LTR, what now!

[Chaan]

I have read the threads on this forum and articles on the main page for many years. And well, I can say that in most cases I pretty much mastered the DJ way of life with all its benefits.

All threads treat stuff about picking up and fuvking chicks. Which is great. But since I am in a serious relationship now (or at least it looks like we are) I am having a hard time to think as a DJ but still act the way you should in a LTR. Does anybody has some clear and solid tactics and tips on how to approach the LTR this time? I can perfectly act like I am not needy or jealous. Besides that I am making sure there is a good balance in the touching or initiating anything.

Would be great to get some tips from some real experiences... Yo!

 

[Genos]

Hey man, it's good that you're thinking ahead. A lot of guys only seek to ask for help after problems have occurred or after the relationship has already started deteriorating/gone sour; you're ahead of the game

That said, that's a large question, and it's unlikely you'll get a sufficient answer to it in one post. You needa do some reading.

I feel like I've been linking Shark around here a ton lately (I'm not his fangirl, I promise), but his material is just so good on these kinds of matters: http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/category/relationship-advice/ I'd read everything in that category, and probably everything on the whole website/blog. There's true wisdom there.

And last thing - be careful of believing you've 'mastered' the DJ way of life. Remember, true masters never stop learning, and never slack on their training. Always keep spiraling upwards.

 

[jurry]

LTR or one night stand or lifelong virgin, each day is a new one.. You dont ever get complacent or comfortable.

Read the tao te ching.

 

[stevo]

You're right LTR and playing the field is two different games but same logic. Personally I use more of my head for the later and more of my heart for the former even if I try not to.

Key things to remember, you are enough for yourself, a lot of people lose themselves or let go of the things they used to love doing just so they can spend time with their gf ALL the fckin minute of everyday, it's a trigger most of us can't control especially at the early stages but DO NOT fall into this needy trap.

Go out, do activities with friends away from your girl, she has to continue to see you as ''exciting'' and having a life away from her. She has to feel like there's more to learn about you rather than you just taking the fun out the mystery by spending too much time together and talking too often.

With LTRs too you have to bring in a little bit of emotion, text/call/spend time together without smashing and the rest but always remember regardless of the form of your relationship, do 2/3 what she does, you want her more invested in you than the other way around. Never act jealous, we're too good for that.

Congrats on your LTR man!

 

[MOTU]

I have been thinking about this a lot too, as I have recently entered an exclusive relationship with a chick I really like. But my two mariages (my only two LTR's both ended with me in a very beta state, so I feel the need to be mindful of my tendencies. So here are my goals:
1) Always maintain my frame. She can be part of my life on my terms. I will bend and flex when it pleases me to do so.
2) I will maintain responsibility for my own happiness and not take responsibility for hers.
3) I will continue to improve myself. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I will not become complacent. There is no finish line.
4) I will continue doing the things that made her attracted to me to begin with. Things like playing my guitar at open mic night or taking dancing lessons.
5) I will not allow myself to feel as though I "need" her. Wanting is good, fun and healthy; needing is not (this is very related to items 1 and 2).
6) I will maintain boundaries that are appropriate for the stage of our relationship.
7) If I can't do these things and the relationship begins to become unhealthy for me, I will walk away, with dignity and respect both her and myself.

If you google terms like "LTR game" or "relationship game" there are lot's of good reads, including the stuff from Shark mentioned above. "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "The Rational Male" are must reads for anyone who wants an LTR, IMHO.