LTR With A masochist

[London NATURAL]

Any heads ups or tips / links that might help in this regard?

Previously played vanilla, but can't say it's not appealing.

Over to you gentleman..

 

[MikeOck]

What level of masochist are we talking about? She wants you to talk down to her, or she wants some light slapping and playful bondage, or she wants you to beat her up every time you have sex?

 

[London NATURAL]

Less about bondage and more about "pain" (and some full on public exhibitionism).
Bruises, whelts, asphyxiation. Bought a riding crop & dog chocker chain which are fun.

I normally like to lead (pun intended) but I'm a bit of a noob in this area. Hence the enquiry. We have of course spoken about it, I'd just like to be having to ask less and do more. She enjoys my dominance.

 

[London NATURAL]

Why have an LTR with a deranged lunatic?

I didn't know her tastes initially, she was just a(nother) hot chicklet. The fact she had just turned 30 was a nice ego stroke. She's a smart, sassy lass and ticks all my boxes, 'nuff said.

An if the truth be told I've found that I get a kick out of it. A primal dominance thing, just turned upto 11. Pain/pleasure, it's all just endorphins.

I wouldn't describe her as a deranged lunatic, far from it.

 

[London NATURAL]

*Double post*

 

[zekko]

Why have an LTR with a deranged lunatic?

I don't think it makes her a deranged lunatic. All sex (and most of the advice on this forum, for that matter) has a dominant/submissive theme. It's just a matter of degree. We say being submissive is the natural role for women, so why object when that carries over into the bedroom? Most women enjoy some spanking, hair pulling, maybe a little choking - it's all just an extension of that same urge.

 

[5string]

Dunno

Kinda think chicks look hot in dog collars.

 

[London NATURAL]

Thanks the input guys, appreciated.

I've not found anything I'm really uncomfortable with yet, an of course if I did I wouldn't do it.

I thought I'd have an issue with causing "pain", but I realised that was just my social conditioning. An that it wasn't actually regular "pain" in this context, but a physical rush.

My current reading on the matter has led me to discover that it actually requires an awful lot of trust and respect to submit this much power to someone. Which in my opinion can only bode well for a LTR, and who's not going to get a kick out of the submission.

Regarding "gangbangs and randos in bathrooms", well let's just say that's quite an extrapolation. We have clear mutually understood boundaries in our relationship, please see my above comment on trust and respect.

But if anyone has any experiences or opinions that aren't based on conjecture, I'd like to hear them.


An yeah collars (and complete submission) are f*cking hot!

 

[zekko]

"Public exhibitionism included".

Yeah, gangbangs and sucking a rando's c0ck in a club bathroom are extension of "urges" too, are those girls LTR material? Having sex for money is an extension of the urge to make money and have sex. Suit yourselves.

Okay, I missed that bit about public exhibitionism. I agree that raises some concerns, and goes well beyond mere domination and submission. Exhibitionism reveals a desire for sexual attention from numerous men, which is a big red flag for LTRs as far as I'm concerned. So I'm in agreement with you on this one.

 

[London NATURAL]

Public exhibitionism:

Haven't we all either done or wanted to, f*ck in a field on a sunny day, get a blowie in a car, can't wait to get home and dive down an alley somewhere, as simple examples?

The risk of getting, or being "caught" is fun, or is that just me?

 

[Stagger Lee]

"Public exhibitionism included".

Yeah, gangbangs and sucking a rando's c0ck in a club bathroom are extension of "urges" too, are those girls LTR material? Having sex for money is an extension of the urge to make money and have sex. Suit yourselves.

That's what I think. I can't imagine how a girl like that is not a huge dirty slvt. I couldn't consider her LTR material. But that's just me.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear London Calling,
"Public exhibitionism:
Haven't we all either done or wanted to, f*ck in a field on a sunny day, get a blowie in a car, can't wait to get home and dive down an alley somewhere, as simple examples?
The risk of getting, or being "caught" is fun, or is that just me? "....No it's not just you.this is Healthy Adventurism,I am technically a Geriatric still do these things,like to walk to the top of Tall mountains and do it in the Moonlight,I get her to go Knickerless to the Movies sometimes she can sit on my lap and I slip it in,great fun for all....I had a Bird many years ago liked to be blindfolded and tied down on the Bed,yeah she got her jollies that way,but it didn't do much for me...I would draw the line at anything that involved actual visible injury,you can leave yourself in an extremely vulnerable situation in most Western Countries!

 

[Colossus]

I can offer a little insight here. I am in a de facto Dominant/submissive relationship. We fell into naturally, and didn't really realize we fit a "label" until recently. We have a blog (anon, obviously) and network a bit with other D/s couples.

One thing I can tell you is that it is definitely a spectrum. It ranges anywhere from vanilla couples who like a little spanking and stern talking, to straight up physical injury and depraved behaviors. I'm finding that MOST D/s couple are in it for the kink, but there are plenty who live it more as a lifestyle choice.

With my girl and I it is more of a lifestyle; we both believe strongly in male leadership and female submission, and some rough play and 'scenes' are just our way of expressing it more overtly and scratching the kinky itch.

I would caution you, OP, on getting in too deep. Every girl is different, and YOU have to be the one to draw the line when it gets uncomfortable. There is sort of an invisible line you cross where it goes from manhandling her, to actually abusing another human being. I know the BD$M community thinks it's all good as long as there is consent, but personally I don't think deliberate injury is EVER ok in a relationship. And that is not even considering the legal implications if she turns on you. "London NATURAL abused me!!"

In short, I'd advise you be cautious for your own safety and simple human decency. Rough play, some toys, spanking...cool. Injury and more extreme bondage...not cool.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The choking thing is dangerous territory. Anything that obstructs her breathing for more than a moment involves a risk of death. Tread lightly. Beyond that, though, it's all in good fun. Be careful where you hit her with your hand, because it's easy to hurt your hand!

If she's that submissive, you should bring home another girl and fvck her while the gf is "forced" to watch. I think most women have that fantasy of being used as a sex slave for threesomes. It's a an extra bonus if the woman you bring home gets off on dominating another girl.

 

[Atom Smasher]

What about after the breakup, though. I would think that once a man has involved himself in this kind of dynamic, he wouldn't be able to be satisfied with anything less down the road.

 

[speed dawg]

F*ck all that stuff, I'm not into it. I like the public deal, but everybody does, to some degree or another.

 

[London NATURAL]

Interesting opinions, thank you.

Scaramouche: "Geriatric" and still enjoying adventures, kudos sir, truly an inspiration. Although regarding "visible" stuff, playing with belts and crops and that's going to happen.. Bit like anal, sh*t happens.

Colossus: From your words here I'm with you. It's a regular relationship but with a cherry flavoured kink on top. It started vanilla, so in my view it's not a lifestyle choice, just a mutually agreeable indulgence. I'll see where it leads with my eyes wide open.

Bible Belt: Hurt my hand already, belts and a crop are good and make a wonderful sound. Although I'd add that this is strictly a two person thing. Threesomes and additional parties are for "plates" not relationships IMO. Maybe if it's crumbling.

Atom Smasher: After the (inevitable?) break up.. Must admit a door has been opened here, an it's likely to surprise a future "plate", or there's always fetlife .com

Speed Dawg: I'd have agreed with you regarding the "public deal", but apparently some don't?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Bible Belt: Hurt my hand already

not to laugh at your pain, but that does crack me up. I bet she's thin, right? Skinny girls have fewer soft spots to hit.

If you know what you're doing, there are jiu-jitsu joint locks that can translate well to the bedroom. Some are as simple as pinning her arms back behind her. I know a girl who likes that a lot. The same girl has also put my hands on the back of her head while blowing me, wanting me to force her head down. That one caught me by surprise, because most women really hate that.

 

[London NATURAL]

She's scrumptious. 5'1", size 6 in UK sizes, but unusually has a 30DD chest and a nice sized arse. So it wasn't the skinny arse that hurt my hand, more the voracity that worked for her. Hence the riding crop proved to be a good tool on her arse & thighs.

She loves the tender application of Germaline afterwards.

She doesn't do a proper deep throat though, which is something to work on.

(new to writing on forums and loving the anonymity)

 

[zekko]

I like the public deal, but everybody does, to some degree or another.

Hmm, I don't see the appeal. I guess everybody is different.