"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
madgame's BC attempt nr.2
- Thread starter madgame
- Start date
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
I haven't had much time to commit to the bootcamp recently because of studying for this danged test (which I WOULD pass tomorrow but will have another year to study for because I won't go to college for the next semester but will get the chance to pass the 3 tests i havent passed so far..another 6 months of studying and I think by then Ill be good enough to pass each of them with an A (or at least pass them 
), but that's another story).
Anyways I said hi to somebody else during the last few days..which makes it 20 his for me......and I plan on doing the other 30 his in only a matter of days. Plus today i was in town and sometimes I really felt like I could actually strike up a short conversation with certain people if I was already in the second week of the bootcamp and made a big effort (so that gave me hope again)...Oh yeah ..btw I got BOOTCAMPED today lol 3 girls walking at a distance of a couple of meters from me and one all of a sudden screams out "Hi!" which left me kinda grinning thinking that I just got BC'd lol.
), but that's another story).Anyways I said hi to somebody else during the last few days..which makes it 20 his for me......and I plan on doing the other 30 his in only a matter of days. Plus today i was in town and sometimes I really felt like I could actually strike up a short conversation with certain people if I was already in the second week of the bootcamp and made a big effort (so that gave me hope again)...Oh yeah ..btw I got BOOTCAMPED today lol 3 girls walking at a distance of a couple of meters from me and one all of a sudden screams out "Hi!" which left me kinda grinning thinking that I just got BC'd lol.
I didn't do any B/C stuff during the last days, because it was so freaking hot outside (over 37 degrees celsius/98 Fahrenheit) and I have a sort of a sweat problem..plus my hair had grown like a bush and I could only get an appointment at the barber shop for today (and if Im not feeling somewhat comfortable I cant do this anyways..feeling confident is really important to me when I try to do something like this). Anyways today after taking a break for like a week, I went downtown and tried greeting people there, but couldnt pull of one single hi, but I hope I can get back into "hi-mode" tomorrow and my goal is now to complete the 50 his in this week. I have 21 now, btw. So I have another 29 to go...Ive lowered my expectations a little bit after today. I know I cannot do a bootcamp week in only 7 days, but hell I don't care. If I need one month for each BC week I'll still be fine as long as I make it to the finishing line.
Man, I really feel kinda bad about the BC thing, right now. I took a break for like a week or so, which I wasnt supposed to take, but I think I can genuinely say, that it was because of the circumstances not because I wasnt willing to do it or too lazy or anything...so yesterday I couldnt get a single hi out. Today I only went to my old hospital park in the afternoon AND in the evening but could only get one "hi" out (i only had like 5 or 6 chances but still...). One thing that really sucked is that I passed that girl that made me feel so comfortable because I had said hi to her before and it was so natural..now i could only get like a very light smile out.
So..well...I think I definetly should try and go outside two times a day...and like I said in my last post it might become harder for me than I thought after the progress I made in the beginning...oh and I definetly can NEVER again take such a long break from the B/C stuff until I finished it, because everytime I take a break I move back down mentally on my bootcamp ladder. But well maybe I can still get the 50 his done in this week and feel a lot more comfortable at the end of this week when I'm back in BC-mode...and if I can pull that off AND manage to overcome the next hurdle my world will look a lot brighter again.
So..well...I think I definetly should try and go outside two times a day...and like I said in my last post it might become harder for me than I thought after the progress I made in the beginning...oh and I definetly can NEVER again take such a long break from the B/C stuff until I finished it, because everytime I take a break I move back down mentally on my bootcamp ladder. But well maybe I can still get the 50 his done in this week and feel a lot more comfortable at the end of this week when I'm back in BC-mode...and if I can pull that off AND manage to overcome the next hurdle my world will look a lot brighter again.
I'd like to cite Ice Cube, but today wasn't a good day. Only got one hi out again, missed several opportunities and promised myself to do better tomorrow. I AM convinced I'll get the 50 hi's done (though probably not this but next week) and that I WILL be able to be more confident about the hi's again (even more than I was about 1 or 2 weeks ago..), because Im not gonna allow myself to take a break again anytime soon, but I'm wondering if I'll be able to strike up the first conversation. I hope I can do it, though..and I think even though all in all Ill be taking a lot longer to complete the B/C I won't have any issues in the last week, which is about asking phone numbers, because if I do talk to a girl I don't really have any problems asking her for her phone number (I mean if its some girl I just met of course).
23 now
23 now
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
I'm feeling bad..on friday/saturday I didnt have much time to go outside, because I went out in both evenings (but I still did go outside for at least half an hour) and today I went outside, too for about half an hour, though I have a slight cold now.....but I didn't manage to greet one single person....damn
I hope I can eventually turn this thing around, though.
I hope I can eventually turn this thing around, though.
I went outside for half an hour (despite my slight cold..), but failed again. Right now I'm feeling not any different than I did before I started..only that I know I can do it, because I've done it before which gives me some hope..right now the weather really sucks here (tho its supposed to be sunny and everything) plus I have this slight cold..so I hope things will get better/be easier when the weather is better again and the cold is gone. Of course it's mostly up to me and not to the weather, though..but anyways I see this more as a (social) phobia therapy, now. Not as a BC thing I can pull of in 4 weeks..I mean if somebody has a phobia which they see a therapist for, they can't expect to overcome it completely in 4 weeks or anything....I don't really care about how many "His" I'll get out, either anymore, my goal is to finally be able to greet pretty much anybody I see (except for mean looking people of course ;-)). I hope by the end of august this will have become second nature to me.
Ouch...today wasn't good, but at least I got 1 hi..1 single hi....I think as soon as my cold is completely gone...and it doesn't rain....and I can get the car (or well I can take the bus, too) I'm gonna commit a whole day to the BC from like 7 AM untill 10PM, because I feel like having the right MINDSET is key. If you skip one day, the next day's gonna be harder. If you can get yourself to say hi..and then you can get yourself to do it again..and u finally have the rhythm and can get yourself to do it again and again...and experience makes it a lot easier. From now on I cannot skip a single day, plus I have to make an effort to put as much time in it as possible.
One more today, so it's 29, but I see, that this isn't really helping me progress. If I wanna progress I really need to turn this up a notch. Plus I definetly think, it's more a matter of being able to greet pretty much anybody you want to greet and not about getting 50 hi's out of 500 possible ones. Tomorrow I'm gonna try and put a lot more time in than the average 1 or so hour I've done so far each time.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Hey good idea, ill probably drop out of the bootcamp too and join you too!
At the moment Im finding it hard to do but I thought of a good idea:
Why not just say hi to people without even looking at them for a while, this is easy! It has a lesser effect but it still has a significant one. Im thinking of just doing that then it should be easily enough to rise the bar later in the day and do it properly...so kind of using it as a warm up.
At the moment Im finding it hard to do but I thought of a good idea:
Why not just say hi to people without even looking at them for a while, this is easy! It has a lesser effect but it still has a significant one. Im thinking of just doing that then it should be easily enough to rise the bar later in the day and do it properly...so kind of using it as a warm up.
If you wanna do it go ahead
Anyways..yesterday I did 2 hi's (out of 2 possible ones..late in the evening). Now its in the morning again and I just came back from doing BCish stuff for like 45 mins and I greeted 4 people - out of around 40 possible ones! and actually I feel like I did better than on most other days lately....lol...the thing is that, it really depends WHERE I'm going. If I'm at a park where hardly nobody is around and I walk towards somebody and nobody else is in sight, it feels a lot more natural to greet them. The same thing goes for "good mornings/evenings". In german you can only say "morning/evening" which I have less difficulty with getting out than "Hello"'s...on the one hand because u have a bit more of a "reason" to greet somebody (even if its just made up in your head) plus it feels easier to pronounce to me...But I think I just realized, that one of the most important things is, if you're going out for a BC session, you shouldn't be in a rush and only have one hour or so...You should plan for a couple of hours (to consider it a real BC session), because at least in my case, the more ppl I try to greet, but end up not greeting, the more motivated/used to it I get. I kinda get into that rhythm. But of course it's also a good idea to go outside and just walk around in your neighborhood and try to greet people.
Anyways, I think to me week 1 ..greeting people is as important as week 2..doing convos, I feel like both will be an equal hard step to me. So I'll be serious about the greeting part, too (though I dont wanna keep doing this forever because after a couple of weeks it starts to get boring...) and when I can do 10 out of 10 NEAT Hi's to HBs Ill know it's time to move on.
Actually I think I'll put around 3 hours into this stuff until the end of next week - and not go out on this weekend, because if I do I always end up not doing anything (of value) on the weekend due to hangover moods and everything....So I hope I'll have this greeting stuff down by next sunday and be able to move on! (though, I'm not quite sure if Ill be satisfied by then).
OH AND...try your idea, but one thing that I realized is that I HAVE to look at people. That way it's actually easier for me to pull it off. If they give me EC its fairly easy, but even when I walk at them confidently looking at them (not staring just looking..) without getting any EC it feels a lot less natural to greet them. I thought it might be a good idea to just look into another direction pretending im not really seeing them and then when Im right in front of them saying hi...but it works a lot better if I looked at them before and say the "hi" when I'm still a few steps in front of them and not already next to them...
Just did another (this time neat) hello (and had 2 or 3 'chances' to do so) at the supermarket. So it's 36 now, but as I plan on doing another 2-3 hours today, I hope I can get at least 5 more, hopefully 10 and maybe even get the 50 done today (but if I get them done, this would be a lot of progress, but I'd still have to keep working on it I guess).
@especially nougat: I just drove to the supermarket and everytime somebody passed me by or I saw somebody walking (sitting in the car and driving) I practiced just saying hello. I think this does actually help me a little. At least it made me greet somebody at the supermarket with a "hello" and not a "good morning/evening"..and Ive actually never greeted anybody at the supermarket. (it's no magic trick of course but maybe it helps)
@especially nougat: I just drove to the supermarket and everytime somebody passed me by or I saw somebody walking (sitting in the car and driving) I practiced just saying hello. I think this does actually help me a little. At least it made me greet somebody at the supermarket with a "hello" and not a "good morning/evening"..and Ive actually never greeted anybody at the supermarket. (it's no magic trick of course but maybe it helps)
Ok, did another 4 (though I wanted at least 5..). I should have 40 now. But anyways, that's 9 in one day, which is the most I've done so far (but then again I went outside twice). I think as soon as I'm gonna be able to do 10+ in one day and am able to do it on hot girls (at least every now and then), I'll move on to the conversations (and still do the his though), because I've been doing this for over a month, now..damn..I need to progress lol
went outside once again..did say "good morning" to somebody, once..but didnt do much more, because I feel, that this saying hi to random people isn't really giving me any progress. I mean I've been going outside for over a month now almost every day and tried doing it..and well I have overcome my fear of saying Hello/Good Morning/whatever to strangers and even though I have to say I'm still far from being able to greet any random person on the street (but that's mostly due to not getting any EC from them and or feeling strange about greeting guys lol), I feel like I have to move on and not to dwell on this, so I can progress. Now I'ma ditch this whole thing and will only try to get eye contact from girls and then say "Hi" to them. I mean I'm getting enough eye contact and stuff just dont really know what to do with it plus I'll try to do simple convos, too when possible...and when I feel like I'm good enough at that I'll try and put it all together...I mean this is basically about overcoming (all aspects of) social anxiety by doing baby steps..and well I feel like I've done baby step #1 now, but I think I'll keep saying good morning/hi every now and then to somebody just for the hell of it .
plus I'll try to do simple convos, too when possible...and when I feel like I'm good enough at that I'll try and put it all together...I mean this is basically about overcoming (all aspects of) social anxiety by doing baby steps..and well I feel like I've done baby step #1 now, but I think I'll keep saying good morning/hi every now and then to somebody just for the hell of it ."She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.