am a woman and I personally find her behavior with a man incredibly disrespectful. I personally have different standards.

1. She discussed your and her personal relationship, with another man. Seriously! As a woman, I don’t believe that is appropriate. Certainly never casually. (Maybe with her father or brother, in an extreme situation of sorts.)

2. She sought out this other man’s approval of you (or his jealousy).

This equals the other man higher on her totem pole, in my view. She is seeking the other man’s approval (seemingly) above yours.

3. She reported her delight to you, that THE OTHER MAN approved of you.

4. On top of that...She acts as if and believes that you are ALSO supposed to be delighted that you were granted THE OTHER MAN’S approval.

I find this inappropriate on so many levels. That’s me.

Hopefully this clarifies some of what I perceived that led me to see you/OP as lower on her totem pole. I personally see these, as highly disrespectful behaviors, of a woman towards her man.

If she is seeking THE OTHER MAN’S approval (or jealousy), above showing you respect, that speaks volumes, to me. I have different standards for respectful behavior. That is why if you are looking for a solid LTR (beyond simply sex,) that I suggested you cut your losses with her and move on.

 

[derby1]

Bro, you know deep in your soul, that this behaviour is disrespectful. Its amazing how as men will make reasons up for the woman, when she knows damn well what shes doing, even only sub consciously.

This is not going to end well. and shes loving the attention btw

 

[LiveYourDream]

Her behavior and her enthusiasm toward THE OTHER MAN is more reflective of being an enthusiastic orbiter, of the other man, imho.

Wouldn’t surprise me if she secretly thought about being with the other man, despite saying the other man isn’t her type.

If the other man ever became single again, her feelings may “suddenly” be made more known.

Be careful OP. Always evaluate actions over words.

 

[AlphaDraconis]

OP, picture this scenario for a moment. Let’s go back in time prior to your current GF... now say you had options: 1. A single mother who is going to put you in an emotional torture chamber and mind fvck you with continuous triangulation games 2. A woman who is secure in herself, finds you desirable, will love and respect you.

Your choice should be a no brainer, right? So why have you opted for this? Do you feel like this is the best you can ever get — like this is all you’re worth? I’d prefer to remain single, free, happy for the rest of my days than to be subjected to such humiliation. If that’s what you’re into, hiring a dominatrix would be cheaper.

 

[SirBigBell]

Bro, you are not overthinking here at all. Your instincts are telling you to see a red flag, so override them at your own peril.

Unless a man is gay, I dont ever entertain the possibility of my girl being friends with a man, ever! I can guarantee you that one or both of them have at some point assessed the other sexually. It’s only nature after all.

From personal experience, all the women I genuinely considered as mere friends ended up at the sharp end of my rocket. All it takes is the stars aligning and the perfect opportunity presenting itself. In some cases boundaries were crossed when alcohol got involved. In other cases, the chick was going through turbulence or neglect in her own relationship and wanted a shoulder to cry on, and in the process of offering a shoulder nature took its course.

My advice to you here is: pursue a LTR with her and override your instincts, but you will cry down the line. I would spin her as a plate and move on. Its only a matter of time before the stars align and this so-called friend folds your girl nice and good.

 

[rart]

Speaking from exact experience. She knows what she is doing. Be willing and ready to walk. Do not talk to he about the orbiter. Treat her like a plate and get some new plates going.

 

[B80]

Yes, my now ex wife never raised any of these issues, couple of levels below my smv, never had anything like this with her at all.


This girl is usually always on WhatsApp in the evening, just noticed that over the past few months.

Tonight she hasn't been offline for over an hour. Strongly suspect there's more going on here than him just dropping off weights. Daughter goes to sleep around 730, offline since 830... she could have fell asleep early, but out of character and ties in with this man visiting.

Strongly tempted to end it tomorrow, not worth the stress. Pulling stuff like exclusive talk last weekend, shows she can't be trusted and can't see it ending well whether that's next week or 5 years.

Taking the piss, her loss.

 

[SirBigBell]

Yes, my now ex wife never raised any of these issues, couple of levels below my smv, never had anything like this with her at all.


This girl is usually always on WhatsApp in the evening, just noticed that over the past few months.

Tonight she hasn't been online for over an hour. Strongly suspect there's more going on here than him just dropping off weights. Daughter goes to sleep around 730, offline since 830... she could have fell asleep early, but out of character and ties in with this man visiting.

Strongly tempted to end it tomorrow, not worth the stress.

This guy has the best arrangement here. He gets to smoke her at will, without taking on the responsibilities of a LTR (as thats the role prepared for you). You feed the cow and he gets the milk.
Nah, I would cash my chips in and walk out of the casino on this one.

 

[Barrister]

Always trust your gut. If your gut feels wrong about the situation you should trust it.

Having just come out of an LTR with this very same dynamic (highly inappropriate daily communication with another male “friend” where she shared details of our relationship such as when we fought, etc.), I can tell you that it is something that could lend itself to major issues down the road for you in an LTR. Imagine when you argue and she immediately runs to this other man to b1tch about you. Guarantee this guy will turn into a white Knight against you - whether he’s in a relationship or not.

I think if you are going to have an LTR with this woman that you need to set a very clear boundary when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. See how she responds. If she balks at it in any way - you walk. It’s that simple.

 

[Bigpapa]

Yes, my now ex wife never raised any of these issues, couple of levels below my smv, never had anything like this with her at all.


This girl is usually always on WhatsApp in the evening, just noticed that over the past few months.

Tonight she hasn't been offline for over an hour. Strongly suspect there's more going on here than him just dropping off weights. Daughter goes to sleep around 730, offline since 830... she could have fell asleep early, but out of character and ties in with this man visiting.

Strongly tempted to end it tomorrow, not worth the stress. Pulling stuff like exclusive talk last weekend, shows she can't be trusted and can't see it ending well whether that's next week or 5 years.

Taking the piss, her loss.

the main problem is , as other people pointed out , is that she is looking for approval from the other guy .

I think that she is more an orbiter to him , than he is to her , and you do not know what it might happen if that guy will be single

a girl that is head over hills about you will start ignoring friends and stuff like that , basically spending most of the time with you . And this will happen naturally

do You feel that this is happening ?

 

[B80]

Wells she's just text to say how's my evening. She had fishn chips, felt ill right after eating them and watched a film with this chap and apparently he's just left and she's off to bed.

 

[AlphaDraconis]

Yes, my now ex wife never raised any of these issues, couple of levels below my smv, never had anything like this with her at all.


This girl is usually always on WhatsApp in the evening, just noticed that over the past few months.

Tonight she hasn't been offline for over an hour. Strongly suspect there's more going on here than him just dropping off weights. Daughter goes to sleep around 730, offline since 830... she could have fell asleep early, but out of character and ties in with this man visiting.

Strongly tempted to end it tomorrow, not worth the stress. Pulling stuff like exclusive talk last weekend, shows she can't be trusted and can't see it ending well whether that's next week or 5 years.

Taking the piss, her loss.

If you do end it (I hope so), just block / ghost her on everything — no fvcks or explanations given. It will make her feel totally devalued — you know that feeling, right? Nothing fvcks a woman’s mind more than ghosting, esp one you’ve been in r/s with. She’ll be pining for your validation endlessly.

 

[Çharismo]

A lot of great replies from a lot of smart people. There is still hope for humanity!!!!

 

[LiveYourDream]

Wells she's just text to say how's my evening. She had fishn chips, felt ill right after eating them and watched a film with this chap and apparently he's just left and she's off to bed.

This behavior is from a woman who just recently asked you for exclusivity! You gave her your exclusivity and this is how she honors you?!?!

Her behavior and disrespect is unacceptable in my opinion.

Respond (take care of yourself) accordingly.

Your self respect matters more than anything.

 

[Bigpapa]

Dunno mate , I usually am quite optimistic and not an extremist , but in this case it does not make any sense her behavior

when a girl likes you , she wants to spend as much time possible with you , not her platonic guy

I never really experienced something like this , and to be frank I do not know what I would do if I where you . But for sure it does not sound like something good

 

[Avocadow]

I would give her a chance to comply to a relationship that suits OP better.

Or make female friends present and see how she responds as others have suggested.

She could behave like that even if she had no feelings for the guy as is attention/ connection for her and she might think OP is totally fine with it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Wells she's just text to say how's my evening. She had fishn chips, felt ill right after eating them and watched a film with this chap and apparently he's just left and she's off to bed.

Or that’s the story she’s telling you...

 

[derby1]

felt ill right after eating them and watched a film with this chap and apparently he's just left and she's off to bed.

Are you trolling now bro lol.......................shes watching a film with another chap?

the only power women have, is your fear of something....they have no other power.....

Whats that fear,......tell us?

 

[LiveYourDream]

Or that’s the story she’s telling you...

With all of that ... She didn’t have the thought or consideration to reach out to you till now!?! She finishes by telling you she will now be unavailable to connect with you, as she’s going to bed!

Something is not right. Something is fishy, imho.