Majorly depressed and stuck in a black hole

[thunder_god]

I found out about 2 weeks ago that the department in my program is forcing me to withdraw out of the program. I studied my ass off this time around and did the best I could do but unfortunately it wasn't good enough. The depression has really hit me hard these past week and a half. Right now I'm in the process of deciding on whether or not to appeal the school's decision and have had a few outsiders from the university separate from my department tell me I have a case, but at the same time I've been pressured extremely hard by the department and all the people who have ties with them to withdraw and quit and change careers. I had also spent over 1k on tutoring to help me and was told I could get reimbursed for that but now have found out I can't so I'm broke as $hit now. I can't even go on a vacation to help clear my mind.

I've gone to the career centre a few times to try and see if they can help me come up with other career options but I can't think of anything. It was originally my dream to become a physiotherapist but too many things happened during my time in the program that really fcuked with my head and my confidence is completely crushed right now. I'm thinking even if I win the appeal, I don't know if I can pass everything and complete the program because I am really afraid of failing again for the 3rd time since finding out I have a learning disability from an learning assessment done at my school. It also doesn't help my confidence that I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder last year. Lately I've lost all motivation to do anything. I know I should be working on my appeal letter but I just can't do it. Also because I spent all that money I had saved up on tutoring now I need to start looking for at least a temporary job but I'm also really unmotivated. I've tried to seek medical help but have been turned down at my university because a social worker who has ties to my program told the psychological services office that I have been asked to withdraw out of the program even though I'm still a registered student so they won't see me there. Also the psychiatrist she recommended me to go see has been jerking me around for weeks not responding back to my emails when I try to book an appointment with him so I can't even see someone in the community. A accessibility services counsellor who I thought would be on my side went behind my back and told the graduate coordinator in my department about me thinking about switching careers which definitely won't help my case if I try to persuade her to give me another chance and breached confidentality and lost my trust. She also questioned me and started getting defensive when I told her I was thinking about appealing the decision. I tried to call several legal aid clinics but was turned down because they don't deal with these matters whereas the University's legal aid office is closed until summer. I've been facing one obstacle after another trying to seek help in this matter.

Right now I'm so down I don't feel like doing anything except sitting at home and watching movies and eating food. Life really knows when to really kick you in the balls. Those of you who read my journal know how hard I tried this past year to change up my life and improve it best that I could but it looks like all my efforts were not good enough. My best friend seems to think I didn't fall down deep enough and keeps on insisting I need to get more failures in life so that I can improve. I've gotten fed up with his negative talk and cut him off. I'm so lost and confused right now

 

[speed dawg]

A lot of "can'ts" in that post, bro.

Watch this video. Be glad you at least have a plan, which is more than I have. But I am not quitting. Keep grinding.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I can't tell if you're being forced out of your program primarily because of failing or you're being discriminated against. It sounds like the latter.

Didn't you try to make a stand with the gym women's only hours? I can tell you in general, that university faculty gossip constantly between each other about their students. They don't like white males either, and run them out of programs regularly. The university departments that supposedly advocate for students will not help you in a dispute with your program faculty. Best to avoid them really

There might even be laws against discriminating against a student based being male, white or even handicapped status like depression or learning disability. The protections are not really intended or enforced for white males though. I don't really know the rules in your area. Lawyers won't hardly take a discrimination case if you're male and white especially against a university.

I would appeal and try to talk to a lawyer not affiliated with the university. I would avoided the student advocacy departments. The only person I would be talking to is the dean, president or higher ups that are your professor's superiors.

 

[Skyline]

I've never been in a situation like this before and not even sure what I would do if all of these people stepped on my dream like that. In fact, I get really disappointed and a little sad when my mom tells me what career choice I "should do" or what I can and can't afford, especially in the future. It kind of sucks knowing that I don't really have her support for my dream life, it feels like she's another obstacle and I think your situation is no different.

I'm doing all of this for a Nissan GT-R through something I enjoy. If it's your dream, don't let anyone stop you man. Not your mom, family, friends, government, girlfriend/wife, and most importantly YOURSELF.

Cry if you have to, but you better get back up.

 

[guru1000]

Your tenacity today will set the tone for the rest of your life.

Read that again.

Do not quit. Fight. Appeal. Sue, if necessary. Cant afford an attorney? Litigate pro se. Fight your way back into the light. Every day, take one step toward your fight back in, inch by inch. Never allow another to steal your dream. Grab the reigns to your life; do not allow others to drive your car and define who you are. That is your job.

Read my sig.

 

[thunder_god]

I can't tell if you're being forced out of your program primarily because of failing or you're being discriminated against. It sounds like the latter.

Didn't you try to make a stand with the gym women's only hours? I can tell you in general, that university faculty gossip constantly between each other about their students. They don't like white males either, and run them out of programs regularly. The university departments that supposedly advocate for students will not help you in a dispute with your program faculty. Best to avoid them really

There might even be laws against discriminating against a student based being male, white or even handicapped status like depression or learning disability. The protections are not really intended or enforced for white males though. I don't really know the rules in your area. Lawyers won't hardly take a discrimination case if you're male and white especially against a university.

I would appeal and try to talk to a lawyer not affiliated with the university. I would avoided the student advocacy departments. The only person I would be talking to is the dean, president or higher ups that are your professor's superiors.

Ya that was me. Unfortunately I was preoccupied with my studies at that time and couldn't pursue the matter further as you can see why, and as it stands now can't really do much either as I'm being forced out of my program. Some of the guys I talked to were unhappy about the policy and just sat there and took it, while other guys in my class tried to be white knights saying its ok.

I feel like if I return back to this program by winning my appeal they will look for some other way to screw me over later on, I'm seen it happen before to others (eg. supervisors failing you on placement because your a certain race or other BS reasons). Also there are two other guys in my class right now who were given the boot also. The program I study in is female dominated as well and 95% of the faculty are females as well. Also the Psychiatrist that I was referred to by the social worker in my school I suspect is doing this on purpose so that I can't receive proper medical treatment and also so I can't get the proper documentation to help with my appeal. I kind of want a fresh start from everything. Its been one challenge after another since I attended this university and I feel its time for a change of scenery.

 

[SeymourCake]

Right now I'm so down I don't feel like doing anything except sitting at home and watching movies and eating food. 

There's your problem. You're all in your head with these depressing thoughts consuming you. You need to move into your body and shake all that **** off. Would you rather be a dirty stale swamp or a flowing clean river? Go hit the gym and engage in a heavy work out session for an hour. If you need a beginners routine, go to the health and fitness board.

You'll be fine. I was in jail from Wednesday to Saturday evening. I lost some of my dignity by having a correctional officer telling me to strip naked to my inmate attire when there were 30 other inmates watching. I had to ****, piss, and shower out in the open with degenerate, low life gang members who feel more comfortable in jail or prison than the outside world. I missed two days off classes and a day of work I had to eat sh*tty food. I have to spend money on bail and an attorney. If i don't show up in court, they'll arrest me again. This was my first (and hopefully last) criminal case. My freedom was stripped away from me and I was even contemplating suicide in the midst of all this.

But I made it out and now I'm glad to breathe in fresh air again.