Make up/break up relationships

[Heretolearn]

ANyone know of these being successful?

Just over at my brothers place last night and he was fighting with his gf. A regular thing but they have been going out about a year. They broke up/got back together a million times.

Then, found out just then from my neighbour who has been with his gf for 8 years that she has broken up with him HEAPS and even just 2 weeks before coming to visit him in Australia. Now they are fine again.

Why the cycle? Do some girls just freak out/super emotional?

Is this healthy? Possible longterm issue (especially if kids were involved).

Thanks

Any experiences you want to share?

 

[GuanYu]

I know from personal experience that breaking up then immediately getting back together is easy if the two of you care about each other. But, depending on the circumstances, caring just isn't enough all of the time.

One of my girlfriends cheated on me then lied about it to my face just after 2 months into the relationship. Silly me, I listened to her cries and sorrow and accepted her back. 3 months later I just couldn't get over it so broke it off with her again only to take her right back the next day. Eventually, I just didn't think I could ever trust her again and got tired of always wondering what she may be doing when she claimed to go out with her friends, parties, etc so I ended it for good. She attempted the same sob story, but this time I grew a bigger set and don't plan on going back.

I know for a fact it isn't healthy, especially in cases such as mine. Always wondering about sh*t you don't have control over is terrible. Some people need that extra spark in their relationship and find it exciting.

I think the best thing to do is evaluate why two people constantly keep breaking up. If the source isn't discovered, it'll only lead to a relationship out of convenience instead of one out of love/caring. If the problems are repairable, it's best to get it taken care of that way the relationship can truly grow instead of being stagnant.

 

[puma183]

Life is too short to put up with crap like this. I now have a zero tolerance policy against any woman who introduces even the smallest manufactured drama in to my life.

 

[thedeparted]

Walking away (break up) is a negotiating tactic. If it is followed by a reasonable demand -- and done in a reasonable way early on -- then it can lead to a better relationship. But if not, the damage is forever.

E.g., if Party A is being a jerk, Party B can say, "You know what, I need some time alone this week." Then Party A gets the message and comes back a week later and apologizes, and Party B takes them back, but says if it happens again, they are history.

But if Party B demands a trip to the beach, and Party A says no, and Party B walks, then Party A will forever wonder if all B saw in them was a pocketbook and the relationship is toast. Esp. if this happens after they've been together awhile and there is an assumption that the relationship is stable.

 

[Juando]

I think the best thing to do is evaluate why two people constantly keep breaking up.

Sorry, but I would say, in such a situation the priority is not the "why"- the priority is to have the parties' heads examined.

Life is too short to put up with crap like this. I now have a zero tolerance policy against any woman who introduces even the smallest manufactured drama in to my life.

Amen.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Why the cycle? Do some girls just freak out/super emotional?"

Yep and some guys are the same way.

"Is this healthy?"

Not at all.

Not in any way whatsoever.

They both are in love with drama and excitement with zero stability.

Both probably had fvcked up childhoods filled with parents arguing so they never learned to seek out a stable partner for themselves and so seek out someone to create conflict and instability with.

And though such unhealthy desires may indeed bring them back together and keep them an item for so long to put it another way...

They may get what they think they need from eachother but they certainly don't need what they're getting.

 

[Heretolearn]

great replies.

Thanks

 

[Chrispy]

I'm in the midst of a breakup and let me tell you that from the very start I go in saying that if it's going to break up, don't go back.

This is in a situation where I am being played, being lied to and if there are personality differences.