Making a move on a girl when you have little rapport and how to get her to be your gf

[Happy_Camper]

Ok ive read some interesting posts on this forum and i want to discuss an issue. Ive had these guestions on my mind for a while and been asking my friends on their opinion on this.

Now i know that you should make a move by eating date request or kiss.

The thing is though that ive been rejected over 4-5 times these past 6 years and didnt have a gf since. But i finally realize the problem from my last failure.

It is Not enough rapport / not knowing the girl well enough. What happened was that i barely knew the girl, told the girl i liked her over msn and once face to face and got rejected, and both times they told me i didnt know them well enough. They're right. I didnt even talk to them over the phone, went out together just the two of us once, and thats where it went wrong.

On the other hand, if you know the girl TOO well you get put in the friend category and obviously thats not good either because she wont see you as a lover.

My question is, how MUCH should you know a girl before letting her know how you feel and make a move?

Another question is:

HOW do you let the girl know how you feel or what kind of move? Im puzzled by this seriously.

1. Some guys tell them how they feel face to face at the right moment and she "accepts" him.

2. Some guys make a move like putting their arm around her (kino) or most obvious, holding their hand when walking. If you hold their hand and they dont let go thats a sign they like you too or accept you cause we dont like people touching us that intimately.

I dont know about some cultures, but im asian myself and i go after asian girls. Most of my friends that are girls or successful guys that are asian like or TELL the girl how they feel before physically making a move like holding their hand. I think asian girls in general (The shy ones with little history with bfs) like it more when they TELL them rather making a sudden move.

Now dont get me wrong here, this is also an age situation too. if you're around 15-20 something i think telling the girl straight up is ok but once you're aged 30 something and so is the girl, i THINK THE MOVE IDEA IS BETTER.

The disadvantages of just you making a move, and she takes your hand and flings it away, you got yourself an awkward position. Also its not "Straightforward enough" my friend made a move and then he later found out from a friend of the girl that his girl is asking "when is he going to ask me out?" This is implying that they're just "dealing" (as in just holding hands as friends and not officially a COUPLE yet). So he later said he liked her in her face etc.

Ppl are telling that you should tell her how you feel when you "feel the attraction from her" cause then it puts the games aside and you get the answer officially. For example, "let's be gf/bf" or "i want you to be my gf" or "Do you accept me?"

Hearing these makes you sound like a TOTAL AFC and i dont want to be like that.

Some ppl are saying "well... you can ask to hold her hand before you guys are together" which i believe is really risky cause if she says no, awkwardness, she knows you're on to her etc.

I sort of think that girls like it when a guy just does whatever he feels and not be scared of anything like going ahead and holding her hand if he wants BEFORE they're a couple. but i dunno if im right.

When should you make the move then?
i dont want to devlop oneitis and waste my time and then get put in the friend category. I understand that i should make the moment happen and not wait for it.

One last question:

When should you Move on or next a girl after what and how many attempts?

I hate developing oneitis, and do not like wasting a lot of time on one particular girl where im just a friend or have no chance with. So when should i let go after what i did?
I hate to say this but sometimes i hate letting go cause another guys gets them or something, and i sometimes think that im better than him just that he had the better game of getting her.

thanks a lot guys i appreciate your advice = )

 

[ryannath]

First of all, I must say that you never TELL a girl how you feel. You show her with your actions, not words. You show her how you feel and what you want to do. And, you really don't have to know her much at all to make a move, that's why ppl have one night stands. You should make the moves as soon as you feel like it's ok. Whenever you have that feeling of, "This would be a good time to make a move", that's went you make the move. Give her a couples chances to accept you, but if she keeps rejecting you, then it's best to next her and seek someone else.

 

[Happy_Camper]

First of all, I must say that you never TELL a girl how you feel. You show her with your actions, not words. You show her how you feel and what you want to do. And, you really don't have to know her much at all to make a move, that's why ppl have one night stands. You should make the moves as soon as you feel like it's ok. Whenever you have that feeling of, "This would be a good time to make a move", that's went you make the move. Give her a couples chances to accept you, but if she keeps rejecting you, then it's best to next her and seek someone else.

like what do you mean when you feel its ok? I hear like moments when you both are very happy like after a really funny joke or something and she cracks up.

I think more conservative girls especially asian girls do not like to move very fast and like to be friends first or get to know them very well till almost really good to best friends before they consider them to be their bf.
Also, what happens if she shakes your hand away, then what do you do? you act like nothing happened right? and according to the dj bible under the Newbies start here for all the newbie questions, the OP said,

"If she rejects your moves and brings it up, you say 'Don't worry you're doing fine'"
what the heck does that mean? what does it mean to her when you tell her she's doing fine?

How many physical moves you should pull until she rejects a numerous times then you next her you guys suggest?

 

[Happy_Camper]

:crazy: sorry admins, this should be in the discussion forum, i put this thread in the wrong place. Can you move it please? thanks.

 

[Tyron]

I feel you. Im in a same boat as you, and seeing an asian chick also! (im calcacian, so what, asian girls are waay hotter!)

You seem to be right, from my limited point of view, asian girls are more conservative and like to be "friends" first. Or that's what the chick told me after she spent night in my place. So... anything can happen and trust more your instincts rather than "rules". Go with the flow!

Never, in dating game, say that you "love" her, "want to be pair" etc. That belongs to high school. Let things happen. Suddenly you are cooking food and watching movies and making out. Just have fun and tease her that you must make room for your other girlfriends etc. (not too ****y!)

I think you can make a move pretty soon with enough kino. I am afraid there isnt any definite timing. It's something you must notice for yourself. Basicly what Ryannath said. (edit: also the word "move" is stupid, it really isnt a move if your kino is escalating step by step. Kiss, for example, is only a natural follow up. "Move" makes you think it's something forced when it should not be imo)

I quess im pretty vague and im still trying to get some answers myself.

 

[Cod3r]

I think asian girls in general (The shy ones with little history with bfs) like it more when they TELL them rather making a sudden move.

I beg to differ... My first azn female made moves on ME. She gave me her number, she asked me out, she kissed me first...

My current gf now (azn) slept with me 2nd date...

I believe her line was, "I'm not trying to seduce you, but look at how my panties match my bra, isn't that cute ?"

--
Anyway the point is, if you feel something... just do it...

You sound pretty young (highschool ? Middleschool ?) and most of these questions will be answered as you have more experiences with women. You'll see none of this stuff is very hard once you've had enough experiences. I'm not sure if I helped you, because i see no point in answering your specific questions as they'll just generate MORE and continue this awful cycle...


Good luck bro


-Cod3r

 

[Nightspark]

I believe her line was, "I'm not trying to seduce you, but look at how my panties match my bra, isn't that cute ?"
-Cod3r

that has to be the funniest thing i've read here in a long long time...

anyways Happy_Camper... let me just tell you one rule you should follow. Forget everything you've read and learnt here.

Making moves is about intuition and gut feeling, and less to do with working out 'what the perfect time is'. Let's face it, there's no such thing as the 'perfect time'. It's just a shinny concept created in movies (especially in those Asian drama films like my sassy girl and so forth - hint, dont act like that guy if you've seen it).

Yes i too was chasing asian girls a while back.. met one who i wouldnt say is too conservative, but i was waiting for that perfect moment... well it never happened, and only because i was like you; over analysing the situation and looking for that special moment... bah!

The advice above, well it's up to you to heed it, but it worked for me.

Anyways, all the best man.

 

[Happy_Camper]

I feel you. Im in a same boat as you, and seeing an asian chick also! (im calcacian, so what, asian girls are waay hotter!)

You seem to be right, from my limited point of view, asian girls are more conservative and like to be "friends" first. Or that's what the chick told me after she spent night in my place. So... anything can happen and trust more your instincts rather than "rules". Go with the flow!

Never, in dating game, say that you "love" her, "want to be pair" etc. That belongs to high school. Let things happen. Suddenly you are cooking food and watching movies and making out. Just have fun and tease her that you must make room for your other girlfriends etc. (not too ****y!)

I think you can make a move pretty soon with enough kino. I am afraid there isnt any definite timing. It's something you must notice for yourself. Basicly what Ryannath said. (edit: also the word "move" is stupid, it really isnt a move if your kino is escalating step by step. Kiss, for example, is only a natural follow up. "Move" makes you think it's something forced when it should not be imo)

I quess im pretty vague and im still trying to get some answers myself.

hey man, glad to feel someone else knowing what it feels like and what im talking about.

I like your words on the word "move" and i think you're absoltey correct. The word "Move siounds like its a sudden thing which it shouldnt be because kino should be escalating than a one time thing, and thats how it should be done.
May i ask you what kind of kinos you made? i personally hit them lightly or bump into them side by side when walking or hand brushing hand when walking ( i know this sounds pathetic but im a DJ newb hehe) and sometimes a touch on the arm or shoulder.

Yeah i wouldnt say LOVE her like put myself out like that, but i cannot deny the words "Lets pair up" or something similar to that, because ive tried before and failed (but hey, u learn from your mistakes right?)

It was all because i rushed things too fast, i barely new the girls, never really chatted much or got to known each other and she didnt even feel the same way and i just blurted it out when we were together which is sooo stupid and that is not the DJ way of doing things.

Ive asked many people, older friends, my supervisor at work, my hair stylist (guy) who are all asian and date asian girls say that telling them is a way better off BUT ONLY when you know they feel the same way back as well.
"How you know is you ask them out to eat, they comply (one on one) for several times is a good indication"
How they all say like their little speech is different for everyone though i guess.
The disadvantage of making a SUDDEN move that possibly can change from a friend to a girlfriend like hand holding cannot make things official. Let me elaborate on this:
When you hold a girl's hand, they may think its just a friendly thing and at the end of the night they probabily dont consider you as their bf because you didnt come out to say it directly.

But don't get me wrong though, as many others have said on this forum, "we dont like being touched by people who we dont like" so if we hold their hand and they do not fling our hand away that can be an indication if they like us (not counting that they squeeze back whatever)

 

[Happy_Camper]

I beg to differ... My first azn female made moves on ME. She gave me her number, she asked me out, she kissed me first...

My current gf now (azn) slept with me 2nd date...

I believe her line was, "I'm not trying to seduce you, but look at how my panties match my bra, isn't that cute ?"

--
Anyway the point is, if you feel something... just do it...

You sound pretty young (highschool ? Middleschool ?) and most of these questions will be answered as you have more experiences with women. You'll see none of this stuff is very hard once you've had enough experiences. I'm not sure if I helped you, because i see no point in answering your specific questions as they'll just generate MORE and continue this awful cycle...


Good luck bro


-Cod3r

hey thanks for posting, i seen some of your posts around this forum and they're pretty helpful too, its nice to meet you = )

Sorry if i sound new to this, because i am. I used to have a lot of gfs back when i was like in grade 6-7 (about 3 gfs a year) and i havent had a gf for like 6-7 yrs now and im starting to feel like $hit or something is wrong with me becasue i cant get a gf.

Im 19 btw in first year university cause i took a year off in highschool. The girl i believe is 20 but we're first year in uni together.

Exactly, you're right. I do need experiences to test and see how its like in the field, as many advanced DJs have said, no point reading endless posts and theories if you do not put them in the test.

The problem with me is i used to have high standards in a girl, i would be picky about every little thing. The fact that im not the best looking (not too tall either heck im asian haha) really made me unsuccessful. I am personally looking for a LTR than just a small fling, so i always thought TOOO ahead and analyzing how this girl would be like and how we're together and how things go if its a year ahead from now.

This year i realized this problem, and i think the most important thing to learn is that its about getting experience with women. I mean, its extraordinary hard if im soo picky, im not great looking and i have NO experience with women (i get really nervous and tonguetied) soo thats why i should settle with the next girl and just see how its like to be with a girl, talking with girls and seeing how their behaviours are.
It is then i can probabily progess, because EVEN IF I DO GET THE GIRL THAT IS PERFECT, how can i possibly keep her if i know little about women because i have never been on the field? She will soon leave and putting all that effort into one girl will be definately a waste.

Getting experience is the first thing i should do, but finding a gf to start with is hard and i dont know why. Thats why im on this board to see what am i doing wrong and what can i learn from here.

Thanks again for your posts though and ill keep you updated cod3r,

 

[Happy_Camper]

that has to be the funniest thing i've read here in a long long time...

anyways Happy_Camper... let me just tell you one rule you should follow. Forget everything you've read and learnt here.

Making moves is about intuition and gut feeling, and less to do with working out 'what the perfect time is'. Let's face it, there's no such thing as the 'perfect time'. It's just a shinny concept created in movies (especially in those Asian drama films like my sassy girl and so forth - hint, dont act like that guy if you've seen it).

Yes i too was chasing asian girls a while back.. met one who i wouldnt say is too conservative, but i was waiting for that perfect moment... well it never happened, and only because i was like you; over analysing the situation and looking for that special moment... bah!

The advice above, well it's up to you to heed it, but it worked for me.

Anyways, all the best man.

hey, i hear you bro. I waited for the moment too but it didnt come. I forgot who said this on this board but im going to quote him,

"Do not wait for the moment, make the moment happen!" I think this means you should put an effort into what you're doing with her whether its a first move to call her up for the first time to go out, first to kino, first to share food during eating etc.

Yeah you're right... there is no perfect moment all those movies gets us guys soo confused and we should be listening to our gut. I mean hey, girls always listen to their guts too in the same situation right?

thanks for posting and wishing me the best of luck = ). I hope everything goes good for you and keep us posted of whats happening with your situation. = )

 

[Happy_Camper]

:crazy:

 

[ryannath]

Hey man, I think you are finally "getting it" now. There is no special moment. You gotta make it happen. You might be turning into a DJ.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Happy - men usually tell a woman how he feels after being in a lengthy relationship and usually the woman asks him the question - "How do you feel about me?". Women being the nurturing compassionate emotional types that they are always share their feelings first!!

When men do it first women find it a bit creepy --- why? Because the man seems to feel "needy" and "clingy" (too attached) --- which is out of place for a man!! The women should be the needy and clingy ones and the man should be the force and leader behind the relationship!!

My quick thought on this, based on your eagerness to share your feelings too quickly with a woman, is that women may see you less than masculine!

Do you think you project a strong masculine image? Be honest!

 

[Nasman]

girls are girls black,white,asian, hispanic. If u got game with one group than u have game with all of them.

What u need is confidence lookup darklights thread on tapping this may help u. You sound very insecure.


As far as Asian chicks go My stats are great with them.

3 girls- all philipinos
1. girl #1 hand job first date
2. girl #2 fvcked 1st date
3. girl #3 fvcked 2nd date.

It is all about confidence if you went out with these 3 girls u would be telling us about how hard woman are. So it is not about the woman it is u.

 

[Happy_Camper]

Happy - men usually tell a woman how he feels after being in a lengthy relationship and usually the woman asks him the question - "How do you feel about me?". Women being the nurturing compassionate emotional types that they are always share their feelings first!!

When men do it first women find it a bit creepy --- why? Because the man seems to feel "needy" and "clingy" (too attached) --- which is out of place for a man!! The women should be the needy and clingy ones and the man should be the force and leader behind the relationship!!

My quick thought on this, based on your eagerness to share your feelings too quickly with a woman, is that women may see you less than masculine!

Do you think you project a strong masculine image? Be honest!

great view point and i think you're very right. I think they do see me less of a guy now come to think back on how they looked at me. Sometimes you can tell when a girl still has respect or see you as a MAN than a little boy.

Excellent point about the woman should be clingy and guys shouldn't. I sighed when i read that because i knew u were right and thats how and maybe why im screwing up.

Project a strong masculine image? Hmm honestly not as much as i used to come to think back. Back in my junior high years i was the fastest runner, most athletic, smartest and had all this confidence and i had a huge ego and i was unstoppable, now im a no one so im more hidden and i think this made me feel less masculine perhaps. But one thing for sure i know is that i used to be more masculine than i am now. Maybe because I masturbate too often haha. :nono:

 

[Last Man Standing]

It's good that you acknowledged your weakness - don't do it again!

Masculinity is not only projected through physical strength and endurance but also through your attitude and beliefs.

Being "needy" and too emotional makes a man look weak - not physically weak but rather mentally weak!! Women don't like this!!

 

[Charm]

I disagree with the statement that you "should never tell a girl how you feel". You just need to be smart about how you tell her. If a girl disrespects you, you can tell her straight up, girl dont ever disrespect me again. If a girl dissapoints you, you can tell her "Im dissapointed in you".

You know the whole "points" thing? Well, dissapoint is the same thing as saying, "You lost points" but in a stronger more common tongue approach.

 

[Happy_Camper]

I disagree with the statement that you "should never tell a girl how you feel". You just need to be smart about how you tell her. If a girl disrespects you, you can tell her straight up, girl dont ever disrespect me again. If a girl dissapoints you, you can tell her "Im dissapointed in you".

You know the whole "points" thing? Well, dissapoint is the same thing as saying, "You lost points" but in a stronger more common tongue approach.

so you're saying i should just wait for the right moment and then tell her? cause if she really did like me she wouldnt really matter what i say right?

 

[Happy_Camper]

after reading from ano other post about rejecting hand holding, this worries me about the making a move by holding hands. But i do agree where confessing gives her all the power