Made a girl cry on a date; How to respond like a DJ?

[Firefly]

So I am just back from a date with a 8.5.

First part of the date went well. Lots of laughing, joking and drinks. We started holding hands, and she would occasionally stop and tell me that it was a little too intimate for a first date, but then go back to holding my hand.

Then while walking to another bar, she suddenly acted very upset, accused me of being cruel and started crying. I can't even recall the comment that set her off, but it was something generic like "Wow, you sound like you haven't been in therapy for awhile" which was meant to be a joke.

She wanted to leave immediately, but I persuaded her to sit down with me for awhile and I ended up holding her for 30 minutes. I did not apologise (because I still don't think I said anything wrong) but I told her that I did not mean to say anything to upset her, and that she may have taken things the wrong way. I also gave her lots of compliments. We ended up talking a bit more and then she caught a taxi home.

On my taxi ride home, I sent two texts, one checking to see she got home safely (which she responded to), and then another saying "I am sorry that I hurt you. I did not mean to. You seemed so strong, and I did not realise that I had to be more careful with my words around you,. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time in (my city)".

So did I mess up completely? How should I have changed my approach?

 

[scottfall]

Sounds like you went into AFC mode after she started crying. You put up the front of a jerk but after her **** test you showed your true colors.

I persuaded her to sit down with me for awhile

I also gave her lots of compliments

I am sorry that I hurt you. I did not mean to. You seemed so strong, and I did not realise that I had to be more careful with my words around you,. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time in (my city)

Your actions dont match up with who you presented yourself as. So now, not only are you a jerk but your also a manipulative "nice guy." I dont think you should call her again, let her contact you and see what happens. Just dont get too wrapped up in her and be who you really are, not a facade hoping to attract her because as we all know, nothing good comes from that.

 

[Firefly]

Sounds like you went into AFC mode after she started crying. You put up the front of a jerk but after her **** test you showed your true colors.

Your actions dont match up with who you presented yourself as. So now, not only are you a jerk but your also a manipulative "nice guy." I dont think you should call her again, let her contact you and see what happens. Just dont get too wrapped up in her and be who you really are, not a facade hoping to attract her because as we all know, nothing good comes from that.

That is really good advice, Scott.

However, I don't think I was trying to present myself as a jerk. I was doing the ****y, funny thing(TM) with her, and using some minor neghits, but was also being fairly nice to her.

I guess I did act like an AFC, especially with the texts, but I go the feeling she was genuinely upset, and I don't like feeling like I hurt someone. Maybe I just need to harden the f*** up?

 

[Jitterbug]

That was a pretty sh!tty thing to say, but I really don't know anyone who doesn't have some serious issues would cry after a new date says that. Are you sure that's all you said to her before she got all emo?

 

[Firefly]

That was a pretty sh!tty thing to say, but I really don't know anyone who doesn't have some serious issues would cry after a new date says that. Are you sure that's all you said to her before she got all emo?

Woah, didn't think the comment was THAT bad! I thought it was obvious I was joking, but maybe I should be more careful next time?

Well, we were having a heated argument about how much of a person is determined by their environment. I was arguing that environment is very important, whereas she took the position that a person carries their personality and history whereever they go, but I don't think that is enough on it's own to upset someone that much ...

 

[theunflushables]

Don't worry about it, your comment wasn't bad at all. It sounds like this girl just has one of those personalities where she gets upset rather easy.

However, heated arguments should generally be avoided on first dates.

 

[Firefly]

So basically, I should just next her and not bother to make any more contact?

 

[Serg897]

So basically, I should just next her and not bother to make any more contact?

This sounds like the right thing to do. I don't know if a girl that becomes emo after a few comments like that deserves much effort from you regardless.

Go no contact for a while. She should be the one to initiate contact at this point. She was the one that caused problems, after all.

 

[Firefly]

Well, she DOES have an awesome body.

But yeah, I think I will just next her. Thank goodness that Australia is a mecca for hot tourists and backpackers during New Years, so I have plenty of options!

 

[DonJuan11]

So I am just back from a date with a 8.5.

First part of the date went well. Lots of laughing, joking and drinks. We started holding hands, and she would occasionally stop and tell me that it was a little too intimate for a first date, but then go back to holding my hand.

She's right.

Then while walking to another bar, she suddenly acted very upset, accused me of being cruel and started crying. I can't even recall the comment that set her off, but it was something generic like "Wow, you sound like you haven't been in therapy for awhile" which was meant to be a joke.

LOL. Dude, that's a very harsh comment. How does turn her on? How does that make her feel sexy? If a girl told you "have you seen your shrink lately?" how would you respond? You are putting her down 3-fold here.

She wanted to leave immediately, but I persuaded her to sit down with me for awhile and I ended up holding her for 30 minutes. I did not apologise (because I still don't think I said anything wrong) but I told her that I did not mean to say anything to upset her, and that she may have taken things the wrong way. I also gave her lots of compliments. We ended up talking a bit more and then she caught a taxi home.

On my taxi ride home, I sent two texts, one checking to see she got home safely (which she responded to), and then another saying "I am sorry that I hurt you. I did not mean to. You seemed so strong, and I did not realise that I had to be more careful with my words around you,. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time in (my city)".

So did I mess up completely? How should I have changed my approach?

Good with the last texts. But dude, don't ever say that to a girl who pants you are trying to get into. "I think you need to see a psychiatrist, lets make love." doesn't jive well with too many women.

 

[Squiggly Sponge]

Well, we were having a heated argument about how much of a person is determined by their environment.

What NOT to do on a date. Just learn from it, and try not to break your frame so easily next time things go south.

 

[Jitterbug]

What the hell did you do having a heated argument on the first date???

By the sound of it, what you said, however innocent it was, touched on a very sensitive part of her memories. Maybe she had to have therapy for something in the past. Maybe it was someone very close to her (I'd go with this). She was upset, but I don't think it was mostly you that made her so.

Anyway, she hasn't really done anything that deserves a Next or No Contact. Give her another call, make another date.

Next time, lay off on the negs.

 

[KontrollerX]

Do not ever apologize for something that you are not guilty of.

You meet a girl that takes your jokes the wrong way then its up to her to get over it after you explain you were only joking.

If she can't get over it after your explanation you do not offer an apology and if she asks for one you simply say that you've already explained you were only joking and since your intentions were not bad to begin with you have nothing to be sorry about.

You then move on to finding a girl that isn't a fvcking weirdo/nutjob that does not break down over a harmless comment like that.

Not apologizing for something like this isn't my telling you to be a hardass or assh0le like most of the symps and AFC's who misinterpret my advice think.

What I am telling you with this particular bit of advice is that not apologizing when you are not in the wrong keeps you in control of the frame of your relationship interactions which is where you want to be and not only that you maintain your self respect and dignity by not giving it up when it is not warranted by making yourself be guilty for something you were not guilty of just to make some broad momentarily happy.

The worst women around use an AFC's natural capn save a ho, knight in shining armor hidden rescue the damsel in distress fantasies to manipulate you and get you under their control by turning on the water works like this.

Women crying is absolutely worthless to get yourself upset about and affected over unless what they are crying about is something you judge logically as worth crying about.

In other words you should only care and be affected by a woman's tears if she is crying over the recent death of a loved one, she just stubbed her toe or fell and broke a bone playing soccer or some other sport or she found out she got cancer or some other incurable illness that she did not bring onto herself ala something like AIDS from being too carefree in her sexual adventures.

See if she breaks down over something like this which you and we all know is harmless it means she's an emotional wreck, a fvcking fruit loop and if you want to proceed with her because of how hot she is you best be on your guard and not let her suck you in with this emotional manipulation via crying which if it continues in your further interactions with her will prove itself to be exactly that.

Now certainly even normal women cry about stupid sh!t from time to time but the point I want to re-iterate is men are not to be affected by any crying from women or at least show they are affected by it unless it is something that you as a man would find a serious reason to cry yourself.

Even the normal women don't like men to cry with them when they are crying about stupid bullsh!t because subconsciously they like being weak while having someone like you ie the man who is their strong protector who does not join them in the tear fest which AFC symps are all too ready willing and able to do.

Thats why you hear stories from time to time where AFC's cry out with frustration about how they listen to all of a girl's problems and are there for a particular girl yet she goes off and fvcks the guy who doesn't seem to give a sh!t about her or the guy who she wishes would just open up to her. The AFC doesn't get anything because he has joined with her in her womanly frame of being overly caring.

So stay in the manly frame of being slightly distant while only showing your emotions for things surrounding a woman that you deem in the male logical mind deserve an emotional showing.

When the waterworks start over bullsh!t either hand her a kleenex and keep on talking about what you want to talk about ignoring the tears or find a way to quickly make your exit but don't stand around symping the fvck out and comforting her. She doesn't want comfort from a man. Leave that job to the AFC's.

She'll only truly want comfort from a man over a legitimate reason to cry such as the death of a loved one or finding out she has a terminal illness or she just broke a bone and the pain is so intense she can't help but cry.

In closing firefly I'd say you could keep seeing her for a while but if she keeps up the crying thing next the b!tch.

Don't make excuses and rationalizations to keep a depressive or other kind of fvckup in your life just because she's hot.

Know what type of woman you are going for mentally and if she's not up to snuff you go spin another plate and hope that this one is on your level and not the other way around.