LTR trouble. starting to fight a bit. any suggestions?

[BobFuest]

I am in a wonderful LTr with a woman i had dated for 8 months and now we are in a relationship and have been for some time. We are great together and have a lot in common and come from the same backgrounds. I wouldnt use the word love yet but we have a really deep and profound connection.
To make a long story short, we have been fighting quite a bit the last week and it has not let up. We started fighting about something stupid and then let it go but ever since then we have had lots of little fights that are starting to wear on our relationship. It seems we both are trying to assert our authority and all it ends up in is fights.
In case this helps.. Now we both have had really bad relationships in the past and we both have had trust issues pertaining to past relationships but I am really comfortable with this woman. I can trust her to have 20 guys all over her and her still come home with me.
I really dont need "macho don juan" advice on this one. I have already been down that road and all through girl pickups and dating and all that stuff. Just advice on LTR's and fighting. We never fought before..

 

[speedo_meme]

All people are different and will have their differences. I'm doing the same thing with my girlfriend. It's all good, it's healthy to fight a little bit, you need to tell each other what's getting on your nerves beforehand so it doesn't escalate into a bigger fight later.

You obviously have one itis, so stop spending so much time with her and concentrate on some hobbies or something. I can guarantee you that you're becoming needy and don't realize it...

 

[Desdinova]

You obviously have one itis, so stop spending so much time with her

There's nothing wrong with having one-itis when you're in a LTR.

Bob, it's hard to tell what's going on without knowing the exact details of her actions and reactions to an unknown situation.

Is she on her period or going through a lot of stress lately?

 

[BobFuest]

Originally posted by Desdinova
There's nothing wrong with having one-itis when you're in a LTR.

Bob, it's hard to tell what's going on without knowing the exact details of her actions and reactions to an unknown situation.

Is she on her period or going through a lot of stress lately?

Well he may be right in the regard that we spend too much time together. Since we started the relationship we are together 85% of the time when not at work.
Actually she gets a little difficult during her periods (crabby) but we never fought then. Just recently (which is not close to pms time). The fighting lately has been about ex's and/or have been knee jerk reactions to things that were said but not meant to be harmful.
For example, she got jealous for about an hour about my ex girlfriend and my old Don Juan lifestyle. That became an arguement because I thought she was being ridiculous since I know she trusts me and she knows how i feel about her. She trusts me to go be a flirt, just not with that girl (was the arguement).Another time we fought because she was trying to tell me something deep and she thought i wasnt listening. Another time I got mad because i thought she was using an ex boyfriend against me. She said would i rather her go hangout with him and her old friends or stay with me. I got mad and told her dont ever pull that on me because I dont care who she hangs out with and I dont put up with those games.Another time i got mad because i felt she was being very whiny and condecending because i was taking too long.She didnt mean it that way tho.
So lately our communication is in the toliet and i want to fix it. It has only been this last week. I dont know, maybe we are both acting like children.. I need an outside point of view on this.

 

[Desdinova]

Well he may be right in the regard that we spend too much time together.

How do you think married people do it?

A LTR is a great way of test-driving a woman for marriage. Sounds like she's not handling too good.

You've been together for 8 months, and only now are these things (ex's and past lifestyles) causing problems? It sounds like the BOTH of you are having jealousy problems.

 

[speedo_meme]

You have to be the guy she fell for in the beginning. Man, I may not be the best to take advice from, but when ya'll start fighting over exes and stuff, there's really nothing else to explain it except floundering IL, maybe on both your parts. I've noticed if my gf gets jealous, then it's always a playful argument, but if I do, that's when things start getting uncomfortable. You're right to tell her straight up to cut that sh1t out.

All in all, it seems you two might be getting a little bit too much in a routine, IMHO. Back off from her little bits at a time, and don't tell her you're doing it. Do it where she doesn't notice. You know, basically make yourself a challenge again, same thing you've probably heard a thousand times. Break the monotony.

Denzel said it best when he said,"The sh1t's chess, it ain't checkers."

 

[BobFuest]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
You have to be the guy she fell for in the beginning. Man, I may not be the best to take advice from, but when ya'll start fighting over exes and stuff, there's really nothing else to explain it except floundering IL, maybe on both your parts. I've noticed if my gf gets jealous, then it's always a playful argument, but if I do, that's when things start getting uncomfortable. You're right to tell her straight up to cut that sh1t out.

All in all, it seems you two might be getting a little bit too much in a routine, IMHO. Back off from her little bits at a time, and don't tell her you're doing it. Do it where she doesn't notice. You know, basically make yourself a challenge again, same thing you've probably heard a thousand times. Break the monotony.

Denzel said it best when he said,"The sh1t's chess, it ain't checkers."

Not bad advice. I dont understand what "IL" or "IMHO" means tho.

 

[aix237]

when you think she did somethiing fvcked up just dont be around her. Cause when she does something bad and ur still around then that basically rewards her. when shes acting cool be around her. you dont want to associate yourself to her bad moods. I just got out of 1.5 yr ltr b1tch was crazy as hell we would fight for no reason all the time even if i was just on the comjputer by myself. Best advice is to back off a bit cause she might be looking for some ammo to justify breaking up iwth you. Girls will not say their intentions then you get frustrated say something stupid then theyll say actually i was willing to do so and so but by you just saying that im not going to anymore just dont say too much when you fight just get to the main points and thats it

 

[speedo_meme]

IL = Interest Level
IMHO = In my humble opinion

 

[newbie81]

Originally posted by BobFuest
Well he may be right in the regard that we spend too much time together. Since we started the relationship we are together 85% of the time when not at work.
Actually she gets a little difficult during her periods (crabby) but we never fought then. Just recently (which is not close to pms time). The fighting lately has been about ex's and/or have been knee jerk reactions to things that were said but not meant to be harmful.
For example, she got jealous for about an hour about my ex girlfriend and my old Don Juan lifestyle. That became an arguement because I thought she was being ridiculous since I know she trusts me and she knows how i feel about her. She trusts me to go be a flirt, just not with that girl (was the arguement).Another time we fought because she was trying to tell me something deep and she thought i wasnt listening. Another time I got mad because i thought she was using an ex boyfriend against me. She said would i rather her go hangout with him and her old friends or stay with me. I got mad and told her dont ever pull that on me because I dont care who she hangs out with and I dont put up with those games.Another time i got mad because i felt she was being very whiny and condecending because i was taking too long.She didnt mean it that way tho.
So lately our communication is in the toliet and i want to fix it. It has only been this last week. I dont know, maybe we are both acting like children.. I need an outside point of view on this.

1. Spend less time with her, you have to have your own life. Man have a life, women's life == men.

2. Your ex, your past,... is not her business. The only thing that's counts is what happens between you two since you're together. When she starts about it, tell her it's not her business & you won't talk about it, the only that counts is what you have together right now.

3. Even if you're jalous, don't show it. If she cheats you, she cheats you. It's not by being jealous, that she won't cheat you.

4. If she starts being annoying/whiny/... without any obvious reason, leave her for some time. Let her think about what you mean for her by leaving her for a few days. Tell her you need some time to think about everything & let her contact you.

hopes this helps.

 

[newbie81]

Originally posted by Desdinova
How do you think married people do it?

A LTR is a great way of test-driving a woman for marriage. Sounds like she's not handling too good.

You've been together for 8 months, and only now are these things (ex's and past lifestyles) causing problems? It sounds like the BOTH of you are having jealousy problems.

who talks about getting married?

 

[speedo_meme]

d@mn, newbie81 I've read a couple of your posts, you give some pretty sound advice. You need to come around more often...

 

[BobFuest]

Originally posted by newbie81
1. Spend less time with her, you have to have your own life. Man have a life, women's life == men.

2. Your ex, your past,... is not her business. The only thing that's counts is what happens between you two since you're together. When she starts about it, tell her it's not her business & you won't talk about it, the only that counts is what you have together right now.

3. Even if you're jalous, don't show it. If she cheats you, she cheats you. It's not by being jealous, that she won't cheat you.

4. If she starts being annoying/whiny/... without any obvious reason, leave her for some time. Let her think about what you mean for her by leaving her for a few days. Tell her you need some time to think about everything & let her contact you.

hopes this helps.

That is good advice. Dont get me wrong, I do have my own life, we just end up together at night more then anything. Your right about the time factor, i do have to spend less time with her.
If i left for any amount of time she would contact me after the first day I am sure. The principle you have is correct, like a child who is whining the best thing to do is make them realize that they are not going to get any attention.

 

[newbie81]

Originally posted by BobFuest
That is good advice. Dont get me wrong, I do have my own life, we just end up together at night more then anything. Your right about the time factor, i do have to spend less time with her.
If i left for any amount of time she would contact me after the first day I am sure. The principle you have is correct, like a child who is whining the best thing to do is make them realize that they are not going to get any attention.

If you see her 85% of the time when you're not working, then you have no time for you own/your friends imo. Don't take this personally though.

From my experience, when a girl starts being annoying she's either getting
-not enough attention
-too much attention


peace.

 

[MightyMate]

Try to seek for my posts about LTR fights in the 'tips' section. It may help You.

 

[BobFuest]

well things worked out fine. we are over argueing and being jealous. I think we are past it.
On the up side, i was able to flip it on her, I just asked her "hey, what do you do to keep me/make me happy?" That put her in her place because she couldnt name anything (although she does all the time) off hand. I know she would do anything for me but i think that putting her in that position will put back to where i need to be. Now she will be thinkin about it all the time