Male Friends Again

[zekko]

Ah, finally a dissenting opinion:

If my chick wants to hang with guys every so often, its cool

When you say "my chick", is this a girl you are exclusive with?
If she spends one on one time with other dudes and you are okay with it, do you then spend one on one time with other women? And are you trying to get into their pants?

 

[Boilermaker]

I have to disagree with the course the older & wiser guys are taking here.

It's all about abundance and options. (sic RT - Plate Theory)

OF COURSE I would be very picky about anything I put into my mouth if I had millions of dollars, a private jet and a Pacific island with no worries for my future.

OF COURSE I would immediately reject a girl who smokes if I had ten others lined up for me.

OF COURSE The 10-3-1 rule would work wonders for me if I had the options ..

But come on, get real .. Don't preach benefits of Yoga to the masses of Homeless AFC's ..

It's not that you have "standards" and "self-respect". One can only AFFORD to have these.

Like most of us affording the luxury of NOT HAVING TO STEAL.

You cannot blame the guy who steals to survive of having low standards and being immoral..

If the ultimate purpose is being happy; then the guy who puts up with male friends of his girlfriend by acting "cool" about it is NOT a loser or a wuss.

He's just judging the trade-off between being single and optionless , and putting up with some friction to get some ..

There's no end to this. So cut this self-respect tale attached to your imaginary internet persona because we all can relate to how far the compromises can go..

And you are STILL compromising in one way or another in your perfect relationship with your badass alpha attitude, because you simply cannot survive if you disqualify 10 plates a day, even if you are a George Clooney.

and you know this very well, too. so please spare this cliche lecture for the women in your lives.

 

[synergy1]

Ah, finally a dissenting opinion:

When you say "my chick", is this a girl you are exclusive with?
If she spends one on one time with other dudes and you are okay with it, do you then spend one on one time with other women? And are you trying to get into their pants?

No , past tense. I am single now.

Some people know how things work, and its safe to say we all know that guys will be trying to get with our girls. Thats okay by me, just as long as nothing actually happens.

As for me, I don't spend 1on1 time with women who I am not interested in. Certainly not going to date some other dudes girlfriend. Its a waste of time, even if its possible to end up with them. A few years back I had a chick I would hang out with and go out to the bars with, but never made a move on. We had fun times, but I consider that somewhat of a rarity.

The questions some guys have to ask themselves is why is their chick hanging out with other dudes, and how frequently? If your chick is fairly smart and knows said guy wants to get with her, but is infrequent with meetings...let it go. If she plays dumb and is disrespecting your time, something needs to go. To me, women who only hang around men because women can't stand them sends off a trillion red flags.

 

[zekko]

And you are STILL compromising in one way or another in your perfect relationship with your badass alpha attitude, because you simply cannot survive if you disqualify 10 plates a day, even if you are a George Clooney.

I'm not entirely sure what you're on about here, but let me make this clear. I'm not talking about plates, I'm talking about an exclusive relationship. If you're just casually dating a girl, or spinning plates, I don't think you have much right to be worrying about whether or not she meets with male friends. Despite what they say about the abundance mentality, women who are worthy of an exclusive relationship are very rare, George Clooney or not.

The idea is not to disqualify her as a plate if she meets with male friends, it's to disqualify her as a potential exclusive relationship.

As for me, I don't spend 1on1 time with women who I am not interested in. Certainly not going to date some other dudes girlfriend. Its a waste of time, even if its possible to end up with them.

That's why I'm not into the whole female friend thing. If I'm not interested in them, I'm not that keen to spend time with them. It was different when I was younger, in my 20s. It was like we were all part of a crowd (or large social circle if you want), and we all hung out together. It was more natural to have female friends then because there was less likelihood of a commitment. People were still sowing their wild oats, testing their limits.

Back then I would hang out with female friends hoping I could eventually convert them into a lay (which did happen sometimes). Or else I would spend time with girls I wasn't really interested in simply because I was bored and wanted someone to go out with.

To me, women who only hang around men because women can't stand them sends off a trillion red flags

Fer sure.

 

[jophil28]

The idea is not to disqualify her as a plate if she meets with male friends, it's to disqualify her as a potential exclusive relationship.


.

Yes, what Zeek said.

I thought the point was understood at the start of the thread that the context and setting to which this debate applies is either a potential/impending LTR, an existing LTR, or a marriage.

 

[jophil28]

That's why I'm not into the whole female friend thing. If I'm not interested in them, I'm not that keen to spend time with them.

Indeed.
I have no use for a female "friend" unlees she and I are exchanging preliminary "F me " signals and, or she has a hot girlfriend.
And I wager that the vast majotity of male "friends" who are orbiting our girlfriends think and feel the same.