making both people happy in a relationship

[falconslax89]

so ive been together with this girl for about 3 months now.

now i had been in single mode for about a year and a half before that...casually dating girls and trying to bone them pretty much. not that i wouldnt have liked to have been in a relationship...i just hadnt crossed paths with any girl i felt i had that strong of a connection with. those girls knew i wasnt fully into them and it attracted them like bugs...exactly how it is supposed to.

then i met this girl and knew i wanted her from the beginning, however i tried to never put her on a pedestol and played it cool. it worked like a charm. i made myself were i wasnt always available for her, we usually hungout on my terms and i maintained control by caring less than she did...or atleast acting like it.


everything is good between us...i trust her and she trusts me. the problem i have is im confused about how to transition from girl getting mode to girl keeping mode once i find one actually worthy of keeping around.

i feel like im am keeping my distance from her because i am afraid i will open up to her too much and she will lose interest but at the same time want to trust her when she encourages me to open up to her.

she really is different than most girls after spending countless days and nights with her. she doesnt like to go get trashed, she has had sex with one other guy (her previous boyfriend of 3 years) and she is going to be a kindergarten teacher. what i see as long term material. she will tell me things like how she would treat me the way i deserve to be treated if i would just let her...how she can be such a good girlfriend but that i wont let her in. its just that there is a part of me(mostly inflicted by this website lol) that tells me no matter how sweet i think she is all girls will stab you in the back.

it wouldnt be a problem for me to keep acting the way i am...im sure it would make her stick around but isnt the point of having a relationship to be happy with one another. i can tell it doesnt make her happy and honestly im not really enjoying making her chase me too much either...i want to move to the next stage but am not sure how to ease my guard down without losing power in the relationship. i want us to both be happy.

any suggestions here...my brain is clouded in girl fog. please help

 

[f283000]

then i met this girl and knew i wanted her from the beginning, however i tried to never put her on a pedestol and played it cool. it worked like a charm. i made myself were i wasnt always available for her, we usually hungout on my terms and i maintained control by caring less than she did...or atleast acting like it.


everything is good between us...i trust her and she trusts me. the problem i have is im confused about how to transition from girl getting mode to girl keeping mode once i find one actually worthy of keeping around.

What's happening here is that your inner afc is starting to creep out. You feel that you are "in love" with this girl and somehow feel that letting your inner afc out is going to keep her around BUT YOU ALREADY GOT HER AROUND! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO FIX (IN THIS CASE BREAK) SOMETHING THAT AIN'T BROKEN?

See the first lines highlighted in bold and underlined from your quote? That's how you got her and that's why she's with you.

So you're basically asking how to keep her around yet you answered yourself with the first few lines in bold.

Your case is not rare brother. Countless guys learn about DJ stuff, it helps them attract a girl, get a girl, but their inner afc is fighting to get out once they got the girl. They feel that they somehow have to be a nice guy to keep the girl yet forgetting that it was acting like a DJ that got the girl in the first place!

I remember a thread not to long about someone this happened to. Guy gets girl by acting like a dj, guy reverts to an afc once he gets her, girl drops him and guy wonders why. Women will notice the change in your attitude.

she really is different than most girls after spending countless days and nights with her. she doesnt like to go get trashed, she has had sex with one other guy (her previous boyfriend of 3 years) and she is going to be a kindergarten teacher.

No she isn't she is just like most women who will suck the c**** of a total stranger if the guy pushes all the right buttons on a spring break party. You thinking she is special is leading you to the wrong path. She already f***ed 1 guy (that she admits to) so she's not even a virgin she is nothing special.

 

[OamImrsNemo]

so ive been together with this girl for about 3 months now.

now i had been in single mode for about a year and a half before that...casually dating girls and trying to bone them pretty much. not that i wouldnt have liked to have been in a relationship...i just hadnt crossed paths with any girl i felt i had that strong of a connection with. those girls knew i wasnt fully into them and it attracted them like bugs...exactly how it is supposed to.

then i met this girl and knew i wanted her from the beginning, however i tried to never put her on a pedestol and played it cool. it worked like a charm. i made myself were i wasnt always available for her, we usually hungout on my terms and i maintained control by caring less than she did...or atleast acting like it.


everything is good between us...i trust her and she trusts me. the problem i have is im confused about how to transition from girl getting mode to girl keeping mode once i find one actually worthy of keeping around.

i feel like im am keeping my distance from her because i am afraid i will open up to her too much and she will lose interest but at the same time want to trust her when she encourages me to open up to her.

she really is different than most girls after spending countless days and nights with her. she doesnt like to go get trashed, she has had sex with one other guy (her previous boyfriend of 3 years) and she is going to be a kindergarten teacher. what i see as long term material. she will tell me things like how she would treat me the way i deserve to be treated if i would just let her...how she can be such a good girlfriend but that i wont let her in. its just that there is a part of me(mostly inflicted by this website lol) that tells me no matter how sweet i think she is all girls will stab you in the back.

it wouldnt be a problem for me to keep acting the way i am...im sure it would make her stick around but isnt the point of having a relationship to be happy with one another. i can tell it doesnt make her happy and honestly im not really enjoying making her chase me too much either...i want to move to the next stage but am not sure how to ease my guard down without losing power in the relationship. i want us to both be happy.

any suggestions here...my brain is clouded in girl fog. please help

Wow, I was on here getting ready to post a question when my answer is shot right in my face! F28300 that was a perfect response.

Quick back story.. Everything has been going great been getting all sorts of women and spinning plates keeps getting them more hooked, and me more women! It only took less than a week for me to destroy that. Between trying to get one into a relationship after she was obsessed with me and I fvcked that up by letting my inner afc warm and fuzzy feeling come in and ruin my game. Then that lead the chain reaction, destruction of events. Me having a bad day getting drunk and having a pitty party with other bad sh!t going on in my life giving my story to one chick scaring her away. Then thinking that the dj game was fvcking my chances with these women so I started nice guy again with another women and she ran away too!

WHY?

Because there was nothing wrong with my fvcking game! It was going perfect the women loved me being my manly self this weak afc was not fit for them. Most men around our age have been brain washed into afcism through the media. So its not horrible that we go through these afc spree's as much as an alcoholic is bound to trip as well. Yeah this fvcking sucks I will probably not get those women back but hey I am learning and I will take this recent loneliness to remind myself to be a man an take what I want.

Thank you both for your posts you helped me learn something inside my self.

 

[maqnetik]

if it aint broke dont fix it

:rockon: